w/ @sleepywater <3
prod @afterlife66 🖤

~~lyrics~~

easy to target
swear i’ve been honest
i’m still tryna rejuvenate
from the memories last august
ink drip from the ceiling
familiar feelings
to take time is to realize
what it really means to be healing

knees go numb when i reach for the shelf
there’s an old song that speaks of myself
but i’ve lost it; my subconscious 
won’t take away this blockage
it’s irritating; the way i hate it
all you are is full of nonsense

how you gonna say ur not into me
everytime you’re my enemy
i feel out of body
everytime im getting the…
drugs from my doctor
off a sedative, i forgot her
i feel like i deserve my happy ever after
i don't like it here, i like raptures
enrapture me for a disaster
i got wounds on me so where’s my plaster
in a room with me, i feel like casper
she don't touch me; i shatter
she dont trust me, i’m in tatters
i’m forever climbing up this
unforgiving ladder

i’m unfair & i know it
frustration; i bestow it
i’m shaking baby, yeah i’m aching,
maybe this is punishment for the broken
the sight that i see through my eye 
isn’t blind
a sigh of relief comforted by a lie
i can’t really take it, 
the pace that i’m making is 
turning me into the me i despise

fuck, i'll turn my back on ur ass & won't
 give it a thought or the time of the day
it doesn't matter, the wounds & the plaster are begging me
“autumn, you just gotta change”
if i go any faster, my body will splatter
 yet i'll be alive, put me outta the pain 
i pick up the fragments of me that just happen
to still be in tact, even after the rain

everything i spew out
i tell the same story
bout how you don't want me
never ever want me
how comes ur all up on me
i pull u, you don’t pull me
im stressed out, can't relax
another pill, i might relapse

i just don’t get it how this life
taught revenge and left me behind
no time to cry…
cause in the end you’ll be fine

how you gonna say ur not into me
everytime you’re my enemy
i feel out of body
everytime im getting the…
drugs from my doctor
off a sedative, i forgot her
i feel like i deserve my happy ever after
i don't like it here, i like raptures
enrapture me for a disaster
i got wounds on me so where’s my plaster
in a room with me, i feel like casper
she don't touch me; i shatter
she dont trust me, i’m in tatters
i’m forever climbing up this
unforgiving ladder

wounds & plaster w/ sleepwater [prod. afterlife]

produced by killedmyself

completely non profit

lyrics

smoking on a fat stack
think i had a heart attack
tryna make my mind blank
all my blunts are fully packed
she just made my back snap
she just made my soul black
i just spent a fat rack
its okay ill make it back

in a week maybe two
look at my face i gone blue
im smoking on hazy now
bitch im smoking u
what u gonna do
i put u in a mood
im just fucking rude
aint nun to do with u

smoking on a fat stack
think i had a heart attack
tryna make my mind blank
all my blunts are fully packed
she just made my back snap
she just made my soul black
i just blew a fat rack
its okay ill make it back

its an all black fit with the silver chains on top of it
metal in my face i feel this jewelry pierce my fucking skin
i dont get what the hell the fucking problem is
i cant love myself despite when im hearing all these compliments

im just doing what i do
wanna see what i can do before im 22
maybe have a house with a pool and a view
i can just kick back smoking bongs on the roof
i can just kick back getting plays getting views
see my name not my face in the news
i dont need no girl on my waist or a boo
and i like being alone i dont need u too

smoking on a fat stack
think i had a heart attack
tryna make my mind blank
all my blunts are fully packed
she just made my back snap
she just made my soul black
i just blew a fat rack
its okay ill make it back


heart attack 110 (killedmyself)

thank you to @sewerperson

bates:
im alright
but id be better if i could just step inside
and i took the reigns
just tryna take control back of my life
but its too much to fight
i reach back and swing, i try
i gotta wet my knife
said it to my face and lied
im too mortified
entrances stay fortified
i dont want advice
trust ive heard it a million times
i cant take in sights
swear that my fuckin brain is fried
such a lonely night
i cant say it but i'll try

i kept the worst all around me
now you'll know better than to fuckin doubt me
its been way too long
i can hear the shadows call
more than writing on the wall
reaching forward and i fall

yeah its terrible
absence of words just happened to say it all
it got way too much i just couldn't go out and face it all
its all my fault
give into misery, lean in and i drop
couldn't find the words
looking back and i seem to know it all

sewerperson:
tell me twice
first time i was mummified
i'll abide with anything u say is right
in the dark we all turn to lesser life
candle light saves me in these lonely nights
war inside ur head is purely natural baby
once i say my grace i turn to animal baby
pray for me cause i been out my head as of lately
tables turn and friends turn into heathens that hate me
i feel i'm the perfect candidate in this purge
i got shackles on my ankles while i pick at this dirt
i guess i dont got my angel looking down on my state
cause if they were then i'd be subject to a numbing of fate
as time goes by i could feel me rot
the light cuts thru me and it tears me up
i apologize for the pain i had caused
i know it doesn't make it right but at least i fought

bates:
yeah its terrible
absence of words just happened to say it all
it got way too much i just couldn't go out and face it all
its all my fault
give into misery, lean in and i drop
couldn't find the words
looking back and i seem to know it all

hindsight bias ft. sewerperson

i can't tell lies
with this cup in my hand 
i can't love life
being who i am 
the place my body lies
is where u left me
the place my body lies
is where u killed me  

i can't tell lies
with this cup in my hand 
i can't love life
being who i am 
the place my body lies
is where u left me
the place my body lies
is where u killed me 

u hurt me again
fuck all of ur reasons
ur fucked in the head 
alone in the end 
fuck ur fucking treason
ur fucked in the head 
i gave you all my love
when i had nothing left
u never gave it back
so aknowledge u fucked my path 

look, the seasons changing
sunny days but it's still raining 
the look u gave me
i always knew that u fucking hate me 
stop, with all the blaming 
if u shut up i'll simply take it
ur attitude is still the same and
i know that u won't change it	


i can't tell lies
with this cup in my hand 
i can't love life
being who i am 
the place my body lies
is where u left me
the place my body lies
is where u killed me  

i can't tell lies
with this cup in my hand 
i can't love life
being who i am 
the place my body lies
is where u left me
the place my body lies
is where u killed me

i can't tell lies with this cup (vyle & rxhff)

ly caspy <33

lyrics:

waking up the same as u left me
pillies to the brain, i got plenty
tell me run away in the bentley
take away the pain that u fed me

im in the function
n i cannot function 
lung combusting
repercussion
u on sum fuck shit
playing me, percussion
~death wish~
blood gon drip my neck like issa necklace
name on top my wrist, look like a setlist
wake up, bake the bowl, this shit not even breakfast
eating breakfast
i be on my dread shit
blood gon drip my neck like issa necklace
name on top my wrist, look like my setlist

{casperrr}
i tried to run
but i an't fast
tried to fight 
but i knew i wouldn't last
these feelings
kicked my ass
but there's no way
i am ever going back 
wake up
drag myself outta bed again
face up
tryna face my oldest fucking friend
sadness
i think this is the end
timeless
im afraid i have no time left 

putting all my songs on her playlist
goth bitch
stare me in me eyes and
she looks flawless
falling 
deep into a faucet
i ain't notice
wore my heart on my sleeve
until you came and u broke it

{shizukesa + casperrr}
waking up the same as u left me
pillies to the brain, i got plenty
tell me run away in the bentley
take away the pain that u fed me

follow spotify!

death_wish w/ casperrr (yung rospo)

srry i've been gone. been rlly FUCKED up :(

lyrics:

let me go
take me home
thru this pain
solely i know
take me home
take me home
to a place
i might know

you call me cause you can't sleep
and i can hear your breathing
it's a lustful temptation my body abrasive i'm reading your thoughts right now
i can tell what you're thinking bout
i'll give in with acceptance of another round
i feel out of place with my mind in this state
it's a feeling i hate but her touch turns me on right now

let me go
take me home
thru this pain
solely i know
take me home
take me home
to a place
i might know

fw0b (thersx)

produced by: jolst + homesick 
vocals, mixing & mastering by me 

lyrics: 


felt the whole room change when she stepped in
she got fire in her blood she electric
he would kill for her if she would let him 
but she holds his hand tight to prevent it “whered u stay? whered u go? whered u check in?”
it’s a little bit too much
but he expects it 
and it’s more than his face shes obsessed with
she wants his blood
oh i bet tastes expensive 

and in the moonlight of his death
she’ll lay her hands upon her chest and rest
for a while
until this city summons her again,
look down at this place and she can’t help
but crack a smile 
she collects and carries souls from these men
those pretty words she says fu-fu- fuck with my head 
a soft spoken queen til he lays in her bed 
in the morning 
and when it’s time my love will you please heed me with a warning 

and these doors are locked shut, so just bleed
she can’t see anything 
through her mask full of greed
just breathe
bury me 
in the leaves 
by the trees
curse the lips that got me here 
and she ice, so i freeze 
shes a spirit; baby turn my skin white promise i wont leave 
everybody want her but don’t want those punctures from her teeth
i thought vampires were stories
eyes turned black, i couldn’t believe 
on this night this wooden floor is the only thing under me 

my eyes open finally to 6 feet 
of mud
throat is dry, and my hands feel numb 
last thing i remember was the slow slow cut 
i can smell the copper on my clothes
i’m covered in blood
so i push, i pray, i cry, i hope that i get out this rut
she laughs, and i can hear her, though it’s muffled and i’m stuck 
she told me “boy you shoulda turned around when i asked u what’s up”
and then she smile, put a dress on, to the next party she struts 

felt the whole room change when she stepped in
she got fire in her blood she electric
he would kill for her if she would let him 
but she holds his hand tight to prevent it “whered u stay? whered u go? whered u check in?”
it’s a little bit too much
but he expects it 
and it’s more than his face shes obsessed with
she wants his blood
oh i bet tastes expensive

souleater (jolst + homesick)

[+ Tosha]

1st - @user-411557229 
2nd - @northshoremusic 
3rd - @emptychest 
4th - @torvamia 
5th - @strivemusicau 
6th - @caspywaspy 
7th - @soulfadexo 
8th - @x1fern 
9th - @noxious-nights 
10th - @navyxower 
11th - @shizukesaaa 
12th - @hoeplessboy

Holding Onto Something [+ Tosha x Kev]

introduction
prod/ft my good friend @greenwood2000
<3

lyrics:
something was stolen
something i borrowed
must’ve been open
must’ve been hollow
& open progression
is nothing but awful
i trample my thoughts
till they’re tougher to swallow

its passion that kills you,
the nerve’s gonna drive you insane
i can’t stand to look back
when the only thing there is your name
i took this as a loss
when i should’ve been counting the days
its a wish on a star
you’re the one thing that’s keeping me sane
i’m losing this game
when you’re learning to lose
well, the world isn’t spinning the same

greenwood:
I put some distance out into the worlds
And I never trip about the way that it hurts
And I think they buried me deep in the dirt
But trust me, and trust me it still could get worse

Seventeen years in a hospital bed 
And they treat me different I know what it is
And it'd take a year to explain what it did
When I got a phantom inside of my limbs

Closed down, held over
And I found the worst way to tell you
And I couldn't leave but I'd let you
And tell me you think I'll be dead soon

Held down, I'm closer
And I found the best way to end it
And I didn't sleep just pretended
And fucked up my life like your friends said

its passion that kills you,
the nerve’s gonna drive you insane
(cant take back what i said, 
im the one you can blame)
i can’t stand to look back
when the only thing there is your name
(not the man in your heart,
he had went with the pain)
i took this as a loss
when i should’ve been counting the days
(its a pattern i keep,
wish i’d throw it away)
its a wish on a star
you’re the one thing that’s keeping me sane
(i know its too late)
i’m losing this game
when you’re learning to lose
well, the world isn’t spinning the same

learning to lose

learning to lose w/ greenwood

spotify & apple music!

ｓｃａｔｔｅｒ　ｍｙ　ａｓｈ　ｔｈｅｎ　ｐｕｔ　ｆｌｏｗｅｒｓ　ｉｎ

keep going
love you guys.
ty all so so much for the support recently
check up on your friends, and in retrospect, more importantly yourself.
thank you so much for listening.
prod @cartermetro x @gavinhadley 🖤

(i barely feel at home right now)
(so i sedate through the drink and hope it all works out)

cauterize with the lime
press on the wound 'till i start feeling fine
why are the genuine so hard to find
but if i was counterfeit,
i would shatter on the ground when i fall
call; anyone but me at all
i'm out my element, don't be afraid though
i feel like porcelain
scatter my ash then put flowers in

i ain't want screen time
they think i ain't worth shit when my light dies
but i'll brush it off and say, "fine, yeah."
just don't get back to me for hi's
'cause that was our last goodbye

(who am i?) (2x)

avoid coming 'cross me
i don't talk often
sugarcoated but without the chocolate
you got the message, so ignore the comments
but my heart is nauseous, that's the problem
i drink and repeat 'cause i love the peak
down with his men-tal, knights, now the king
stuck in this hell, into hell i will sink
if i died, would you grieve?
i'd like to believe
and i can't remember how i felt
the moment had seized me, it's really so evident
all that remains are reminders and remnants
i wish i told you how i felt.

wade through the rain
cherish the moment
difficulties only prove they're golden
full exhaust, eyes sewn wide open
regard me as dust
just a road with no bliss

foaming at the lips
if i'm human, i admit
i hold a heavy distaste for what you have to say
but i'll listen
i'll listen anyways

cauterize with the lime
press on the wound 'till i start feeling fine
why are the genuine so hard to find
but if i was counterfeit,
i would shatter on the ground when i fall
call; anyone but me at all
i'm out my element, don't be afraid though
i feel like porcelain
scatter my ash then put flowers in

porcelain [prod. cxrter x gavin hadley]

<33 luv yall w/ all my heart :) tysm for 30K on nites !!!

pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head

cold
blowing im smoking on thrax n been stuck in my home
2 days a week i been barely breathing, im sleeping in smoke
i been outside n still been stuck on the road
oh~
baby i am not making it home

(bad bitch like maleficent
im smoking this evergreen, its heavensent
im sipping on heavenly
this everclear shit no good 4 me and i'll throw it up by like 2 or 3
honestly know u dead 2 me but still fill u up like its calories)

live life in a hurry
my baby so worried
pushing in a benz, we cruisin 90 in a 30
uh, double cup i fill it up like shit was dirty
I COULDN'T THINK OF A LINE HERE LMFAOOOOO

pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head
pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head

dead (heyylotus & warheart)

(mostly) songs i wrote about a girl i no longer know

heart attack 110 (killedmyself)

betweentheveinsandi

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