closed eyes °°

self sabotage ★

Gems

produced by heylog

lyrics:
am i alive? guess we'll know if i breathe
i killed them all i can live in peace
i lost a lot, praying for enemies
avoiding evil that i might bring
i'll fight till death if it keeps u safe
i'll kill them all just to make sure ur okay
they charge at me, hold my ground, be brave
i lost my mind and there's nothing that remains

(one, two, three, go)

i just wrote you a letter
i wish u the best
yea i been doin better
and that's a big step
u got what u asked for
a life with no us
but u come back for more
and it's never enough
i just sent a letter
all the way from home
i'll miss u forever
why'd u have to go
i'm caught up in the center
baby i could die
it has been a pleasure
i'll meet u in the sky
this is it yea can't let down my guard
i never talk man, don't put me in charge
i cut her off should've done that from the start
leaving marks
i don't love me
why do i continue? swim in agony
we were so close until u stabbed me
i cut u off too cause u were bad for me
don't come back to me no

i'm so nervous right now i'm tweaking, why can i not speak
i fidget, it's so obvious i have anxiety
u sat there and did nothing while u saw me slowly bleed
i wiped it from my skin now there's scars for eternity
am i okay? guess we'll know if i breathe
check for my pulse to make sure it beats
i lost a lot, it's too much for me to see
i talk to god, praying for my enemies

spotify

the war II

produced by heylog

lyrics:
(hair)
i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

hold what i have learned from u and leave everything else behind
wonder if she notices i'm distancing and tryna hide
burning all the passages and that includes both you and i
fighting on this field for u but i think you'd rather me die
face plant
in the soil
the water comes
to a boil
now it's hot
take my shirt off
got 8 bumps
between my torso
old ones keep in touch cause they see that i'm doing something right
think about how far i've come, it honestly got me surprised
u say we're the same but man that hurts cause i am not ur kind
more destruction, come prepared, the blood is real and well defined
missiles coming from the heavens, everybody runs with fear
think i'm deaf from all the bombs, i just hear ringing in my ears
the voices are embedded, i be battling for quite some years
don't know what they say, i just know they like to interfere
PACK MY BAGS OR CONTINUE FREEZING
I HATE MYSELF AND YOU'RE THE REASON
BUT I PROMISE I'M GETTING THERE
LESS HEAD PULLING, LOOSE STRANDS OF HAIR
SHE DETOX WITH A GLASS OF WATER
I MAKE SMART CHOICES, THAT'S WHY I'M WISER
I SMELL THE BOOZE COMING OUT ON YOUR BREATH
I GUESS YOU NEEDED TO TAKE SOMETHING OFF THE EDGE

i heard what u said but now i'm past it
getting tired of you talk ik u cappin
i'm p good at sitting back behind the action
i never even know, force of habit
gotta hold me back and my aggression
fists hurt from doing all this clenching 
you think i'm pissed off, i'm just upset
i'm tryna see the light, wanna end this

don't know why u up
like what do you want
i'm not here to judge
do u feel forced in love
i needed help as my skin tears
i would really like to know why u weren't there
whom i love, i'm in despair
can u hear my voice, are you here

hair

produced by heylog
enjoy

lyrics:
as usual i manage to breakdown
don't bother me i enjoy no sound
can't talk to ppl and i know i should
the nerves i build up come out me like a flood
i expect a better me to finally come my way
but the hope i'm losing is drifting away
i forgot that u were mine and that u exist
and that's a good thing
i'm making progress
i hold a whole heart
i gotta use it wise
i cancel all my plans
cus i changed my mind
she smell like lavender
and i think i'm in love
wait hold on a min
can we take a pause
i needa overthink
when i talk to you
it's not on purpose
now u know the truth
i told u everything
n all my secrets
and now it feels wrong
and i know i'm screwed
i look in your eyes it's like looking in an abyss
thanks for your time i learned a lot from it
i'm different now, done with u, you know what i quit
i'm leaving now, don't care to be part of this
YOU SAID SHE WAS A WHORE
WELL MAYBE UR THE HOE
ABSCONDING EVERY GIRL
IS THIS WHERE I GROW
COULDN'T ASK FOR MORE
I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE
NOW DUDES CARE FOR ME
BUT I ONLY GOT 1 BRO

𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯
𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱

𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨

lavender

produced by heylog

lyrics:
swear i could throw up if i keep thinking of you
you disgust me and i guess u wanted to prove
that ur shameful you gave it all up for him
just some pleasure to receive from a little bitch
i need to let it go
but it haunts me to my deepest core

surround me in this darkness whom i spare
there is plenty more for you so join me in here
i need to let u know
that u disgust me
and i can't look at u no more
get myself to do things but i never wanna do them
once i go outside i'm proud i got myself to do it
you disappoint me to the point i never wanna see you
your motions say it all from what you n him have been through

now ur shameful you gave it all up for him
oh just a finger to receive between your lips

pleasure

produced by xona

@heylog

-lyrics-
deep within my own skin
i stay low until my breath
runs out and i hold my neck
cause deep down i need to rest
the only thing i need is you
a little late, i ain’t got to lose
anything to get us through
but I’ll stay like back then too

well, it’s awful to think
you’re on my mind and can’t let it deplete
sit in my room then write the lyrics to sing
but I’m discarding this energy to bring back the old me
its a tragic that i let it go
i couldn’t tell if you need me close 
well it’s too late for that now
so i can’t keep you around 
don’t need to make another sound

baby i know you love it when you see me overthink
got me pushing buttons tryna get this thing to play
never thought a girl would challenge me to use my brain
think outside the box using my logic against her game

i know you love it when you see me overthink
baby please
tell me what it means
these other guys try to steal you from me
they're enemies
break em to their knees
cut the rope
let the river flow
one at a time
kill em, let em know
baby go
get inside the boat
it's business for me to kill all them very slow

hazel

hazel w/ heylog

produced by heylog

lyrics:
we went through a lot of ups and downs
yet you still stayed close to my side
we often dug straight to the ground
you don't know what i look like now
just a number in my phone
i'll love you the most
march is a horrible month
why's it always cold
spent the end to cry
i miss you every night
don't call me when you see this
i'll hit decline
i don't look the same
as i used to
is this a bad thing
log, i don't know you
i don't look the same
like before
and i don't recognize myself
anymore

2 weeks 'till i go home
can't wait to see you, oh
october is when you go
now things are coming to
an end

she'll only love me if i just love myself
but baby with you i felt things i don't feel
i couldn't imagine to feel someone else
the thought of it always gets me overwhelmed
i hate separating from people i love
but i go forever without anyone
i will go for days and not say any words
you won't hear from me cause i sit back and lurk
closing the drapes to block out any light
the things that i do i would never advise
it's so bad for me and hm, i wonder why
growing more acne and i'm not surprised
don't look at me, please don't look at my face
the way that you stare makes me humiliate
i swear i get uglier
i don't look the same
you won't recognize me by how much i've changed
changed

update failed

produced by mix
on all plats

hope you enjoy

lyrics:
(sometimes i go blank
i get into these dark moods
think to fast to keep track of anything
then it's like, all my thoughts are gone at once
sometimes if i put them up there, i can focus and slow down
but i can't- i just- i can't)

they try, it's not the same
ohh ohh ohh ohhhhh
tears drip slowly from my eyes
listen closely i don't bite
you got to believe in yourself
cause you can't be someone else

cause you can b-
SOMEONE ELSEEEEEEEE 
SOMEONE ELSEEEEEEEEEE

I SWEAR THINGS GET BETTER JUST WAIT
YOU CAN TRUST ME I KNOW THE PAIN
YOU MAY BE STRUGGLIN IT'S OKAY 
JUST PLEASE DON'T BLOCK THOSE FEELINGS AWAY

AWAYYYYYY 

BLOCK THEM AWAY, DON'T BLOCK THEM AWAY
GIVE ME A DAY
A DAY, JUST GIVE ME ONE DAY 
ONE DAY, AND I SWEAR YOU'LL FIND, THAT YOU CAN STAY
STAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

just give me a day
i know what you face
just give me one day
i can see all the pain

just give me a day
i know what you face
just give me one day
i can see all the pain

SOMEONE ELSEEEEEEEE 
SOMEONE ELSEEEEEEEEEE

I SWEAR THINGS GET BETTER JUST WAIT
YOU CAN TRUST ME I KNOW THE PAIN
YOU MAY BE STRUGGLIN IT'S OKAY 
JUST PLEASE DON'T BLOCK THOSE FEELINGS AWAY

AWAYYYYYY 

BLOCK THEM AWAY, DON'T BLOCK THEM AWAY
GIVE ME A DAY
A DAY, JUST GIVE ME ONE DAY 
ONE DAY, AND I SWEAR YOU'LL FIND, THAT YOU CAN STAY
STAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I COVER MY HEART CAUSE IT'S SPILLIN OUT BLOOD
(cough, cough)
I GOT ALL THIS SWEAT DRIPPIN I FEEL LIKE A FLOOD
(water sounds or sum)
IM ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU CAUSE I TRULY CARE
(im sorry)
NOW I CANNOT BREATH CAUSE OF SMOKE IN THE AIR
(shhhh)

NO ONE ELSEEEEEE, NO ONE ELSEEEEEE
NO ONE ELSEEEEEE, NO ONE ELSEEEEEE

thank you..

someone else

produced by: @tnvr555
vocals and lyrics by: me and @heylog

lyrics:
just a sec, i needa bit to catch my breath
i try to hold onto what's left
but it seems that you're leaving again
and i saw your face
you're laughing at the back of the room
you're with someone and i can assume that
you have moved on, so soon
(you have moved on, so soon)

and this jealousy consumes at my mind
i can't believe that you're not mine
it gets harder to breathe, when you're not laying next to me
i think i've fallen in too deep

summer's coming round the corner, i can't wait to be warm
the uv's high so we lay some blankets out on the porch
and do you remember what you said to me
our past is something hard to believe
don't go
cause i don't want anybody else
oh no
i really don't want anybody now
i'm edging toward the ground
but that's what happens all the time as soon as life goes on
to you i'm not important
and i hope i'm wrong
without you it's harder to breathe
cause you're not laying next to me

and this jealousy consumes at my mind
i can't believe that you're not mine
it gets harder to breathe, when you're not laying next to me
(not laying next to me)
and this jealousy consumes at my mind
i can't believe that you're not mine
it gets harder to breathe, when you're not laying next to me
i think I've fallen in too deep

hope every1 has a good day/night xx

jealousy w/ heylog (tnvr)

@heylog @oc 

// geist
say you’ll change
words are worthless
baby you’re a fake
and i’m not for it
snakes stay in the lake
so go join them
don’t talk to me
i’m not your friend
darling

can’t stand to hate myself
need to fix my health
so i put the bottle down
and hit the gym instead
you gave it all for wealth
how do you face yourself?
you’re so caught up in your media
it’s so unwell

i don’t want to see your face
i swear show up and you will die.
put that bitch back in her place
can’t tell her ego from her pride
love to talk about your problems
but your life is such a lie
you’re not fooling anybody
swear to god i meant goodbye

// heylog
i was not afraid to tell her that she was being delusional
cause all her little friends just encourage her to be a hoe
well it's not hard to find someone who isn't modest
and with that i feel my brain slowly rotting
don't know why you gotta constantly talk over me
i used to let that go, now i say shut up when i speak
it's like you never have respect for anything i say
you try to lead me on, i can't be weak
i can't be weak

weak w/ heylog [oc]

prod by me

enjoy 40 seconds of vocals and beat for the remainder

•lyrics• 
<3

I love you and i don't know what to do
(what to do)
Mental health is fvcked and it hurts you too
(hurts you too)
I dont want to be the bad for you
I just wish for us to stay true 

Bite my nails out of stress
I'm worried that you will <ǝʌɐǝ˥>
Change up your mind and say that you hate me
I dont mean any harm but i can't help me 
but i can't help-

Reaching my hand out 
But im dragging me down
Muffled voices in my head
They are getting loud
Should i even be proud
Locked up in my room
Im too scared to go out
im too scared to go out

scared

produced by mix
sorry for the wait, i kinda rushed this song
enjoy <3

lyrics~

i get chased in the end
i lost friends so ill defend
i fight here while you pretend
ill die here could you lend a hand

i wont ask for help
ill just stay this way
hope it ends this way
oh i pray to stay
i try to stop them

make me wipe your memory, from everything you saw
you didn't see coming, uppercut right to your jaw
i ain't no bitch ye, i put that shit on my ma
now i see your strugglin, i guess thats your only flaw

now stop and start again, you can reach me in the end
now fall and fall again, you make me sick all through my skin
im strugglin to fight, but i know that i must win
i need to make it outta here, and let my new life begin

i wish i could say, i wish you would know
i wish i could stay, i wish you would go
throw another punch, then you slit my throat
i will die here, thats the final blow

i gotta go now man i need run
you gotta stay close hide me from the sun
im bleedin out now man this was no fun
im gonna die soon but i know ive won

you better run

picking up the ashes. i see myself in the glass
how am i alive? i should be dead in the grass
oh im still here, oh please don't fear
my arms around you, we lie there in the field.

thank you <3

the field

song didn't make it to album cuz low key its mid but was fun to make

was made january 2023

more than magic [demo]

Lyrics:

i dont care what they say about me
i been going up i been doing my thing
she just wanna fuck me i dont fuck with her jeans
like im the shit yeah
no matter what imma do my fucking thing yeah

like can you tell me what you see in me
like how is this shit real it doesnt seem to be
but you had left in a flash you not my enemy
yeah these nights get cold without you next to me

i dont care about your feelings
say i talk too much whats the difference
she been on my line so defensive
we been up all night because of tension

she said just leave where the door is
but i dont really care much cos i want this
she doesnt even seem to give a shit
she just wants all my attention

i dont
want you to see me like this
you shouldve known
that this really wasnt it
so can you tell me what your talking about
cos im running up the walls tryna find a fix
when did it all go south
tongue tied no matter what i say we always drift

you know
that we cant do what you wanted to do
i feel so low
i been spending all my time stuck in solitude

like tell me how your feeling i can sit and listen
asking me to come over shit its tempting
i dont care how your feeling it aint different
tell me how you love me i dont feel it

i dont care what they say about me
i been going up i been doing my thing
she just wanna fuck me i dont fuck with her jeans
like im the shit yeah
no matter what imma do my fucking thing yeah

like can you tell me what you see in me
like how is this shit real it doesnt seem to be
but you had left in a flash you not my enemy
yeah these nights get cold without you next to me

i dont care about your feelings
say i talk too much whats the difference
she been on my line so defensive
we been up all night because of tension

she said just leave where the door is
but i dont really care much cos i want this
she doesnt even seem to give a shit
she just wants all my attention

my thing (prod. Meanty)

sorry for the wait and thank you to everyone for being so patient with me <3

produced by chalyre𓍼

will i fall again
when all i am
surrounded by mountains know im no man
its all compounding in the words you said
im driving at night go as fast as i can
living in a lie
needed me to hide
dont run
leaving me behind
now im left of what you tore from

did you get all that you wanted
taking its toll and its broken
and it always comes around
but youre nowhere to be found

you could stop it
all this bleeding
stand where i stood
and youll see it
through your eyes
no im not human
waiting for my lifes conclusion

leave it all behind
take your own advice
dont make me say it twice
youre no longer mine

hearth

produced and composed by mix
enjoy <3 

lyrics:
i can see that the light left from your eyes
you used to look at me like u knew your mine
in the back of your car 
no we'd never get far did we?
ohh ohh ohh ohh

pick up the pieces find the reason that you really left
i wish i never knew cause now it really hurts my chest
you were with him and in your mind i'm dead
but you would never grieve me even now i can't rest

WELL I MISS WHO I THOUGHT U WERE
BUT UR NOT HER ANYMORE
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TREAT ME LIKE THAT
I JUST WISH YOU LISTENED TO YOUR DAD
WELL I GUESS THIS IS A LESSON LEARNED
YOU PLAYED YOUR CARDS AND NOW ITS MY TURN
BUT I DONT WANNA KNOW SOMEBODY ELSE
I THINK I EVEN MISS THE WAY YOU YELLED
1 2 3 4
HANDS ON HIS SKIN DO YOU LIKE THE WAY IT FEELS?
WAS IT ALL TO HURT ME I CAN'T TELL IF ITS REAL
HIS FINGERS IN YOUR MOUTH NOW YOUR TAKING OFF YOUR HEELS
BETRAY ME, BETRAY ME, OH I KNOW HOW IT FEELS

i still see you in my dreams
I STILL SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS

I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW'D IT FEEL HM HOW'D IT FEEL
TO RIP THE SKIN FROM MY BONES OH IM YOUR MEAL 
OH IM YOUR MEAL AH
ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah

THOUGHT I FINALLY BROKE THOSE STONES 
BUT THEY JUST KILL OH THEY JUST KILL
UNDRESS TO HIM YOU'LL GO 
TILL IT MAKES ME ILL, TILL IT MAKES ME ILL AHH

BETRAY ME MY BABY, BETRAY ME TRAY- TRAY-
BETRAY ME MY BABY, BETRAY ME TRAY- TRAY- AH
AHH AHHH
AH
AHH AHHH
AH


betray me

#osx

prod freethroe #ksouldier @aethroe 

@sighsare
@circleain


the field

mix≬