only real ones made it this deep into the atlas rabbit hole

sample: it looks sad - creature

i saw you in the window of my room
i saw you in the window of my room last night again
i screamed, "please don't go" at you
but those fragile bones still seemed to move so fast
and i know it hurts to hear
but i'm just no god damn good, my dear
i promise you i would not lie
i die to live and live to die

no one ever told me what the words feel like
no one ever told me what the words felt like
when you're asleep in empathy
and i'm awake in entropy

i met you in the parking lot outside of the high school
breathing in the fumes from cigarettes and trying to act cool
you asked me "do you hate yourself? i can tell you fit the part"
i said "self loathing? listen, just don't even start"
can't put into words the way that you intimidated me
was fighting with a mirror over which side was the fakery
we shared our stories, showed our scars
made that promise, crashed your car

no one ever told me what the words feel like
no one ever told me what the words felt like
when you're asleep inside a ditch
passenger seat, i lie and twich 'cause
no one ever told me what the words feel like
no one ever told me what the words felt like
i watched you die and spoke your name
but neither of us felt the same

NO ONE EVER TOLD ME

answer

decided i was going to start an emo band by myself and made this in around four hours

hope it's decent enough for the internet

yelling softly, speaking to you
i can read that expression that you do
it screams loudly towards my eyes
"either something's wrong or someone died"
i'm struggling with everyday things
like going to the bank or buying groceries for us
and it's nothing for you to brush me off like dust on your jacket sleeve
but something in you won't let it happen this week

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

asking questions you don't even know the answer to
it makes no sense, still it's the only thing that i can do
i wish i was invisible for just one day of my life
i'd be so much better off if i disappeared for eternity
late night phone calls, missing your touch
nothing says "i don't need you these days," quite like not answering does
i am sorry for my mistakes
i'm but a fragile addition to something uncouth, you're the nucleus of this whole world

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
how can i be such a
big fuck up?

knowing you
breaking down
what exactly is
that awful sound?

missing you
breaking up
i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

i'll day drink my way
out of this rut

day drink

passed out in some garage
someone broke my guitar
spilled beer on your friend's couch
but i'm not fucking sorry
i'll see you tomorrow
i've gotta sleep some more
and when i leave your house
you'll hear me slam the door

i woke up in the eve-
ning with you in my bed
i wondered what was going on
i wondered what we said
both of us high as hell
surprised that we could speak
said something fucking stupid
and then you said to me

i don't know where i'm goin'
and i don't know what i feel
and i don't know who i am
or what is real

got a gig tonight
don't think i have a ride
supposed to start at 6
i'll be there at 9
what the hell's my name?
i don't remember it
and who plays in my band?
oh, i don't give a shit

i might hit the town
like where's the party at?
and stuff my fucking face
until i have a heart attack
i'm probably better off
a memory or dream
but for now i'm here
at least that's how it seems but

an ode to addiction (among other things)

artwork was shot by mae <3 tysm

we keep drifting through these weekends
i keep wondering what's keeping
me away from ever speaking
properly in conversations

i can't swallow medication
you keep forgetting to take it
wonder how my name keeps ending
up in stranger's mouths

in all these conversations

nothing like anonymous comments
to make you feel like everything's fading out
i'm not waiting, i'm not waiting
for the sadness to go
too much time on my hands, yes
it's obvious that i am blessed
but something tells me i can't rest
until i find something good to do

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i can't keep hoping that something will rescue me

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i've gotta fix this shit now

been losing my friends and severing ties
we walked to the ending and said our goodbyes
but somehow, no matter the passage of time
they always fucking talk about me

conversations

when it all falls apart like a house made of cards
i will shuffle this deck 'til i fall asleep
gentle touch, brittle bones, when we talk on the phone
i exist for you, you have all of me

i'm a small speck of dust, an inanimite husk
of my former self, they are vanishing
there's a ghost in my room and it wears the perfume
that you used to wear; it's like you're next to me

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

you're a voice in my head, at the foot of my bed
like a poltergeist, drifting hauntingly
and my mind is a void, for the broken, destroyed
little parts of me, an infinity

this ache in my head makes me quake in my bed
i fixate on it, i can't fall asleep
with this whine in my ears when the silence appears
it is deafining, it is everything

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

real enough

constantly reminded of my past self's dumb mistakes
wishing i could go back in time

dreaming on repeat, climbing up the staircase
stepping into open air

nicotine for dinner, you ask if i've lost weight
the truth is that i didn't mean to

panic in the bathroom, 'cause the person in my mirror
is a foggy recollection of me

but i have to be okay
you say there's just too much at stake
and i'd throw it all away
if i said goodbye today

i have to be okay

atlas - such nice sounds (acoustic)

hi sorry this is really sad

get drunk to forget that i could jump
sober up and wanna do it twice as much
drink more, but it’s never quite enough
think morbid thoughts to feel more stuck

pass out in the morning when the light
floods over the empty void of night
and this sickness i can't fight
will constantly ruin my life

'til i pass out
on the floor again
and feel the air under my feet
i’m always falling in my dreams
but they aren’t nightmares
i think they’re omens
of what’s coming for me
i see demons in my sleep
then i wake up

get high to forget how much it hurts
come down, just to end up feeling worse
six years of therapy reversed
by every line in every verse

used to write poems just to cope
so ironic, now the rope
around my neck’s entwined
with every letter, every line

my writing
is getting better
but i’m certainly not
put me in the ground to rot
and don’t remember
please forget me
‘cause every memory you keep
will be more pain on you from me
than i can take

sickness (8th floor blues)

hi how r u i'm ok also this is old

counting all the constellations
i can see without all this pollution
everything will come and go
your permenance comes from all the reminders

always waiting too long
plucking strings from the spiderwebs hanging down
it's all meter when you're living in song
move slowly to an infinite, monotonous sound
barely eating, always staying in place
depression nesting in between these hollow parts
something endless in my monochrome dreams
i'm a nobody now that you've taken my heart

counting all the constellations
i can see without all this pollution
everything will come and go
your permenance comes from all the reminders

NO ONE EVER TOLD ME

BURIAL SERVICE

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