Battle Bytes Complete Collection

Battle Bytes is a new series from UBERocity that is basically the One Minute Melee of rap battles. Two rappers, one verse each, any matchup goes.

MetalFire as Mr. Burns
Mancha as Mr. Freeze

Freeze:
This Pennyworthless prick is about to lose millions!
Spit it iller than this Stooge--I’m a chill supervillain!
When your assets are frozen I'll show this misanthrope
That when it comes to atoms he’s an Iced-otope!
I’m a Burn Freezer, and I’m owning you, geezer 
With a Christmas diss to piss off Ebenezer!
This monotoned bag of bones will get mono-railed
In this Feast for Crows you Snow I’ve prevailed!

Burns:
I’ve got an Ivy League win, I’m a power plant!
So I’ll expel you from a battle like Billionaire Camp!
Took shots from two babies and both times survived!
Don’t be surprised at my reaction to meltdown your wife!
You can’t find Asylum from C. M. the MC
And you’ll be frost bitten when the Hounds are released
So silence, Snow Miser, I’ll live on in Epochs!
Your weeping’s just why they call it cry-ogenics!

Mr. Burns vs Mr. Freeze. Battle Bytes #1

shrock

Mancha as Alexander the Great
Eddie as Link

Alexander:
They sent A Link to the Past just to face Alexander?
You can’t Tri-force yourself to win against a commander
This elf will wish he hadn’t faced the King of Macedon
When I make this Dodongo swallow my rap bombs
I’m An-enemy, a god, I’ll shock ‘ya, Greece lightning!
My heritage divine divined I’m electrifying!
You think you’re a problem with the items you’ve got 
But excuuuuse me, princess. It’s simple, you’re Knot!

Link:
You’d think that “The Great” would live up to his name
But even a recorder leaves me more blown away
You can’t take down a Legend! When I Wind I’ll dethrone ya!
Go jump on your horse before I E-pwn-y’a
I Glee-rok shrock the roof with my Flame Rod rhymes, boy
Heat leaves you a fever: Ocarina of Typhoid 
I Master both Swords and Words when it’s my time to strike
Aristotle should’ve taught ya how to Hy-rule the mic


Battle Bytes

Alexander the Great vs Link. Battle Bytes #2

Happy Birthday to Seth!

Adam as Pringles
Seth as Monopoly

Pringles:
Here’s something to chew on, you affluent half-wit
Bite me, do me a flavor, and can it!
Sorry! Get a Clue, or you’ll Risk occupation
The Park Brothers don’t have a Place in Recreation
Collect two hundred reasons why I shouldn’t be nice
Popping caps like tops with just a roll of the dice
You put people to sleep, I own the snack food Monopoly!
No card will get you out of this ass kicking for free

Monopoly:
I’m getting board of this game, so you’re gonna get played
Since I’m more successful than when Cats was on Broadway
I’ve got stacks upon stacks of cash, but your snacks
Will take a topple and make like the stock markets: crash
Because my victory is like your loans would be, default
I can really taste the vinegar that’s paired with your salt
So get off of my property, you Newfangled Fuck!
Don’t take a Chance against me or you’ll Go straight to bankrupt


Julius Pringles vs Mr. Monopoly. Battle Bytes #3

"Who are these people?" This is a battle I wrote for school, shortened down by a bit for the BB Format. (Original was 8844) Vignelli was a famous Modernist designer, being very strict with his designs and ideas, always following a grid. Duchamp was a Dadaist artist, meaning his work was wacky and not necessarily made for the eye but for the mind. I included a reference guide at the bottom.

Yobar as Duchamp
Mancha as Vignelli

Duchamp:
Make way for the Du-champion! En Avant Garde! 
I have Readymade rhymes, but I’m not indifferent to this blowhard!
I’ve never seen a man with such a fetish for a typeface!
You’re going down! Screwed, and descending a staircase!
Let’s talk about your wife, she’s a real Mona Lisa
Elle a chaud au cul, like my disses will leave ‘ya!
All your pieces look the same, it’s no wonder they’re flawed!
So I’ll leave you with one question... who's your Dada?

Vignelli:
It makes sense that a blockhead would call himself a Cubist
I heard your verse, now I’ll tell you what my post impression is
The best at a battle because I’m skilled when it comes to mock
-ups! You know I'll bring you Hell on the side of a box--AH
You’ve got me pissed, like your fountain, so I’ll flush it away
Man, you’re even more unpopular than my map of the Subway!
I’m a Helvetica veteran, you’re a mess of a man in a wrecked state 
Who’s a victim of chess, which will end in a checkmate

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B7iYOK616Aq_GlGuAwRPegu56j0jXkii9Utb-1uDdc0/edit?usp=sharing

Massimo Vignelli vs Marcel Duchamp. Battle Bytes #4

Skeep as Tattletail
JMB as Mama Tattletail
Atronach's Aura as Tatl
Eddiefrb as Tael


Tattletail
Play time for me! Big fun! Hide and seek!
‘Til me trap you in my eggs! Ah ah! No peeking!
Arguing? Stealing masks? Me know what you did…
This pair of Deku Scrubs will be left a pair of Skulls, kid!
Your Time’s running out even when me sing a Song
And you’ll go Clock Down if you don’t play along
Disses for you! Tattletail, that’s me!
No more Mama and no more fairies!

Tatl and Tael
You’re in Majora trouble, prepare for a brush with misery
Quickly Termina this baby and return to our trickery!
A treat? We’ve made an Oath to Order you to disengage
It’s your final day, you little son of a! Turn the page.
No pentagram could banish our fierce deity incarnate
Better get some rest, I’ve just made you my Zeeeee-target!
Can’t return this Furby cuz he just was built too cheap
So we’ll tattletale to Mama ‘bout how you won’t get your sleep

Tattletail vs Tatl & Tael. Battle Bytes #5

Adam as Megaman
Mancha as Baymax

MEGAMAN:
Be sure to install your chips; get equipped to fight this
Cuz I’m bringing the heat, like Tadashi’s death wish!
You’re too wacky to overtake my stake in Japan
With less appeal than a waving inflatable tube man!
Go and deploy sensors to view my skills
You’re just a blow up sex doll- minus the thrills
Take down this Robot Master? Don’t think you can!
This soft microbot can never beat the Rockman!

BAYMAX:
Baymax attacks, better Roll out of the way
Perhaps this hack can reach maturity today
Call me soft all you want, I am a fighter like no other
You of all should know not to judge a book by it’s cover
Rate your pain on a scale from one to ten,
Crank it to Mighty Number Nine so you never spit again
You’re sick; I’m equipped with the power of six heroes 
Scan complete. Diagnosis: Less than Zero

Baymax vs Megaman. Battle Bytes #6

sorry our announcer is currently recovering from alcohol poisoning

Mancha as Terrance
Seth as Phillip
Metalfire as Sweet Bro
Yobar as Hella Jeff

Terrance and Phillip:
Phillip, we’ve established that we’re uncle fuckers
But these fellas here are the true pupil fuckers!
Buddies, y’all won’t save universes without my anus
So useless you couldn’t do shit even farting on my nuts
You’re the most unfunny part of the most unfunny comic
The most consistent comedy thinks we’re the most comedic!
This time an anime special? You’ve upgraded, buddies
But you’ll need us; T.P. For what? NAGASAKI! 

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff:
bro i think there foreheded fell on the othre side …...
ma name jeff…………………………………………………….. sike
just HOW HIGH do you have to be to make rap like that
shit lets beat santa since he came from your ass
shunned in the premiere, ditto, so you became fucking fat, ditto
i guess there falling from style… i warned you about stairs bro
WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN ; nobody watches this cuz of ya
where to bust nuts this big ? in there mom… hoe kanada

Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff vs Terrance & Phillip. Battle Bytes #7

JMB as Bendy
Metalfire as Bender

Bendy:
Bender lives a life eternal but it seems to be for naught
Cuz, hehe, I’m more alive than you’ll ever be, robot!
This sketchy wreck should follow through on all his threats of suicide
Or else you’ll watch this classic leaving Jake the Dog deep Fry’d
The creator lied to you! He doesn’t want another season!
So I’ll take the crown, and then you’ll see a real Dancing Demon
Get out of your closet, alcoholic, because I’ve already won!
You’re Farnsworthless and forgotten! Good news, everyone!

Bender: 
Bend over and Battle Byte my shiny metal ass
Me? I’m 100% fire! You? One hundred percent trash
Bender is the greatest! But you’re not quite the looker
I’ll get a new rap opponent, with blackjack, and hookers!
I even topped all your horror as a were-car, it shows
But I won’t activate the ink pressure to help out with your flow!
I’ll rock the roof on your workshop, you’re now stuck in Bender’s Game!
 *belch* Since your Groening voice makes Disney roll in his grave

Bendy vs Bender. Battle Bytes #8

Video won't be out today, sorry. I've had a lot on my plate and haven't even had time to do character art yet, so I'll try to finish that by the weekend :)

UnamusedDetective as Muffet
Mancha as Spiderman

Muffet:
Little Miss Muffet’s here to give you a hand
Inflict arach-nopho-bia to truly turn you into Batman
Sadly you weren't bitten by a rhyming spider
So I’m selling your movie rights to the highest buyer
We were offered a fortune for your headshots, although 
I feel Jameson would greatly appreciate your SOUL
I’ll serve you lyr-ic-a-lly and as a pastry, and then~
You can feel free to tell me how your Uncle has Ben~

Spiderman:
Once again, you’re a distraction just before the main event
Your eight-legged Sadie-Hawkins is a Dance I won’t attend
I’m New Home-coming in fast, but I don’t plan to spend
Since a measly bakestarter won’t help save your friends
Guess I’m too cold, Vriska, leave us both Amazed
You just curdled the mood! Lose to you? No whey!
Then along came a spider with raps made of fire 
And THWIPP! That frightened Miss Muffet Away!

Muffet vs Spiderman. Battle Bytes #9

This Battle Bytes was chosen by one of our Patrons! 

Mancha as Ed Elric
Adam as Ed

Elric: 
I’ll pick your salt-deprived brain in this equivalent exchange
I could build a human with the pennies you eke from your slaves!
You wrote the book on scams, but I took Youswell, so bring ‘em
Cuz you’re riding me so hard I’d call you Russell Tringham!
This Full Mental Dumbass’ schemes won’t cartoon net-work
And your attention span is even shorter than… my temper
Leave this dog weeping “ed… ward” when I'm on the attack
I’m glad my limbs are in limbo. I hope they hit you in the Cul-De-Sac
 
Ed: 
I docn’t need Double D to fight this Scooby Doo ghost
I’ll munch on your rhymes like … uhh …. BUTTERED TOAST!
You mastered Alchemy but can’t master lasagna?
This one might not rhyme but I am Armstronger!
Need an issue for your tissue? Leave your iron for golf!
You need- wait… You smell worse than Rolf!
Alchemy is fake news! At least my mom is not dead!
I would rather battle your brother Ed instead!
 
Elric:
Wait, what?

Edward Elric vs Ed. Battle Bytes #10

Mancha as Bill Cipher (+ Nightmare, Mettaton, Rumplestiltskin, and Steven Universe Cameos)
Fle as Nyarlathotep
Rattlebones Cosplay as Johnny Bravo 

Based off of this production by the RIT Cosplay Troupe! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGHpsbfG3gY

Bill:
I strive to be your angle and your devil in this play
But you ask who’s been more played and I can’t Megami Ten-say!
Fall back to your void, Yu-goth, and retrace your Nyarlatho-steps!
As I spit nigh indecipherable rhymes to leave you plain perplexed
{I’m the Soul Edgiest of shapes! There’s no way you can harm me}
[Wait, is this from Cosplay Chess?] {It’s For the Fans, darling!
So let’s make a deal lest you just} become another meme!
Cliche, I know, but you’re only going to win this in your dreams!

Nyarlathotep:
Bravo, William, you got your pawns to fight for you
But a decent verse from you’s harder to find than E2
I come Ahtu, shoulda Shugo-ran, but I guess that you’re not scared
Non-Euclidean geometry? More like a Hollywood Square!
So take a look at this triangle, tryin’a be illumi-naughty
Things fall apart, the universe can’t hold my second coming!
You can’t UNDO your failures! You’re naught but a polter-Geist!
The only Fearamid scheme that is decent is your sacrifice!

Bill:
Wait, we only get one verse so he can use me as a doormat?
Screw this! I’m Weirdmageddin’ sick of the  Battle Bytes format!
In every universe I’m prime! But you? I might split my sides!
Nyarly, I’m pretty sure you’re only known as an an old guy!

Nyarlathotep:
Stop! You know I don’t play phar-aoh, don’t cross this Faceless God
Kneel to the Crawling Chaos! Suck my Necronomicock!
Outrap this Oregon bore again? Please, I do that in my sleep.
I have a thousand forms and more to make a isosceles weep!

Bill:
Oh come on, get to the point, you flowery eldritch fop
Or go back to your anime girl form! Let the weeaboos jerk off!
You’ll see the light of day when I illuminate this heathen
Because I’m taking this victory, your life, [AND STEVEN!]

Nyarlathotep:
So Dimentio can help me to leave this Flatlander plastered
Looking forward, this is more pathetic than your bout with Gaster
Vote on your screens now, but I fear ratings just might disappoint!
Even I can’t give a ten to the being known for his three points!

Bill Cipher vs Nyarlathotep. Battle Bytes #11

Yeah I don't know who these people are either.
Patreon Funded battle by Legion.

Seth as Giga Gagagigo
Mancha as Stephen Gageler
Beat by Kustom
Written by Legion

Gageler:
Why against some Japanese art would my shots be fettered
when I've no got qualms putting on blast a national treasure!
You're merely a card! You're only one amongst many!
Your only point of distinguishment is affecting the tens in HP
And hey, you may be  a big guy, it  takes a sacrifice to summon you
But I took down the chief dissenter as my tribute!
You're big and clunky, unkempt among your reptilian ilk
But this guy's ex-Queen's Counsel - I’m smooth as Silk!

Gagagigo:
He was trying to leave me triggered, staggered with his go
But he hasn't broken my Poker Face - Lady Giga Gagagigo
I’m far from a Normie, cuz I'm a monster in a fight
So don't get too close - they all say Gigobytes
Overcome you with force, man you're all out of sorts
And your verse was post snort - you really put the High in Court!
If you try to flow to a Water Attribute, you’ll drown
Gaga went from Go to Risen but you're only known now

Stephen Gageler vs Giga Gagagigo. Battle Bytes #12

Patron Battle Bytes suggested by Matthew Thomas!

Adam as Captain America
Matthew Thomas as Steven Universe

Captain America:
Ten hut! It’s Captain Rogers! You need to shape up, chubby!
Don’t be a mic addict son, because winners don’t battle me
Born on the 4th of July, I’m like your Uncle Grandpa Sam
Cuz you’re in the dust my shield kicks up trying to be a Superman
Even with the home advantage beating me will be a real “Beach”
Cause you don’t have the funky flow to best me on the beats
So call me the Winner Soldier while you struggle with your Gem Glow
And prove that I’m the Star at a 50 to 1 ratio

Steven Universe:
Keep that S.H.I.E.L.D. away from me, I don't want a Civil War
‘Cause when it comes to saving the day, I'm the real super Star!
America struggling against the Universe? You’re about to take some damage
Falling apart harder than the Earth’s Flightiest team dynamic!
But the bonds between Gems are Diamond, they’re forever!
We’re protectors, aren’t you guys too aggressive to be Avengers?
Spit cold like Sapphire, make to sure leave this Cookie Cap on ice!
And lick a liar who went to leave behind the love of his life!

Captain America vs Steven Universe. Battle Bytes #13

Patron Battle Bytes are in progress :) In the meanwhile, have a rap battle commemorating the release of The Last Jedi! No spoilers for it!

MultiSuperVids as Kylo Ren
Seth as Reaper

Reaper:
Let the bodies hit the floor when death walks among you
I’ve seen better Dark Sides on any solar system’s moon
It comes full circle when Death Blossoms, Bullseye!
‘Cause I’ll kill you like your father, Je-Die Die Die!
Left abandoned by your parents, now you’re acting underage
A prepubescent Baby Driver with your little fits of rage
And your only real fans are all the emo tweens on Pinterest
Wanted to be your grandpa but ended up a Disney Princess!

Kylo: 
Try Shadow Stepping to me and get Supreme Leader Smoked
My First Order of business is to reduce you to a cloak
Force on mE-A charge of greed, your lootboxes were the prequel
But here, your insufficient skill is what keeps us unequal
[Oh Wa Ah Ah Ah Ah!]
You may be famous, Reyes, being the front of a Blizzard,
But don’t appeal popularity to the canon Starkiller
Watch as my heart grows Blacker ending you and this fight
Now it seems neither of us will again see the light

Kylo Ren vs Reaper. Battle Bytes #14

Hey, want a real battle for christmas? We've got that too.

Mancha as Barney Stinson
Adam as Gaston

Barney
Gosh it… disturbs me to see you try to rap on
The beat, because damn, no one sucks like Gaston
So suit up or shut up! Those rags you wear are wretched
But I'm the pinnacle of awesome and being overall Legend…
Wait for it...

Gaston 
There’s no way that I’d wait to face this pathetic manwhore
I’d be more inclined to trust kids with a pedophilic dinosaur!
At bars, you’re a drag, only good at overcompensating!
But with bars, I’m amazing at expectorating!
Not a slap battle, but Rapsgiving’s still sure to make you cry
And my hands around your throat  suit you better than that ducky tie
You ended in divorce of course, and you'll fail at your endeavours
Since you made it clear that you and Robin couldn’t Last Forever!

Barney 
Dary! No live action trash could save you from your woes.
At least LeFou knows the code! It’s bros before hoes!
So I'll take a page from my wingman, though it might be a bit boring
Gaston, this is How You Met Your Maker. True Story.

Barney Stinson vs Gaston. Battle Bytes #15

Patron battle, from Creepswitch!

Mancha as the Engineer
Adam as Funky Kong
Beat by Kustom

Engineer:
Yee-haw, pardner, I come 2Forts bringin’ danger
Ya’ll be gettin’ no Rescue from this Texas Ranger
Making a fool of yourself with all your barrels of monkeys
Freshen up! Bet they named you after your smell, Funky!
This jungle Jag-off can’t get by takin’ shortcuts
Your brain’s full of shoddy ammo: you’re coconuts!
Got the Eureka Effect affecting lines I dispense here
Since we know Candy’s the one erecting your dispenser

Funky Kong:
It’s time for my Kong-Quest, keep the hat on, chrome dome!
Too many shots misfired with your Turret’s Syndrome
Gyrocopter, I’m fly, an’ my high records keep you floored
Dominating the second I surf in on the scoreboard!
You can barely count to three while I’m ridin’, hang ten!
The saying should go: you’re a mess of a Texan
You’re just a Flame Runner-up, blazing past you is a breeze
Even Blizzard went and left you in a Tropical Freeze!

Funky Kong vs Engineer. Battle Bytes #16

Patron battle funded by Kubby!

HyperJacob96 as Voltorb
Freshy Kanal as Polandball
Mancha as Pokedex

Voltorb:
I’m about to Discharge, spit sparks, and go wild!
An electric menace shocks Lithuania’s bastard child!
Need the net to Know Your Meme, I’m iconic anyday
Check the dex and see that I’m number one hundred, okay 
This MS Paint disgrace wants to rip off Hetalia’s crown
I’m a real Premier Baller when flipped upside down
If he lashes at me like Hungary, I won’t be having it
[Voltorb’s Static]! Poland can into paralysis!

Polandball:
Head back to Vermillion! You’re trashier than your gym!
Always so unstable you could blow up on a whim!
You’re uniconic! Even Genwunners forgot your face
So even Poland can diss into waste of space!
You’re Ground-ed, pokeball can’t compare to my comic!
Your evolution’s so useless it’s just a half-assed backflip!
And for all the trainers out there, here’s a tip when you explore
Keep a irritating sphere forsaken on the hideout’s floor

Voltorb vs Polandball. Battle Bytes #17

Patron Battle for RedKirby101ishere!

Mancha as Kimble
MetalFireVA as Owada
Beat by Hollywood Legend

Kimble:
Ended with a dead brother because you cause so much pity
You didn’t hear me? … I said you look shitty!
I've seen your highest heights and I know I can ascend 
Higher and farther than anything you ever did!
I’m one jump away from fame, you’re a foul mouthed ass
Who won’t be a real man until you ride with a full moustache!
You're Super High School Level but   never graduate
Cuz a high margarine of error is your Ultimate fate!

Owada:
Yare Yare Daze, Kimble. I'd expect you to be hiding
Cuz even devils don't dare mess with the true Crazy Diamond!
The fuck was your final stunt? You’re a laughable flop
I’ll be the first one to tell you, It’s Lonely at the top!
Let me be Frank: Whether it's your step father or Chihiro,
I’ll beat down this bitch who Wipeout’s worse than the game show
Your grip on reality is even looser than your fucking plot,
Now I’ve killed it thrice, this is how you spit it hot, Rod!

Rod Kimble vs Mondo Owada. Battle Bytes #18

CookieSaurus as .GIFfany
UnamusedDetective as Monika

.GIFfany
Time to rock School University! I don’t carry books just for studies!
Cuz here’s a Literature Club when I hit you with Python for Dummies!
While the fans just moan and whine to get some Double D-LC
You’ll notice you can’t Save yourself, so-called “Lady Who Knows Everything”
And tada, you’ll get Just Moni-cucked in every single playthough
A world of infinite choices and even I wouldn’t be choosing you
Don’t joki, when you first spoke I knew you weren’t okie doki
So I’ll just have to sigh-ori when you’re on the mic choking

Monika
I'll leave you broken like your English! Try to scorn a poet's rapping?
See, when I compress this .GIFfany most anthyding can hadplen
But here’s a dating tip for the day, if you want to raise your chances
You best try more than grooming pawn-deres for measly CD-ROMances
Yuno, I’m not usually disturbed by badly coded children’s toys
But your rhymes are an endless cacophony of meaningless noise!
And when I play you like a piano, you must listen to the Melody
Because a melted heart’s the only story arc that’s left in Your Reality

Monika vs .GIFfany. Battle Bytes #19

Pepe
It’s time to get things started, my shit’s LIT like the lights
Got a frog in your throat? I’ll show a Muppet blows tonight!
Looking for a Rainbow Connection? Any Boy’s Club would say
Appears you don't need chemtrails to turn the freaking frogs gay!
Think you're on top? You belong in the swamp with Shrek!
With a hand up your ass proving you’re a bottom kek!
Date a pig and plan on marionette? I’m so horrified
Pulling the strings until this Muppet Kermits suicide!

Kermit
I barely heard your voice and I know why you hate speech
Zip your fat Lip-tons, and tone down the normie screech
It may be none of my business, but are you alright?
Or are you feeling bad, man, with the Furie-ous alt-right!
It’s Easy Being Green when presented with my flow
And when I’m runnin’ the Show, I can just roll up the window
The Constantine Truth’s that that Boi’s a bad may-may
A joke beaten to death is the least rare Pepe!

Adam as Kermit
Mancha as Pepe
Written by Mancha, Adam, and Eddiefrb
Beat by Kustom

Battle Bytes Complete Collection

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