I’ve noticed something I’ve never heard anyone talk about:

When you break up with someone…

How they react to rejection reflects who they are fundamentally.

What do I mean?


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Permission to be Powerful - How You Break Up With Someone Says Everything About Your Character.

I just discovered another obvious truth that I hadn’t noticed.
My various family members are always casually placing the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I only recently registered that they’re constantly giving me new problems to solve, yet they’re never helpful when it’s time to meet my needs.

It’s not all their fault. I have my part to play, too. Pathological giving is a coping strategy.

It goes like this: I know I’m worthless, so you don’t have to invest. I’ll do all the work. I’ll focus on you. Whatever you need. I was trying to earn the right for them not to abandon me.



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Permission to be Powerful - I Spent Years Solving Other People’s Problems… Then I Got a Rude Awakening

When you’re someone who craves external validation, it says something important about you. And if you’re honest with yourself, it says something about how you see yourself. It points to the fact that you don’t fully believe in your worth.

But here’s the thing: A mature adult should feel valid in and of themselves. They should know, without question, that they count and matter. They should know they’re good and worthy, regardless of what anyone else says or does.

And while it’s important to feel supported, you should be your best advocate, your biggest fan, no matter how the world responds to you. That’s the foundation upon which genuine self-esteem is built.

But let me tell you something—I wasn’t like that. Not for most of my life.

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Permission to be Powerful - Approval Seeking Almost Ruined Life

I walked into the Rochester Zen Center a year ago, not knowing I was about to sign up for the Meditation Olympics. Spoiler alert: It changed my life.

Here’s what no one tells you about meditation—most people suck at it because they don’t know how to sit. Literally.

I was one of them.

Turns out, sitting still is an art form. And if you don’t know how to do it properly, you’re screwed before you even close your eyes. Your body aches, your knees scream, and your back feels like it’s carrying 20 years of bad posture. Meditation quickly turns into a wrestling match with your spine.

But once you learn to sit like a monk, half the battle is won. I will teach you how to master it because, trust me, you don’t want to spend hours trying to find enlightenment while your legs go numb.



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Permission to be Powerful - If You Struggle With Meditation, This is 100% Why...

Dear Permission to be Powerful Reader,

Being The Chauffeur was my default setting.

I felt inadequate, drowning in overwhelming shame, convinced something was fundamentally wrong with me.

I saw myself as the sidekick in everyone else’s story, drawn to subservient roles, a slave to my insatiable need for approval.

I pretended not to care about others’ opinions, but fear consumed me.

I kept myself small, with terrible boundaries, always going along to get along.

“Whatever you want, dear…”

Terrified of saying “No,” I was crippled by guilt, allowing people to walk all over me.

Looking back, I see my flaws with pristine clarity.

Yet, if someone had asked me then…

“Are you the type of person who lets others take advantage of you?” 

I would have adamantly denied it.


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Permission to be Powerful - The Day I Stopped Being Invisible

There is an enormous difference between how I date in my 30s vs my 20s. I think the key distinguisher is I was a pure “chauffeur” back then, and now, I navigate the dating world through Mike Tyson’s eyes. I talk about being the chauffeur in many places so I won’t go into detail here. Just to say that being the chauffeur was my trauma response to growing up in a toxic environment. I believed that I was inferior to my partners. Respect was something I wanted but didn’t necessarily believe I deserved. I was exceptionally easily manipulated. I had terrible boundaries. To give you a quick summary.

Mike Tyson Represents the Opposite


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Permission to be Powerful - Dating in my 20s vs. my 30s

Abandoning yourself isn’t loud.
It doesn’t come with warning signs or sirens.
It doesn’t scream for attention.
Instead, it whispers.

👉 It begins quietly— one compromise here…

👉 Another overlooked boundary there…

The whispers become a constant.
So familiar, you don’t even notice…

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Permission to be Powerful - Are You Your Own Worst Enemy_

I plan each day as precisely as possible.

Everything has a time and place.

I’m like a giant wind-up doll.
That’s ideal when you have ADHD.

If everything is planned, you have an advantage.

You won’t stumble or lose things with a smooth process.

And you’ll have a backup plan.

ADHD means you’re in chaos mode.

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Permission to be Powerful - How I Stay Organized with ADHD

I used to think attraction was about effort.

👉 That if you showed someone enough kindness, patience, and interest, they’d see your worth.

👉 That if you were available, they’d appreciate it.

👉 That if you pursued with the right mix of charm and persistence, it would pay off.

I was wrong.

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Permission to be Powerful - I Don’t Chase. I Choose.

I’ve seen this repeatedly—people breaking down because I listened.

That’s the power of good listening.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Fine, thanks.” She said.

But I didn’t accept her superficial answer.

I said, “Are you sure? Because the last time we spoke, I felt you might be going through something.”

She Starts Crying 

Her father had stage 4 cancer.

Being attentive like that can allow you to step deeply into someone’s heart.



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Permission to be Powerful - How I Stay Organized with ADHD

Anton Volney

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