at least I'm not scared of a giant space turtle 🐢

JMB as Bendy
Metalfire as Bender

Bendy:
Bender lives a life eternal but it seems to be for naught
Cuz, hehe, I’m more alive than you’ll ever be, robot!
This sketchy wreck should follow through on all his threats of suicide
Or else you’ll watch this classic leaving Jake the Dog deep Fry’d
The creator lied to you! He doesn’t want another season!
So I’ll take the crown, and then you’ll see a real Dancing Demon
Get out of your closet, alcoholic, because I’ve already won!
You’re Farnsworthless and forgotten! Good news, everyone!

Bender: 
Bend over and Battle Byte my shiny metal ass
Me? I’m 100% fire! You? One hundred percent trash
Bender is the greatest! But you’re not quite the looker
I’ll get a new rap opponent, with blackjack, and hookers!
I even topped all your horror as a were-car, it shows
But I won’t activate the ink pressure to help out with your flow!
I’ll rock the roof on your workshop, you’re now stuck in Bender’s Game!
 *belch* Since your Groening voice makes Disney roll in his grave

Battle Bytes

Bendy vs Bender. Battle Bytes #8

CM(BRB)

-CAST-
Vladimyr P, Dani Frias, Raichous, Alex the Beast, GamingPlush64, Michael / Stark Media and underscores as Zalgo
[REDACTED] as Cthulhu

-WRITERS-
[REDACTED], Michael / Stark Media, and [REDACTED]

-PRODUCTION-
Thumbnail by: Vladimyr P. and Michael / Stark Media
Beat By Dansonn
Mixing by Vladimyr P.

-LYRICS-
ANNOUNCER
Welcome, weary traveler, to Ciphers of the Unknown
Today's matchup is: Zalgo
And
Cthulhu
Commence!

Zalgo  (0:31 - 1:17):
Your cult rooms will be filled with gore as HE COMES to leave his mark
On this hentai monster who’s become nothing but joke fuel for South Park
Looking Sad, Satan? I've been waiting a century for you to spit a good rap
What kind of Dark Lord gets squashed by a sword that shoots out kitty cats?!
Read the text, squidward. my plague starts to spread ‘cross the land
That wipes out this gimmick with relevance more dead than the star that’s in my hand
Please! My candle’s light outshines all that you can spit in this
Kelly’s carnage incarnate’s bars leave squids sleeping with the fishes!
You’re no Necronom-icon! Forgotten when ‘zilla hits the stage!
Telling me you got into politics? (Heh) I’d rather vote for Kanye!
Best go back to startling gamers, for ZALGO is 7 times the rapper
This little munchkin’s been tarnished and now we can start the next chapter..

Cthulhu (1:17 - 2:17):
Zalgo claims to be a god, but he’s barely short of the Funnies
But even when this comic’s stripped down, Zalgo’s just a pitiful plaything for kiddies
So fear the Call of Cthulhu, the true Lovecraftian creation
You’re an outdated fad meme, rejected by the SCP Foundation
This Deviant’s Art is tasteless! Creepypasta crap, nothing new  
You have a song? Do you hold hands and prance around with infants too?
And the ear rape? Glitched font? That’s your method of inflicting pain?
Being eyeless won’t help you, just hearing me will make you go insane!
Your lyrics are unspeakable; but when it comes to stories I’m the pinnacle; invincible
But your chance of winning is like your reality status to your creator: fictional
Like you said I have cult followers, what do you have? Children who think you’re scary?
Just check Behind The Wall and see it’s me who’s taking the victory!
Seven goddamn mouths, you’d think at least one would try to win
It’s quite un-4chan-ate, but I’ll still be leaving this flightless Bird Boxed in
(Yelling) I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS, BUT IF HE’S INSISTENT ON PERSISTENCE
I’LL CONTROL HIM, ALTERNATE HIS LIFE, AND DELETE HIM FROM EXISTENCE

Zalgo (2:17 - 2:25):
That’s enough from the kraken, thought I told you to shut it
This is boring me, perhaps you’d rather face off with one of my puppets

Zalgo as Garfield (2:25 - 2:40):
(Yawn) What’s this? Looks like Jon tried making calamari
But I’ll kick him off the track like Odie, and this time, I’m not sorry
Z͜͡͡AL͟͡G҉́Ò '͢͞S͟ ̀͡A͝͡R͠R̷̛IV̢̛E҉͞D̡ ͞A̸̶Ń̢D̴̵ ̀I̡T͏͠' ͠҉͡S̶ ͏U̷N̸͏̢W̷̴̡IS͜É ̀T̷̷͞O̧ ̧̀T͟͏͝H͝͏I͞N҉K͟҉ ͟͞T͘͞HA̛T͜͟ Ý̢OU҉̶ ̵̡̛C̷̨͝AN̡͢ ҉̡̕D͘͞E̶FE҉A̧͜T HI͡M͡
C̷͠͏A̢͜ŲS̡͘È H̀͢E͟ '͜҉̨ĹL̵͘ ̀C̵OR̛̕R̵͘Ù́̀P̷T҉ ̡YǪ͠U̶͘R̴̨͢ ̛́M̷ED͏̷̀I҉̡A͞,̸ ̶̧LE͏A̸͞V̛I̛͞͠N̸Ģ̧̡ ͝Y̶O͠͝U͘R ̢̨͞P͠A̸̡T͢H͝E̡T̨Ì͜C̶̵ ͠B̷ǪOK҉̕S͜͝ ̵͡T̵O̵̢R̀N̡ ̵T̕O ͢͝PI̴E̴͏C̀E̕S̡

Zalgo (2:40 - 2:47):
What a Weird Tale that you’ve woven, saying that you’re superior to me
It’s Something Awful really, but now I’ve finally put an end to your series


Cthulhu (2:47 - 3:03):
Putting on a Puppet show to fight your battles for you? It’s honestly such a Loss
So Dream No More, this is the one and only time that our paths will cross
It’s time I return to my realm and leave this simple post archived, dismissed
They say “Zalgo’s coming”, but even after this I’m still waiting for a good diss... (Malevolently Chuckles)

ANNOUNCER
Who Cracked the Case?
Who Should Cypher Next?
Comment Down Below
And prepare yourselves for the next
Ciphers of The Unknown

Zalgo vs Cthulhu | Ciphers of the Unknown

TheAngryMidget as Sweeney Todd
Jake G. as Edward Scissorhands

WELCOME TO A SINISTER RAP BATTLE
SWEENEY TODD
AGAINST
EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
BEGIN

Sweeney Todd:
You may be known to be a drama, but what I spit will be more tragic;
‘Cause this Demon Barber shall leave Frankenstein back in his attic
Better Flee from my Street, take off that scarf, reveal your neck
And One swipe with my blade shall surely leave you home-wrecked
You’re more freakish than Krueger so my crowds will leave you crowded
What? You gonna rob my win like how you failed at robbing houses?
Aww, that’s the girl you like? You gonna finger, knives?
Heh. I bet those cuts burned like your dreary love life

Edward Scissorhands:
My verse will cause you Penny Dread; I wouldn’t try to hurt a soul
But take a seat Freaky, Freddy; I’ll bury you in your own hole
You deserved to be imprisoned, yet you’re thinking you’re a hero?
At least I didn’t kill my love; you’re just the town’s local weirdo
Slash this man with my hands to hear your crowd cheering “bravo!”
You’ll be headless, like your clients, as you lay there, Sleeping Hollow
After hearing that verse, I’d take up your offer to drink
It makes you think, why would this man let his fame go extinct?

Sweeney Todd:
That verse was quite lifeless; as dead as your inventor
I’m the life of the show so don’t think that you’re the center of
Attention! You’re no ascention, I’d leave you hung up in suspension
But you’re just a shitty Wolverine in a cosplay convention!
I’ll take it down a Peg but still put this sculpture on ice
Come forth Ragg, like your face, I get ugly and not nice!
Say my goodbyes to that reply, but I just remembered somethin’
Pardon me, cuz I believe, I left his pie-face in the oven

Edward Scissorhands:
What you spat was mind Bogg-ling, so quit with all your baffling
50 shades of mottling, as I’m spitting throat throttlings
Those bars dragged out like your sentence should, you need a trim?
Cuz you’ll soon be Fade-ing out into the Fogg, you’re looking dim
I’ll gain the Win-stone, turning tables with my own retortion
The Ruffian’s contorting others for his own mental distortion
Holding no Love-tt in your heart, thinking your grim tale is beauty
But it’s best you stay silent, like your very first movie

WHO MURDERED THE MIC?
COMMENT THE WAIVER BELOW
RETURN TO THE DEPP-THS OF HELL
FOR ANOTHER
SINISTER RAP BATTLE

Vladimyr P. as The Crowd

Writers: Vlad and Trakked
Beat Producer: 2Deep
Effects / Mixer: Vlad
Cover Art Made by Vlad

Sweeney Todd vs Edward Scissorhands. Sinister Rap Battles

Derek Savage:
I’ve heard lies saying you tower over me, which I don’t see
So today I’m going to show our differences, I mean, just look at me:
You’re just an author; I’m an actor, director and a cool guy
Make like a child from a ‘no breathing’ class, just keel over and die
Wouldn’t You Like to Know how your creativity’s gone down the spout?
You were a good presenter, but now your career’s unable to Sprout
I Hate Everything about you, and although I don’t like him, I gotta say
If he reviewed your crappy performances, he’d be giving me praise
This bitch could use some Self-Defense, can’t survive my Second Coming
No wonder the BBC kicked you out, all your work’s dull and boring
You’ve a whole book on sins you’ve committed, your flaws are quite large
I mean, you did want an anti-imperialist Marxist to be in charge

Michael Rosen:
Thought he’d sit there like a lemon, but Derek. What does Derek do?
He spits rhymes showing he’s less of a Cool Guy, more of a Fool
Diss the Milk And Sugar King, and you’ll get more than heat
At least I can go without throwing a fit when people make fun of me
Promoting x-rated work on your own website is far from Christian 
And with all of the illegal stuff you’ve done, you’d fit right in with school prison
Could write an entire poem detailing how Horrible you are
But you’d probably Copyright Strike me before I get the chance
Recycled footage, bad editing, portraying fat people as broke schmucks
Topped off with phoned in performances; to put it bluntly, Your Movies Suck!
No longer taken seriously, even the cameraman’s out shadowing you 
I see you’re looking shaky and sorry, gonna cut out this cameo too?

Cool Cat:
You’re really really mean! Seems some kid still thinks bullying is fun
Everyone should stay away from you like you were a deadly gun

Derek Savage:
You rapped once, so what? That doesn’t make you an emcee
Better call you the toothbrush, cause we’ll break you into pieces

Cool Cat:
Bringing Sweeter Revenge than some muddy twig could ever do (haha!)

Derek Savage:
I’m bad with copyright? You almost took down every YouTube Poop of you!

Cool Cat:
While your new books are flopping, me and my Dad will go to Hollywood

Both:
Now it’s time to ‘close up’ this battle so you can make another Sad Book

Michael Rosen:
(Michael’s Verse, Part 2.)
You and this failed mascot must be having a Crazy Dream
I’d argue Solomon would do better than this infringement on Warner Bros’ property
Once you eat this diss like a sandwich, I shall give you to the ducks!
Might as well make another channel called “iMovie Sucks”
Now your son passed away, and I know the pain of losing a child
But using him as an excuse for stupidity? Now that makes me really wild
Like when you impersonated that law firm, your attempts to win have fallen through
So now I don’t suppose you’ll want to battle me again, will you?

[REDACTED] as Derek Savage
@user-938839005 as Cool Cat
King Mewtwo as Michael Rosen
Beat by Kustom
Written by King Mewtwo and Dani Frias
Mixed by Light
Cover Art by Fightmarker

Michael Rosen vs Derek Savage. King Mewtwo Rap Battles

Freshy Kanal as Doctor Eggman
Adam as Mojo Jojo

Eggman
They’re making me fight this simian? I wanna beat Winston!
But focus on your diction, your bouts of repetition
My series reboots werent as much of a let down
Chim-pansy’s more of a Blossom? That checks out!
Hey Mo-jo, your brain’s ex-posed!
I can see how small it is when I’m up close!
It proves you’re under me in IQ and when I’m through
You’ll just wish for the Sonic Forces to be with you

Mojo Jojo
Mojo will be the victor, the winner will be me!
All those machines yet animals still leave you beat?
The city of Townsville’s all aware of my fame
Half the time I don’t know if I’m calling you the right name
You're playing Chaos Bejeweled while I'm polishing my verses
Flip the script tomake you the one screaming “CURSES!”
Useless twitter announcements? By now I should expect it 
I'm already used to frying eggs like you for breakfast!

Doctor Eggman vs Mojo Jojo. Battle Bytes #29

Mancha as King Candy
Dusk as Phantom Virus

King Candy 
I’ve dismissed glitches before, this time I won’t be the one losing 
While you failed to be spooky, Snickering through your whole movie 
Leading with Zombie Island and then this is the kinda crap you do?
I'd rather throw hands with both Flim Flam and Scrappy Doo!
Slapdash mishaps at hiding Snax in boardwalk attractions
Is that repulsive laugh a stab to walk all your critic's reactions?
Inject and infect your game like I was your players’ PEDs
But I won’t strike out to Sword Art Online direct-to-DVD 

Virus
Let’s play ball! No rain delay but I’ll still keep it short
You could ask Cars and learn NASCAR’s barely even a real sport
Brush your teeth, your candy bars left you deteriorating
You can’t handle the Ruth that I’m Babe, you’re Baby
Aint too hard to rip off Candy Crush and Mario Kart
Went for Sweet Tooth but got sucrose and yet so far
You’ll get your just desserts when we unmask this hack
And I go Turbo to make sure both your kart and game crash

King Candy vs Phantom Virus. Battle Bytes #30

Mancha as Count Olaf
Hippie Rat as Pennywise

Count Olaf:
So you’re the being stalking the night,
Shifting form through the greatest frights?
I must say, that’s some pretty weak lore,
I’ve heard It occur several times before!
You claim to know exactly what makes my blood curdle,
At least I’m not scared of a giant space turtle!
I’ll severely damage you.
A phrase which here means “have Its ass handed to.”
Then by the time that the next generation
finds a way to get to knowing ya,
We've gone and lost the larger portion 
Of all the waning xenophobia
And as I Carrey this song you'll forfeit on account
of the unfortunate events brought on by the Count
So when the public fear that remains is down,
You can find me fine dining at The Anxious Clown

Pennywise:
I can't tell if that verse was supposed to be a joke
Mycelia, I've got a good one to make you choke!
What did the playwright say to the clown in the first act?
Sorry Olaf, but that's a rap! Wa-HA! 
People ask why the adults underwhelm
and refuse to give these kids some help
It's 'cause in your world, they're stupid
But in Derry's where they're scared as hell!
So who's that who's slippin while dissin' omnipotent
Villainous, Farcical, Dimwitted idots
stuck to being ambiguous like The Thing
It's the Count! It's the Count! He should kneel before the king!
You haven’t any Very Fire Diss in your arsenal,
I bring a whole new meaning to “Carnivorous Carnival.”
I can turn into the Wolfman, Mummy, Nosferatu,
You’re out shopping for a dollar store costume

Olaf:
Rooted in bitterness, horseradish horseshit
Reeks of the eighties, no matter how "in" It is
And I guess that’s why you were so easy to mess with,
I’ve seen Stranger Things trending on Netflix!
It thrusts Its fists! (Fists!) But It lands no hits! (Hits!)
Your story’s kitsch! (Kitsch!) And I’m not scared of It!
Look away, look away, I've no patience for games!
There’s a will, there’s a way! It will die today!

Pennywise:
You promise others their greatest desires, then
burn them with fire, you lie through your teeth
Think fear’s mediocre? The words of The Joker:
"Get a load of me!"
You're afraid of failure, your schemes losin' dominance
most of all of adults with a modicum of competence
Quake at the gaze of your formidible ghoul!
I may be a clown, but don't take me for a fool
You're no mastermind, just a minor annoyance
The leeches won't mind who they find most bouyant
Villain Flees Death, but by how it's wrote
in the prose that's not how the story goes

Count Olaf vs Pennywise. Battle Bytes #31

Mancha as Phantom Virus
Titanium1208 as King Ghidorah

Virus:
Silence! Grab three face masks before you catch this virus
Your interest ran out of mileage, ditch the dumb head, that’s my pitch!
I’m just vibin’, here to conquer, but your franchise lets me prosper
Cuz it just takes a Verse to Destroy All Monsters!
I step up to the plate respected 
Can’t wash your hands; you’ll get infected
If the lines you spit from the trifecta of heads
Is expected I’d rather just end up ejected
Got no crown, you're no King, Ghidorah
Your only love’s from neckbeards in fedoras
Get your origin straight or you’ll meet your fate
I bring the hertz with my shocking aura

Ghidorah:
Keep your distance! Though I’m vicious you’re rasping like you’re Trojan hoarse!
I Inspect electric Elements to destroy code from its source
You’re jacking up on cheat codes desperate for a chance to surpass, so
I guess this battle’s Astro-Monster versus Houston Astros!
Confined inside a floppy disk, your work never saw the light of day
Charge the mound all you want, you’re only good enough for Single A 
You struck out with your game and friends you know you’ve got no chance sir
Prancing around magnets so often you’re just a pole dancer

Phantom Virus vs King Ghidorah. Battle Bytes #35

Mancha as Taako
Hippie Rat as Guy Fieri / Announcer

It’s time to Sizzle It Up on the quest to find the best Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives! Wash your hands! Preheat your ovens! Rev up those fryers! It’s Taako vs Guy Fieri in...The Rap Battle Zone!

Guy Fieri:
The prophecy said you’d be saved, by the man who’s wreathed in flames,
But this is one Fiery Guy who won’t be doing the same!
I’m a burly sirloin, you’re built like a wet noodle
I advocate the working man, you’re more chaotic neutral.
So here's a Plane of Thought you can season with Worst-erch-ire
Alice Through the Frying Pan; you fell into the fire
Can't even make your namesake, stuck with a d6 of health
Never thought I'd see you calling for Genji to heal yourself!
You went to Garfield, done paid for one case of the Mondays
Won an all-you-can eat plate for the whole Jimmy Buffet!
“The garlic really complements the arsenic,” they said.
And then they graded you a Z, or should I...say zed!

Taako:
Taako’s good out here! I think you’ll enjoy the view
Let me work my magic [beat] Abraca-fuck-you!
You’re barbaric and garish! My Guy, what are you wearing?
You look like Smash Mouth went and gone all Super Saiyan!
It’s tragic, your diss’ll miss, I spit accurate Magic Missiles
But when you erratically spit arrhythmatic, you’ll fizzle
Don’t try to chew me out like you’re snacking on slabs of gristle
It’s apparent on your shirt I turned my clapbacks up to “sizzle”
And so now I debase myself, appearing here amid this meme
Who’s loading up on carbohydrates like a Food Pyramid scheme
Drive-ins, Dives, and Diners?! Ha! I hardly know her!
Oh and, Guy, your Donkey Sauce tastes like Go-Gurt.

Guy Fieri:
The true worth of man are the values that they’re driven by.
I made a great tendie tienda, but you’re the true Chicken Guy!
You may think it's swell to get your Taco Loaded in hell
Bro, you sold your own soul out... Animus Taako Bell!
I would spit it like Minute to Win It, hit it and rip into your tunic
But I should limit this minigame skit before you’re squished by an air conditioning unit.
What’s your “Kiss the Cook” apron to the flame decals I’m rocking on?
For a token gay you’d think you’d get your token in the gashapon

Taako:
Fuck yeah, Guy’s Grocery Gay plays loud and proud, hombre! 
You serve me a plate, I’m rolling constitution saves!
While Taako conjures up a lunch like “I wanna munch!” (Squad!)
Even my Grand Relic is the tastiest of the bunch!
I’d say maybe Ren’s the only being that can outdo me,
But we’ll keep that between You, Me, AND DUPREE!!!
You and I got a date with Death -- like your food, we’re heart stopping!
Taako’s Supreme! Call me sour cream, cuz I’m topping!

The Rap Battle Zone

Taako vs Guy Fieri. The Rap Battle Zone #1

LYRICS

Sam:
Sam I am. Going ham on an entity envious of Halloween 
Horror genre's fruit cake's true fate's in what the rules state. How many you following?
You should go back to Christmas shopping if you think bells are good toys and gifts
Checking your candy is quite handy, ‘cause you never know when I bring poison spit
When you're told to pass out to children, you’re leaving them unconscious 
A holiday slayer, odds stacked in my favor. You can call me See-Samhain
Leave the Lanterns' candles alone? Krampus can't learn to not blow
Comedy’s stopped when I throttle your throat, so send Santa your final words with your bones

Krampus:
Gruss… Vom… Krampus
Hopping out of the bag, it’s a battle transformed into madness
Tonight I’ll be having a feast when I steal the pumpkin off of this cabbage patch kid
A legend to the Alps, it’s clear Sam’s trickery couldn’t stand to my status
When a pumpkin’s spilling his guts
The only thing you’re spitting is blood
Give you a new mask as you’re thrown under the bus
Defending pumpkins, but I thought that you’d light a matchstick
So make like the children and drown in my flow
You’re playing a devil’s game when you rap against satanic Santa, I’m a literal G.O.A.T.
Bit off Myers and spit out the sequel ‘cause Michael couldn’t get enough dough 
Even I couldn’t fit your entire plot into a snow globe!
I always land fire with hooks, so Sam better ring up the jingle bells
Before you turn into the second child I’ve thrown into the seventh ring of hell!

Sam:
I don’t even know who you’re trying to entertain, uhhhh, el chupacabra?
You’re spitting so much filler, no wonder this sweet tooth’s against lockjaw
And saying I mired Myers? You couldn’t compare to the Mars Bars that I spit
I’ll choke out a goat and throw him down the smokestack ‘cause I always keep the fire lit
You’re a stocking stuffer of a movie, I leave blocks busted when I move in
Best be handing out treats when I land on the beat, ‘cause your mouth won’t be the only thing drooping!
Now I might not be on the nice list, but it’s pretty apparent
That my letters weren’t intended to capture a child’s parents!
You just gotta say my name to realize that Sam wins against Krampus
It’s sad, man, you couldn’t give scares when you slid down a chimney and left a living room as smashed bits
So I’ll break your chains and change your fate as you inflate my rage
More than any Macy’s Day Parade, try staying safe once this fake’s filleted on my razor blade

Krampus:
Can’t attack back with your wack raps, you bit off me like a lollipop 
So I’ll knapsack this damn track and stuff a Jack O’Lantern in a box
Spying on girls in the dressing room, too bad you couldn’t find a better way to dress
Looking like Sans in a scarecrow outfit, you’d get on the naughty list for your fashion sense
I knapsack your Patch of Sour Kids, you’re next to be slaughtered
Now your comics can join the other children, soaked in water without honor

CREDITS

Freshy Kanal as Krampus
https://soundcloud.com/freshy-kanal
Snakebite126 as Sam
https://soundcloud.com/snakebite126

Written by Rabi, B O R K, and Snakebite126
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Ihaski
Art by Blast03
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcw9SUYw-GI8RkYyYA1djVQ
Thumbnail by Rabi

Count Olaf vs Pennywise. Battle Bytes #31

Battle Bytes | UBERocity

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oh ok

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