for the new yorker with a flair for books

thanks for teaching me the way to regain my power.

i experience pain
and i breathe my air
gotta let this go
back into the frozen atmosphere
nobody just watching
as the clock it tampers
along walls with a circular mould behind it
i feel my sadness

it's eating at my insides
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be normal
can i just try
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be normal

she takes my body
without ever asking
and i hide my tears
in a bottle of two of daniels jack
where the hell is love
when all is fear
and i see this mountain
wish you were here

it's eating at my insides
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be normal
can i just try
can i just try
for once to be normal

and it's me she watches
over her shoulder
nobody knows her
she smiles while staring behind my eyes
and ever in yonder
i could never abscond her
and she's imperfect
a person for no-one to idolise

can i just try
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be normal
it's eating at my insides
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be normal

it's eating at my insides
can i just try
for once to be normal
for once to be seen
for once to be yours
for once to be mine
for once to be me
for once to be me
for once to be

41111S2BME

41111S2BME (for once to be me)

(this will be out on spotify and youtube soon, please feel free to purchase)
to the girl that calls herself the one-eyed pirate,

i wrote like five songs about this and i wasn't sure how to word it without getting every little detail i liked about you into a single piece. 

this really is about the bittersweet feeling you have when someone always is there but isn't in your life anymore. i do truly miss you <3

i don't want you to forget what i said, you are always worthy and you don't want to visit me in the dreamland, you can listen to this instead. you did say it was your favourite song of mine. i will always cherish the things you gave me.

yours to be studied as you watch me from a distance, tezzie <3

a beautiful dancer, tiny soul
see her gazing and i would shake
not stare back i love her so,
care too much i'm truly afraid
say too little how'd i ask,
can we be but a two combined
see her twirl a beautiful dancer,  tiny soul
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
 
why's blue the skies
when i'm so upset,
and it's sad that no one gets
i'm truly needing
i smile and pain it tears underneath us 
turning numb, so unfeeling
unfurling once 
she was the reason, not anymore
could have been yours i would have enjoyed it
coffee you make and cakes with love
the rest is never to come 
it's hard, the truth is better
in art, i wrote you letters, but i don't wanna post them yet

a beautiful dancer tiny soul
a double bacardi lime and coke
a small cappuccino white with milk
a glass of water with ice inside
fill my heart and you might reveal
sparkling sides and silence the other
a blinded eye with hair you cover

i wrote some songs but nothing is normal
it's true baby i wish you here 
how did i ever fall for

a beautiful dancer, tiny soul
see her gazing and i would shake
not stare back i love her so,
care too much cause i'm truly afraid
say too little how'd i ask,
can we be but a two combined
see her twirl a beautiful dancer,  tiny soul
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 

the truth is a mind adrifting 
master of kitchen, may be her 
state in words what i feel abnormal 
normally think, falling i sink 
can't tap on myself i'm brought to the brink
maybe it's all gonna singe 
third time lucky i waltz
truth is 
it's been on the back of my mind for time

or maybe you're lost or just moved on 
i lost the recordings time ago 
view of the water eyes that glow 
wrote you a sonnet i would say
maybe in hopes that might you stay 
i won't need to wait for an answer 
cause i love this beautiful dancer

a beautiful dancer, tiny soul
see her gazing and i would shake
not stare back i love her so,
care too much cause i'm truly afraid
say too little how'd i ask,
can we be but a two combined
see her twirl a beautiful dancer,  tiny soul
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine 
won't you be mine

why's blue the skies
when i'm so upset,
and it's sad that no one gets
i'm truly needing
i smile and pain it tears underneath us 
turning numb, so unfeeling
unfurling once 
she was the reason, not anymore
could have been yours i would have enjoyed it
coffee you make and cakes with love

a beautiful dancer, tiny soul
see her gazing and i would shake
not stare back i love her so,
care too much cause i'm truly afraid
say too little how'd i ask,
can we be but a two combined
see her twirl a beautiful dancer,  tiny soul
won't you be mine

a beautiful dancer, tiny soul

(beat is jhene aiko - strangers)

It's been a long time that I've not released anything. I keep making excuses but really I've had to work to a point where I'm comfortable putting my content out for the world to listen to. I want to be a little more active so this is probably the kickstart I'm getting.

for some reason I keep being left behind addresses the heartbreak of having your friends and the people you love abandon you or turn their back on what could have been something special. I don't want to be bitter so here's a song that'll make up for anything else I might not (or shouldn't) say.

I could have been much better,
Aspiring deeper,
My mind weaker, heart never beat
Not far from defeat,
I feel like I'm not understood but spoken about much more than I should
Want to be where it's warm underfoot
But the clouds never reason with all that is good
I see grey like claws on a hook,
The prize underneath isn't brought
A sense of purpose needs me to talk
Reactions leave me a fork
I keep to myself, and these demons
Feed on my health, so many years I was chasing love, then I realised all that I need is Terrell
It's not much but it's more than I can be
I failed twice need more than a plan B
And held high in thoughts is my family

But sometimes it gets awkward to chat
I don't feel formed of a man
The truth is never assured when you act
The pain never comes I'm falling to land
Seconds above me always elapse
I'm stuck in a corner
Watching the room be vibrant around me 
Must be the sound stay stumbling forward 
Present or not I'm cut into portions
It's like life gets hazier
I can't wake up feeling alone anymore 
My friends misaligned with strangers
Always alive can't die as a failure 
Balancing the dire and mania 
Mind full of old thoughts 
Go grab it by both horns
Born in this land but it's like I'm an alien
Extra rest, real life isn't made for us

Black face in a sea of white
If we were alike you never would ask
Stare the abyss, can't peer through the dark 
Black lives taken for mere transactions, officers claim we're pulling a card
Ever unsafe to security guards
Clear in my palms but grab on their handbags fear in their glance
Act like it's merely the past 
I'm here as a vase, loved till I break
Stuck under the rain, sky sombre and grey 
I'm lost in my faith 
didn't realise there were treetops the blocking the shade 
A shame cause hate to be gothic
Nobody's type, in stereo silence 
Birds of a feather I wasn't conscious 

I could be more than a friend to you (I could) 
I could be more than a friend (I wish) 
I could be more than a mere acquaintance
I could be more than your self preservation
I could be more than happy, elated 
I could be more than you ever expected 
But truth is I'm not what you destined (so forgive me) 

I could be more than a friend to you (I could) 
I could be more than a friend (I wish) 
I could be more than a mere acquaintance
I could be more than your self preservation
I could be more than happy, elated 
I could be more than you ever expected (so forgive me)
Won't please somebody save us

for some reason I keep being left behind

i made this song a few summers ago and since then it's gone through many changes. this is the version I want you all to know and love. <3 -tezzie

written and produced by anditstezzie
engineered by simpson audio
mixed and mastered by anditstezzie

on my own and again
silent phone and nobody texts
i feel hollow in the chest
there's a hole in my heart
i'm lonely
what a gracious word,
the truth is what is stated first
but lies are faster and take the turn
i suffer today and hurt

i'm solely me
and i'm lonely
when i wake up normal
but the world just spins and slow repeat
i dance alone, and my heart is broke
but my life's uneven, and i can't let go

you can miss what never completes and we will kiss for the last of times
for we love but never is reached and i still bleed in this heart of mine x2

and we are divine
for we love but flowers are wilting
for emotions drowned in fulfillment
hope in a field you'll find me
white as the ocean lie in seas
maybe it might be me, i'm lonely
i fell and won't stop falling
i've gotta find my feet

i'm solely me
and i'm lonely
when i wake up normal
but the world just spins and slow repeat
i dance alone, and my heart is broke
but my life's uneven, and i can't let go x2

and we are divine
for we love but flowers are wilting
for emotions drowned in fulfillment
for the hope you'll find the me
in the ocean i lie there surrounded by the sea
it might be with the answer
i fell and won't stop falling
i've gotta find my feet

and one day if that
i couldn't say but won't you stay
nights up late for the grace of yours
coffee and cake it fades to black
all this colour brings pain and more
in your eyes i would gaze
in time will i wake up
not for today i'm sure
hope one day that you'll take me back x2

i go through the weeks and days amd refrain from talking
there's meaning beyond this silence
besides remaining cautious
i realised what i don't yet miss but baby my days are pouring
who else but me to afford this
who else but me to afford
and afraid i sink ever deeper
i'm alone but won't ever speak
roads gotta leave and so will it be
unlikely to sleep when
i think of you
and it's me with the simple truth a bittersweet life of losing the distance
for the way that we won't approach it
why do i miss this

i'm solely me
and i'm lonely
when i wake up normal
but the world just spins and slow repeat
i dance alone, and my heart is broke
but my life's uneven, and i can't let go

you can miss what never completes and we will kiss for the last of times
for we love but never is reached and i still bleed in this heart of mine x2

hook

flowers on my head

lonely

this is why ft. tc

dungeon (prod. dot rotten)

pass me the chain that's part of my flesh.

Join my mailing list and get Carcinogen free!
https://mailchi.mp/1e1698c19931/barsonbars

Production - Sub Basics. 
Mixing and mastering - Tezzie and Junior One.

Check out Junior One:
Facebook: bit.ly/2ePMM7Z
Soundcloud: bit.ly/2dXWKVH

Sub Basics:
Facebook: bit.ly/2eik7HY
Soundcloud: bit.ly/2fzV451

carcinogen (prod sub basics)

It's one of the harder things when you break up with someone. It's easy to blame yourself, blame others, get angry, get bitter. Life feels so dystopic. I've been this way for a while and it's never easy to confront these feelings but I had to in order to grow and become a better person.


She tastes like maple syrup. I love you baby.

Lyrics:
Combine hatred
lining my days like flavours
Laziers times I would lay inside
Aside from my sacred sacred mind
I'm safer, suffice to say
Wide awake
Why the monotonous
Save the repeaters
Leopards, the zebras and stop with it
Spend time away from my demons
Pack up my sundries, sunny and beaches
Be discouraged from us
Time just hurrying up
I was in love and that's all that matters
I was enough for somebody's affable interactions
All that matters is me
Maple syrup the trees
Pink too vivid
I'm in the mirrors of you
I'm in the mirrors of me, look

-hook-
Maple syrup the trees,
Pink too vivid, I'm in the mirrors 
Time's too different I see
Pink too vivid, I'm in the mirrors of you (I'm in the mirrors of you)
I'm in the mirrors of you (X5)

But the world doesn't owe us a thing (no it doesn't)
And the well fills oceans and I (still feel)
Never really know what to think (so alone)
But for me there's emotions to find (and I miss you)
And it's easy to go for the fringe (and I wish)
But the weights is solely behind (it was different)
Many days to show me the light
But the world doesn't owe us

A sobering thought for a tender thinker
She was afraid of syringes
Life in hers red and brownies 
Thought she was ginger
Eyes just brown, brunette, triangular figure
Her mind was a hobby I would get into
I didn't mind there were cities and towns
It was apart, being so distanced
Life gets bittersweet, I still wish for

-hook-
Maple syrup the trees,
Pink too vivid, I'm in the mirrors 
Time's too different I see
Pink too vivid, I'm in the mirrors of you (I'm in the mirrors of you)
I'm in the mirrors of you (X5) (I'm still missing my boo) (I'm in the mirrors of you)

But the world never owed me a thing (but I wish to)
And I'm feeling alone by her side (cause I miss you)
So it's maybe best that I go (that I go)
And leave all these emotions behind (and it hurts)

And the world never owed me a thing (no I don't)
And I'm feeling alone by her side (yeah I do)
So it's maybe best that I go (that I go)
And leave all these emotions behind

And the world never owed me a thing 
And I'm feeling alone by her side
So it's maybe best that I go
And leave all these emotions
In time it'll make more sense
Maple syrup, I taste your lens
Pink's too vivid to waste my steps
I'm in the mirrors of maple syrup awaits your end

(she tastes like maple syrup)

she tastes like maple syrup

when it rains i'm taught to hurt

these weights are around me
awaiting a fable
a meaning to end all feeling of envy
in myself just bleeds to repent
to receive
my own pressure decentering
love only hurts when it's mean to win
a banquet the blind should have left me the peace
pretending my weakness left
pretend that I never saw
just glance to a distance focus emits in crowds
I should be here in the room but I drown
just thoughts for the clouds and memories
we talk with our doubts
left in the past on a plate my heart eats out
I broke most of my own too bear
I'm scared and alone I care just only enough
there's pink
there's podiums lay me a rose
maybe it's you that was hurt from myself and I should be than careless to know
our burden is shared and halved
but twice more when it tears apart
if I'm scorned you're there in form and we're in the same regard 
just wearing
take me a value below these issues I face if I had you
grace me away from the sad move days that may a relapse come for me
the comfort ignores this suffering never becomes but none
why change you
am I someone to make do
do I cross your maydew
a reminder of days you hate for the reason you wasted a moment's pace
I hate this feeling of closed demons become like vultures I would have chosen
you would have chosen you
and with yourself you're fine
but I'm too strings and a cloth away from time because you did

when it rains (prod. vacant)

go listen to this on youtube: youtube.com/watch?v=K4IdI-6jb9Q

stop wiping your old files terrell goddamn
yes I'll start using my old beats soon

my efforts are wasted
so far I came been dated
older than me shit faded
love in a circle, been around this
where I started I am again
it's like a parallel
when I get kisses demons across me
feeling the soft spot leaving
I feel like people forgot me
I love her, she loves me
we couldn't see the anomaly
I've gotta stop to breathe
running out of my patience
all these tweets just dodging around conversation
it's there needs having
kneejerk habits
run for the stranger to validate me and the worst has happened
I love her, she loves me,
why does it matter that we disagree on matters
empty space on my mattress
I been on my own
smile on my face conflicted I wanted to grow so
if it's her fault then half is T
that's given to sow, it seems
myself just letting it go is hopeless
I thought anger was better for coping
I flipped out, fuck it
and all this melanin just makes more the assumption
like, I went from love to race
and the culture we love is erased
They love when it's race, football or boxing
cause sport is skill, but the concrete jungle nobody wants it
I heard the n-word twice at my last job
If I punch man, guarantee it'd stop quick
He tried threaten me
calling the [-----] won't settle me
fuck you

it is what it is (prod. dot rotten)

i'm tired as fuck
why should I fuss
when I get paid I'mma liven it up
but I stay broke
I've had enough just wasting my time
can't help me to seconds, eat off life
all the shit that I see online
I'm way too British
complain that I, don't see eye to eye with them
no vision when the optic cable's missing
it makes me skittish
bring me a couple of J-Os
these brands stay acidic
it's always a he said
never debates though
sell by the gallon
deceit and fishermen
I'm just bait as it happens
young black male never there dark matters
4C hair with the future it's futile arguing situations elapsing, yeah
like a bullet from a gun it burns
met a couple of girls I loved but the clock's too fast for the earth
pretend it doesn't exist, I'm numbing concern
brand new issue, another one, I've gotta fix this other shit first
talk much less cause the gym's my therapy
chat to myself cause, no-one's left for me

blessed be
I love myself and the rest of me
all this skyscraping got me pent up
pick up the pen and press to sheet
fuck it, blessed be
wanna live calm and rest in peace
all this skyscraping got me pent up
pick up the pen and press to sheet

blessed be
I love myself and the rest of me
all this skyscraping got me pent up
pick up the pen and press to sheet
fuck it, blessed be
wanna live calm and rest in peace
trust me, I don't wanna chat to nobody
don't ask questions please

Blessed Be (Prod. By Zeph Ellis)

i've been out of my depth
feel lately alone, the sound of my chest
it's a jungle to beat this
i've been accepting that somebody seeking it never could find it
i loved my ex and i'm trying to move like time just flying
finding the words to describe this emptiness
i keep trying
few things like this happen to me
i'd wake up, she was sound asleep
never was air in surrounding weeks
it seems unfair but it's bound to be this way
we're young and profound in feeling
it makes sense but without a reason about it i've gotta be just pedalling
a'int got hp for the lovecraft but miss hp2 where hemel is
ever been wondering where you're at
ever been  suffering i was sad
ever been so upset that you lack your judgement
i know it's mad that i seem just so in sync and relaxed
i was there existing 
reality seeps in
i wasn't better believing this version of fiction could make me a man

meet somebody and you are amazed
late night indoors new for a while
i was malcontented, you were the same
she stops smiling
i'm losing it
and who can relate when it's new to us
the two of us have been too abrupt
anger turns into silence
we're quiet together and i don't like it

right person wrong timing
who can relate
they say fate is always decided
don't know mine yet, who can relate
i spend time just wondering why my life isn't like this
who can relate
i've been searching for purpose always learning
maybe you can relate
yeah
and these times just strengthen my hardships
i've been sinking and thinking regardless
i've been jumping without that harness
i've been open to some then heartless
i made so many honest mistakes
and all pain is disguising a lesson
and these days just guide me to blessings
who can relate i need acceptance

who can relate (3x)
who can relate i need acceptance

i've been out of myself spent time on my own
and my cell went quiet
felt divided between being selfish
still don't get what i'm meant to be finding
silence became more common and
i never stopped to question it
must have forgotten
replaced my lenses with sanguine
hoping i don't go backwards
i dream of dragons and maybe of love 
both rare to me
i want to care and if i'm prepared to feel it
maybe i should wait
never clear cut
the shoe soles where my tears once were make me wanna pack my things
and hop on a train to happiness nearer
i don't fear love
but it's so damn clear i'm afraid

right person wrong timing
who can relate
they say fate is always decided
don't know mine yet, who can relate
i spend time just wondering why my life isn't like this
who can relate
i've been searching for purpose always learning
maybe you can relate
yeah
and these times just strengthen my hardships
i've been sinking and thinking regardless
i've been jumping without that harness
i've been open to some then heartless
i made so many honest mistakes
and all pain is disguising a lesson
and these days just guide me to blessings
who can relate i need acceptance (x2)

who can relate (3x)
who can relate to me

whocanrelate?

go follow me on insta 

@anditstezzie

my new ep "and there were flowers on my head" comes out 23/04/23

anditstezzie

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