I still love this fucking song the pain and emotion in your voice hits hard & the sample in the middle hits me on a different level <3

produced by soloft
mixed and mastered by me

time is a blessing but cursed all the time
what i would give to rewind 
all of the nights where it felt so right 
they hit like a brick every time 
i still hate going outside 
sometimes I wish I was blind 
still choose to ignore it, but never forget it, and yeah I regret it 

tell me right now
tell me right now
is it nice on the other side of this hell?
i know calling at the worst time’s suicide
let me find out and I’ll tell you what it feels like 



i got a problem with spending my money before it deposits
that is an easy one, i have a thousand, don’t know how to solve them 
please do not tell me you love me if you’re always busy
no ring when im calling 
yeah, not gonna lie, a lot of my dreams involve bridges and falling 
i walk around with my anger a lot 
know it’s not healthy, im learning to stop
i been working OT
chasin a check tryna figure it out 
don’t really feel in control of my life 
and that shit don’t sound right 
only my best in the cover of night
kill every beat and I don’t even try 
on my mind in the middle of the night 
wanna die at the thought, can we go for a drive?
catch a vibe, smoke in the sky
nowhere near great but im feeling alright
all out of time
still gotta try
nothing to lose
so here goes the dive

i'll tell you what it feels like (prod. soloft)

s/o epitomeoffailure and emptychest :))

lyrics
------------------------------------------------------
crack in the oak
mold in my home
lungs fading black
am i dying alone
cry in the snow, let her walk in the snow
while i hide in my coat
winter silent window

oh-oh~ 
raining, it's cold
no~
breaking my bones
midnight, in love with the moonlight
fuck a star sign, shawty looking too bright
(oh, oh
oh no, oh no)

epitome:
oh no i think that my heart stopped
when you walked through the door
making my jaw drop to the floor
and when you left that night
i could barely put a fight
with my fucking self
always going through another hell
all alone
on my own
running to a place i can barley call a home
but that’s not new
had my life in hands of someone that i thought i knew
and i had no clue
that i was being used by you
the entire time
but your plans fell through
and in the end i got what’s mine

empty: 
did you really ever get that far?
blacked out in the back of my car, and i love this shit.
i wouldn't trade it for anything,
except maybe living ;/ 
no!!</3
yeah yeah,
this gon be the last time that you ever talk to me, so
i dont have no regrets, no.
yeah yeah yeah,
i know every day counts, and thats why i count em
yeah yeah yeah,
its a pain to wait, its a day away..
and i need something else
and i need a little bit of help
and when your body gives out
don't be sad, no more..
i would never do that to you..
to you.. :(
i love him, but i love me more.
can you stay, tonight?
blame it on me if you have to, just know-
i dont mind.
flying pieces, colliding with you.

shizu:
crack in the oak
mold in my home
lungs fading black
am i dying alone
cry in the snow, let her walk in the snow
while i hide in my coat
winter silent window

snow w/ epitomeoffailure & kill breanna (2001)

Mixed/Mastered By Me
-
Produced By https://soundcloud.com/youngburial
-
(Lyrics)
stuck in this room once again
feeling alone again 
can we just keep playing pretend 
I’m tired of all of this 

she just wanna see me when I’m down 
questioning what are we I just frown 
getting messages from other people
can I ask are you evil?
and I just wanna set the mood to winter 

stuck in this room once again
feeling alone again 
can we just keep playing pretend 
I’m tired of all of this 

and every time we hanging out you don’t speak 
you question all the love you have for me I can see
I can see through this facade protecting me 
Hurting me give me more 

she was out too much 
she would stab me in my back
I know you didn’t care about me 
and I just wish you could love me 
the way I want you to 
and it’s been aching me

stuck in this room once again
feeling alone again 
can we just keep playing pretend 
I’m tired of all of this 

on your way your back that is not true 
you said that you care but that’s all lies
girl I miss you 
you know that I’m selfish girl 
I just wanna settle down 
I just wanna stay around 

and I just need a second to breathe 
I just wanna live here in peace 
no one fucking bothering me 
and I just need a second to breathe 
so please don’t go 

stuck in this room once again
feeling alone again 
can we just keep playing pretend 
I’m tired of all of this

what are we (fats'e)

prod. secre swallowtail x heyrick
mixed/mastered by me
quote from spice and wolf <3

Lyrics:

oh, i been feelin lately, the hole you left in my cardiac
i guess you could say it, but i really want the privilege
every conversation we're having always feels frivolous
oh yea you think her tongues sharp, just wait until the knife comes
i really hope he loves you, in the same way that i did
cause i gave half my life in pursuit of what you said
blood been pumpin faster, she a heart attacker
these chains around my ventricles shackle me to the chapel

don't wanna break it down but i got words for you baby
this sonnet i'm singing, oh it don't do it justice
oh, im so full of rage uhh, all i feel is hate now
every syllable from your mouth feels fuckin disgustin
i can't shed now, my tears have burned away
oh my passionate admiration for ya, has only turned to disdain

[bridge]

my heart's been disfigured by the shadow of a sinner
every time you text me oh my sanity runnin thinner
we were meant to be but baby we can never be
cause i see right through you and every lie ya said to me
you thought of yourself as knowledgeable and worldly
but honestly you're as immature as it gets
and with every nerve ending in my body
i wanna be loved in the same way i love another

clearly you dont see me
heart's green with bleeding envy
i see right through you chest untempered glass
even the holy blessed temple won't offer sanctuary to your ass
everything you wrought, was of your own accord
and honestly i think you left cause you were bored
and that might just be fine if i could get you out my mind
striving for that point where i don't love you anymore

cardiac_arrest (secre x heyrick)

Lyrics:

lights out
i guess im tired
and i been fightin sumthin
im goin silence huntin
i just want a moment, give me a second to hone it
every day that i wake, i gotta sharpen the blade

oh you're takin it back like it was a typo uh
i guess i was never your type then huh
cause you only like em when they love you and then leave but i wasn't that cause i never did mistreat you
you put up your guard, defend
how do we start again
when every conversation we're havin ends in disgust
cause i got insecurities and i know you don't trust
but honestly baby i don't want it to be the end of us

every time that we start to get close you pull away
and i know that i still gotta say it right to your face
but i make time to make sure that i'm around
but you never called, even when i'm not im town
oh i'll stay here even tho i know that it's fake
and i guess that we tried but it's just not aligned to fate
honesty and regret abstained, i think i almost loved you

every body got an opinion, i will just shut down
cause maybe i don't wanna hear you out the picture run mouth
and baby if i'm honest, i think that you should run now
cause ain't it bout that time for us to get close and then bounce out
eyes bled red but i want hazel instead
i'm sorry that i wasn't there when you wished you were dead
axe grind, cut the line, let my neck snap
make sure that it's taut baby won't work if it's slack

overdose license, pure death i siphoned
bro said stick to the tests, don't give a fuck i did the rest
swallowed all dat shit to give my respitory a rest
i was doin shit that'd give a baby hair on chest
and no im not proud, but i escaped from that cloud
shut the fuck up, boy them voices aren't loud
all those numbers on the internet, but you can't pull a crowd
and if we post up on this side then you are not allowed

oh shit i gotta, lie down
im dyin here won't you pipe down
you always said that what goes around comes back
but orbital, that's not how i'd describe my path
cause i just looked ahead and i see distance in my past
and things ain't goin slow your just too used to movin fast
i still got a couple questions i'm afraid to ask
understand i would but right now ima let it pass

a_pattern_of_disaffection_ (secre x splashgvng)

Produced by Carlby
Guitar by @93FEETOFSMOKE
Vocals mixed by @decksmusic
Mastered by Michael Venia @veniamastering

LYRICS
I've seen my future and it's not looking great
I fear fate's something that can't be escaped
Two options staring me dead in the face
I can no longer afford to look away

If not now
Then it'll be too late
By the time I get around to getting straight
But if I stick to my guns
Put myself first for once
Then maybe I can shed this dead weight

It's deadly
It's weighing heavily on me
But it doesn't have to be this way
In my effort to get better
I've learned a lot about insanity

Listen on Spotify!

Stick To My Guns (Prod. w/ 93FEETOFSMOKE)

i'll make this my own if it kills me

credits:
@jolst
@toobears
@punkworldthreat
@x1fern
@fantasycamp
@ejcarrmusic

lyrics:
I can't win 'em all
I'm on fuck 'em all
I won't take the fall
If i did no wrong
I don't know what to say
People want me gone
I can't live my life this way
I had to change up

I can't spell it out
Where I'm from, where I'll go
I know I've been trying hard
Getting out of my home
It's a cycle that repeats
I ain't getting any sleep
I'm so tired of the cold
Wear the willow when it weeps

I could cry, but the tears all dried up
Baby what's your sign? I got trouble keeping up
And I'll always take the drive, I don't wanna fly up
Monaco my thighs and the chain is grape tucked

I want it all on me
Winter, fall on me
In the sky, turning blind
Keep it tall on me
I'm alright, no I'm fine
You can call on me
My disguise, in your eyes
Nothing altering

Nothing altering
Catch me when I'm faltering
I wanna be something so badly you know that I'm trying, you know that I'm offering
But you see through me
Purple with the bruising
Keep it in my cup
'Cause it's the only thing that's soothing

I've been like done, I've been like fuck 'em all
I'm never having much luck with y'all
I was just trying to show some love
But I'm left here in the dust
Cold like the winter
And I don't want to hinder
So I've been fading slowly
Wonder why I'm so bitter

I can't win 'em all
I'm on fuck 'em all
I won't take the fall
If i did no wrong
I don't know what to say
People want me gone
I can't live my life this way
I had to change up

I can't spell it out
Where I'm from, where I'll go
I know I've been trying hard
Getting out of my home
It's a cycle that repeats
I ain't getting any sleep
I'm so tired of the cold
Wear the willow when it weeps

spotify & apple

tearduct (ft. 1fern) [jolst x punk]

i needa go to work my girl if u hear me now 
i’ll be back at 6
make u food if u want it 
woke up in a good mood 
but shortly after lost it 
this table and this screen 
keep me in like a coffin 
at my 9-5 way too high to be conscious 
broke another streak
i feel bad for my sponsors
need to put this bottle down
head spinnin like a comet
2 litre sprite
pinewood then cherry drop it 

like run your diagnostics 
on my friends 
anythin u want girl
i’ll buy it 
can’t afford a prada bag
so i rolled this 10 
will u hold me down when i get indicted
pass the gas to my homie only smoke fire
hold the knife in my hand and i get excited 
pass the gas to my baby yea she light it
she put flowers on the grave that i’m inside inside in

and it’s like lately
idk, i can’t explain 
i been - 
ugh

i mean, like lately,
i been low once again 
i feel like things are starting to fall into place
then they slip and i drop them 
they smash like a vase
always just a fuck up 
yea i cannot explain
why do i always think people want me this way
then they cut and they stitch n they try change my shape
i pop pills n im lazy 
the fuck can i say
either take me 
or leave me 
stop playing this game 
i’m a person i deserve to be loved and- 

tf am i sayin 
just pass me a 30 n get out my way 
i’ve gone cold through these years that you’ve shredded my brain 
what’s a life without fighting 
feel fuckin insane
did you see how he fell when i hit him again 
i got blood on my hands wash it off in the rain
i can’t make a fist or hold my phone a few days 
but i promise that pussy won’t try it again
all i need in this life is some weed and a pen

i’ll be back at six (nevrfall)

www.carlbymusic.com
Production, mixing, mastering & additional vocals by @horoshavibes
Additional guitars by @jolst

LYRICS
Call me if you need a friend
Or someone with whom to smoke cigarettes
I’ve got the time and an ear to lend
I’m always here if you need to vent
On your worst days
When you’re down bad
When the world makes you feel so small and irrelevant
I’ll be there for you
It may not be a lot
But it’s all that I can do

I’ll let you borrow my jacket
And my full attention
You know you can have it
The world is yours so just reach out and grab it
I hope you never feel that your dreams are invalid

‘Cause that's what friends are for
It may not be a lot
Oh I wish I could do more
For you
Just know I’m giving all I got in spite of what I’m going through so

<resize frame>

the eleventh hour

the eleventh hour [flesh x pekarot]

lights over camden
smile on the inside
planting flowers in the dirt on the road back
the parts of yourself that you don't like

but i could tell you, i thought it's obvious
(why does it always speak from the hallways?)
all about you, i wanted all of it
(why does it sound like you pretty often?)

move through the silence (last year)
your feet in the wet grass (can't hear what you say)
where inside this life was i supposed to find the time to make it all last?

years in the making
your hands always shaking
said just to trust you, said it feels amazing
why can't we know that?
why can't i know that?

just bear yourself for somebody else
just to recollect
i guess that there's nothing left
just the way you feel since like like seventeen
do you wonder why?
trying to close my eyes

cardiac_arrest (secre x heyrick)

getbetter

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