Why the fuck can’t I just die I don’t want to Live 

my phone about to blow up because of this fire song

go follow @rxseboy :)

yeah, listen close to my words, yeah
i'm a ghost, but it hurts, yeah
i got thrown to the curb, uh
all alone it's a curse, yeah
put my soul in a verse, whoa
they don't know how it works, yeah
i've been searching for a new life
see the stepping stones in the dirt? Yeah
i want everyone to love me
i want everyone to trust me
not gonna happen
i think about this every day
and dream about it every night
what am I lacking?
conversations in the mirror
no one there up in the rear view
driving alone
got no music playing when I'm steering
hope you like it when you hear it, yeah

why don’t you let me leave
i need some peace got a weight that’s on top of me
am i numb or depressed
as my feelings suggest 
eel like nobody wanted me
i can’t eat but i’m hungry
my body is numbing
don’t know what keeps stopping me
i’m finished i tried fixing a problem
i’m sticking to running anxiety coursing right through me
this shit don’t happen like shit in the movies
i should’ve expected to keep me protected
i had faith in an ending that’s happy
starting to notice that often don’t happen
i’m tired of fighting the feelings i have in my body
then saying im good when im asked
the truth is im upping my dosage
i smoke every day to feel okay and put on a mask
i wanted a love but it came with a tag
i wanted to smile but i’m breaking my back
put energy in just to get nothing back
i’m not falling asleep like an insomniac
i’m losing my patience
i stare at the ceiling my life being wasted
but i’m never changing
hope when you hear it gets harder to face it

yeah, listen close to my words, yeah
i'm a ghost, but it hurts, yeah
i got thrown to the curb, uh
all alone it's a curse, yeah
put my soul in a verse, whoa
they don't know how it works, yeah
i've been searching for a new life
see the stepping stones in the dirt? Yeah
i want everyone to love me
i want everyone to trust me
not gonna happen
i think about this every day
and dream about it every night
what am I lacking?
conversations in the mirror
no one there up in the rear view
driving alone
got no music playing when I'm steering
hope you like it when you hear it, yeah

@rxseboy- i'm a ghost but it hurts cover/remix (prod. ocean)

Blaming Me For Us

written by Lxst Boy & Giovanni
produced by Boyfifty & Ayleen Valentine 
mixed and mastered by Giovanni
out on all platforms

thanks for all the support on the old version 💙
shoutout Matthias, love u bro

-lyrics-
(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
I'm sorry that I let you down
it's probably cause I sleep too much
and every time that you're around
there's always something wrong

(Verse 1: Lxst Boy)
late nights and talks with my conscience
lately i been feeling nauseous
I write songs so call me off topic
lowkey wanna tell them to stop it
I'll just get walked on
I'm feeling that way like non-stop
I'm sorry I'm an outcast wait no I'm not
but I let you down whenever I talk
I'm feeling like a 9tails knockoff
I came from the sewers then the time stopped
im running around in circles in my thoughts
the clock winding down, hear the tick tock
when I'm locked in my room
I'm feeling the tension
record at my desk
these lyrics unscripted
writing these songs
that you'll never listen
cause you never cared
I'm a solo mission woah
uh I wanna talk
without feeling guilty
I need a shower
you making me filthy
blood stains the wall
you know that you killed me
its cold in my room
and at night it gets chilly
I wanna talk
but every time I do my heartstrings in a knot
in getting tired of writing these songs
and day by day 
you wouldn't tell me what's wrong
yeah

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
 
(Verse 2: Giovanni)
where am i goin, what do i got 
i feel so lonely, everyone stop
want you to hold me, damn i forgot 
what it was like, i feel distraught 
i let you down and watched you depart
now everything’s loud and i’m caught in the dark
like i’m in the dirt, buried with the worms 
and that is the funniest fuckin part
cause what did we say together
all of those times, that you let me down
tell the words that we sang together
everything’s fine, we’ll be alright 
we’ll fuckin stand in the rain together 
i don’t mean to cry, but why did you lie
remind me again why stayed together 

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)

S T R E A M

Let You Down w/ Giovanni & Ayleen Valentine (boyfifty)

Jomie - Whats The Point

Verse 1
Does heaven have wifi
I'm trying to call
Wanna come see you
But gates are 2 tall
Your hug was a drug
Now I know the withdraw
These pictures don't help
They’re just eating me raw
Are you an angel? 
Do you have cable? 
I wanna connect 
But I guess you’re not able
I wish you were
But the illness was fatal
A hole in my heart
Now it look like a bagel
I graduated but you didn’t see
And I’ll never know
It’s not a mystery 
I’m imaginating all our history
And hoping you will know all
That you meant to me, yeah
I miss your faces
I miss days when 
We would hang out 
But death had to take it
My heart has been aching
I see it all breaking
I hope you’ll come back
But I know you won't make it

Verse 2
This is hard for me
Honestly 
Got a missing part
Where my heart should be
I didn’t love you enough 
cuz I was too young
I didn’t take in all the art to see, yeah
Tell me now
What do you do?
Are you in heaven?
Is everything new?
I’m reading my Bible
And learning the truth
Hoping that I can come 
Be with you too 
Do you pray for me?
can you stay with me?
Are they games up there?
Will play with me? 
Maybe I wont ever 
Get to see you again
But if we’re friends
Will you wait for me? 
Do you talk to the angels at all?
Does God have a phone?
Does He ever call? 
I hear Him sometimes
A voice through my wall
Please know that I love you
And don’t ever fall

listen on spotify!

can't wait ft. powfu (prod. movye)

Time is of the Essence

And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and

Man I really hate anxiety 
It’s like a dressing room 
The way its trying me 
I’ve been inside my head
I’m dying silently 
My thoughts are turning up 
but do it quietly 
I stress on
The smallest of things
Which usually don’t matter
But matter to me 
My mind has been racing 
I’m Lighting McQueen 
I constantly panic 
I’m panicking
Somebody please 
Man I could really use Jesus 
Stressed out
I don’t even got a reason 
All this thinking 
You would think I was a genius 
Been living in repetition  
I’m tripping 
I’m sleepless
You thinking I’m playing 
Life ain’t a game 
Maybe I am a little deranged 
I’ve been seeing every problem 
Their getting caught in my brain 
I’ve been praying for change 
Or a key to the cage 
Or a cure my pain 
Okay this is kinda lame 

And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and

Yeah I been overthinking 
I’m over thinking 
While tryna cook up a beat
Got over seasoned 
I don’t ever smoke 
Got sober reasons  
Man I need a cup of coffee
That’s Costa Rican
It’s hard to deal on my own 
I took a break from my phone 
Stil I feel on my lone 
the reasons unknown 
I’m praying to God 
the King on the throne, ya know? 

And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and lonely 
My thoughts keep me cozy
And I keep my worries all close on a leash
I’m over thinking my whole life
It goes for the whole night
And lately I’ve been forgetting how to sleep 
And I’ve been anxious and

forgetting how to sleep (feat. okay amber) (prod. nayl & ohsobrkn)

I Hate Myself With Everything I Am [prod. BadKid]

I Guess Im The Reason Why

i think its u w/seon (prod. kado)

My New Mixtape “LOST IN LIFE: A Mental Health Tape” is out now on all platforms! I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for everyone who has stuck with me over the past years...truly mean it when I say I wouldn’t be here without you guys. I wrote the majority of this project at one of the lowest points of my life while I was stuck in quarantine going through a lot. As hard as it was to put my emotions on paper, I knew that my tough times would be able to help some of you get through your own struggles.

Make sure to share the project with everyone you know! Every extra stream, play and view helps me reach new people who my music may be able to positively impact.

In My Feelings - Matthew Tuck (ft. Jomie)

my main ig has been hacked. new ig @imstillawakeidiot

@rxseboy- i'm a ghost but it hurts cover/remix (prod. ocean)

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