Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

No, not Dream SMP.

Trakked as This Man
SimplyRazzy as Grey Man
Beat produced by Ear2ThaBeat
Written by Trakked, DCA, Nooby and 01Tyler10
Additional help by JenniNoMRC and M&Mattie
Chiseled by Jofinity and Danii
Mixed by ENNWAY
Special effects added in by Trakked
Thumbnail by Rabi
Art by 01Tyler10

Battle:

This Man: 
Hello, Grey Man. I suggest you stop treading 
There’s no good ending wherever you’re heading
Been here since ‘06, I’m a legend on the net
You’re a relic on consoles that they all seem to forget
Ever Dream of me? Let’s go behind the scenes
And see a cracked mind, broken by LSD
I'm seen by thousands on a day-to-day basis
You only show up to one; no wonder you're faceless
It's a dream imitation. We’ve no relation
You’re a basic emulator only sold on Playstation.
I’ve no containment, while you’re stuck in bad trips
I’m ancient, this cartridge’s getting sent back to the attic
I'm a worldwide phenomenon, you're stuck in Japan
Got a half-assed game and you're half of a man
So what does that make you? Is this a breakthrough?
They think you're a rapist, they don't want to face you 

Grey Man:
Was that a Downer verse? It didn’t hurt me.
Doesn’t take a therapist to know your verse was murky
You claim to be a cog in a clockwork machine,
But realize you’re part of a marketing scheme
I spit cyphers like Diphen, prepare for a mindfuck
I shine bright like fire so best keep your eyes shut
You rip open animals, blame it on children,
Bring him to madness and claim I'm the villain?
Run backwards, but I’m always here to watch ya
Tearing your memories while I gobble creepypasta
Peeping Tom’s already gone, and his story’s dismembered
But your shitty manga? I don’t want to remember.
This district’s so violent, I’ll leave you in silence 
While my game is timeless, You’ve lost your prime, kid 
The people who’ve dreamed of me, only wish they were sober 
So when you see my presence, know that it's all over.

This Man:
Appear all you want; I'd rather block you from my mind
Bombed hard on the track; call you Spy vs Spy
Looking at your script, your coding could use a rewrite
I got an A+ verse, yours was more of a B-type
I give people happy feelings, you give doses of despair
But a year of your game? That’s a neverending nightmare  
You've already lost, so drop the facade
You claim you're a demon? Then bow to your god.

Grey Man:
The dreamscape is mine to command; I’m confining This Man
And I’ll grind you to strands, you’ll find that you’re damned
So why do you try? You’re so black and white,
I’m spitting bright rainbows, a psychedelic sight
I’m a subconscious monster, you’re more of a myth
This mortal is stuck in a moral abyss 
So when I pop this pill and destroy your existence,
The wet dream you have will be much much different.

SCP-990 (Dream Man):
You’re led to believe it’s a win you’re receiving,
But it’d be too easy to say that you’re dreaming.
I've no true form, but your costumes are laughable 
With Grey's deja vu form never surpassing passable 
It doesn't take a future vision to know your raps were disasters
Leaving wars Cold, more old than the skill I've mastered
You’re both seen as antagonistic, giving others fear,
So why not take my hand? I’m not the bad guy here.
A guise filled with lies, more anonymous than your lettering
You want some bars to munch on? Suppose I’ll do the Keter-ing.
Make no mistake; I’ll break your fake X-Files
I’d rather not partake in a screaming match with you exiles
And as I sit on this bench, watching this match from the sidelines,
I chuckle to myself as you both stay in the limelight
So repent for your mistakes; either way you're sure to fall
See the light 'fore it's too late; this is your wake-up call.

(RNG as SCP 990
Beat produced by hala-X)

Grey Man vs This Man - Rap Cypher #20

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members against well...anything. In the final battle of Wave 1, we have the Ultimate Fashionista, Junko Enoshima, going up against the Ultimate Gamer, Just...Gamer, wait isn't that the title of someone else? (Credits and lyrics in doc)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uTa9Bzp19vdcB5XA24RQ9AMCZ0C7SDIlN-lPnlj9XfQ/edit

JustGamer vs Junko Enoshima. FRB Vs Anything.

Cast: Me
Written by Me
Beat by Dave James
Mixed and Mastered by GlitchDude

Bored Ape:
Yo what’s up duck, I hope you don’t get overloaded
I cryptomine for lines, make your CPU start smokin’

Grabbin golden bunches funded by my loads of tokens 
I’ll start this from the top, make it like my fruit and open 

Everywhere you’re seein me, the Eminem PFP
I’m blastin’ up this track like it’s NF and some TNT

Gettin’ bitches rich off my face and my grinnin’ teeth
You’re just screamin, get ears bleedin, with one word, fore leavin me

The funkiest, hunkiest, duck, print money you could dive in
Forget brass monkey, bruh this monkey made of diamonds

With dough I’m sittin pretty, you throw bread at a park bench
You’re hurt and won’t work, not worth trading on the market 


Aflac:
Here’s a few quotes, wanna ensure we’re not equals?
I’m a duck of the people, you just snug up with BEEPLE

So shut the flock up, you and your whole herd of sheeple
You’re gonna crash this beat and market- like a vehicle!

Help banks stay in shape, from Japan to my lake
But this ugly ass ape made a big funging mistake

Cryptos a craze, I’ll end it on the spot
Cause you’re ridin a wave, I’m throwin you off your yacht 

You may drop and you’ll drop and you’ll drop and you’ll drop
I’ll chain block upon block upon block upon block

I’ve got a foul talk, when I spout my fowl squak
So take a walk to my pond and AF-LICK my cock.


Bored Ape:
Bro, literally, they eat you up overseas
Dawg waddle home, I’ve got the real web feats

Check my chimp strength, gainst geese I’m a beast
It’s ironic that Godfried got fired for his tweets

Let’s not compare Flo, you don’t measure to your peers
You’ve been grating my ears for the last 20 years 

I’m bored, without laughter, I don’t fuck around with quackers
But I do fucks with Affleck- and by that I mean the actor


Aflac:
Lemme capture the moment, a cage you could sit in
Now you’re worthless as dirt, and my write spit victim

Flick of my feathered wrist, here’s my business card too
I’ve seen more fundable monkeys around Central Park Zoo

You’re a fugly cartoon, I’m the most skrukly puppet, 
Japan loves me, bud, they love the receipt you come with

My insurance helps with murders, and all sorts of crimes
But because you were the victim, it isn’t worth a dime

Bored Ape Vs The Aflac Duck - ASSRB

Khandaq's Ruler blessed with the power of the Egyptian gods fights against the retired Israeli Super Soldier. Which of these Mighty Adams will triumph in this conflict in the Middle East?

Titanium1208 as Black Adam
Adam Sandler (ASSRB/DRB) as Zohan
Thumbnail by SPM1000 (Subscribe to Zuprem4cy)
Beat produced by Baghira
Mixed by Raichous 
Written by R the Writer



Black Adam: 
The timelines are converging, my power is surging
And if there's a terrorist in need of a purging
Send me to hurt him, then like his post, I'll desert him
Hell, Superman can't fight me alone, my win is certain
Amon gives me strength, Aten sends me higher
Zohan meanwhile's sent to fight against Rob Schneider
An Immortal as your enemy just means you're marked for death
Make you hurt like you do kids, so much for a moral IDF

Zohan: 
I don't want to fighting, but if you want let's do this
Send a bolt of lighting, I bounce it off my tuchus
My words alone can break you, cause friend you're clearly mental
With a few quick swipes I'll make you, the saltiest of pretzels
You don't mess with the Zohan even on his final mission
No plague is sicker than the lines I'll spit on this Egyptian
Your stories grow duller with earth's Infinite Crisis
Set you free after insulting me, but I'm still taking Isis

Black Adam: 
All I thought about as I sat through your vernacular
Is the bullshit people spew when they say Sandler's worst was Dracula
Sun you with Ra rhymes, the weaker Adam can't oppose this
My bolts will burn your bush, it'll start to call for Moses
Whoring yourself out's the climax of your tale's action
While I defend Khandaq til there's more red on me than Batson
You don't have my respect nor do you even amuse me
Maybe that's why this worthless hero can't score more than a movie

Zohan: 
My strategy is solid no matter how foes change
Dismantle you like a machine gun in close range
Enough about the Rock I'm the one who stacks the paper
Ask the ladies who went Zohan, even Black here is not greater
Oh how the mighty fall, I'll beat you to a disco banger
But still you'll keep your anger even when it's all B'Seder
I just make people silky smooth, can you not understand?
Maybe you'll wish you were like me, next time you go Shazam

Black Adam Vs Zohan - Rap Battle

Sheldon Voiced By Matt Raichous
Spencer Voiced By  RaccoonBroVA
Thumbnail By Oofie
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Additional Help By Cri and Anthony Rigatanthoni


BEAT: Old School Slim Shady Type Beat / Weird Funny Hip Hop Rap Beat "Kiss My Ass" Prod. ILL Fortune





Sheldon:

Leonard! Did you call the FBI?
Looks like Quantico sent the OCD P.I.
I would be impressed by your skills on the street
But they won’t help you find how I kill the beat(Bazinga)
I got lyrical theory, scientifically I’m superior
Check the Emmys I got, your show is just inferior
You were growing up delirious, a schizophrenic time bomb
Show was such a bygone, it’s being preached by my mom
You use science as a gimmick
For the magic that you use to fail to pick up women
And It should be a given, getting the fans adoring
But somehow you can make chasing criminals boring
You think I’m jealous, you captured tons of felons?
While I’m still here pulling crowds as Young Sheldon
But I should probably tell him in this match, I got this
My raps are so addicting, you can call them dilaudid.

Spencer:

Hotch? Rossi? This doesn’t seem right.
The MO of our guy says he doesn’t like to fight
But he’s actually here. Trying to get me riled
You wanna play games? Let’s start the profile
A wordy nerd pushing up into his 30s
Ego makes him think he’s worthy, but in truth he’s undeserving
Of a flurry of appraisal his fans just overused
Like the laugh track you abuse to tell them they’re amused!
For us geeks, friends are hard to find.
Which is why it’s baffling you insult yours all the time
I was tortured and shot, needing a cane to walk
But that wasn’t as painful as listening to you talk
Thinking you’re the Apex human is confusing
I drop bombs like Garner, you got twice his delusions!
I push passed my fears, you run away when you’re frightened
You’re Friends with Flags? Time to throw up the white one

Sheldon:

Sorry Reid, I’m disproving your theory
Think you make an impact, let’s look back at our series
(Heh heh) In less time I was made into an icon
Comedy even tighter than the sweater vests you try on
Tried proving your tough, but not effective
When your whole crew treats you like the junior detective
You strive to find happiness just to watch it all end
Left a hole in your heart and your dead girlfriend

Spencer:

You can claim that my life is a tragedy
But really if you ask me, the only thing that’s sad to see
Is you actually convince some lonely girl to marry you
Surprised you didn’t flee, Smarter guys are always scaring you!
And you’ll need more than catchphrases to faze me
It’s crazy they let your show’s writing be lazy
So as you fame fades, there’s no point in faking it
This win isn’t your spot, ‘cause I’m the one taking it

Sheldon Cooper Vs. Spencer Reid - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Swoldow as Dunkey
Cri as NakeyJakey
Written by Pixel Chris and Powerofdan
Additional Writing by Rabi and Jofinity 
Flow test by Powerofdan
Thumbnail by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell 

NAKEYJAKEY:
Coming to battle, guess I should see my opponent is in rapping
Oh! It’s someone out of my video from crappy voice acting 
If you really wanna face off, this HotBoy will dish out Hot ‘Zas
Is Moby Dick’s what this is based on? Cause I’m about to Pop Off
The jokes you’re most known for now are just copypasta spamming
My bars will leave you running away like: What’s it look like, I’m fucking camping
I make better points than you any day, but I guess my logic is flawed 
Because you’re a little bitch in many ways, but now I don’t insist on petting the dog

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
Bubby, really? Think you can bring me low
You clearly forgot I have the record on Bowser’s Big Bean Burrito
Your raps are initially shit, but too bad it doesn’t grow on you 
You’re lame of the year, Super Mario Bros Poo (OOOH)
The least clothed of the Dunkey clones wants to face me on the track?
Just a FUCKING PAAAAANCH and you’ll never come back
I hate turn based combat, but I’m still winning this fight
You’re nitpicking and bias, I win, bye-bye! 

NAKEYJAKEY:
That’s your verse? I’ve heard more legitimate raps off of Limewire
Whilst I’m George Bush on a school computer: shots fired
Fantano was generous with that 7, your wack raps are see through
I’m rolling in dough because I have a Knack to (Knack 2) beat you
Put months of work in my videos, simply, you’re basic, I’m complex
A unique star, you’re pulling a Scott The Woz, joking ‘bout Gex
That along with the 3 other jokes you tell on a daily basis 
I have more bars rapping the names of my Patrons
Rockstar, to Disney, to Dating, my quality stays consistent 
Your mic goes from decent to 9 year old on Xbox Live in an instant 
And your mom? Well, after this brawl dissolves,
Let's just say I'm not gonna be the only one bouncing on my balls

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
*ring ring* Hello, is this Taco Bell? Yeah, that sauce wasn’t spicy
Call me ya shoes, you can come and bite me
Left to right I keep firing back shots - bam, black ops
Left to right you keep not uploading a single fucking video, unbelievable!
I may be a Donkey, but considering your name, you’re more ass
I’m so hard to beat, call me the Dark Souls of rap
I know you’re scared fighting me, I go big mode
Talked about Last of Us 2 and then went, “I’m done making good videos”
This battle really makes it feel like you’re getting your ass kicked
You have me asking “What The Fuck?” more than either the Mario Movie or Hatris 
Your lines could never beat me in your dreams against what I molded
You just got clapped by me, and I wasn’t even blindfolded

NakeyJakey vs Videogamedunkey - Hilarious Hip Hop Hassles of Here & Now

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE ORI SERIES OF GAMES, DO NOT LISTEN IF YOU CARE TO GO INTO THESE GAMES BLIND IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY
Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qIhic6Sddcg4w71pOfk8ER-uAVdG9etsg_PnbkqfbiE/edit
Kamren the Person as Galeem
Snakebite126 as Ori
Additional voices by GamingPlush64
Written by MetaMachine
Beat by Trunxks
Mixing and beat arrangement by GamingPlush64
Thumbnail by Zuprem4cy
Hint for next battle: "Deities of Destruction" (featuring garbageGothic and Titanium1208)

Ori vs. Galeem

[EDIT: When I made this battle, I did not consider how my voice acting as lean could be insensitive. While it was never my intention for the voice to play into racial stereotypes, I now recognize it was inappropriate to take it in the direction I did. Had this battle been made today, I would not have made those same choices. I apologize for any discomfort I may have caused. ]

This battle was made after Cam Steady challenged his discord server to create a rap battle between Mug Root Beer and Lean (the drug), and the first to submit a competent battle would win. I was the first contestant to submit and thus the winner. This is the first CRB* I've gotten paid for.

(Prod. RAPBATTLE-ENS)
 
Thumbnail By: Shimario
Written By: Me
Mixed By: Me
Lean: Me
Mug: Me

Mug:
They walk in the super bowl party asking where mug is at
Lean’s what people mean when they speak about death to mumble rap
You styro-phony can’t believe pre-teens are drinking sprite and codeine
No caffeine needed, my taste too high a dosage - die by OD

Summer, winter, any season - sale numbers stay floatin'
You can drink it, freeze it, eat it, fact is root beer’s simply goated
And you know it, got you foaming like a solo cup for this verse
So I’ll pour one for my homie, R.I.P. sizzurp

Lean:
I know that this dog don't think he fucks with hip hop
My drink gets you faded we must’ve got our shit swapped
You sounded stale, man every line’s running flat
You gotta mix it for the rebels, stop catering to their dads

I don’t need no stupid ads, I’m at every party worth being in 
Put your ass on the floor like we trappin’ up with the EDM
You can’t compete I’ll murk ya, They love the lean we purple
Red and Blue - run from the cops at the scene when we leave you murdered

*This battle is not considered an official addition to the Central Rap Battle canon. It is a seperate series called Central Rap Battles*. For this reason, it can be submitted for BOTY and BOTM in addition to my other series Central Rap Battles.

Central Rap Battles*: Mug Root Beer vs. Lean (the drug) [READ DESC.]

Happy 420 everyone! Light up a joint and have a listen to two of the funniest and deepest musicians to ever hit big time rap it out. This battle might be one others have done, but no one can do it like Jenni does~

Weird Al Voiced By Zawesome
Bo Voiced By WoodenHornets
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Thumbnail By Creeper Pasta

BEAT: Accordion Freestyle Reggae - Hip Hop Instrumental - 2019


Bo:

Welcome to the internet, Weird Al
So place your bets, Weird Al. You’ll get wrecked, Weird Al
It’s the best of the next gen humor and mood
Against the dude who got big writing songs about food
Got the hottest shit, Netflix profiting
The only time your topping it, is with that sloppy wig
And let’s talk about your choice of attire
Prints so bright, I wish my Eyes were on Fire!
I’m a master with my Words, Words, Words
When I split an old turd into thirds, thirds, thirds!
And I’m predicting that you’ll slam me with your Grammys
But it couldn’t save you from the fact your fans are Boomer Grannies!
I may be younger but maybe take some advice
Rappers aren’t the guys to try when you’re looking for paradise!
People treat you like a genius but it’s all in your head
When we can use UHF to prove that Art is Dead!

Weird Al:

Put down that microphone and listen to me, Bo!
Cause guess What? It’s time for Al to put up a fight
You won’t have a easy time when you’re dissing me, Bo
Should make your special and just stay Inside
Since Demento, I’ve been rocking the squeeze box
You were falling down the Vine, with your whiny little tween talk
And sure you got tears flowing back in Eighth Grade
You only stir up emotions when we can’t see your face!
So stop the Word Crimes, you really need to man up
With those raps it’s the first time I’ve laughed at your stand up
You acting like these fake deep songs give you clout
With the listeners asking “What is this song all about?”!
Running With Scissors, of course I can cut a track
I rocked it as Wreck-Gar, but you’re the one talking trash
Your talent’s one act. I’m a master of variety
Probably stutter out your next verse: performance anxiety

Bo:

I thought I was hypocrite but you’re full of crap
This has been panders harder than Chipp McCapp
You’d need to parody my rap for you to have a chance to do this
I’m provoking real thoughts, you just Dare to be Stupid!
And with a bach in architects, I was expecting
You to build a better verse and flow for me to come and wreck it
Al’s Polka Face will crack when this master starts to hurt ‘em
Of course you were gonna lose. ‘Cause foes? Bo burns ‘em!

Weird Al:

More frantic banter with those ansty songs
Think you’ll win this but Everything You Know is Wrong!
So stay where you belong! You’re better behind the scenes, dude
Al’s got more talent than a jam packed Green Room!
But don’t panic! You’ll get beat by a classic
You’re so White and Nerdy, you’re my perfect demographic!
Battling Bo? I’ve had it! You couldn’t spit fire, kid.
So do us both a favor, and get back to retirement!

Bored Ape Vs The Aflac Duck - ASSRB

Adam Sandler's Series of Rap Battles - ASSRB