eternal

cheaty presents

(@prodnomu)
comic art by https://www.instagram.com/jigglytofu.art/
sample is 'adventure spirit' by yvette young 

always love u guys for all da support
//
Ill admit it im a little jealous 
When were together  
theres no problem no not whatsoever
But when im texting 
u i feel a stupid fucking pressure
My fucking head hurts 
Desperate times just call for desperate measures
Were both depressed and
Lately it feels like a lack of effort
In our affection
Lately it feels like there's been a sever
in our connection
Wish that you and me dint have this distance
So we’d feel better
cuz it all comes back when were together
Like hell to heaven 

dam hate how im selfish and full of myself
Manipulation’s not good for your health
I keep my mind off this sht but its always right there when im wishing that im someone else
someone that always jus knew how u felt
That way id take care of u by myself
I hate the feeling of helplessness tired of being a burden thats useless as hell
Stay by ur side
You say ur good but i still see u crying
You say its fine
Break out a smile
But i see through it i see that ur dying inside every time
But “its o kayyyy”
Thats what u say
But the fact that i know that ur hurting
Is the worst thing
Please jus go away
Cuz this feeling of familiar heartaches
It destroys me
But its okay
Buts its okay
Tell me its okay
yea its okay
yea its okay
yea its okay

yvette

spotify

i recorded this while i was hella sick

Mean more than you could ever know
Sittin by myself in an empty grove
Still the same kids know we never grown
Haven’t seen you since the day I left home

Relapse and crawl back to nothing
You took to long and now I’d really like to be alone
Still just singing all the same old songs
Really wish we’d get along 
But know I’m better on my own
Relapse and crawl back to nothing
You took to long and now I’d really like to be alone
Still just singing all the same old songs
Really wish we’d get along 
But know I’m better on my own

Every now and then I lose track of
What I want from life I’ve lost passion
Fall asleep I won’t see the sun up
Brain feels like it’s made of plastic
Burn the house and play in the ashes
Seen a ghost, do you believe in magic?
Mouth sewn shut, your face dunked in acid
Last thing you’ll hear is me striking the matches

Relapse and crawl back to nothing
You took to long and now I’d really like to be alone
Still just singing all the same old songs
Really wish we’d get along 
But know I’m better on my own
Relapse and crawl back to nothing
You took to long and now I’d really like to be alone
Still just singing all the same old songs
Really wish we’d get along 
But know I’m better on my own

(Every now and then I lose track of
What I want from life I’ve lost passion
Fall asleep I won’t see the sun up
Brain feels like it’s made of plastic
Burn the house and play in the ashes
Seen a ghost, do you believe in magic?
Mouth sewn shut, your face dunked in acid
Last thing you’ll hear is me striking the matches)

spotify link<3

nothing (weikoo + 02ashes)

Credits:||
@hereisalden

Data Log:||
>i dont think that ill ever even find my way
>step 200 paces

pain +aldn

prick

mortis

cover of i love you 3000 by stephanie poetri

the lyrics is not based on real events its just the song
after careful consideration i have realized i don't like this anymore.

3000

'jazz' +@1spoder

stream: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/redhorse1/numb-feat-spoder

written circa nov2020 before redhorse was a thing,
back when i was still in school - still the saddest song i've written, limina may overtake tho-

lookin in the mirror, i don’t look too happy,
my room smells like shit, and i've got no money!
another one of those days, dead in my bed,
escape thru my phone, ignore what’s downstairs...
this time it seemed worse, what’s gotten into her,
i wish i had her energy, not being a sitting duck,
are my problems that bad? they tell me i’m too awkward,
sometimes i wish they’d expel me, then i might just be bothered
i know i say no, actually i want you here,
being a burden just hurts, but i need someone to see my tears
only downhill from here, i don’t wanna grow up
shoulda took a few pictures, i’d have shit to look back on
but no i’m a loser 
foggy path up ahead
maybe it’s time to wake up, 
talk to her instead.

solo

feeling audacious, might leave my bedroom
been the first time since i saw the full moon
they ask me why, i’m just following the rules
but i know inside i ain’t got anyone to talk to
bittersweet taste, brought it all on myself
just want the attention not the love, it makes me unwell
past few months i been sitting like a shell
sitting like an empty vessel drifting away into the ocean
island of my own, embrace the palm trees
escape from reality, i just wanna be me
move with the currents, fed up of self-control
hopeless for the future, got me feeling freezing cold
life has no winners, 
live a planless paradise,
sleeping in this limbo, 
no concept of time.

switch up

@1spoder verse, go get ur money up n follow him

had enough, i'm running out of patience
i'm sorry
can't figure out another way to say this
i really hope you don't keep me waiting here
i really hope you don't trap my mind with fear
i don't like who you are
cause i don't know where to start with you
i could travel so far
but i'll end up coming back to you
and i hate it
but i don't have the guts just to say it
walk without a head, think i'm brainless
you want my damn heart then go take it
i'll be here waiting
and it's all my fault
that i took it this far
guess i had it all wrong
and you are who you are.

2-5-1s am i right

numb

stream the mf song

numb, +spoder

song of 2 minds lol
feat @1spoder
prod @ethan-schaefer-950685123
https://www.instagram.com/prodbybloom
cover art https://www.instagram.com/natasha.alana

out on all plats too <3 https://open.spotify.com/album/6o1JaQvMW8QGKMjrFUUaJW

lyrics:
[Pre-Chorus: spoder]
Break my sanity in two
Yeah, you stare at me
While I’m staring at you for hours
This silence couldn’t be louder (Ohh)
Peace, of mind
Yeah, that’s all I ask for
Pick up that passport and leave out that door
Realise, that I'm terrified
Could you open your eyes?

[Chorus: spoder]
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me

[Verse: heroine diaries]
Said I didn’t take his girl then where his girl go?
Why they hating? Steady praying on my downfall
I don’t got too many friends need a roll call 
I’m up too late waiting for your phone call
Cause I’m a loser, drug abuser, snort like hoover, yeah, yeah 
Fenty patch, on my tongue, help me feel, yeah, yeah 
Broke my heart, it was bad, can’t go back, yeah, yeah 
I’m up late, catch my flight, to your state, yeah, yeah 
Hop up in this Uber it’s a Tesla, Tesla 
Landed in New York I’m off a Tesla, Tesla 
Your girl on my line I do not text her, text her  
You a bitch boy I do it better, better 

[Pre-Chorus: spoder]
Break my sanity in two
Yeah, you stare at me
While I’m staring at you for hours
This silence couldn’t be louder (Ohh)
Peace, of mind
Yeah, that’s all I ask for
Pick up that passport and leave out that door
Realise, that I'm terrified
Could you open your eyes?

[Chorus: spoder]
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me
I’ve been on my own, baby
Hoping that you save me
Cause I’ve been losing focus and it’s hard to see
Don’t you act like you know me
Though I’m feeling lowly
Cause you tear shit apart and you’ve been fucking hoe'd me

this silence couldn’t be louder (feat. spoder) (prod. bloom)

drawer

dear rat,

we love you, and we miss you.

sincerely,
@b2nny
@1spoder

remy's remedy

[@lei + @ria_chuelo + @pandimoosic]

i swear no one's finna get me
had to get myself up
cause no one's finna help me
i just gotta play wit the cards that they tell me
yea i gotta stop staying up it's not healthy

and all the time i think about her yea whats wrong with me?
i had to get it off my chest yea what came over me?
and u said u just want me dead but ur not over me
but idc because there's nothing that i cant achieve

im posted up
im in the cut

there's so much pressure on my shoulders
ive been outta luck
and screw u's what i told her
i gotta keep it a buck
and i just been thru the mud
and she been asking how i feel
being this cool sucks if i gotta keep it real
we shooting clips like its film
cause my life's like a movie
and that's just how i feel
like everyday is a new scene

if u get me
dont test me im totin real heavy
i listened to my heart and this is where it led me
and i said ima be forever dont forget me

i swear no one's finna get me
had to get myself up
cause no one's finna help me
i just gotta play wit the cards that they tell me
yea i gotta stop staying up it's not healthy

*3, 2, 1*

im posted up im in the cut wit all my goons
you keep talking like u bout but i know u aint gon shoot
u aint a threat here, now tell me whatchu finna do
and shawty gon hit my phone cause she said that im cute

im posted up
im in the cut

and all the time i think about her yea whats wrong with me?
i had to get it off my chest yea what came over me?
and u said u just want me dead but ur not over me
but idc because there's nothing that i cant achieveand all the time i think about her yea whats wrong with me?
i had to get it off my chest yea what came over me?
and u said u just want me dead but ur not over me
but idc because there's nothing that i cant achieve

mortis

socketboy