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Depression and Obsession

MALICE  (feat. ❤)

Martha (1976-2013)

Written in 2003, this song is for Martha Carol.  Martha lost her mother while we were in 5th grade.  We attended Orchard Street School in Fox River Grove.  At the time, the school would host a monthly dance for the Junior High kids.  6th grade came and Martha agreed to be my first girlfriend.  Ten months after her Mom passed, Martha was my date to the Halloween dance.  She arrived with her face painted in a black and white yin & yang, but like a clown, with the white side smiling and the black side frowning.  We all knew the moment we saw her what she trying to convey with her costume; It was a beautifully sad expression of everything she was going through.  She was at the dance but somewhere else entirely that night.  We sat quietly until the inevitable moment when a song came on that ripped the tears from her eyes.  She stood, turned, and ran screaming out of the school.  A few of us chased after and I got to her first.  There she was, standing at the top of a hill, just staring up at the streetlight, enveloped in its glow, and spinning in small circles.  For all the years I knew her after that time she was just never the same.  Martha is gone now, passed a few years back from an illness, but I’ll always have her and that moment in my heart.        

Verse 1
She’s circling the streetlight
Says she sneaks out every night
And that she stares at the stars and cries under moonlight
She says she can’t shake her mind of moments frozen in time
She wants some answers to life and she’ll search herself for nothing more.

Verse 2
She wants to go back in time.
She wants someone else’s life
So she lay on the on floor, oh
And she begs for the pain to subside
She’s just a little girl so lost in this world
Down and out of control, kicked and broken, and she don’t know why.

Verse 3
Says she’d trade it all for better days
God there’s got to be a better way
And she’s so damn scared
But she won’t let it show.
Never again will she be the same
It’s buried to stay, every day is now so alone

Bridge
And then she said.  If you can hear me, can you heal me
If can feel me shaking, can you free me
She says she wished it would rain 
to match this flood of sadness and wash her away
Then a storm rolled in, the clouds as gray as her skin, and when the rain and lightning broke, somehow it gave her hope.

Verse 4
She’s circling the streetlight
Says she sneaks out every night
And that she stares at the stars and prays under moonlight
She wore the face of clown, part smile, part frown
And when the makeup was gone, run free the child down below.
When that storm rolled in, the clouds as gray as her skin, but when the rain and lightning broke, the ghost carried her home.

Martha

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Cover art. Domrivard
Lyrics. DOUPE n Vinny 
Beat. ManuGTB

VINNY X DOUPE. oct8

oct82023 ft. Doupe (prod. ManuGTB)

Going Up

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Possibilities Everywhere

You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait

After so many years I forgot your face
But you came knocking rainy night
We were playing with the kids
When that thumping sounded
I told them all to hide
And to hold their breaths
You smelt like death
Your face was hollow
You said you missed me but I'd almost forgotten
I could see the scraps of skin
That were falling from your wings
You tried to plant a kiss
I slammed the door in your face
When I checked back on the kids
They were encased in stone

You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait

I wrapped them in blankets and put them to bed
I threw on my jacket and sheathed a knife
I ran out in the rain and followed her footprints
But they stopped in their tracks
And she was no where to see
And in the moonlight there shone a figure
An angel but skin scaled, shedding and falling
A piece toppled to my feet, I lent down to see it
As I craned my head back, she was blocking all light

You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait
You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait

After so many years I forgot your face
So pale, hair jet black
Your breath's like a succubus, not a god
But I never saw another face
Whose glare had me so entranced
From the shape of your jaw
To the lace of wings
It's like Eden's a person on Earth
And I held your waist
Got lost in your eyes
And put your head on my chest
I felt your heart as it raced then calmed
You tilted your head up, we began to lean in

And I plunged that knife right in your back
Your blood was black, your eyes turned white
You fell to your knees
I never lost grip
And I pulled out the knife
You turned into dust
My love

You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait
You gave me the curse, gave me the curse
Never again, hell can wait

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