Departures

Flight Mode

Drowning (feat. Teorstan)

Drowning feat. Teorstan

Signs

Distant

Coasting (feat. Fletcher  James)

Coasting feat. Fletcher, James

Fears

Lyrics video out now: https://youtu.be/PEyuo49yeno

------

released for World Mental Health Day

written when I was at my lowest
released when I'm at the best I've been in as long as I can remember

mental health is a universal human right.
there is strength in vulnerability.
there is always someone to talk to.
you are worth talking about.

resources:
www.findahelpline.com
www.throughlinecare.com

Album artwork: BIG MOTH (https://instagram.com/bigmothonline)
P-line: ℗ NTHN
C-line: © NTHN

The Meaning

artwork by BIG MOTH
(@BIGMOTHONLINE on IG)

Lyrics:

Don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone

Been this way for a long time
Been a while since I felt fine
Still tryna keep myself in line
And I’m still fighting with my own mind
And I've come long way, believe me
But sometimes it's deceiving
Don't wanna go back to the old me
But ignoring the signs isn't easy
Some days I wake up with a nosebleed
Body aches, feeling so weak
Makes me only wanna sleep in
Instead, I'm trying to find the meaning

I’m looking for reasons to keep hope
I’m looking for reasons to stay in control
Just don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone

Don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone (yeah, yeah)

Friends ask if I'm doing okay
But sometimes I don't know what to say
When thoughts of the night help me get me through the day
But nightmares got me lying awake
And it's getting far too familiar
Ask myself "what am I doing here?"
Cause I'm never thinking ‘bout giving up
But this routine's been testing my resilience
So I pick myself up again just like before
Telling myself that there's gotta be more
More to this life than just repetition
I don't wanna exist, wanna feel like I'm living
So gimme a reason to keep hope
Gimme a reason to stay in control
Just don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone

Don't leave me alone
Don't leave me alone

Don't Leave Me Alone

Lyrics video: https://youtu.be/bBhw94HhJCc

Artwork by BIG MOTH
(@bigmothonline on IG)

Lyrics:
Tell me where did you go?
I don't wanna be strangers
We used to be so close
(Can we go back to before?)

Feels so long ago
It's like you're a stranger
I miss the person that I used to know

What changed? Can we go back to basics?
Tell me, how's your day been? Where've you been lately?
Never see you around, hope you're doing okay
Cause it's been so long since our last conversation 

Feels like we only ever talk on occasions
We say we need to make plans but we never arrange them
Days go by, no explanation 
And then it's
No reply and we go back to strangers


Tell me where did you go?
I don't wanna be strangers
We used to be so close
(I don't know if we can go back to before)

Feels so long ago
It's like you're a stranger
I miss the person that I used to know

Strangers

Beside Me

Running

Sometimes / Lost

Ground Control

Riverside

Fallen Leaves

Missing (feat. Kerem Goral)

Touchdown

Contact

Duty Free (feat. M477X)

Continental

Out of Reach

Boarding Call

Lyrics:

Yeah, it's days like these, I'm moving with no contemplation
It's days like these, probably welcome the confrontation
It's days like these
It's days like these

Yeah, it's days like these, that I can never get away from
It's days like these, I know I'll never escape from
It's days like these
It's days like these

Trying to make the most of the life I was given
Trying to do the best with this life while I'm living
Good days, bad days, hard to tell the difference
How'd I get here, was it even my decision?
Feeling like I'm cruising but I'm fighting for control
Cause I don't wanna lose it all and crash like before
Can't go back to before, when I couldn't find a purpose
I know I seem alright but it's only on the surface

Yeah, it's days like these, I'm moving with no contemplation
It's days like these, probably welcome the confrontation
It's days like these
It's days like these

Yeah, it's days like these, that I can never get away from
It's days like these, I know I'll never escape from
It's days like these
It's days like these

But I hate when it's controlling me
And when it takes a hold of me
Although I seem okay the feeling's probably hanging over me
I said it all before, I'm not new to this
It's been years now, I'm far too used to this
Cause I've been holding out for change but I fear it's neverending
Been this way for years, still, I can't comprehend it
Wanna make the most of my time, so I spend it
Trying not to show it but today I'm not pretending

Cause it's days like these, I'm moving with no contemplation
It's days like these, probably welcome the confrontation
It's days like these
It's days like these

Yeah it's days like these, that I can never get away from
It's days like these, I know I'll never escape from
It's days like these
It's days like these

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

Days Like These

Stream here:
https://nthn-evergreen.sbmt.to/

Lyrics:

I've been trying to learn to put myself first
But it's kinda hard to do without the self-worth
Never felt deserving so it's taking some time
It's a journey in itself, learning how to live with my mind

Gotta make it out the other side
No matter the cost
I spend a lot of days feeling like I'm watching the clock
I know sometimes I get a little lost
But I'm still the same person that I ever was

And I'm doing way better now than I've ever been
Never keep me down
Stick around like I'm evergreen
Happiness has never been something I could depend on
So I make the most of every moment cause I know it might end

In the back of my mind, I wonder if I need some therapy
But that's just a side of myself I don't think I'm prepared to see
So I just write the way I feel and hope it heals me
Now there's thousands of people round world who know the real me

That I'll probably never see but that don't make a difference
We got a lot in common if you feel it when you listen
And I'm just being honest cause there's nothing to romanticise
Writing's just my way of getting by

When my mind's Clouded
Find me in the North with my close ones round me
Keep a small circle, I ain't trying to be surrounded
Ain't looking for fame, I'm just trying to stay grounded
Still, I wanna prove wrong anyone who ever doubted

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

Evergreen

Lyrics:

I don't have to remember cause it's still my everyday
Living with the same problems that I thought would fade away
Self destruction on my mind
Self esteem is hard to find
Self reflection seems to be my only way of getting by
I ain't even chasing highs, keep my expectations low
As my mind, trying to fight the feelings as they come and go
See the signs of decline but I never let them show
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know 


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know 


Seems to be my affliction has become my addiction 
Been a while since I gave in but my time is still wasted
Contemplating if it really ever solved anything
Or if I was just distracted by the pain that it brings
Ain't ashamed to admit that it remains how I think
But even if I had the choice I wouldn't change anything
I'm still the same as I was, only difference is
I'm in control
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

All That I Know (Alt Version)

All That I Know

Lyrics:

I don't have to remember cause it's still my everyday
Living with the same problems that I thought would fade away
Self destruction on my mind
Self esteem is hard to find
Self reflection seems to be my only way of getting by
I ain't even chasing highs, keep my expectations low
As my mind, trying to fight the feelings as they come and go
See the signs of decline but I never let them show
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know

Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know

Seems to be my affliction has become my addiction
Been a while since I gave in but my time is still wasted
Contemplating if it really ever solved anything
Or if I was just distracted by the pain that it brings
Ain't ashamed to admit that it remains how I think
But even if I had the choice I wouldn't change anything
I'm still the same as I was, only difference is
I'm in control
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know

Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

All That I Know - Alt Version

Lyrics:

Too much on my mind, I had to learn to keep it out of sight
Soon as I let my guard down, they're asking me if I'm alright
“Yeah I'm fine”, I reply as I fake a smile
From time to time, it's real but in reality it's been a while
Since I had some peace of mind
You wouldn't want a piece of mine
Trying to find solutions for emotions that I can't define
Or should I say I can't recall
Barely feel anything at all
I find I'm always waiting for the fall

It's gonna be alright
Take care 
When it's all too much to bear
Everything you wanted
Don't you know you've got it right there 
Long nights
Nightmares
Life don't fight fair
Look inside my mind
You might not like what you find there

Yeah, yeah
Lost myself one day and I'm still trying to find my way
Try to explain it but I never find the words to say
Searching everyday for ways to take my mind away
From the darkness, now I figure that it's here to stay
But it's okay
Honestly I'm quite acquainted
I learned from my mistakes, it takes its toll when I fake it
Used to think I'd never make it
Now every chance, I take it
If this is the hand I'm dealt then I'll play it

It's gonna be alright
Take care 
When it's all too much to bear
Everything you wanted
Don't you know you've got it right there 
Long nights
Nightmares
Life don't fight fair
Look inside my mind
You might not like what you find there

Alright

OFFICIAL LIMITED EDITION MERCH: https://everpress.com/thats-not-in-my-nature

Acoustic version: https://soundcloud.com/cloudsampling/nature-acoustic-version

Lyrics:

Here I go again
Every now and then I need a way to decompress
Desensitised, every time I feel a little less
Searching for a new sensation so I do it in excess
Guess I never learned my lesson, it's hard to admit 
Old coping mechanisms I'm trying to resist
Weighing heavy on my conscience I should probably quit
But right now it's the only thing that's taking me away from it

Fix me for today
I'll pay for it tomorrow 
Consequences of my actions are a bitter pill to swallow 
With a half empty glass, knock it back until I'm hollow
Probably best you don't follow

Running from my problems, I never needed a
chaser
Wake up in the afternoon and wonder where the day went
I'm not doing well and you can tell from my behaviour
I know that I should ask for help but that's not in my nature, nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature

Over and over again
Can't break the habit, no matter the damage I know that I'll only regret
Goes hand in hand with helping me manage the memories I wanna forget
Never gets easier, seems like the further I come, the harder it gets
Always appealing when I'm at my lowest, I know that it does me no good
Mistaking the feeling for something that's real, never stop when I know that I should
Cause I never learn, I'm far too concerned with escaping until I feel numb
I know in the morning I'm gonna be wishing to take it all back if I could

Fix me for today
I'll pay for it tomorrow 
Consequences of my actions are a bitter pill to swallow 
With a half empty glass, knock it back, until I'm hollow
Probably best you don't follow

Running from my problems I never needed a
chaser
Wake up in the afternoon and wonder where the day went
I'm not doing well and you can tell from my behaviour
I know that I should ask for help but that's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature

Nature

Original version: https://soundcloud.com/cloudsampling/nature

Lyrics:

Here I go again
Every now and then I need a way to decompress
Desensitised, every time I feel a little less
Searching for a new sensation so I do it in excess
Guess I never learned my lesson, it's hard to admit
Old coping mechanisms I'm trying to resist
Weighing heavy on my conscience I should probably quit
But right now it's the only thing that's taking me away from it

Fix me for today
I'll pay for it tomorrow
Consequences of my actions are a bitter pill to swallow
With a half empty glass, knock it back until I'm hollow
Probably best you don't follow

Running from my problems, I never needed a
chaser
Wake up in the afternoon and wonder where the day went
I'm not doing well and you can tell from my behaviour
I know that I should ask for help but that's not in my nature, nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature

Over and over again
Can't break the habit, no matter the damage I know that I'll only regret
Goes hand in hand with helping me manage the memories I wanna forget
Never gets easier, seems like the further I come, the harder it gets
Always appealing when I'm at my lowest, I know that it does me no good
Mistaking the feeling for something that's real, never stop when I know that I should
Cause I never learn, I'm far too concerned with escaping until I feel numb
I know in the morning I'm gonna be wishing to take it all back if I could

Fix me for today
I'll pay for it tomorrow
Consequences of my actions are a bitter pill to swallow
With a half empty glass, knock it back, until I'm hollow
Probably best you don't follow

Running from my problems I never needed a
chaser
Wake up in the afternoon and wonder where the day went
I'm not doing well and you can tell from my behaviour
I know that I should ask for help but that's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature
Nature
That's not in my nature

Nature (Acoustic Version)

Lyrics:

PART ONE
So many nights spent fighting the feelings
Is it the reason why now I feel nothing at all?
Put up the walls that I'm now trying to break down
But don't be mistaken

Taken too long to get where I'm at
And I don't wanna throw it away
But everything I used to care about
One day it all faded to grey

Can tell by my face, behind the visage
If I seem okay, it's just a mirage
To get through the day
Just playing the part
No one's to blame
Don't take it to heart

But when did it start? I don't even remember
The feeling before it all changed 
Or the reason why every September that I'm never looking forward to the day

BRIDGE
Happens every year
And I don't know what I'm doing here
All I want is space
How do I end up in this place
Every September?


PART TWO
Yeah
They can't do it like me
Probably wouldn't wanna either
Cause when it gets too real I see them switch up like the seasons
But I'm accustomed to it now, so I don't even need 'em
I could drop 'em any day and wouldn't need a reason

Why do you think I barely ever let somebody feature?
Feel like Pluto when I say they gotta know the meaning
Far from sunny round here, so I bring the heaters
Clouded North, if you don't know the reason

From a small town in the North where nobody visits
Dealing with depression, no direction, clouds in my vision
Thought that if I made it out, saw the world and moved into the city
I'd be better but still I carry the same thoughts with me

Only difference, nowadays I don't fear it
Cause there's power in the pain, you can hear it in my lyrics
Try and replicate my sound but you'll never come near it
Yeah, my style's underground but in the clouds, I think the clearest 



September

Lyrics:

(I must be dreaming)
I must be dreaming

Is that the reason for these flashbacks? 
Sat back in the black, mind off track
Another attack, nightcaps just to fight back
Could have tapped out but I bounced right back
Barely recognise the person that I used to be, 
Looking in the mirror and it's nothing like I used to see
Nothing new to me but truthfully I can't believe
I'm living a life I thought I'd never see 

I must be dreaming
Never thought I'd come this far
I must be dreaming
All I wanted from the start 
I must be dreaming
Just don't let it fall apart
I must be dreaming
(I must be dreaming)
I must be dreaming

Makes a difference from the nightmares 
Wake up everyday and realise I'm right where
I thought I'd never be
Heights I thought I'd never reach
Even at my lowest still I'm better than I've ever been
So surreal when I look at where I am today 
And to think I could have gone and thrown it all away
Wasn't always great but now I'm in a better place
If this is all a dream then I don't wanna wake

I must be dreaming
Never thought I'd come this far
I must be dreaming
All I wanted from the start 
I must be dreaming
Just don't let it fall apart
I must be dreaming
(I must be dreaming)
I must be dreaming

#NTHN #CloudedNorth #emorap #sadrap #cloudrap #altrap #althiphop

Dreaming

Lyrics:

Stay by my side
Sometimes I feel left behind
Happened too many times
Don't wanna find myself
On my own
Cause I know in the end
I always end up lonely again

Lonely
I've been feeling lonely 
Room full of people here
But they don't really know me
They never see me on my lowest days
Cause when it starts to show is when I see them fade
Keep it hidden away to stop the concerns 
Spent so long in the shade, that now the sun burns
Still so many behaviours I'm trying to unlearn
Right lane, still looking out for wrong turns

Stay by my side
Sometimes I feel left behind
Happened too many times
Don't wanna find myself
On my own
Cause I know in the end
I always end up lonely again

How can I be falling if I never feel the highs?
Keeping it together but sometimes I don't know why
I got friends that I still remember saying goodbye to
But messages I ain't got the energy to reply to
No matter how I try to
We fall out of touch
Is it me or is it them?
It doesn't matter too much
Hard enough knowing that they're no longer around
And when it matters most now, they're nowhere to be found 

Stay by my side
Sometimes I feel left behind
Happened too many times
Don't wanna find myself
On my own
Cause I know in the end
I always end up lonely again

Lonely Again

03:35

Letting Go

CLOUDED NORTH ☁️
UK Cloud/Emo Rap Artist & Producer

NTHN

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