sorry if i seem like i dont believe u
oooh but u know all the shit ive been thru

i dont wanna hurt u
i just wanna feel heard
i promise that this we can work thru
baby will u just take my word

when i said i dont want change
i didnt mean let's stagnate
feel like there's so much at stake
can we get on the same page

somethin doesnt feel right
baby can we run it right back
dunno if u realize
i just want u to bite back
im not tryna steal time
im not tryna make u feel bad
fightin back my tears like
didnt think this where we're at

i just wanna know ur still thinkin of me
when im not around in ur arms n comfy
i just wanna know the amount u love me
sorry if im needy im wounded, touchy

if i didnt hit ur phone today
would u go out ur way just to say hi or something
feel like if i dont just say it first
then u wont take ur turn, but i hate to make assumptions

i need more than just reciprocation
i need ur initiation
im trying my best to be patient
but i dont wanna pause the show we're making

somethin doesnt feel right
baby can we run it right back
dunno if u realize
i just want u to bite back
im not tryna steal time
im not tryna make u feel bad
fightin back my tears like
didnt think this where we're at

i just wanna know ur still thinkin of me
when im not around in ur arms n comfy
i just wanna know the amount u love me
sorry if im needy im wounded, touchy

sorry if i seem like i dont believe u
oooh but u know all the shit ive been thru
sorry if i seem like i dont believe u
oooh but u know all the shit ive been thru

runitback [homecomingqueen]

hope that im wrong but i feel like im seeing the end
i cant believe that im going thru this once again
oh

i dont wanna face it, not at all
ur pullin away, pull me apart
said that aint shit changed but oh so far
feel ive been replaced like broken parts
maybe it's just me tho ive got scars
i always expect a broken heart
but every time this feeling starts
in the end i was right on the mark

i know what u said
i know what u say
but i still feel left in the backseat
what's in ur head
do u feel the same?
well prove it then baby come at me
im trying my best
to not go insane
uve done nothing wrong dont feel badly
dont tell me it's dead
i'll push thru the pain
all i want's for u to be happy

or was it just the drugs tho
r u rly in love tho?
dont tell me baby just show

i feel like im being replaced
oh baby tell me do u still have the space
to keep up the pace

plz dont let this flame go out
need hope let me stick around

i dont wanna face it, not at all
ur pullin away, pull me apart
said that aint shit changed but oh so far
feel ive been replaced like broken parts
maybe it's just me tho ive got scars
i always expect a broken heart
but every time this feeling starts
in the end i was right on the mark

i know what u said
i know what u say
but i still feel left in the backseat
what's in ur head
do u feel the same?
well prove it then baby come at me
im trying my best
to not go insane
uve done nothing wrong dont feel badly
dont tell me it's dead
i'll push thru the pain
all i want's for u to be happy

or was it just the molly
why's it u never call me
like back when we were falling

hope that im wrong but i feel like im seeing the end
feel like i fucked up and im about to lose a friend

faceit [homecomingqueen]

dont tell me that it's over
say im crazy for thinkin ur gettin colder, yeah
let my head rest on ur shoulder
can we talk about it rollin off a boulder, yeah
need a sign that u still love me, oh
tell me u still wanna touch me, oh
girl i promise u can trust me, oh
we can fix this plz don't cut me off

it's not ur fault ive been upset
yeah it's all me im in my head
im sorry for that night i left
plz let me back into ur bed
i just want this tension to end
i want to be in love again
dont tell me we shld just be friends
i swear our love has so much left

i know i'll never be her
but i'll always be here
i just want to be reassured
baby don't disappear

when will u wanna talk again
oh baby ur my oxygen

dont tell me that it's over
say im crazy for thinkin ur gettin colder, yeah
let my head rest on ur shoulder
can we talk about it rollin off a boulder, yeah
need a sign that u still love me, oh
tell me u still wanna touch me, oh
girl i promise u can trust me, oh
we can fix this plz don't cut me off

ur all i ever wanted
want that turned into a need
without u i'll be haunted
by the ghost (of) what couldve been
let's keep writing our story
right now it's too short to read
oh baby don't ignore me
i'm just begging to be seen

oh baby don't ignore me
i'm just begging to be seen
oh baby don't ignore me
i'm just begging to be seen

donttellme [homecomingqueen]

tell me what u want from me
tell me what u need
r u movin on honey
bring me up to speed
i'll do anything for u
anything for free
hurts how much i adore u
do u wanna leave?

im struggling to breathe
it's nothing u can see
until i slip up, show the cracks
n make u wanna flee
dont know what to believe
trauma got the best of me
i know that im still fucking fractured
be patient with me

it's not ur fault that im sad
sorry i made u feel like that
all i want's just to go back
to holding u making u laugh

making u smile, oh
it's been a while, oh

cant get u outta my head
read into all that u said
im scared im seein the end
ive been wishin i was dead
im drippin blood in the benz
im drippin blood on my bed
i just want to make amends
be back in ur heart again

dont know what's goin on
is she the only one
u said that nothing changed
but i feel like ur wrong
do i still have a chance?
did u slip thru my hands?
if u still feel the same
then take me out to dance

i thought that we were in love
maybe uve just had enough
maybe im asking too much
im only good for the drugs
im only loved as a transient
a backup plan or a candyflip
im smokin dope just to manage it
heart so broke much i cant handle it

i cant withstand all these damages, no
heart suffocated by bandages when im all alone

u pulled me outta the gutter
dont let me go back again
swear i'll be a better lover
need u as more than a friend

cant get u outta my head
read into all that u said
im scared im seein the end
ive been wishin i was dead
im drippin blood in the benz
im drippin blood on my bed
i just want to make amends
be back in ur heart again

dont know what's goin on
is she the only one
u said that nothing changed
but i feel like ur wrong
do i still have a chance?
did u slip thru my hands?
if u still feel the same
then take me out to dance

then take me out to dance
then take me out to dance
then take me out to dance

outtamyhead [homecomingqueen]

Composition, arrangement, lyrics, vocals, and acoustic guitar by @xcmer (Existential Despondency).
Arrangement, electric guitar, tracking, mixing, and mastering by me.

Final assignment for my Berklee production class.

Existential Despondency - Alive

FAWM 2022

2024.07.09cHolLee Fields Of Athenry

This is about my struggle with insomnia, for when no reason you cannot sleep.

eveningtime//afterdusk

2021 edit: god there's some...weird stuff in here, if I'm being charitable. I really should put something else up 

To anyone who happens to listen :

First mix. Several different EDM genres in here - psytrance, dubstep, dnb, some others - so hopefully your tastes are varied. I recommend only referring to the tracklist after the fact. Don't jump ahead to something that seems interesting, or spoil yourself by knowing what comes next.

If you can't do 2.5 hours in a row, there's a breakpoint about an hour in. You'll know it. Have fun!

Also, just a legal note. I don't have the rights to any of this, I'm just doing it for my own pleasure. If any artist on here stumbles across this, please let me know if there's anything I can do to make this okay to have up. If not, I'll remove it.

Tracklist:

0:00:00  Tonedeff - The Things You Don’t See Coming
0:03:24   Juno Reactor, UnderCover - Dakota [GMS Remix]
0:07:01    Juno Reactor - Conquistador [Astrix Remix]
0:10:45    Abraxis, Seven Lions, Dimibo - Old Gods
0:14:31     Rezz - Edge
0:17:58    Rezz, Blanke - Mixed Signals
0:20:22   Blanke - Blue vs. Blanke, 1788-L - Destiny
0:22:14    Daft Punk - Rinzler
0:22:20   HVDES - Revelations
0:24:37    Blanke, 1788-L - Destiny (continued)
0:26:20   ILLENIUM, Sound Remedy, King Deco - Spirals
0:30:24   Seven Lions, ILLENIUM, Said the Sky, HALIENE - Rush Over Me
0:32:22   Said the Sky, Kwei - Mountains feat. Diamond Eyes
0:35:45   Avicii, Sandro Cavazza - Without You
0:38:24   ILLENIUM - Pray feat. Kameron Alexander [Blanke Remix]
0:40:56  Black Tiger Sex Machine - Let's Get It
0:42:53  Black Tiger Sex Machine - Spiders
0:44:31   Black Tiger Sex Machine - Zombie feat. Panther
0:45:42  Excision, Messinian - X Rated
0:47:47  Excision, Dion Timmer, Shiverz - Proceed With Caution
0:50:26  Moody Good, SLANDER, Karra - Heart Break
0:53:15   Flux Pavillion - Vibrate
0:54:56  Excision, Dion Timmer - Time Stood Still
0:58:53  Rezz, The Rigs - Lonely vs. Flux Pavillion - I Can't Stop
1:02:12    Captain Panic!, Systek - Progenitor
1:07:06   Zardonic - Follow the Light
1:10:01     Zardonic - Takeover feat. The Qemists
1:11:51      The Qemists - Run You
1:13:43    Perturbator - Humans Are Such Easy Prey
1:16:50    Nero - Fugue State
1:18:54    PrototypeRaptor - Last Sprite Standing
1:22:14    Mord Fustang - Lick the Rainbow
1:26:51    Seven Lions - Only Now
1:30:04  Vini Vici - My World
1:32:35   Vini Vici, Astrix - Adhana
1:34:12    Skazi, BBass - Asturias
1:36:02   Vini Vici, Coming Soon!!! - Mad [Blastoyz Remix]
1:36:57   Seven Lions, Blastoyz - After Dark feat. Fiora
1:39:35   Seven Lions, Blastoyz - After Dark feat. Fiora [Wooli & SampliFire Remix]
1:41:07    Zomboy - The Beast
1:43:27   Seven Lions, Wooli, Trivecta - Island feat. Nevve
1:44:57   Blanke - Fragile Violence feat. Nevve
1:46:39   Seven Lions - Dreamin' feat. Fiora
1:49:50   Said the Sky, ILLENIUM, Cristina Soto - Painted White
1:54:24   Jay Cosmic - Jellyfish
1:58:12    Excision, Pegboard Nerds, Mayor Apeshit - Bring the Madness
2:01:07   Black Tiger Sex Machine - Rebels feat. Kai Wachi & Macntaj
2:04:34  Excision, ILLENIUM, Shallows - Gold (Stupid Love) [Black Tiger Sex Machine Remix]
2:06:46  Seven Lions, Sombear - A Way To Say Goodbye [Ricky Mears Remix]
2:12:08   Seven Lions, Lynn Gunn - Lose Myself
2:16:55   Audien, Lady Antebellum - Something Better
2:20:16   Blanke, Calivania - Flatline
2:23:56  Porter Robinson - Goodbye to a World
2:29:25  Seven Lions - Start Again feat. Fiora

Ouroboros (Mix)

Original by Mic The Microphone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOrzgbshMUU


Sonic Rhyme-Boom Cover

Chapter One of My Immortal, in song.

my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair  with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back
a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee
I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts
I'm in my seventh yer
This is my story
Em E#m
She's got icy blu eyes like limpid tears
Pools of deep sorrow reflecting years of fears
She's not related to Gerald Way but she wishes she was
Not hard to understand- we all know it's because
He's a major fucking hottie. her teeth are straight and white
Her skin is pale and luminescent under the cold moonlight -
cold, like her soul and the blood that flows
through her body clad in black, no that colour ain't wack

For she's a vampire, prowling in the night
through Hot Topik for a corset that will look just right
with her black leather mini and her combat boots,
and fishnets like a dark goddess you know that's the truth.
Black lipstick, Black eyeliner  and red eye shadow
the preaps stare and gawk cuz she's just too hot to handle 
Middle fingers flyin' high posers need to fucvk off
 lookin' so cold like they gonna come down with a cough

But at least it's snowing and raining- makes her day less sad
tho in her world of dark misery she'll almost never be glad
For she walks alone, her heart black as the night
by her side no one to take up the fight
But hold up, who's that boy?
It's none other then draco malfoy.

"Hey ebony! shouted he
What's up draco? Nothing he said shyly
I knew there was more, but his eyes were glazed, 
then my friends called me and I had to go away

2024.07.09cHolLee Fields Of Athenry

inky-thoughts