@nevermadeithome
@jolst
@pekarot_161

i can never get myself to care
you can try to fix me but you cant
blurs in my vision overhead
stumbling around, it's only chance
its only chance
damage
i set up the scene in which i land in
pull the curtains down, you cannot make me stand this
i ran in
ruined all i had my hand in
i sit back no use in standin
you wouldn't understand it
too much on my mind
wish i could agree
i couldn't stomach all the lies
i go back there all the time
now you see, i can never get it right

nevermadeithome:
u really ruin my mood
guess thats all on me
cast that shit behind
like a cloak check my feet
i be dancing on my own in my room
keep romancing on ur phone ur not cool
damage
i set up the scence in which i land in
u use to own 2019 but u vanished
savage u know u fdk up panic
u been round to long i guess that u had it

vanish w/ nevermadeithome (jolst x pekarot)

prod fats'e
w/
@heylog  &
@lilskeleskrrt

lyrics:

heylog:
ur across the states, i wish it wasn't the truth
it's either them or me, now ur gone.. you had to choose
so i gave you a piece of art i took time and drew
u can keep it forever, i hope it stays with u
you've got so much ahead of u and goals to accomplish
while i make a song saying "log u need to top this"
but god i'm tired and the struggle is real
i died and came back to life, now i can't feel

fats'e:
life goes on
can't say i didn't try
just not hard enough
found a new timeline
just tossed to the side
died and came back to life

we both come undone
feeling stuck in a loop
that i can't seem to outrun
feeling stuck in a loop can't escape

skele:
n god i’d love to talk 
but look just not right now 
got some shit to say 
i jus don’t know how 
i spent like every night alone jus fucking dreaming of you 
n love i know your hurting 
it kills me too 

n tell me why 
it always gets so hard 
getting out of bed 
feels like i’m heading to war 
n if i saw the reaper know he’d take me for sure
breaking down alone 
i put my head to the door 

i don’t get it 
i thought i was better 
u said it 
so why can’t i remember 
i’m sick of living like this 
i hate the medicine 
im sick of crying like this 
it never fucking ends 

n at this point think i’ve died twice 
really good at fucking up my life 
n i don’t care if you love me
i just need you to lie 
life goes on, i just don’t wanna try 
i got used to all the pain inside

died and came back to life (w/ heylog & skele)

5/31/22
the song that introduced me to 9tails
@sewerperson

9TAILS - leaves (cover)

track 3 
n i’ve never felt as low as this
when u told me that u hate me
i died a bit 
now the sun feels so cold on my skin 
and nothing tastes the same, again, you win

 
yea and i cry every night when i go to sleep
i don’t wanna fight anymore please just bury me 
you’re the one i like
despite what u said to me 
i’m high as a kite 
off this mud
keep on tellin me 
that i should get help 
but u never been a friend 
so please don’t sit and cry
fake tears on my bed 
u the one that tried to help me til the end
why the fuck i need a therapist when i got u instead?

*inhale*
*exhale*
it’s as easy as that
*inhale*
*exhale*

just breathe it’s as easy at that 
as easy as that 
so i just breathe when this bitch get me mad
grayfox the king i be here til i’m dead 
had a slow year think my shit about to fall off
but i’m still here with this blood on my hands
shoutout to tropic, as easy as that
shoutout to loveless, as easy as that 
run thru the street when i’m off of my meds
but i’ll still be right here while these boys follow trends
3 playlists 1 week i’m scheming again 
people can hate but ain’t bled what i bled 
i’ve seen the fall when ur stood on the edge cus i’ve seen my own mum in a hospital bed
i’m way too high so go argue with them
got my whole life in the palm of my hands
make a no hook and then go right to bed
and u can sendflowrs when im laid to rest

just breathe, it’s as easy as that (mackk)

prod. caves

i've been stalking you
can i be somebody new?
waiting on a text from you
but you would never get it thru your head
and my head, 
is killing me right now
while you were chilling with your friends
and you'd never fuck around
who do i trust?
probably you, but
i dont love
no 
not since kyra, and
not since kai
not since the boy across the world
world
the first one was a test run
and the second one he wanted none
if you want me you should've kept me
and i dont know why i didnt respond to you
and now i feel fucked up
i think i fucked up.
fucked up
fucked up
fucked up
fucked up

if not, then rot.

enjoy; haven't done something like this in a while
prod. @isitmalloy & @sorrow_bringer <3

got tripwire hooks where i'm standing
they taunt me cause i'm too outlandish
i'll scorch their skin like a god damn dragon
they ask me "autie, how the fuck do you manage"

told me i reap what i sow
i ain't do shit; i'm on the go
so many people i don't even know
wishing me well; i just wanna compose
write me a eulogy, be sure to show
all that i overcame way down the road
you wouldn't believe it 
coming from the mouth of the one 
who's already been disposed

it's like i'm not here
and i can't take it
i'll set off a flare on my tongue
till i'm breaking
and she don't hit up my line, but i get it
we're one in the same
i love isolation
i'm living in a masquerade 
my mind had mutated from it's radiation
i know me best when it hits dusk
but then i'm falling off by dawn
this patience forsaken me; heartless and gone
so i stay prolongued
well, more-so i'm stunned
this madness that was casted
i honestly love.

got tripwire hooks where i'm standing
they taunt me cause i'm too outlandish
i'll scorch their skin like a god damn dragon
they ask me "autie, how the fuck do you manage"

hate in my veins
i do not self-proclaim
bit the metal in my mouth
i'm pouring red right outta my face
empty tank, but i'm up
i'm exhausted and i rank
for every fodder, it's our father 
that'll grant you heavy rain

it's too calm
for such an uneventful evening
my stomach's in the corner teething
scold me as my breath's depleting

i guess that you ain't understand the first time
i ain't gonna run it back, there's way too many landmines
i'm numbing to nostalgia
that's the only thing that's kept me in a safe space
I'M SICK OF FEELING STUCK INSIDE THE SAME PLACE

got tripwire hooks where i'm standing
they taunt me cause i'm too outlandish
i'll scorch their skin like a god damn dragon
they ask me "autie, how the fuck do you manage"

this is not where i belong
there's piranhas in the pond
pawn-
pawn-
pawn-paw-paw-p-p-p-

fuck
i need a challenger
i'm up so early, i'm my own manager
even if my name is someone's you haven't heard
they'd still wanna 
rip me out of the fucking earth
these scissors and wine are combining
shut the fuck up
let me get back to dining
the taste of acceptance is oh so refreshing
when mixed in with vengeance
old habits are tempting

they ask me, "autie, how the the fuck do you manage?.."

pawn [prod. malloy x sorrow bringer]

confusion w/ hiraeth (switch)

just a vent, very drunk rn 
shoutout my brother @jolst on the production



tell me baby does he write you songs? 
blood all on my pillow when i wake up shit is wrong
i been takin 30’s got me itchin i can’t stop 
every time i think i got a hit it start to flop
i wish that i never saw those numbers from the start 
try not to let it bug me but i can’t lie it hurt my heart
i spill my soul on the mic n go smoke a dart 
shoutout to big veins we just alike in that regard 

everybody write bout doin drugs, it’s ok
but u ain’t ever threw up in ur sleep it burn ur lungs
i been sippin lean for 4 days babe im havin fun, ay
feel my heart beatin in my chest i’m dying young
and words are powerful theyll kill u like a gun 
watch the shit u speak cus ur whole life it becomes
people love to talk their shit but watch em when i run
when i fly to USA im landin with a punch 

i got G.E.R.D
regurgitation ): 
might pop a 40
and float away and
can’t stand you phonies
so go away yea
got good friends round me
but they won’t stay, yea 
and i’m used to that 
always been the same 
since a small boy i been
always filled with hate 
but i love my momma 
and i love my dad :)
and i’m thankful daily
for the shit i have 

maybe life is okay
maybe it’s not that bad 
i got someone who loves me
can’t argue with that <3 
i still get so fucked up
til i can’t call a cab 
i been tryna love myself 
but i don’t love me back 
i still wake everyday 
with shit on my shoulders i’m a heavyweight
get away
from all the negative things i always say 
fill the page
with shit i would think but i would never say
care+ in my drink 
but i been tryna get in better shape 

i can’t even think yea 
baby i’m just sitting here recording with a drink yea 
shoutout to the gang 
that’s double L all on my krink yeah 
shoutout to the goat jolst 
can’t wait till we link yeah <3 (love u bro) 

n i still wear a hoodie 
even when it’s hot
pull it over my face
so u can’t see me rot
baby take your hood down
girl i’m self conscious
everybody talkin money $$$
don’t know what a job is 

i guess this is what they call 
a r- release 
i just love you all so much 
that i can’t even speak
i feel fuckin worthless
but you’re all helping me
this one for the soundcloud
ima go to sleep … 

(love u all bro i get a lil soppy when i am drunk sorry )

maybe its not that bad (jolst)

its ur mess
figure it out

produced by neverforever 

completely non profit

lyrics

I been tryna live life wrong 
I can feel it now
tell me when I write my songs
what u feelin' out?
lemme rip apart my soul
let me deal it out
I just live inside my head
I won't let me out

walk around like an apartment complex
scenes of loss n abandoned objects
mental blocks feel like shallow tar pits
I got the keys but forgot where the car is
here's a song for the truly sharded
fucked around n got broken hearted
itchy arms when asked where the scar is
who u r is not at all important

I been tryna live life wrong 
I can feel it now
tell me when I write my songs
what u feelin' out?
lemme rip apart my soul
let me deal it out
I ain't really got much else
so I'ma give it out

even when I'm down count on me I got it
lemme write this down then tomorrow drop it
name another coming up that can match
I'll top it
I get on the beat n watch the heads start boppin 
I don't wanna sing on the same old topic
while I'm on the flow lemme shoutout tropic 
running low on time so it's hard to lock in
I go to work in the morning exhausted

still the cold air of the mountain somehow always catches up to me
I could feel the past go up in flames as smoke rolls over me
I will never get that back, yet still, has such a hold on me
there's nothing, I'm just fucked n u can't save me from my -

I been tryna live life wrong 
I can feel it now
tell me when I write my songs
what u feelin' out?
lemme rip apart my soul
let me deal it out
why u listen to me whine
u should kick me out



mountain dweller (neverforever)

【﻿ｏｎｅ　ｄａｙ　ｔｈｅｙ＇ｌｌ　ｈｅａｒ　ｍｅ　ｏｕｔ】



prod. @jeweler737
thank you so much for listening.
thank you for being here.
x

i won't get this right
i never do
just another night,
where i think of you
and i know it's hard to cover all that spite
i do it really well, with a dulled knife
mom i'm sorry if you hear this
i never wanna speak up on how i'm really feeling
i know that you fear it; me leaving this planet
but i want to every moment
i've been caught in my own headlights
they're too blind to notice
turned to my own hand, in search of an answer
but all i receive are emotion enhancers
i've been down like forever
as far as i can possibly remember
(so dismembered)
i wouldn't wanna hurt an ant,
but i'm so selfish
i just can't help it
and i'm so sorry, i'm just not sober
here comes october
i'm getting older
just another disorder, that i didn't order
goodbye sweet child
i no longer can hold you
i don't even know you
here come's the morning
i'm one step closer
maybe i'll get an answer
but i don't have the energy to speak right now
(nor feel)
one day they'll hear me out.
oh,
we're among the earth, beneath the dirt
i feel it all, besides my worth
so all i have are these verbal words
i can't figure out if it's a bless or curse
oh what a mess i've made of me
i won't get past twenty-three
so here i am, still brittling
imagining all that i wanna be
will i ever be?

splitting hairs while the universe has it's back turnt.
a naive child leading oneself into great danger
letting greater danger bid on the outcome.
eyes creeping open ever so softly
are we in
are we...
how come?

fomalhaut [prod. jewelryboy]

<33 luv yall w/ all my heart :) tysm for 30K on nites !!!

pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head

cold
blowing im smoking on thrax n been stuck in my home
2 days a week i been barely breathing, im sleeping in smoke
i been outside n still been stuck on the road
oh~
baby i am not making it home

(bad bitch like maleficent
im smoking this evergreen, its heavensent
im sipping on heavenly
this everclear shit no good 4 me and i'll throw it up by like 2 or 3
honestly know u dead 2 me but still fill u up like its calories)

live life in a hurry
my baby so worried
pushing in a benz, we cruisin 90 in a 30
uh, double cup i fill it up like shit was dirty
I COULDN'T THINK OF A LINE HERE LMFAOOOOO

pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head
pass out
tommy when i roll out
ion check my phone now
only when u go out wtf
pass it up again
words i've left unsaid
think im better dead
thoughts inside my head

follow spotify!

dead (heyylotus & warheart)

(mostly) songs i wrote about a girl i no longer know

mountain dweller (neverforever)

betweentheveinsandi

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