Weathered Wise Whole.wav

 Vic Chesnutt

I'm not going to complain as I fall over for the forth time today
Just going to remind myself I no longer care about the experience 

These thoughts arrive just in time to keep me alive:
 I wish I could write Danny Carlisle or Isadora Duncan. Or Independence Day

 the pain or the morphine or pain it's my dilemma morphine or pain, my dilemma morphine or pain.

I stay inside my fortress, where I don't let no one come in 
cuz they might come to the conclusion that I smoke too many cigarettes.

And it keeps them from guessing that I drink too much too much too much, and I'm disguising my addiction with the promise that I'll get better soon cuz

 I wish that I could write Danny Carlisle or Isadora Duncan or Independence Day
 the pain or the morphine or pain it's my dilemma morphine or pain my dilemma morphine or pain

Constantly faking that it's keeping me alive so I won't give them the chance to contemplate my sanity or suicide 

 and I'll just keep on smoking cigarettes cuz it's keeping my lungs at bay, and all I have to say:

 I wish that I could write Danny Carlisle or Isadora Duncan or independence Day

the pain or the morphine or pain it's my dilemma morphine or pain my dilemma morphine or pain


I don't want to end up like Mr Gram Parsons not knowing who killed me and hearin' all the rumors of my demise or if I believe in God

I am a Cath-o-lic I am a Cath-o-lic I am a Cath-o-lic

Vic Chesnutt

A short but delightful little ditty about the legendary backup Center, Michael Doleac. To the tune of "Rocket Man (I Think It's Gonna Be a Long, Long Time) by Sir Elton John.

Lyrics:


Miami’s quite a place to play pro ball
In fact, it’s dope as Hell
Even with limited minutes, off the bench

The second unit really ain’t so bad
It’s just my job 3 games a week
For a back up fiiiiiihiiiive
Named Doleac

And I think it’s gonna be in garbage time 
When I get fouled and go to the free throw line
And unlike Shaq, I’m gonna make ‘em both
Oh whoa whoa whoa

Michael Doleac...
DOLEAAAAAAAC
Been around the league 10 years or so
But I’ve been coming off the bench a long, long time

Doleac (I Think It's Gonna Be In Garbage Time)

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
My gravy vampire in the evening, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A chunky baby boy for me, yeah

A Snack panther on a Mission: Empanada
My Uncle Fatty ate the whole enchilada
Tequila Mockingbird, diamonds in your belly
John Thicc with a booty full of jelly
Pie Hard, and you're feeling quite splendid
You try to run, but you were gone with the winded
Ate all the honey buns in the gas station
give the whole chunky nation sugar salvation

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
Ate all the peeps you gave to me, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A cupcake cowboy on the beach! Yeah.

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
My gravy vampire in the evening, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A chunky baby boy for me, yeah

Fat Angel

Not sure about you, but I think six weeks is just about enough wall-to-wall Michael Jordan documentary coverage/content for my liking (sports desert or not).

To the tune of "Mambo no. 5" by Lou Bega

Lyrics:


Twenty-three (and forty-five)
In a content desert, so come on let’s ride 
on the docuseries 10-parter
You know we gotta squeeze out all the juice
‘Cause right now we got nada
This thing ended just last night
But there must be more to analyze 
We’ll talk Jordan, MJ, Michael, The Greatest!
The Worldwide Leader’s got the latest:

A little bit of Michael on First Take
A little bit of Mike for Michael’s sake
A little bit of MJ on Will Cain
A little bit of Mike on Stephen A.
They’re gonna talk the GOAT on PTI
A little bit of Jordan, all the time
A little bit of MJ’s all we’ve got
A little bit of Mike, like it or not

Maybe a little MJ on GetUp
A smattering of Michael on The Jump
The GOAT debate again on Around The Horn
It’s gonna make ya wish you were never born
A little side of Michael with your lunch
I bet you wonder when this will be done
A little more Jordan in your face
I think I’d rather watch a NASCAR race

Jordan: All The Time

An anthem for the Le Batard Show's Marching Band to Nowhere. 
Written by me, performed by me and @AndrewStreeter

Lyrics:
We're the definition of, half plan, half duds
No video at Mall of America
No reach, mister David P labeled us
No parade after Loria
Knights won the big game, check the guest list
Too many T-shirts, and nobody came
0 and 16, but no parade in Cleveland
Private jet, Tin Caps, had me believin'...
Stu's the boss? Hearing lost.
Big ideas but we ain't never gonna pull ‘em off
Lewis B. Not picked, you see. But if you ask Billy, it's all because of Robby. 
Think of Stu Falls, he ain't ever left
He'll prolly, take the money & then try to fake his death
It's official, Canseco had to fall through.
We'll keep planning.The marching continues.

Marching band to nowhere, Marching band to nowhere
We can't really start now, cause we're bad at this life
Marching band to nowhere, Marching band to nowhere
We can't really start now, cause we're bad at this life

Marching Band To Nowhere (ft. Andrew Streeter)

Dan Is Fat

[Hook]
Stu on another lie, Now I’m out another hundred
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What I’m doing? Waitin’ on em
But he’s got lacrosse
Sports Bang is the company
And Weiner’s the boss
 
And I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
I'm the, young Bunter
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
 
 
[Verse]
Here's the thing, Roy hates it when I say
Can't start a single sentence without rambling for days
 And I’m, I’m standin’ by, Opening day
Tried to call a big fly but Dan swallowed my play
I gotta eat, yea eating like I’m eight
And on my birthday Donny T-Ball came to hate/
I ran track, if ya mans wanna race
I’mma run around and put Amin’s shame on the cable/
Paws Up!, and let me say
Where I’m from we see an Afilador every day
What’s that sound? Mike is back it
Throw a demon at me, I throw an angel back at em
And I’m Pipo, Miami Fanatic 
If I had that same boat, I could have paddled the Atlantic/
I got receipts, Dan you never know
They may come an audit taxes, I’m a psycho with a neuros(is)...
 
 
[Hook]
Stu on another lie, Now I’m out another hundred
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What I’m doing? Waitin’ on em
But he’s got lacrosse
Sports Bang is the company
And Weiner’s the boss
 
And I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
I'm the, young Bunter
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy

Suey Dan Lebatard

Buntin' Like I'm Billy [Gil] - (Stuntin Like My Daddy Parody)

To the tune of "Mamma Mia!" by ABBA


Time For Tua
--------------------
We've been waiting for you since Marino left
We've been historically bad -- but at least we're not the Jets
We didn't tank -- and we still got you
Cash in the bank
Now we're ready to rock n' roll
Hawaiian fire within our souls...

2 for 2 for 9 yards in garbage time...
2 for 2 -- We've seen enough; he'll be fine

Time for Tua
Fitz is on the bench
My my... that escalated quickly
Time for Tua
Now we're relevant!
Uh huh.. unless we keep on losing

Yeah, Fitz is brokenhearted
Can't finish what he started
Tough luck -- Time to let the rookie shine

Time for Tua
He looks kinda small
But my my -- he's the savior of us all!

Time For Tua

Yeti Blanc, Fleminem & I were asked to contribute to the "long version" of the stat of the day; a massive segment for the final episode of the Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz that aired on ESPN Radio. 

This is what we came up with. Enjoy!

STAT OF THE DAY (The Long Version)

Pirate Radio

- Incredibly niche song parodies
- 2x Suey Award Winner for Best Musical Performance
- Songsmith for Because Miami

Doleac (I Think It's Gonna Be In Garbage Time)

andrewstreeter