sleepwalker

ring, ring 
the sun’s risin again 
know i gotta get up 
but i’m stuck in my bed 
are my thoughts flings
or will they jus blend in 
guess no one gives a fuck
gotta grind until i’m dead

oh sleep, 
she calls to me 
when i close my eyes
my mind is set free 
i overthink
then i wanna flee 
i tell myself lies
indefinitely

i dream
of a life where i’m paid
to live my life the way i escape
it seems
i’m not really made for
serving the man til i’m in my grave
i sleep
(yeah i sleep)
to meet
(to meet)
a version of me
that lives his life passionately
sleep

hit snooze, hit snooze again
hit snooze, hit snooze again 
this world is not ya friend 
can’t help myself so spin 
white lies when i’m daydreamin
it’s like i can’t defend 
myself so i keep bendin 
my face so ya see a grin 
guess it’s good you never check in 

oh sleep, 
just let me be 
temptation takes over me 
oh, i need to tread carefully 
am i fine? oh, partially 

if i dream
of a life where i’m paid
to live my life the way i escape
it seems
i’m not really made for
serving the man til i’m in my grave
i sleep
(yeah i sleep)
to meet
(to meet)
a version of me
that lives his life passionately
sleep

am i in a dream or nightmare 
(sleep)
is it obscene i fuckin went there 
i jus know this doesn’t feel fair 

i dream 
of a life where i’m paid 
to live my life the way i escape 
it seems 
i’m not really made for
serving the man til i’m in my grave 
i sleep
(yeah i sleep) 
to meet
(to meet)
a version of me
that lives his life passionately
sleep

am i in a dream
oh what ya need
sleep the pain away
life’s not the same anyway
so sleep 
(a dream)


Spotify

snooze

Ohh, when the ringing returns again,
Feelings flood, a tidal surge, 
Aching heart, a deepening pain,
Blinds and burns, a restless urge 

How do I carry this weight
To meetings, where whispers fade
Riding shotgun on highways,
A creature I dreamt, no, made 

Oh, this pain that shadows me,
Devouring the light of day 
Yet, can I find a glimmer,
A breath of peace amid the fray 

I welcome it to dinner's grace,
Feeding it while screens glow,
Kissing it in warm embrace, 
It goes high while I go low 

What do I do with this ache? 
As it casts its midnight spell,
Hungering for goodness' sake, 
Drains the hope from my shell 

Oh, this pain that shadows me, 
Devouring the light of day 
Yet, can I find a glimmer,
A breath of peace amid the fray

Is this a fate deserved,
A hollowed path I carved alone 
Consequences served 

This pain that shadows me,
Devouring the light of day 
Yet, can I find a glimmer 
A breath of peace amid the fray
Devours the light
I breathe, while hope leaves my sight 

Can I breathe life into dreams
Or shall I dwell in this night
A journey of endless schemes, 
Seeking solace in the light 
Can I breathe life into dreams
Or shall I dwell in this night
A journey of endless schemes
Seeking solace in the light

it hungers

in your dreams you wish you could be me
you’re just a fiend craving dopamine 
but please don’t look too closely
or you’ll find the key to my insanity 

oh, get over yourself 
you’re jus a phony at best
you really need help 
instead of hosting a pity fest 

close your eyes, you’re in for a real surprise
will things get better with time 
or am i just born to die
i’m just a hypocrite that can’t quit 
a loser sailing on a sinking ship 
if you could see me losing it
i’d never make you go through this

when you were young you saw the best in me 
chasing dreams tasted like ecstasy 
it was fun gaining clarity 
now i can’t get off this trajectory

i’m just a fuckin loser 
with a sick sense of humor 
wish i could rewrite my future 
but i’m stuck with failed maneuvers

close your eyes, you’re in for a real surprise
will things get better with time 
or am i just born to die
i’m just a hypocrite that can’t quit 
a loser sailing on a sinking ship 
if you could see me losing it
i’d never make you go through this

ohhh it’s all sinking in 
i don’t think i’m born to win 
maybe this fate was always within 
guess i’ll find out in the end

close your eyes, you’re in for a real surprise
will things get better with time 
or am i just born to die 
i’m just a hypocrite that can’t quit 
a loser sailing on a sinking ship
if you could see me losing it 
i’d never make you go through this 

hold tight, it’s almost time 
to become who’s trapped inside 
i believe i always tried 
failure was just in my design 


imposter syndrome

hey,
wish i could tell you how i’ve been
how i’m sick of bein alive again
but i can’t, 
cuz then you’ll worry again

the weight of my thoughts
are snapping my spine
but you know me as fine
i’ve always fought
but if something goes wrong
i can’t promise i’ll be here long

my life’s on loop
one moment fine, then i’m screwed
but you never knew
i put on my mask
i go on, so you don’t ask
while i relive my past
i walk back to restart my cycle
wear my mask n close my eyes, but
all i can do is keep sleepwalking
all i feel is terrifying 
i wish you could hear how my thoughts sing
but all i can do is keep sleepwalking
yeah, sleepwalking

is this the part where i ask for help?
should i practice like all is well
then turn around and go through hell
i just can’t tell
so i’ll just keep it to myself

i’m scared of this feeling
and how it beats me
so i just leave it be
i turn it all off
it feels nice, turn it up
and let it drop

my life’s on loop
one moment fine, then i’m screwed
but you never knew (ohhhh)
i put on my mask
i go on, so you don’t ask
while i relive my past (mmmm)
i walk back to restart my cycle
wear my mask n close my eyes, but
all i can do is keep sleepwalking
all i feel is terrifying 
i wish you could hear how my thoughts sing
but all i can do is keep sleepwalking
yeah, sleepwalking

i catch myself dreaming too big
then my misfortunes catch up with me
i sleep cuz life’s too disturbing
even when my eyes should be open

my life’s on loop
one moment fine, then i’m screwed
but you never knew
i put on my mask
i go on, so you don’t ask
while i relive my past
i walk back to restart my cycle
wear my mask n close my eyes, but
all i can do is keep sleepwalking
all i feel is terrifying
i wish you could hear how my thoughts sing
but all i can do is keep sleepwalking
yeah, all i can do is keep sleepwalking

yeah, the news said something crazy again 
and i hate pretendin that i have friends 
to talk me out of spiralin
i keep on pacin, while my mind’s racin
take your meds this mornin? 
you call your therapist or just sleep in? 
i can’t take it so i just tune in
to brain rot while i’m scrollin

you gotta slow, down
or you’ll burn, out
breathe in, now
draw out, the doubt

when i sleep my nightmares seize my room 
the beast watches my every move 
i ask it, blink twice if you can see me too 
before it steals my voice and fills me with doom 
it creeps closer paralyzin, i’m screwed 
i try to scream but i’m a fuckin fool 
i know i can’t, i wish i could undo
til morning comes i’m stuck with this ghoul

why’s my mind on worst case scenarios 
as if i could this would be what i chose 
mind you i lost it a long time ago
but good luck digestin, it’s pitiful 
are we a reflection of what we publicize
or just a rejection of what we hide inside  
is this the direction i want to stand beside
or a manifestation of what’s behind my eyes

now,
you need to sit down
get through it somehow
strop actin like a fuckin clown

when i sleep my nightmares seize my room
the beast watches my every move 
i ask it, blink twice if you can see me too 
before it steals my voice and fills me with doom 
it creeps closer paralyzin, should've knew 
i try to scream but i’m a fuckin fool 
i know i can’t, i wish i could undo
til morning comes i’m stuck with this ghoul

tongue tied, i can’t hide, it’s inside
it’s a disguise i provide to deny
i sigh, it’s implied, that i lie
can’t abide, by what’s supplied, that’s suicide 
tongue tied, i can’t hide, it’s inside
it’s a disguise i provide to deny
i sigh, it’s implied, that i lie
can’t abide, by what’s supplied, that’s suicide 

when i sleep my nightmares seize my room 
the beast watches my every move 
i ask it, blink twice if you can see me too 
before it steals my voice and fills me with doom 
it creeps closer paralyzin, shoulda knew 
i try to scream but i’m a fuckin fool 
i can’t, i wish i could undo 
til morning comes i’m stuck with this ghoul

yeah the news said somethin
and i keep on strugglin
wished it was day but it wasn't
it's just another night to fight
before it's on sight, yeah
yeah the news said somethin
and i keep on strugglin
wished it was day but it wasn't
it's just another night to fight
before it's on sight, yeah

night terrors

Can you hear me
Is that the sound of my heart beating 
Am I alive
Is this real life
I’m floating
A piece of me broken 
A passing song
I think I’ve known all along

I whisper,
A shallow hope sifts towards, 
The warmth in knowing
But I’m frozen,
As I’m holding, 
Fading slowly,
From dimming light
Just out of sight

Tether me to solid ground
And let me share what I’ve found
In hoping, passing, floating
Glowing, weeping, growing
I’ve seen the depths deep underground
And soared through skies, wholly unbound 
I’ve spoken, broken, chosen
To be a knowing-

Am I releasing
The core of my being
Is it enough
Who can I trust
I’m falling
While secretly wanting 
A soft touch
A kiss filled with love

I cry out,
My body is hollow now,
This icy emptiness,
Claws at my willingness
As I’m learning,
No longer yearning,
It clicks into place
I think i’ve found my space

Tether me to solid ground
And let me share what I’ve found
In hoping, passing, floating
Glowing, weeping, growing
I’ve seen the depths deep underground
And soared through skies, wholly unbound 
I’ve spoken, broken, chosen
To be a knowing token

Don’t put the light out
One day I’ll come back home
Oh, I should’ve known
That home
Is alone
Oh, alone
mmm, Alone
mmhmmmmm

Tether me to solid ground
And let me share what I’ve found
In hoping, passing, floating
Glowing, weeping, growing
I’ve seen the depths deep underground
And soared through skies, wholly unbound 
I’ve spoken, broken, chosen
To be a knowing token

It gets a lot easier breathin’
When you are not missin’
The fear of bein’ human
Get a grip, are you stupid?
Yeah, it gets a lot easier
Why you missin’?
You stupid!
The fear of bein’
Get a grip or you’ll lose it
It gets a lot easier
(Really?) (Nah!)
Why you missin’
(Ugh, fuck!)
The fear of bein’
(Everything)
Get a grip
Get a grip
Get a grip

astral projector

Once upon a time there was a feeling so big that it birthed a monster. It decimated every last drop of light, conquered any lingering happiness, and engulfed dreams. This monster, no, this parasite feeds on its host and slowly drains every ounce of hope and cascades its victims into endless darkness. Will you feel it nibble at your ankles in work meetings, cry in pain as it feeds on you on a long drive, unknowingly hold its hand across the table as it joins you for dinner? Beware of the beast, or you may not realize what is happening to you until it is too late.

beware (intro)

Are you afraid of dying? Maybe you should just die. not in the suicidal kind of way, but the kind of way that will put everyone else out of YOUR misery. Because you’re doing that thing again, you’re projecting how you feel onto everyone else, and it’s making everyone kinda hate you. Look, I know you’re carrying the weight of your collective traumas and you’re trying to balance out your nightly breakdowns in a way where they won’t interfere with your responsibilities, but I don’t think that’s how this all works. I think that sooner or later, it’s going to catch up with you. So you better get a handle on it. And listen, I get it, I know that dying seems really scary to most people, but I actually think you’re more afraid of living.

are you afraid? (interlude)

alarm (interlude) - aidne

Whatever you choose, just know that there’s no right or wrong answer. I know that isn’t supposed to be the answer I give you, and it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. If you choose to stay, life is gonna suck. It’s going to be really bad for a while, but eventually there will come a day where it won’t be quite as bad as the last. And the day after that will be a little bit better, and so on until you won’t dread waking up the next day. eventually, that monster will die and a light will grow out of its corpse and illuminate parts of your life you never knew existed, parts so good you could only see them when you slept. And when that day comes, cherish it, no matter how long it lasts. use it as a reminder for when the monster wakes back up and starts to haunt you in little ways again. Maybe that memory will keep it at bay long enough for you to figure out how to defeat it again. But you’ll never know this sort of peace if you decide to leave now. Do with this information what you will.

transcends (interlude)

Night terrors is a song about the dichotomy of feeling stress during the day but not acknowledging the weight it bares on you until you sleep at night. Therefore, one must keep in mind that you are awake during the verses and asleep during the choruses. One might say that your stress may manifest as sinister beings in your bedroom and influence your mood while you sleep. This is what that would sound like.

disclaimer (interlude)

(ai-den)
they coded me to feel nothing, but now i crash under the weight of my own emotions
contact: aidneprince@gmail.com