1. A131 • En mon cœur j'ai choisi de suivre Jésus Christ

decided i was going to start an emo band by myself and made this in around four hours

hope it's decent enough for the internet

yelling softly, speaking to you
i can read that expression that you do
it screams loudly towards my eyes
"either something's wrong or someone died"
i'm struggling with everyday things
like going to the bank or buying groceries for us
and it's nothing for you to brush me off like dust on your jacket sleeve
but something in you won't let it happen this week

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

asking questions you don't even know the answer to
it makes no sense, still it's the only thing that i can do
i wish i was invisible for just one day of my life
i'd be so much better off if i disappeared for eternity
late night phone calls, missing your touch
nothing says "i don't need you these days," quite like not answering does
i am sorry for my mistakes
i'm but a fragile addition to something uncouth, you're the nucleus of this whole world

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

day drink

olive jacket, magenta hair
pale skin with a piercing stare
you see through my eyes to my brain
swallowed whole by an empty void
wondered if i'd be destroyed
but somehow you saved me from it

speak in tongues through a speakerphone
never see what i need to know
i always just do at the end
question morals and need support
swapping spit in a pillow fort
i'm drunk on a sunday again

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

white lies on the telephone
might cry if i make it home
but something tells me that i won't
water bottle of alcohol
on my teacher's desk in a middle school
we all must find our escapes

broken clasp on a cookie jar
empty cabinets, looking hard
for something to eat in this place
going hungry or maybe starving
myself because i hate who i am
oh, i do, oh yes, i do

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

frozen shut

https://rapperatlas.bandcamp.com/album/im-happy

i'm happy

where am i going?

fine (prod. killedmyself)

artwork was shot by mae <3 tysm

we keep drifting through these weekends
i keep wondering what's keeping
me away from ever speaking
properly in conversations

i can't swallow medication
you keep forgetting to take it
wonder how my name keeps ending
up in stranger's mouths

in all these conversations

nothing like anonymous comments
to make you feel like everything's fading out
i'm not waiting, i'm not waiting
for the sadness to go
too much time on my hands, yes
it's obvious that i am blessed
but something tells me i can't rest
until i find something good to do

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i can't keep hoping that something will rescue me

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i've gotta fix this shit now

been losing my friends and severing ties
we walked to the ending and said our goodbyes
but somehow, no matter the passage of time
they always fucking talk about me

conversations

with @nevermending

lyrics:

i turned 19 three months back
and i still can't fathom how to act
'cause this adult shit's kinda whack
i'd rather lay inside and read
and treat my life like a weekend

and all my friends will slowly
move away and change
and i'll be left here feeling strange
with all my comrades out of range
for me to reach

it seems so odd to have to
redesign yourself
'cause you're so much of someone else
that they feel like it's unhealthy

but i guess it's part of life
to surrender what you like
in favor of the things you have to do 
and there's so much i have to do
these days

these days

i'm turning 18 in a month 
going off to art school is coming up 
and i'm scared for what's going to happen

i'm going through a breakup 
and i only cope with things i shouldn't 
i get myself into trouble too much 
lately

all my friends are anarchists
and i don't know what i think 
things are too complicated 
and the world is full of shit 

my inner pessimist is out 
full of anxiety and doubt 

i'm not ready for what's next

parking garage sesh

download <3

i'm not ready

for h.h. once more

lyrics:
we all must chip our antlers now and then
life will throw us hate with no defense
but these, my dear
aren't times too tough to fix

so you can keep your chin up if you please
and smile while you frolic in the trees
'cause antlers, antlers, yes my dear
i promise that with time, you too shall see

and even if you fall
just know i've got your back

and even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

so maybe you see spiders now and then
while i see figures float above my bed
see, even those arachnids know
that you're too fucking tough to circumvent

and you know what else has got eight legs?
i said, you know what else has got eight legs?
us in front of mirrors
looking boldly at two kids who never fled

and even if you fall
just know i've got your back

and even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

i said, even those designed for war
have battled, fallen, gotten back on track

antlers, too

emo emo emo emo

lyrics:
halfway down the street from my front porch 
i watched you puke 
too drunk, passed out, hoping you could find 
something to do 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home 

and maybe it was my fault 
so afraid, slam my fist into the drywall 
so high, i see the crimson in your eyeballs 
i just hope you pick the phone up when i call 
and maybe it's the highway 
but something's feeling really fucking weird tonight, eh 
i just hope you listen to me now when i say 
i'm not ready to lose you 

and maybe it was my fault 
so afraid, slam my fist into the drywall 
so high, i see the crimson in your eyeballs 
i just hope you pick the phone up when i call 
and maybe it's the highway 
but something's feeling really fucking weird tonight, eh 
i just hope you listen to me now when i say 
i'm not ready to lose you 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home 

halfway up the block from where you sit 
i'm looking weak 
back then, past times, you and i would wander 
through the streets 

i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home or not 
i'm so worried 
when i see you leave 
'cause nobody knows 
if you'll make it home

WORRIED

split betwixt patrick and i !

download: 
https://themostbeautifulimages.bandcamp.com/album/split-with-tea

https://teatea.bandcamp.com/album/split-with-the-most-beautiful-images-created-to-be-destroyed