"i have all the problems i need right here !"

(featuring @bhproducer & @singin-in-the-rain)

written and produced by self discovery, bh & stormkloud
mixed and mastered by self discovery

// lyrics

[bh]
i'm feeling like i'm spinning right back uh
i'm sorry if i'm losing my track but
i'm escaping all these places
i am mentally trapped in my head and it's killing me
everybody knows where i'm at uh
oversharing, that's my bad
i hope that i don't fall behind the race
i'm going at my pace i'm going at my pace

there's a place that's not too far from here
it's been chewing at my gums
it's been ironing my brain out
now i'm missing half my folds
there's a better place i wanna be
on the list that's on my phone
send a letter back to you when i get home

[self discovery]
put me out
in those same old states
it's been too long
i'll spend one more day
to cut my teeth on just what's familiar to me
carve my jaw on unassuming
trials and tribulations
could be mild if i were stationary
minding the gaps like stepping stones
cause why should i have to go the extra mile

[stormkloud]
how do i fix myself and
how do i call for help
i'm scared
all familiar but i feel it
i know this has to quit
so how do i pump the brakes
yeah we could just sit and wait
right here
so i wonder if there's time for me
to stop and realize
it's not really something i can change
and i'm sick of wasting all my range
when new places get old
and old faces i told
to watch out for greatness
oh, how bold !
i think i'm better off
sticking to what i know

[self discovery]
there's a place that's not too far from here
it's been chewing at my gums
it's been ironing my brain out
now i'm missing half my folds
there's a better place i wanna be
on the list that's on my phone
send a letter back to you when i get home
but i'm scared i'll be the last one left
to share my story
i'll bite my tongue
it's for the lore
should i be wary
of whom i've shared my side
prepared to be the last one left
in purgatory
i'll hold my tongue
it's for my story
it's fair to say that
guilt has been my guide !

put me out
in those same old states
it's been too long
i'll spend one more day
to cut my teeth on just what's familiar to me
carve my jaw on unassuming
trials and tribulations
could be mild if i were stationary
minding the gaps like stepping stones
cause why should i have to go the extra mile

spawnpoint ! (feat. bh & StormKloud)

with https://soundcloud.com/hanirl :)

then I sit down

put away my cellphone

do it for my health

then I'm gonna tell nobody 

the way I've felt

tell tales

tell everybody that I'm doing well

I'm not

okay, still sitting down

open up my laptop

can't talk now

is what I tell my friends 

because I'm writing about 

everything, every thought,

every scene, every now

and then

I write about how

my thoughts pull me down

why are they so loud?

Why are they so mean?

Fierce and hostile, I fear I've lost sight 

Cause years of my life

I'd feel the gaslights

Kept wasting my time,

my friends would ask why

my tears won't pass now

I block it all out

just shut myself down

It's so much more than what I wrote

what I wrote isn't all empirical at all

I'm gonna get out of my head

soak up the sunlight

and fall in love with life again

it's so much more than what I wrote

So you read what I wrote from

most of the week where I hoped for

nobody to pose if I'm honest about

what's on my mental

I won't pretend to

act like I don't dread 

the palpable potential

that I will only end up

like what I've tried to end but

if I tried and I failed

would you probably feel

like I've fallen to my own virtues

this isn't a goodbye, it's far from that

I don't want you to worry, time won't hurt you

it's so much more than what I wrote

what I wrote isn't all empirical at all

I'm gonna get out of my head

soak up the sunlight

and fall in love with life again

fall in love

and fall in love with life again

fall in love

it's so much more than what I wrote

playwright w/ han.irl<3

I started writing this song in the spring of ’22. This time was spent listening to the music of Yuki Kaneko and Manuella Blackburn while immersing myself in the flowering local grasslands. I was struck by the delicate, secluded intimacy of Yuki’s album “rut”, the jaw-dropping detail of Manuella’s “Formes audibles”, and how this music accentuated the surrounding landscape. I tried to capture this feeling and the sense of renewal it inspired while honoring these wonderful artists.

https://alexanderpanos.com

art in collaboration with Zachary Schwadel
instagram.com/zschwadel/

includes a sample of the title track from "rut" (and/OAR, 2008) by Yuki Kaneko
instagram.com/yuki_kaneko_bd/
https://www.and-oar.org/moar_2.html
many thanks to Yuki for generously allowing its inclusion!

aperture, for meadow

One time he said
"I wish I could say that I love myself"
He watched as he sat on the bench by himself
For hours now
He heard that he's wed 
And he never cared about how she felt
It gets in his head that he's loved but oh well
Is that really sound?

All the rumors 
But he says that he's fine can't you tell
You don't know anything 
But you can't seem to help yourself
He's helped you through it
I don't think that it's love it's something else
Is it really something else?

He left town though
One day he'll call my phone I hope
He's the best he's found though
I'll wait for you to come back home
Three years have gone by
You appear by my side and pretend
It hasn't been years since you left in the end

All the rumors
But he says that he's mine can't you tell
You're learning everything 
But you can't seem to help yourself
You'll help him through it 
‘Cause I know that it's love, nothing else
Is it really something else?

Stranger

"I hope you have the courage to know when to end things. And I hope you have the courage to see endings as beautiful, transformative stepping stones. I hope you have the courage to let love, and opportunity move through you like rain. To not grip, or seek to change it, to not ask people or circumstances to be more than they can be for you. I hope you have the courage to see endings as the cornerstones of the chapters that changed you, without needing them to be a part of the rest of your story. And when that is done, I hope you have the courage to give yourself closure. To be your own home."

originally written in under 12 hours during FORM's event All Nighter 9

bandcamp

Be your own home

Following another big setback tech wise, I felt like just publishing this. 

announcement: I'm working on an album :) 

Places id rather be
I'll die before I see
trying to find some peace 
stop staring let me be
my hands are getting warm
I can't stay here for long

likely to move on
hyperfixate on 
People pass, I'm through security
for once I'm feeling so much more to me

likely to move on
hyperfixate on 
People pass, I'm through security
for once I feel there's so much more to me 

Its All About Me

All my life
I’ve tried to find you
To tell me why
It’s better not to know
Resentful
You tear me out
A face like yours
Is trouble

My head is spinning, it’s too much
I gave you everything, you turned around
There wasn’t anything I could do

Nothing

Drowning out
I close my eyes
And see

White horses and omens
A fall from grace when I heed
The path I’ve made
From walking away

I
(See)

Desire Path

https://fanlink.tv/ifyourewithme

originally made for FORM's 'All Nighter 9'


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visuals by @gethosyne, @suji_scared @viznode & https://x.com/_exaflares

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