oh boy, i do love dishmane 😃😆‼️‼️

https://ffm.to/alwayswere

cover art by noah geene https://temberl.in/ 

i think i see it in the distance 
___________________________________
always were, like you always were
its the rote screen door on your front porch 
where you fell asleep on the tile floor
but you've unstrung all your britching now

bite my tongue 'till it falls right off
its the tailgate on that fane barbwire 
trace the windshield as we drove for miles 
spurn the sauder on the backing line
and i swear i saw you standing at the edge 

and it was beautiful 
and it was beautiful 
and it was beautiful 
and it was beautiful 

forget it, forget it, the day is done
forget it, forget it, you saved it once
i get it, i get it, you've frayed and rubbed the velvet off your antlers

and it was beautiful 
and it was beautiful 

forget it, forget it, the day is done
forget it, forget it, you saved it once
i get it, i get it, you've frayed and rubbed the velvet off your antlers

always were

I ran home cuz I thought I was fired
And man all these joints are tired
And I said “wait” I was waiting for a serenade
Tell me everything about your damn day
Lay me out front if you threw a grenade
So why?
Do I seem distracted to you?
It’s beautiful to lay awake in my eyes

So watch it all be enough for you to take in
Watch it all be enough for you to let in
I tried to face the great divide
It only tired me out

11.6.23

The Great Divide

Found this one on his second hard drive, think it was made right before summer that year. I can only assume the title is a reference to pokemon black and white? googled it and a location in the game came up. Zion was a huge fan of that franchise, never got into it much myself though except for the trading cards. This was one of the few songs i actually remember hearing him record, since normally he was too reticent to sing when we weren't out of the house

fortunately he transcribed the lyrics:

hanging your head down in places where it really shouldn't be 
getting upset over laces that ledgered in raillery 
placing your bets, drain sedating your stead while you're smiling

how happy will you get before you scream 
how happy will you get before you scream

but if i was you i'd know the words to say to say to me 
and now it's coaxing the hallowed baste, just let me grieve 
and now it's coming true, you weren't the face that i had gleaned 

hanging your head down in places where it really shouldn't be 
braiding your bed over sabots embedded in xylene

giant_chasm⍎⍕⍎⍕may2012.wav

llctheband.com

written & produced by jacob geoffrey & austin steele
add. synth production by madeleine birdsell
add. drum engineering by max morgen

So you tell me on your casual side
we’re reading too much into living with irrational eyes
but you never wanted to save the world
you wanted to say i told you so

(say what you mean, say what you mean, say)

Face, pavement sky
Scorched earth telling lies

Get relevant
Or you’re better off dying
Dying

Silence is god damn hysteria
Say what you mean, say what you mean
Get good or get god, he’ll say to you
Say what you mean

Run it back

The state shift isn’t my fault,
I’m just a kid trying to invent a new mascot
So maybe choose a hill to die on,
it’s required if you wanted to pass

(say what you mean, say what you mean, say)

False gods don’t try,
is your world on fire?

Get relevant
Or you’re better off dying
Dying

Silence is god damn hysteria
Say what you mean, say what you mean
Get good or get god, he’ll say to you
Say what you mean

Beauty stasis
Cultures fading
When did we all get so jaded?
Well the money’s buying all of the attention we accrue
And it’s up to the computers to decide what we consume
I’ve been told that getting rid of everything is overdue
Everybody wants some honesty but no one tells the truth, yeah

Say what you mean, say what you mean
Say what you mean, say what you mean
Say what you mean, say what you mean
Say what you mean, say what you mean

Say what you mean

i do not want the fame for this shit 

prod. me + @soupandreas
mix/master: soupandreas
cover art: me + soup

therapy performance video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEbc1wKL0X0 shot by 4x4shotthat x shesodan


lyrics: 

fuck

I do not want the fame for this shit, I don’t wanna be to blame
Seeing blood-shot, red tears in my eyes, you could see the pain 
And i gave you my all gave my heart you let it break
When you know that I tried, I know that you were "trying" too
But if it’s bout the shit I go through, you wouldn’t know
Yeah my heart was still warm, now its gone, left in the cold
With the tears in my eyes can’t all dry up on their own
And I’m out here all alone and it's difficult

the shit I'd do for you
god knows I'd move a mountain
if we flipped the point of view
god knows you'd live without it

if you told me that you didn't care I'd believe it
if you asked how I'm doing I'm fine I'm just grieving, yeah

woke up, dreading, maybe I'm losing my head
cold and begging 
fuck your words I'll leave them read

yeah, fuck your words I'll leave them read

these days I been figuring it out on my own
minding my business
don't matter what they think cause when I speak they're listening
I think I just need to pivot to different shit
neither dying or living it could've changed my mind
I held my silence and after it 
you act like you weren't the antagonist
just one talk is enough 
hope my chest don't erupt
cause you realize that I was always someone that you can't love

fuck
I do not want the fame for this shit, I don’t wanna be to blame
Seeing blood-shot, red tears in my eyes, you could see the pain 
And i gave you my all gave my heart you let it break
When you know that I tried, I know that you were "trying" too
But if it’s bout the shit I go through, you wouldn’t know
Yeah my heart was still warm, now its gone, left in the cold
With the tears in my eyes can’t all dry up on their own
but I’m out here all alone 

and I knew that we wouldn't last but I'm trying not to chalk it up to wasted time
it's not you, it wasn't me, it was our state of minds
who's to say I'm fine?
the lines were crossed, diving us, but intertwine

the shit i'd do for you
god knows i'd move a mountain
if we flipped the point of view
god knows you'd live without it

fuck
I do not want the fame for this shit, I don’t wanna be to blame
Seeing blood-shot, red tears in my eyes, you could see the pain 
And i gave you my all gave my heart you let it break
When you know that I tried, I know that you were "trying" too
But when it comes to shit I go through, you wouldn’t know
Yeah my heart was still warm, now its gone, left in the cold
With the tears in my eyes can’t all dry up on their own
And I’m out here all alone and it's difficult

if you told me that you didn't care I'd believe it
if you asked how I'm doing I'm fine I'm just grieving, yeah

woke up, dreading, maybe I'm losing my head
cold and begging 
fuck your words I'll leave them read

performance video

spilt milk

spent the summer of 2022 making this. wrote the original draft in 2021. not much compared to what i can do now, but i figured it was worth putting out since there's a bit of an emotional attachment for me. Represents a different era of my life

yes the export/sidechain is glitched because the file is corrupted and i could fix it by jumping through some technical hoops, but it's been like that for so long i kind of just consider it part of the song

ann j gardner canyon park 2012

he had a thing for dual titles earlier in his work, grew out of it though

i remember that night on christmas eve, we had almost called the police department after he'd been missing for 2 days, but he came back to the house around 3am. Mom and dad interrogated the hell out of the poor kid as to where he'd been but he wouldn't let up. Locked himself in his room all night and i'm assuming recorded this (judging by the dates from the folder), but i wasn't awake. Zion never seemed the type to get into substances, and he didn't display signs indicative of it anyway, but it had to have been something significant. He didn't talk for a good few months afterwards. I just wish he would've opened up to me, but being the youngest sibling i was generally disregarded. I try not to hold it against him, but it's more difficult than i'd like to admit sometimes.

Treading the marish

I hold the brume close to me, but her body’s not like mine 
Plaiting the cordage  
run my hands through the fireweed 
haled out in flume

two eyes, four legs, white scales, sharp fangs,
pitching, dorsal, ivory, rippling 
sleighting, subsumed

when she breached the water
I knew I’d seen something that shouldn't be
but when she breached the water
I felt real

choice_scarf//breach♕♖♗♘♚♛♜♝♞♟dec2011.wav

LYRICS

stumbling backwards till i fall
bitter through the storm
terrified of whats to come
i cant see my own

[X2] oooooo dont you know
it’ll all work out 
oooooo dont you know 
it’ll all work out 

carry me down the river 
never going under thats what ill say
knowing that im lying
never care to try
tell me that im drowing 
i wont look at why

oooooo dont you know
it’ll all work out 
oooooo dont you know 
it’ll all work out

the river

https://ffm.to/basalt 

cover art by noah greene https://temberl.in/

everything is different now
_________________________________

blood it crusts the mantle, sequence in stairs

tephra crests the marrow, applique if she cared

but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me i won't open wide
but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me and i'm terrified

and i told you that day, and the rust fell that may,
and the ash coned and the steel groaned saw your visage through the smoke one last time
now it's unrequited, wasn't your onus, thank god you were honest
I'll hull to the harbor i won't surrender what i had promised, won't embed it against you
but nothing can change the fact that i trust you
and nothing can change the fact that i love you

stare at the asphalt, refuse to bloom

won't cherish the basalt, a pyrrhic sige there 
backstitch the petiole, oblique she's the heir 

wading through traft bullaces solely reverie

can't rathe to rue it's ellipsis, who are we?

but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me magma hit my eyes
but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me and i'm terrified

faltered all at once the walls i'd woven pylons corrallings,

the fumaroles atoned it billowed oxidized recoiled on hem, i'm still terrified

but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me whither watch it writhe
but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me whither watch it writhe
but you don't know me, you don't know me, you don't know me and i'm terrified

vain to scrape the tungsten, abjured alloy, but I'm just like them, no I'm just like them




contains vocal samples by https://www.youtube.com/@SouliaSora

basalt

og https://soundcloud.com/ramzoid/there-is-nothing-left-to-lose?si=3b96789c3a3c4524bc143df76cad21d7&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

chasing cars

wishlane²

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