casio / hohner HS-2 accompaniment improvised, Zummi's call to rawtime , Austin TX public access 1999.  (1999)

I’m just profoundly burned out and everything is a facade, no one has any answers I’m exhausted and I truly am just struck dumb at the impasse of myself and the world I seriously don’t know what the fuck we are doing and yet we have all our creature comforts met I’m blaming myself but I’m also offering a warning for people which I think should be taken seriously. I’ve gained nothing from philosophy, critical theory, comparative religion, cybernetics, Marxism etc other than achieving a calculated distance from myself and others and learned how to take things apart and identify exploits in the world that I’m too ethical to employ myself yet I am locked in the sway of the zoo parade of exploited dopes everywhere I go and I just want some gawdamn rest and I don’t know where to get it. Idiots like aminom are fed by places like this and 4chan and telegram and it’s the net gain seems to be dissociation and now I feel deeply dissociated and I recognize it in most everyone around me but look at all the stuff we have and look how pretty and cool and free we are and so on. It’s just like being slapped in the face I guess. To realize that I’ve gained nothing of value from any of it not just this subreddit the entire so called knowledge economy. It’s all atomistic isolation and narcissism and mania. 

Anyways peace I’m tired I’m just burned out on all of it. Telegram too. For a long time I thought I was going somewhere getting something done and I didn’t. People like aminom creep me out and places like this are not necessarily part of the problem it’s just that the mania and schizo stuff gets to me. Mostly Becuase at one point I thought I had answers to those issues for myself and by extension for others I don’t. I wasted my time I think. I could’ve done something else. 

I’m not claiming superiority I’m saying I’m a failure my life has been made worse by the thing that I was doing that I thought would make it better. You can say whatever you want to me about me about whatever it’s what you seem to do best anyways is complain. This isn’t a community telegrams not a community the internet is not a community quoting Zizek paraphrasing Lacan is not impressive etc. I don’t sit around and complain like you Walker I don’t normally spend my time focusing on the negative and anyone on the Telegram or reading my post history will show that. I’m simply publicly venting for having been so foolish and wasted so much effort for nothing. Not Becuase I didn’t save someone’s soul or anything else other than I wanted to say I’m wrong I’ve made a mistake and I don’t know how to correct for it. I have a world I “see” with my ideas and notions and the world I live in and they don’t actually correlate or rather knowing that the spectacle Is real there is some kind of paranoia-animism generating a devolutionary global current and then having that constantly reinforced gives me no satisfaction. There is no solution. That’s all. 

I am not a professor or An academic nor a clinician so I’m free to have disorganized ideas. Ebert is right though mass media is an extinction level event and I think that’s what I wanted to inoculate myself (and others against) and I just don’t think it’s possible.

James Earthenware - Zummi's Call

Azami Records
#ShowaDigital #KashioKei #AzamiOngaku
Defiant and diverse melodic/VGM/BGM music.
incl. Sakitto Menda related side-projects. 
Likes late Showa era digital keyboards.

James Earthenware - Zummi's Call

AZAMI ONGAKU