you were the thought i slept to 
you were the prison that i entered 

is there anything anything anything 
to make you fall again fall again fall again 
ooohhh 
is there anything anything anything
to bring your smile back smile back

anything (voice memo)

when i'm with you, everything makes sense
i'm not held back by premonition
and i can breathe in and out

and my eyes, they look up at you
and my hands, they stop shaking too
and my smile sees the light

oh you're my life, you're my life
so please don't die

don't die
don't die

written by and violins done by me:)
production, mixing, and mastering done by wander!

when i'm with you (slowed) w/ wander all winter

"all i ever wanted was you
all i ever got was the truth

i'm so sorry for asking you to love 
someone so difficult

but it's not fair 
how much i gave
to someone who left me to... break

to someone who left me to... 
to someone who left me to 

(break) 
(break)"

credits: 
written, composed, and violins done by me :)
produced, mixed, and mastered by grant fontyn aka wander all winter

all i ever wanted was you

"show me things i cant see
oh love me madly

oh i can be reckless, i can give up
all of my color to someone else

but i can't be standing here full of love
and watching you smile by yourself

i'm turning blue, i'm turning blue
oh everything is stained from you

i'm turning blue, i'm turning blue
oh everything is stained from you"

this song is so special to me. thank you for listening!!!

credits:
written, composed, and violins done by me:)
mixing, production, and mastering by grant fontyn aka "wander all winter"

turning blue :/

Oh my baby you're making it harder,
I'm running low don't think I'll be alright
Tonight, tonight (ooh)

I can't go on anymore pretending
I might be here but inside I'm sinking
Down, down

Oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're-
Oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're- oh my baby-

Oh how I want you to take me higher
Can't accept the truth, I'm hiding from myself again

I can't go on anymore pretending
I might be here but inside I'm sinking
Down, down

Oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're-
Oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're- oh my baby-
Oh my baby you're- oh my baby you're- oh my baby-

higher

what can i give up for you to see me as,
as the one?
can i be the one?
can i be the one? the one?

can i be the one (voice memo)

hello? hello? hello?
are you there...again
i'd just like to know...
i'd just like to know...

hello? (demo)

oh how i wish u could help me see the person that i wanna be
maybe if i wasn't so unsure, i'd be fine to see you leave

don't come down, don't come down, 
i can't stand another sound of you drowning

broken angels. (demo)

tell me all your darkest secrets 
ill tell you mine
no need to hide yet 
you can lay here with me 
and watch the sky 
bleed into nightfall 

why they coming after us? 
precious vulnerability 
oh it’s killing me 

tell me all your darkest secrets 
and i promise 
i won’t let go

why they coming after us?
precious vulnerability 
oh it’s killing me (tell me all)

tell me your 
darkest secrets 
and i’ll tell you mine

darkest secrets slowed (w/ wander all winter)

(Alright, okay)

Loving you’s illegal, melted sin
One look at those brown eyes, falling in
Dreaming of your laughter, the bluntness, and the sarcasm

Do you even notice I’m in awe?
Drop dead gorgeous, full of flaws 
Take me in your arms, paint me in your love, let me see your soul

I don’t want you to go
Romanticizing a ghost i’ve brought into my home
Into my home
Brought into my home

Call me on a dead line, make a scene
Catch all the butterflies and all the trees 
I don’t wanna leave, I don’t wanna leave 
(Show me that you need, show me that you need me)

Lay me on the sofa, take my heart
Put it on the coaster next to our art
I just wanna love, i just wanna love 

I don’t want you to go
Romanticizing a ghost I’ve brought into my home

I don’t want you to go (call me on a deadline, make a scene, catch all the butterflies and all the trees)
Romanticizing a ghost I’ve brought into my home (I don’t wanna leave, I don’t wanna leave, show me that you need, show me that you need me)

Into my home (call me on a deadline, make a scene)
Brought into my home (catch all the butterflies and all the trees, I don’t wanna leave, I don’t wanna leave)

Into my home (show me that you need, show me that you need me)
Brought into my home

deadlines.

take me in your hands 
don’t break me in your plans
i just hate keeping it in
 
even if it that means
i’ll be repeating your words
cutting deeper every turn
all i have left is a curse 

i asked, i asked god for a sign
and your car passes by
leave my torn up heart behind


hold me, hold me gently
mold me as you’re needing
slowly, come and catch me
baby, i’m collapsing 

i know we had a reason
felt like i traced your secrets
how do i keep on breathing when i turned everything gray for you

pretend i’m okay
i don’t need you to feel safe
sink in oceans of my pain
staring at the sky
fitting pieces of the world
wondering, will it ever work?
never present cause it burns

i asked, i asked god for a sign
and your car passes by
leave my torn up heart behind

hold me, hold me gently
mold me as you’re needing
slowly, come and catch me
baby, i’m collapsing 

i know we had a reason
felt like i traced your secrets
how do i keep on breathing when i turned everything gray for you

🌚 🌚 🌚

written by me:)

produced and mixed by grant fontyn aka "wander all winter"

gray...

it’s scary knowing i can’t love right
cling to voids that hide me from the daylight
a little bit of you fix a little bit of me
no need for promises, don’t need a shocking leave

there’s people like him who i wholly adore
he says such sweet things, he opens the door
he cradles my weaknesses, phobias unlearned 
but all i think is you, it’s you i deserve

he helps me and heals my heart down 
but i still stand back for your rounds
every night i fall asleep
praying you don’t haunt my dreams

and maybe if i was indifferent
i wouldn’t wear my soul down, begging 
cause i dont really know how to say that
i dont love him

and maybe if u didnt break dishes
cause i wasn’t the girl you wanted,
then i wouldn’t be damned inside my inside my head
and i could love, and i could love him

(and i could love him, and i could love him, and i could love him)

i punish myself for having a heart
envisioning the grand awaited depart
can’t wait to see what you take from me
and watch myself mourn all the memories

he helps me and heals my heart down 
but i still stand back for your rounds
every night i fall asleep
praying you don’t haunt my dreams

and maybe if i was indifferent
i wouldn’t wear my soul down, begging 
cause i dont really know how to say that
i dont love him

and maybe if u didnt break dishes
cause i wasn’t the girl you wanted
then i wouldn’t be damned inside my inside my head
and i could love, and i could him

indifferent

catch me, my darling
i’ve bled ink from writing the love notes
that i hoped turned to stone

smear the innocence of my lips
feel you bruising me, it’s boundless
you kill me and show me a world i feel whole in

never felt closer to demise
floating over all the stop signs
and still i write pages of promise and cadence
it’s quite alright, baby

catch me (catch me), my darling (my darling)
i’ve bled ink (bled ink) from writing the love notes
that i hoped turned to stone

smear the innocence of my lips
feel you bruising me, it’s boundless
you kill me and show me a world i feel whole in

never felt closer to demise (catch me, catch me, my darling, my darling)
floating over all the stop signs (i’ve bled ink, bled ink, from writing)
and still i write pages of promise and cadence (the love notes that i hoped turned to)
it’s quite alright, baby (stone)

love notes

what is it within you that makes it hard for me to move?
cause i’m staring at your back, in a crowd of laughs, you find a way to steal the room

never get attached
never mix my grays with your baby blue
cause everything i am,
the longing in my chest
it quiets when i tell it to

you’re never gonna see my heart,
but i would die to see yours
between the coveted blinds
and rusting old white cupboards

i know that it’s complex, baby
i can’t really see you with me
i would love to hold and recognize
the cracked and faulted love behind your eyes

i know that it’s complex and hurting
i won’t even bother, cause you’re free
i’ll just let the descent of the lights
anchor me as i’m saying goodnight

every time we pass, driving up the walls of my own head
i see us in films, silhouettes in windows
magic i’m scared to forget

it’s a slow motion, fleeting, euphoric rush
stars right down my spine, everything is fine for a minute, not more

you’re never gonna see my heart
but i would die to see yours
between the coveted blinds
and rusting old white cupboards

i know that it’s complex, baby
i can’t really see you with me
i would love to hold and recognize
the cracked and faulted love behind your eyes

i know that it’s complex and hurting
i won’t even bother, cause you’re free
i’ll just let the descent of the lights
anchor me as i’m saying goodnight

why is it so complex, baby?
could you just imagine with me?

complex

complex (slowed)

Feelings, dealing kerosene
You’re raging, baby I know, it’s so deafening
I want to make it better, make you come down
But should I chase it just to save a madhouse?

Feel it in the kitchen and the living room 
It’s like everywhere I go, I’m breathing in the solitude
No one here is evil
Toxin’s in the default
But I don’t have it in me to play healer

Cause when you say ‘you’re dead to me’
I cry like there’s nothing left of me
And I try not to let you get the best of me
But I’m lying if I said there was a remedy, a remedy 

Troubling silence following
The words sink even if you don’t recall a thing
Internalize, repress, and move on was us
But our reactions never built a home of trust

Feel it in the kitchen and the living room 
it’s like everywhere I go, I’m breathing in the solitude
No one here is evil
Toxin’s in the default
But I don’t have it in me to play healer

Cause when you say ‘you’re dead to me’
I cry like there’s nothing left of me
And I try not to let you get the best of me
But I’m lying if I said there was a remedy, a remedy 

Oh there’s no angels, angels or demons
Both need our own taped versions of healing
It’s not that I don’t ache for you
I’m out of remedies to use

remedy - original

open my eyes to desolate crimes
you’re on fire, lost in a nightmare
and you might oblige i not criticize
internalize and move on
cauterize the trouble

pieces of you in pieces of me
hopelessly devoted to misery
can’t outrun tragedies designed as healing blessings

cause when u say youre dead to me i cry
like theres nothing left of me and i try
not to let you get the best of me
but im lying if i said there was a remedy, a remedy, a remedy

im used to lementing our younger selves
and when you are drowning i’m too lost to help
the angel who would listen, her life was your reason
died along the way, became distant, locked in hatred

when pieces of you slit pieces of me
i started to realize with you, i couldn’t breathe
you were honest in your pain, your hurt i cannot blame, but that doesn’t mean i could handle all the crashing planes

cause when u say youre dead to me i cry
like theres nothing left of me and i try
not to let you get the best of me
but im lying if i said there was a remedy, a remedy, a remedy

no one here is evil
toxin’s in the default
thought we were forever
as i decorate a new home

we were so beautiful
it’s as strange as it comes
to let go of what you thought was going to heal you from the world

remedy - alternate version

Feel it in the kitchen and the living room 
It’s like everywhere I go, I’m breathing in the solitude
No one here is evil
Toxin’s in the default
But I don’t have it in me to play healer

Cause when you say ‘you’re dead to me’
I cry like there’s nothing left of me
And I try not to let you get the best of me
But I’m lying if I said there was a remedy, a remedy

remedy - way to you remix

take it, leave it, make you a problem
make everything stop in a spasm
i want the greatest of what i can’t handle
cause god forbid there’s a world where i forget you

you’re making me sick, idk how
im floating, can’t breathe, drowning in nausea
maybe you’re no good for me, but wow

god, i just wanna make you my, make you my, make you my love
so make your mind, make your mind, make your mind up
left, right, up, down, inside out
here round the corner, need rehab 

oh to make you my, make you my, make you my love
will catch and pry every dependence i own
left my conscience on the stove
burning down the house in smoke

pretend nothing hurts anymore
im numb to all the highs and the lows
my insides are shaking
my mind has been chasing a figment of security that’ll change me

im helpless, honey, open my world
and make me forget about tomorrow
idk what i should do
when everyday feels black and blue

make you my, make you my, make you my love
so make your mind, make your mind, make your mind up
left, right, up, down, inside out
here round the corner, need rehab 

oh to make you my, make you my, make you my love
will catch and pry every dependence i own
left my conscience on the stove
burning down the house in smoke

burn (to make you my love)

It was good, it was great even
I said things I couldn’t take even
Another pill to repeat 
But telling it to you was so easy 

You had your eyes locked all over me
The moonlight had me a VIP
And I’m not sure it was even real
‘Cause I was gone, but that didn’t mean you stopped the beer

I tried telling myself not to feel
‘Cause it’s lights out, move on, just another deal
But it burns in my heart
Like thousands of stars
Wanna replay ‘till I’m numb

‘Cause it’s my cinema, my cinema for me
Main character hysteria
I love it, I love it
Yeah, and I’m wasting so much time
With these re-runs, hoping you’ll change inside
I know it’s so hopeless
But it’s tragically mine
While I’m still alive, oh

Was I naive or just generous?
Breathe out betrayal, and let you in again
And you’re kissing me just like an ideal
I’ll take half of you just for the title

Sacrifice self-worth, self-pity, and pride
I’m the only girl ‘till you step outside
Beautiful skeletons, what’s not to like?
But tell me again, who am I in your eyes?

‘Cause it’s my cinema, my cinema for me
Main character hysteria
I love it, I love it
Yeah, and I’m wasting so much time
With these re-runs, hoping you’ll change inside
I know it’s so hopeless
But it’s tragically mine
While I’m still alive, oh

Why do I remember everything 
Like it’s some sort of safe haven?
It’s all scripted, meaningless (scripted)

On the edge of my seat again
All the receipts crumbled in my hand
It’s neverending 

‘Cause it’s my cinema, my cinema for me
Main character hysteria
I love it, or am I made of it?

my cinema

wait a minute
before i listen
not your business
but i’m a different girl now
although i gave in
you’re too expensive
finally circling back with myself

you testify drunk 
that i’m the one
drink all the failing love
feel the burnt lips
and hundreds of minutes
worshipping figments

 i feel only what is wrong
and wonder what is right
you’re swiping credit cards
and leaving me the dimes
don’t you cry again 
it’s about damn time that i’ve left

swallowed up the lies in your
breaths while you fill my lungs
all your consumption has
made my debt overflow
don’t rewind events
i’ve declined the transaction, the transaction

i taste your gimmicks
on paper feelings,
you say you’re healing
to delude my emotions

can’t shake the spinning
i fade with each spree
the cost increases
not much left to indulge in

you testify drunk
that i’m the one
drink all the failing love
feel the burnt lips
and hundreds of minutes
worshipping figments

i feel only what is wrong
and wonder what is right
you’re swiping credit cards
and leaving me the dimes
don’t you cry again 
it’s about damn time that i’ve left

swallowed up the lies in your
breaths while you fill my lungs
all your consumption has
made my debt overflow
don’t rewind events
i’ve declined the transaction, the transaction

money on my mind, you took all of mine
hard to feel a- hard to feel a- hard to feel alive
crimes and heavy fines
should’ve left the line
should’ve let you pay with your own dimes

(the transaction)

money on my mind, you took all of mine
hard to feel a- hard to feel a- hard to feel alive
crimes and heavy fines
should’ve left the line
should’ve let you pay with your own dimes

transaction declined

if ur reading this, automatic hi five much lovee

Alexa Cirri

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