this moth likes the woebegone guy's voice

WOE.BEGONE

if turning shit to gold is so much work, then why is cowboyification so easy

I was hoping you could give me

a medal for my bravery

the words are getting old

I am learning to build bridges

to address the distance

feet without a home



and if I have to taste the blood under my tongue

I will swallow it for as long

as it takes to pass



and I it means I’ll find a morsel of redress

I will struggle with regret

as long as it will hold

What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?



I am missing you

Are so much worse, a cenotaph, a barfight in a church

a relief to remedy

but hey it’s never as bad as it seems

the ocean will abate eventually

they cast their nets out graciously

come here.



And I I had to make an educated guess

no one got a decent rest

and no one’s going home tonight

and If I weren’t so preoccupied with this

I’d seek the safety of my nest   but

I

want

to

find

you

whole

or

parts

hahahahaha



What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?

Cenotaph

I’ve had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I don’t think that it means anything. 
Pathetic in a way I have criticized others for
feeling guilty for laughing or not laughing
or worrying or not worrying
for resting or working
rushing to write things down
time is so corrosive now
I’m starting to forget the way things worked
it was all too simple
the muscle memory
atrophies away
and there’s a day where I am happy but I don’t think of your face


I wish it was uncertain but it’s not
Billions of years

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I know it doesn’t mean anything.
Casually endangering myself
not looking before crossing the road
as cosmic protest to a cosmology I don’t accept
call it “soft suicide”
but i’m scared that I’ll never die
or that I’ll die tomorrow
and nothing in-between
it just feels so useless
to progress
knowing slates are wiping clean
and even if I see the future
I won’t know what it means.

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died

You had the perfect word to give to me 
But it was caught somehow
And now I’m clawing at your throat to get it out
But I was careful with what i had found
A footprint set into the solid ground

And you have quite the nerve
If I was you I wouldn’t be so sure
That anything you love is coming back
And you were hasty with your ambition
Thinking that you were the only one

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you did.

If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You are always free to leave
If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You can leave the rest to me
I have a knack for those kinds of things 

Was I delicate enough?
 Do you think that you can stitch it up?
 Triangle shaped wound
Is it time to give up
Standing on the precipice
Lying through our teeth (Triangle shaped wound)

And you have all the nerve that you were born with
And a line  straight to your heart
Pardon me for picking you apart
And you know I have been discarded once
Long enough to fester in the dark  

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you would.

Won’t turn on,
Deceiving light.
Did you forget about me?

Triangle Shaped Wound

Moonlighting

Lately I’ve
been dreaming my
tongue was swollen,
bitten, eaten out,
oh, but they were kind,
they left me with my
eyes, soft and closed
and moving,
generating movies,
a shame to go to waste
if there’s nothing I can say.
If you’d like to be replaced,
we can replace you.

I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
so well until now,
but I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
oh, well until later,
but I won’t control my fast cascading temper
forever.

Were the trees shivering?
Or are you hiding in them?
Makeshift shelter
for inclement weather,
an eye in the sky over my head,
or are you leaving me for dead?
Frost forming out here
while I search,
light pouring in the corners
illuminates my breath,
dissolves every circumstance.

If you’d like to be replaced,
you could’ve fooled me.

I was holding out,
shelter held under the clouds
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
shelter held under clouds
so well until now,
oh well, rebuild later,
but I can’t control how fast they fell the timber
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
I know you sent them,
I could use a little privacy,
call off the ambulance,
call off the avalanche,
you know I give into my paranoia easily.

Where are you going?

I know it’s you at my door
and I know what you want.

I was holding out,
checking locks and standing ground,
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
so well until now,
checking locks and standing ground,
oh well, you’ll find me later,
but I can’t control my finger on the button
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
call off the search for answers,
call off the graceless fruitless chase,
call off the dogs.

Dogs (Until Now)

We could clean it up
Starry-eye my desperation
It looks better as romance
And I could counter-argue
But I don't think that I will
'Cause I don't think that you care
You don't care do you?

'Cause even if you did
I'd unpack half-truths and fix the latches
They get a little easier to open every time
And even if you wanted to act in my best interest
You'll get fooled
You don't think that I'm interested do you?

It'll take a little to get between myself and my self-diagnosis
And I won't step back gracious
And I know there's little belaboring the point
When your size outpaces me

You think you got the cure to being bitter?
Well the pill tastes just as bad as the real thing
And I hope you don't expect me to get better
You don't think that I intend to help myself, do you?

'Cause even if I did
I would provide my own superstition
And it would make sense while I dwelled on it
And I know it sounds like I am stuck on being stubborn
But that's okay
You don't expect anything
Do you?

Michael - Do You? (Crowdless Version)

there is a sound
to the panic-stricken lower bound
convinced I’m pulling, 
you’re just plunging down
the backwater you have waded into
is waiting for you so it can freeze
i’m standing on the surface
so you can witness me

but I shouldn’t compare
the chill in the air
to the sound of you shivering

you will give me your attention
I know how to take from you
you think you can cast a stone and be done with me
but you don’t understand, you foolish little child
I’m here to bore a hole in your head
and I will not be calm
and I will not be reasoned with 
you’re gonna have to deal with me

a vessel seldom knows what it contains
a pickled brain, I am the dowsing rod
that’s picking up your pulse
and you can hope discerning eyes
of observant passersby
can spot the difference
but indifferent gods are
plucking you from here

you shouldn’t complain
the thoughts from the day
have a way of fogging up the air

I'm here to bore a hole in your head

I don’t mean to be a bore
but I am inside of your walls
and your house is such an eyesore
I always dread crawling in
and it occurs to me now
that you don’t want me to be here

And I don’t want to be cruel
but i’m turning into you

and you are making me a mouthful 
and I feel the terror grip you
as it grips me too
and we both go under and

now is time you see
the wooden parts of me
get your axe ready

to fall 
as I fell I saw a hole in the earth where I was
keep steady now
you’ll get more desperate with each swing
but rest assured I am coming down
you’ll make me into something useful
I am sure of it

I don’t mean to freak you out
but there’s a bug on your shoulder
god forbid I get to listen to you speak
can I say for the record
I find your conversations lacking
as if you’d ever speak to me 

and I don’t mean to be cruel
but I know that you do
and you do a standup job of it
but we’ll see who is who
when you feel the terror grip you
and I don’t let go of it

now it’s time to part
with a portions of your heart
don’t be surprised if you start

to fall
there’s a crater in the earth where you were
keep steady now
you'll get more desperate with each plunge
but rest assured you’re coming down
i’ll make you into something useful
if you make me into something

make me into something (useful)

War Is Coming

You Didn't Love A Disease

I made a name
In the intervening years
Took care of some things
And started to forget
The songs that I wrote
I must have stood by cause
I scrawled them in my blood 
And we’re still catching up
And the size of my heart
That is caught in my throat
Didn’t shrink like i thought it would 

Kerosene keeps me warm

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The years cascade I’m overfull
The runoff is lapping at your door
Eulogized and atomized you
For the sake of song
Kerosene keeps me warm
I think I’ll hold out  until the storm is gone
Then i’ll be out for more

You should see what I am writing about now

The endless thrum
Has just begun
In the mountains
That i met you in

The walls closing in
Are a part of my skin
It’s been a while since i
Embarked into the wilderness  

I was Bitter i thought
For a justified cause
Because  taste in my mouth
Never sweetened enough
And the shift in perspective
That i thought wouldn’t come
Didn’t hurt like i thought it would


 

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The scars are healed a decade in
I couldn’t see the future then
An eternity of knowing me
Feels just a little long
Kerosene keeps me warm
And to burn it all down
By this point feels wrong

Kerosene Pt. 4

Join in!
Revelation now
Hierophant in tow
I offer up a sacrifice
Of all the words I know
You know the truth is it only feels
Like knowledge gets revealed
Keep it secret they still think 
We’re more than animals.

I am different than I have been
You shouldn’t treat my presence lightly
There are

Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
We preserve a legacy
None of us will live to see
Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
You can feign your agency
But I dare you to move your feet.

I’ve got a 
Favored set of facts
I am stocking up
Take a few if you 
Aren't convinced enough
You know the wait was long but
I’m a patient man
I carved the days into your palm you can
Feel the grooves to keep in touch
They’re in the throng 

Did you pick this place on purpose?
Did you think that I deserve this?
There are

Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
We preserve a legacy
None of us will live to see
Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
You can feign your agency
But I dare you to move your feet.

There’s so little that we can do
So I dare you to do
Anything.

Hierophant

I was penitent
Ignorant
Digging up through the trenches
Buying time for cheap
And wholly devouring it

I was savoring
The water squeezed
From the wood that was
Encasing me 
Pulling at shackles
Hoping they would bend
Until

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

It was violent
Unthinking force
A tragedy that has been rehearsed
There is so little to resort to
When it comes time to resort

It was shelter from the rain at first
It was the stone that keeps my innards cold
Dismembered into parts
Cartilage, hope, meat, sinew, and bone

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

Everyone Starts Moving

I hope the toll was light
You're picking at my scars
The dust occludes your face
I wonder who you are

The stage is nearly set
They're begging us to start
They'll drag us into place 
I wonder who you are

You are
The dust

My carapace is cracked
They pin us to the board
They're spreading out your wings
I wonder who you are 

A consolation prize
They're picking you apart
The fever in your eyes
I wonder who you are

I wonder who you are
The dust occludes your face
You are
The dust

Carapace

I became fragile today
In ways I didn’t know I needed to be worried about
My body is letting its secrets out
It comes in waves
I don’t know when each one will hit
Or when I’ll go under with it
The waiting is worse than holding my breath

Fixate
On relief
The ritual
Is complete 

I hid too long
I never thought that it would get done
I saw the distance in the storm
I knew it would rain but I
Never did anything wrong did I?
My ideas
I found some paper to put them in
I’m getting over this 
Indelible twinge
Drifting out to sea
Must feel excellent 

I broke open today
In ways that I didn’t know to be careful about
My ribcage is letting my spirit out
 Once considered
A master of my whole domain
I slump to the side in order to stabilize
I favor convenience now

 Restate
Aphorisms
 Meticulous
Vision
 
I put it off
I thought eventually the work was done
I saw the atoms at the source
I knew they’d decay but
I never did anything wrong did I
My ideas
You should proceed with caution from here
I’m getting over this
Indelible twinge
Drifting out to sea
Must feel excellent

I don’t ever wanna feel bad again

I Never Did Anything Wrong

You can find me at the bottom of the barrel
You can find me in the dog ear of a page
You can find me close to quitting 
And I will happily admit it
You can find me in the digits of my age




You can find me where the oak has turned to dead wood
You can find me where the salt gets in your throat
You can find me staring fondly
At a world that doesn't want me
You can find me in the hymns I never wrote


You can find me where the footing is uneven
You can find me where the soil has been dug up
You can find me cruelly chiding 
The song that is inside me
You can find me where my heart is not enough


You can find me in the timbre of the evenings 
You can find me in the dredgs left in the cup
You can find me at the summit
Though I never really loved it 
You can find me where the days are getting rough 


You can find me on the road without direction 
You can find me in the middle of a map
You can find me defending
A definitive ending
You can find me submitting to the trap
That holds me steadfast where I'm at.