After his morning routine of yoga and meditation, Brian checks his ever-growing Revolut.Mars account before reads the intergalactic news on his phone while drinking his coffee. This morning, an article from Cydonia Daily catches his eye:

“42 thousand hectolitres of illegal Aqua Encelada seized by Martian Perimeter Forces (MPF)

In the early hours of the Martian morning, Extrapol have made the biggest seizure to date of undeclared Aqua Ence- lada in the vicinity of landing station MRS_3213. The finding of 42’00 hectolitres of high-purity Aqua Encelada on a cargo vessel entering supposedly carrying rare earths from the Centauri system marks a new record for the prolife- ration of illegal trade of this highly sought-out drinking water from Saturn’s ice-covered moon Enceladus.
Tests made on the chemical composition of the cargo reveal the water to have been extracted by the famously dan- gerous and highly illegal Aquabahn Method, which consists of high-speed capture of H20 particles ejected via cryo- volcanic eruption on Enceladus’s southern pole. This illicit method of extraction has become increasingly popular in recent years as mismanagement within AquaCorp Galactica coupled with unrelenting inflation on Mars have led to a surge in the price of luxury goods such as drinking water.
So far, no arrests have been made. A spokesperson from Extrapol told our journalists that the entire crew of the cargo vessel “internally combusted” immediately upon the discovery of the illegal cargo, leaving no survivors, but rumours that an escape pod managed to evade capture and jump to an unknown destination in hyperspace have been circulating. One Martian Perimeter Forces (MPF) official whose identity must be kept secret for obvious rea- sons told our investigative team that the cargo is believed to have been extracted by the Ultracephalic League and their mysterious amphibious leader Brian.
We strongly urge our readers to consume only the government-authorised synthesised Martian water, and to avoid luxury products whose dangerous extraction increases the influence of dangerous non-governmental groups such as the Ultracephalic League and their slug-like despot leader.“

The Aquabahn Method

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