Cihan Mürtezaoğlu-silinmeyen hatıralar*

Ervahı Ezelden

“Tome of Stars” is a 100 sonnet journey, equal parts art, therapy journal, and exorcism, both a celebration and an elegy, a single narrative arc tracing the birth and death of a relationship. All poetry by Stargazer. The verse and accompanying synthetic art and music are public domain, CC0, with no restrictions on use. Nothing is monetized. See below for links on how to access the print, PDF, audio, ePub, video, and music files. 
Website: https://www.tomeofstars.net/

In the classical margam of bharatanatyam, the varnam is the recital’s centerpiece, its longest and most emotionally charged performance. In “Tome of Stars“, the varnam appears as the twenty-nine-poem section “Senescence”. Following the exaltation of Anthesis, the beloved as a celestial goddess, love now descends from the stars into the gravity of human frailty. 

“Caniclades” is a hybrid neologism combining canities, the Latin term for the graying of hair (from canus, “white” or “gray-haired”), and clades, meaning “disaster,” “ruin,” or “calamity.” 

This sonnet recounts a pivotal moment in the relationship—one the poet failed to fully grasp at the time, but later recognized as a potent harbinger of collapse. Centered on the seemingly minor discovery of the beloved’s first gray hair, the event revealed underlying insecurities shaped by cultural ideals of youth, beauty, and the fear of aging without fulfillment. Beneath the surface, it unearthed the deeper ache of a woman moving through her years of anthesis and fertility while her life remained suspended. She began to see herself stagnating, watching from within a constrained relationship as the freedoms others took for granted such as love, movement, family, visibility—passed her by. 

The poet’s response, though sincere, fell short of meeting the complexity of her pain. The sonnet reflects on this chasm between presence and absence, intention and impact. In retrospect, the poet identifies this exchange as a decisive fracture: a moment when the beloved’s unspoken needs (especially around womanhood, aging, and self-worth), surfaced unmistakably, and could no longer be ignored, while capturing his failure to recognize the underlying pathos.

***********
Lyrics

I stood as beacon in your darkest plights,
Each tempest wild that rocked your fragile craft—
From scholar’s struggles late through many nights,
To strife with guru’s slights, choreographed. 

You vowed, so certain, time would bring no dread,  
And when bright silver wove your strands of night,  
No fear nor dye would rest upon your head,  
For nothing could diminish our love’s light.

Then came your call, one strand of gray revealed.
Though I proclaimed you Star Queen all my days,
My chanted words your venomed voice repealed:
“Your music fails,” you spat, with distant gaze.

I see now that our union was your need,
And on this day our doom you had decreed.

***********

Internet Archive
Book of sonnets:
https://archive.org/details/tome-of-stars/

Music:
Item 1, Anthesis: https://archive.org/details/Anthesis/
Item 2, Senescence: https://archive.org/details/senescence_tomeofstars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://archive.org/details/Sporogenesis_TomeOfStars/
Item 4, Anemochory: https://archive.org/details/Anemochory_TomeOfStars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://archive.org/details/Quixotosis_TomeOfStars
Item 6, Scripture: https://archive.org/details/Scripture_TomeOfStars

Caniclades

Kalben - Sadece

Kaan Tangöze - Dom Dom Kurşunu ( Aşık Mahzuni Şerif )

Gökhan Tepe & Ayla Çelik - Aynalı Dolap

Melike Şahin - Bi Fırlatsam

Sakın ağlama, suç sende...
Suç sevende...

Melek Mosso | Yalnız Gece

Onur Saylak ¦ Sana Giden Yollar Kapalı [Cemal Süreya]

Adı Yok

Geceler Düşman

delilik biliyorum, senle olmak delilik
 takılıp kaldım, karşı koymam imkansız 
 yaşanan yıllarım senden çok daha fazla 
 hüzünlerim alır gider sevinçlerimi 

 içimde yılgın rüzgarların ayak sesleri 
 sende daha yeni yeni kavak yelleri 

 doğrusu, yanlışı, ağrısı, sancısı 
 ne varsa yaşanacak
 gözyaşı, ayrılık, pişmanlık, dargınlık 
 hepsi benim olacak

 al beni, sarıl bana 
 beni koru kollarında, korkuyorum

 içimde yılgın rüzgarların ayak sesleri 
 sende daha yeni yeni kavak yelleri 

 kaçmayı çok denedim, ansızın bu sevgiden
 kaç kere yenik düştüm, istemeyin bunu benden
 sarhoş tutkuların koynunda ben bir deli
 iş işten geçti artık dönemem geri

 içimde yılgın rüzgarların ayak sesleri
 sende daha yeni yeni kavak yelleri

 doğrusu, yanlışı, ağrısı, sancısı 
 ne varsa yaşanacak
 gözyaşı, ayrılık, pişmanlık, dargınlık 
 hepsi benim olacak

 al beni, sarıl bana 
 beni koru kollarında, korkuyorum

 içimde yılgın rüzgarların ayak sesleri 
 sende daha yeni yeni kavak yelleri 


Nilüfer; Feridun Düzağaç - Kavak Yelleri

Kalben - Sadece

oguzhanyildiz