i'm where you're supposed to be :/ (malloy x iof)

a song i wrote in 2019 and released in 2020. it's a song about struggling with addiction, and trying to love not only yourself, but another person. a failing relationship between two people because of addiction. the 2nd and new verse, is a letter to 14 year old me. and a memory for the older one. this song is a personal battle, the death and the aftermath of what's to come. thank you for listening.

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

verse
klonopin, ativan is what i need girl
need a xan, need a bowl, just watch me breathe girl
klonopin, ativan is what i need girl
need a xan, need a bowl, just watch me breathe girl
she never come around, when i'm on drugs
idk what to quit. is it drugs or love?
i feel like it's too much to ask
i'd say i love you, but i'll never take it back
would you take it back, if you said so?
i feel like i can ask, but i'd rather not know
on the road
run away from you
scared of love i don't know what to
do
idk what to do

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

verse 2
it's been years since i met you
and i've been trying to forget you
it's been years since i met you
and all i wanna do
is forget you
i gave it up for you, gave it up for you
i got sober for you, damn i got sober for me too
huh, i guess that's just the both of us
i guess we're growing up
go back to them days, poppin xans
i'll take another one
getting high with you, getting high with you
thought i'd OD, might just end up dyin with you
sobriety is something i could never do
i hope you're proud of me, the same way that i'm proud of you
i'm just tryna stay clean for my family
if i die young, then i'm dying happily
i don't wanna be here, not anymore
6 pills, now i'm falling to the floor

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

limbo (2022)

produced and mixed by brody
4EVER

[LYRICS]

Believin that I’m seein all these walls movin sideways
Maybe if I pop another klonop I’ll feel okay
Reflection stayin tainted with some flaws I hate my old face
Scrollin through the shit I said I wish that I could just erase (x2)

Where did you go and why did you leave?
You carved your name in my car with ease 
Rejecting Carr like a recall disease 
I’ve been making decisions I’ll regret next week
If the weddings in autumn, I hope that you freeze 
Cause lately you’re sin and I am the priest
You pray I’m ok, but you call out my name
Rest lies in your face who am I to blame 

Believin that I’m seein all these walls movin sideways
Maybe if I pop another klonop I’ll feel okay
Reflection stayin tainted with some flaws I hate my old face
Scrollin through the shit I said I wish that I could just erase (x2)

Myself from this planet being here caused me agony
Too scared to pull the trrigger kill myself inside a fantasy
Instead, wish you well when i’m dead, 
Blood scattered on my walls same walls that move sideways,
That’s my new wave, fuck all of the death,
hard drugs to get me thru the days
Fuck what i said, 
That shits old fashion to me now i think that i’ve had enough
Never really done a drug if imma keep it a buck,

Believin that I’m seein all these walls movin sideways
Maybe if I pop another klonop I’ll feel okay
Reflection stayin tainted with some flaws I hate my old face
Scrollin through the shit I said I wish that I could just erase (x2)

[outro]
Believin that I’m seein all these walls movin sideways
Maybe if I pop another klonop I’ll be okay
Reflection stayin tainted with the flaws I hate my old face
Scrollin through the shit I said I wish that I could just erase

Sideways feat. Ila (prod. brody)

fuck u,
~im stuck with u until i finally succeed.*

lyrics
--------
but today, has to be the worst day, that i lived
wanna stay in bed, and cry, start again
most of all these people, i know, i want dead
some of the time, i need, to get checked

like, work is a fucking living nightmare
cannot find another dream or passion, life aint just unfair
all of you are monsters inside of a hallow shell
my only relif is when i call her

slaving my life away!

"wait"
but slaves work hard by the way
ey, no, i need a break

my life fallin apart, ill just sit right back and laugh
When everything get difficult, ill sit right back and laugh
When all my friends are passing, ill sit right back and laugh
When im on my death bed, ill sit right back and laugh

Why, do you keep cracking jokes about the things i do, and 
Why, are just such an asshole, to innocents, and
Why, cant you just comply, make my life betterr. then ill work better..

pass that fuckin knife
try me again, its the end of you and i
dont wanna start an argument,  i really couldnt lie
its up to you bitch, yeah, i couldnt care twice
why the fuck did you hire me if you couldnt treat me right

my life fallin apart, ill just sit right back and laugh
When everything get difficult, ill sit right back and laugh
When all my friends are passing, ill sit right back and laugh
When im on my death bed, ill sit right back and laugh
------_
-
--
_bye for now/

laugh (prod. hero)

lyrics

im just sitting at the bus stop while its pouring 
wishing u were here
waiting for a call before im off to the middle nowhere

even tho my mind is numb
still u swirl around in my head
the idea of being broken’s more calming than u in my bed

ohhh i thought that what we had was something special 
i guess i was wrong
i leaned all of my in to ur arms and then u let me drop

even tho my mind is numb
still u swirl around in my head
the idea of being broken’s more calming than u in my bed

im fucking drenched now 
and u just gonna let me rot

drenched (rez productions)

mix & mastr @fleshgolem

ft @lxstboymusic 🐐

lyrics

[mæsk]
i felt planets hit and all took was a single touch
it was a smoothe sail out to nowhere so ima a bit out of touch
i hit the main land swear it wasn’t this lush
but now i seek more just a temporary rush

scattered throughout the stratosphere 
holding down the atmosphere 
let ur guard down, drop my wings and let’s get the hell outta here

avoid the snakes when they appear
a fallen angel anaware
surrounding take its toll
but this endless ether baby

how much more
more can u endure
it’s gone get hot, just don’t get torched

there’s gon be changing course
and err pushing through a force field 
my voice is hoarse 
but we can make it out no matter the power that storm yields

just follow my lead 
what is life without a dream
extrinsic value to me has never meant a thing 
i’m finding lightning from within
but there’s more behind my skin
ur over more than half of me
am i fighting just to win?
(this is endless ether baby)

[lxst boy]

(this is real life, open your eyes)
I made a pact with the devil
he told me im destined for damage
I gotta go, running away 
packing my stuff in a panic
my life aint worth the air that I breathe
but im finding a way to manage
I guess ill keep quite 

I aint got philosophise im too afraid to talk about
maybe its not 

the real man in charge is in the sky and hes just looking down
I am not worthy of the life that ive been living now

but lately ive been tired of fighting entities who live around

my brain my rules thats something they better figure out

the sun it scorched my eyes

I keep records of pain thats what this is
yeah and day 14 I really hate the wilderness
but I gotta push through coz survivals worth the risk
I guess writing all these poems aint gonna fix my loneliness

I guess its over now
we can settle down

endless ether ft lxst boy (fantompower)

paranoid ;darkout; (prod. Jolst)

v v v 

tell me how life changed and u dk why
smoking every night to get the words out of ur head
woah
please talk 2 me 
woah
but if u got like nothing to say then say nothing
ill know what u mean, ive been frontin too
woah
dont say a word
woah
ill sit in ur garage as the light just hums 
steadily more steady than my beating heart could
but please be proud of me because ive gained a few pounds since i got here
and i think i learned everything i felt was irrational 
i had a case of a thick ass skull
and everything i learned in school was useless
got alot of shit to say so hold my drink rq
stacking building blocks like a god damn child
does a come first or b come last
i still stay up but idk why
gtf to bed u gotta be alive tomorrow
swear to god ill be alright just have a good day at work <3
ill find some shit to smoke
maybe roll the rest
even tho it makes me feel hella god damn depressed
im really sorry i think i made another mess
im tired as fuck i wanna go to sleep right now 
jst give me some space or i will shut the fuck right down
(im tired as fuck i wanna go to sleep right now 
jst give me some space or i will shut the fuck right down)
swear to god ill be alright just have a good day at work <3
ill find some shit to smoke
maybe roll the rest
even tho it makes me feel hella god damn depressed
im really sorry i think i made another mess

non profit

mess

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mess (chronyc)

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email: teddyboimusic@gmail.com
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i'm where you're supposed to be :/ (malloy x iof)

teddyboi

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