My expectations for myself are too high for me to ever achieve
I tell myself I'm not to blame but always find it hard to believe
I might look like I've got it all together
But underneath I still deal with the pressure
Despite my best intentions, still question my abilities
Trusting in myself is not as easy as it seems

My confidence is growing but cracks in my self-esteem are still showing
Knowing how to cope doesn’t mean I'm not going through it all in my head
Thinking about everything I should have done instead

But here I go
Apologising for what's out of my control
I've never been the best at letting go
I blame myself when anything goes wrong
When in reality I never could have known
'Cause this feeling never goes away
(Even though I know it's not my fault I still feel the same)
I don't know what makes me feel this way
But it always ends in apologies

I overanalyse my actions way more than I should
And if I ever let you down just know that I did all that I could
'Cause I might not get it right the first time
But trust me when I say that I tried
Most of my time's spent
Trying to keep this up
Trying for those I love
'Cause all I've ever wanted is to feel enough

My confidence is growing but cracks in my self esteem are still showing
Knowing how to cope doesn’t mean I'm not going through it all in my head
Thinking about everything I should have done instead

But here I go
Apologising for what's out of my control
I've never been the best at letting go
I blame myself when anything goes wrong
When in reality I never could have known
'Cause this feeling never goes away
(Even though I know it's not my fault I still feel the same)
I don't know what makes me feel this way
But I'm done with making apologies

Artwork by BIG MOTH (@bigmothonline)
© & ℗ NTHN / eighteenSAINT 2021

Apologies

Prod by: @quiteevil

Robstar: @robstar100

Lyrics:

(Robstar)
(chorus)
Yeah
I've got a voice inside of my head, telling me "I need to fill up my bag"
It's a life of money or else death
So I catch my breath then I scream right back
Sayin' Rob is off of his meds I just test anything when it aint Prozac
When I die, better bury me at midnight
Like life, rest in, dressed in black

I was working overtime
I never knew what I'd become in the spotlight
Take another pill it's alright
It already killed when the thrill is a lifeline

(SCAR$)
(Verse)
Look at me I'm so done
Look at me I'm so fun
Til I grab my gun and ya'll start to run
Look at me I'm so done
Look at me I'm so fun
But my heart will stop as the clock hits one

Wasn't really built for this shit
Wasn't really ready for this shit or even care for this shit
But it's cool I admit
Yeah
As I'm starting to desire it

They're like damn
Scar$ is fucking killin' it
Bitch I'm fucking bringin' it
You wanna be a star and my team already livin' it

We some kings of the underground 
I'll use my wings as you crawl around

We some kings of the underground 
I'll use my wings as you crawl around

(Robstar & SCAR$)
(chorus)
Yeah
I've got a voice inside of my head, telling me "I need to fill up my bag"
It's a life of money or else death
So I catch my breath then I scream right back
Sayin' Rob is off of his meds I just test anything when it aint Prozac
When I die, better bury me at midnight
Like life, rest in, dressed in black

I was working overtime
I never knew what I'd become in the spotlight
Take another pill it's alright
It already killed when the thrill is a lifeline

Lifeline

SCAR$ & Robstar - Lifeline

LYRICS:

You know I can't be someone that you depend on
Cus you know when you hit me up I will not answer
The consequences of separation are never easy
And when you’re all alone you hit me up, say that you need me

But I'm sick of that, I don't wanna be used to the grave
Panic attacks hit the stage open up I'm in a state
Dont wanna talk about feelings why can't I be left alone
I'm not coping, I’m not good, I didn't think that it would show

Yeah cus, I didn't want to be someone that you depend on
I didn't want to be the one that didn't answer
You said "Hold your tongue cus I don't want to hear you ever speak,
You just stay inside, haven't had a reply in a week."

"I hope you suffer in the bed that you have made for yourself
Are you happy all alone, in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah I don't care about you, I guess this is goodbye,
Cus I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

You know I couldn't help you when you just suffered
You know I couldn't be something that you wanted
Always getting up at me like I made a mistake
Push us back and then we break, constant fighting, say we’re fake

You wanna reprimand me for times when I didn't understand
Don't want to explain it to me so you give me the backhand
You say that I'm selfish for trying to be someone that just cares
But you run away, ignore me then just give me a blank stare

So what the fuck is up with it, I get it yeah you hate
Everyone who doesn't understand the pain that you create
You say you wanna tear them down in hopes that they never exist
I guess we all just have opinions and to you they don't mean shit

I see, "You suffer in the bed that you made for yourself
Are you happy, all alone in this hell are you content?"
"Yeah you know I care about you, I guess this is goodbye
And I still don't understand the reasons why you wanna die."

Cus I hate you, when you break me, you choose
It was always us two back then I was confused
It's always when I see you falter I slip up to
I see that you are amused by the fact I need you

Cautious

IDLEGLANCE x YATES XV
Follow Yates XV: @yates-xv
(Prod. Crcl)

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_TLXeibuiE

Lyrics:

BREAK MY DREAMS IT’S THE SAME SH*T
LOST MYSELF TO THE SAME B*TCH
DR*GS IN MY CUP IS MY LANGUAGE
SHE DON’T WANNA TALK
BUT I TELL HER THAT I HATE THIS
I DON’T WANNA BE WITH HER
SHE DON’T WANNA BE WITH ME
I BEEN TAKING DR*GS WITH HER
SHE BEEN TAKING DR*GS FOR FREE

SLIPKNOT
LOOSE LINE
DROPPED FROM THE EDGE
F*CK MY MIND
SHE’S RIGHT
I’M RIGHT
USELESS TALKS IN THE MOONLIGHT
LIKE LAST NIGHT
MAKE FAST TIME
ONLY THING SHE LOVE IS THE DOPE LINES
SO I COPE FINE
TAKE MY TIME
END MY LIFE IN THE NIGHTIME

THINK I’M DONE WITH THE DR*GS
NAH I’M DONE WITH THIS B*TCH
SAID THE SAME WITH THE LAST
JUST REPEAT THE SAME SH*T
AND IT’S USELESS
AND SHE’S PSYCHO
DOWNED ABOUT A HALF BOTTLE NYQUIL
GOT ME NODDING
GOT ME SLEEPY
CHOKED ME HAD MY NOSE BLEEDING

GUESS THIS’LL NEVER CHANGE
I LOCKED MY HEART IN THESE CHAINS
LAST NIGHT BAD MISTAKES
I TOOK YOU BACK I WAS OFF MY
BRAIN

GUESS THIS’LL NEVER CHANGE
I LOCKED MY HEART IN THESE CHAINS
LAST NIGHT BAD MISTAKES
I TOOK YOU BACK I WAS OFF MY
BRAIN

SLIPKNOT
LOOSE LINE
DROPPED FROM THE EDGE
F*CK MY MIND
SHE’S RIGHT
I’M RIGHT
USELESS TALKS IN THE MOONLIGHT
LIKE LAST NIGHT
MAKE FAST TIME
ONLY THING SHE LOVE IS THE DOPE LINES
SO I COPE FINE
TAKE MY TIME
END MY LIFE IN THE NIGHTIME

BREAK MY DREAMS IT’S THE SAME SH*T
LOST MYSELF TO THE SAME B*TCH
DR*GS IN MY CUP IS MY LANGUAGE
SHE DON’T WANNA TALK
BUT I TELL HER THAT I HATE THIS
I DON’T WANNA BE WITH HER
SHE DON’T WANNA BE WITH ME
I BEEN TAKING DR*GS WITH HER
SHE BEEN TAKING DR*GS FOR FREE

Yates XV - Slipknot

prod. rick hardy

It's not hard
To fall down
And the scared
Want the crown

Never bother your mistake
You will be forever pained

So be quiet

So be quiet
Don't be
An excuse of life like me
I'm afraid
I'll see
Im weak
Cause these pills have rescued me

It's not hard
To fall down
And the scared
Want the crown

Never bother your mistake
You will be forever pained

So be quiet

No I wont, I wont keep my voice down
even when, blood is filling my mouth
torn throat, paint me as a turncoat
kicked down, im running out of all hope

hang me up above, watch my limbs dangle
as I fall, straight into your arms
so I wait, accept it, hold me down cant collect it
my thoughts my memories all the clouded judgment burst from the seams

I am nothing, more then me, a hollow husk that's caught in-between
of the down fall of my own existence, I hate everything that I've seemed to become

It's not hard
To fall down
And the scared
Want the crown

Never bother your mistake
You will be forever pained

So be quiet

quiet feat. Rivilin

IDLEGLANCE x Chief Kelly x RiverKinn x Kasper Fell

Yates XV: @yates-xv
B Murph: @b_murph
Kasper Fell: @kasperfell

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfVc5z1BI_s

Lyrics:
I THOUGHT
MAYBE YOU COULD LOVE ME LIKE YOU USED TO
EVEN THOUGH I'M
DIFFERENT

I'VE BEEN REALLY HATING YOUR TOUCH
THESE FEELINGS I'M HAVING GOT ME SO F*CKED UP

AND I'M SIPPING ON SOME
GIN AND TONIC WITH A CIGARETTE BUTT

SPENT A FEW YEARS IN A BAD PLACE
LOST TIME TO THE PAIN THAT I MISTRACED
BLEEDING HEART FOR A GIRL THAT I MISPLACED
SO F*CKED UP ON THE PILLS THAT I MISTAKE

AND I CAN'T GET MY HEAD RIGHT
SO I'M SMOKING ON THAT LOUD PACK
5 SHOTS TO THE DOME, THROW THEM ALL BACK
YOU CALL MY LINE, YEAH, YOU KNOW I GET A HEART ATTACK
YEAH
AND I MIGHT RELAPSE
GOTTA POP A COUPLE PILLS SO I CAN RELAX
HEARD YOU TALKING ON MY NAME I DON'T NEED THAT
BUT IF YOU NEED ME BABY, YOU KNOW I COME RIGHT BACK

AND SLEEPING ALONE
GETS HARDER WHEN IT'S COLD
COULD YOU HIT MY PHONE
SO I KNOW YOU GOT HOME

I WANNA KNOW? I NEED YOU RIGHT HERE
I GOTTA GO, I DON'T WANT YOU MY DEARLY

I DON'T WANT YOU
I DON'T NEED YOU
I WON'T WAIT UP
I DON'T FEEL YOU
I WON'T STAY UP
I WON'T LEAVE YOU NOW

IMMA NEED YOU TO LET YOU GO
WANT TO RUN IT BACK OR LEAVE YOU OUT IN THE COLD
IMMA LEAVE YOU ON YOUR OWN
EVEN AFTER HOPE, I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO YEAH

I'VE BEEN REALLY HATING YOUR TOUCH
THESE FEELINGS I'M HAVING GOT ME SO F*CKED UP

AND I'M SIPPING ON SOME
GIN AND TONIC WITH A CIGARETTE BUTT

SPENT A FEW YEARS IN A BAD PLACE
LOST TIME TO THE PAIN THAT I MISTRACED
BLEEDING HEART FOR A GIRL THAT I MISPLACED
SO F*CKED UP ON THE PILLS THAT I MISTAKE

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GIVE UP ON ME
ARE YOU?

Yates XV x B Murph x Kasper Fell - Wasted Love

STREAM

GRIEF

Lyrics:

I don't have to remember cause it's still my everyday
Living with the same problems that I thought would fade away
Self destruction on my mind
Self esteem is hard to find
Self reflection seems to be my only way of getting by
I ain't even chasing highs, keep my expectations low
As my mind, trying to fight the feelings as they come and go
See the signs of decline but I never let them show
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know 


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know 


Seems to be my affliction has become my addiction 
Been a while since I gave in but my time is still wasted
Contemplating if it really ever solved anything
Or if I was just distracted by the pain that it brings
Ain't ashamed to admit that it remains how I think
But even if I had the choice I wouldn't change anything
I'm still the same as I was, only difference is
I'm in control
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

All That I Know (Alt Version)

All That I Know

Bleeding In The Dark (Feat. XELISHURT)

IDLEGLANCE x Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x  RiverKinn

Chief Kelly: @chiefkelly
Kasper Fell: @kasperfell
RiverKinn: @riverkinn

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXEbrZ0fMGw

LYRICS:

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IT'S ALL MY FAULT
NEVER REALLY CARED IF I'M ALIVE
THOUGH I BELONG HERE
IT'S QUICKSAND
NO TIME
BEFORE YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME
TRAGIC IN THE MAKING
NOW SILENT
WHILE I'VE BARELY BEEN GONE
LET ME DOWN

NO I 
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

HOME
THAT’S WHERE I WANT TO BE
WHERE I FALL THROUGH THE SEAMS
AND THE CRACKS IN BETWEEN
ALL I’VE KNOWN
THE NEGLECT THAT YOU’VE SHOWN
IS APPARENTLY WEARING ME
DOWN TO THE BONE
WONDERING WHY
YOU LED ME ON JUST TO THROW
ME TO THE SIDE
BUT I STILL TRIED
I SEE YOU EVERY TIME
I SHUT MY EYES

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
I CAN’T ESCAPE HOW I FEEL
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x RiverKinn - Shut My Eyes

IDLEGLANCE x Yates XV

Yates XV: @yates-xv

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybJg5XONnWE

LYRICS:

I PUT MY TRUST
IN HER HEART
I LEFT MY SOUL
IN THE DARKEST PARTS
I’VE LAID MY BED
WITH BLOOD-STAINED SHEETS
I TOOK HER BACK
AND THIS SH*T REPEATS

COLD CALLS
WHAT THE F*CK I’M GONNA DO?
GAVE UP EVERY PART OF ME TO YOU
LOST CAUSE
BABY, I DON’T KNOW THE TRUTH
AND THESE PILLS THAT I TAKE
GOT ME STUCK IN A LOOP

F*CKED UP
I’VE BEEN STUCK IN MY OWN WAYS
SHOWED LOVE TO A GIRL
WITH A PALE FACE
LATE NIGHTS
DOING DR*GS ON A SUNDAY
FANGS IN HER MOUTH
CAUSE SHE DRAINS ALL MY LIFE AWAY

F*CKED UP
I’VE BEEN ACTING SO CLUELESS
WHO KNEW THAT YOU COULD BE ABUSIVE?
YEAH PAIN SO INTRUSIVE
I DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT THE DR*GS GOT ME LUCID

F*CKED UP
I’VE BEEN ACTING SO CLUELESS
WHO KNEW THAT YOU COULD BE ABUSIVE?
YEAH PAIN SO INTRUSIVE
I DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT THE DR*GS GOT ME LUCID

LOOKING IN HER EYES
MAKES ME SCREAM FOR HELP
I DON’T WANNA DIE BABY
I’M IN HELL

YEAH
WHAT THE F*CK I’M GONNA DO?
I’VE BEEN UP FOR A NIGHT. MAYBE TWO
SHE’S A TEN
BUT HER HEART FALLS THROUGH
AND THE FLOOR’S NOT STABLE
WHEN I’M STANDING NEXT TO YOU

I PUT MY TRUST
IN HER HEART
I LEFT MY SOUL
IN THE DARKEST PARTS
I’VE LAID MY BED
WITH BLOOD-STAINED SHEETS
I TOOK HER BACK
AND THIS SH*T REPEATS

F*CKED UP
I’VE BEEN ACTING SO CLUELESS
WHO KNEW THAT YOU COULD BE ABUSIVE?
YEAH PAIN SO INTRUSIVE
I DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT THE DR*GS GOT ME LUCID

F*CKED UP
I’VE BEEN ACTING SO CLUELESS
WHO KNEW THAT YOU COULD BE ABUSIVE?
YEAH PAIN SO INTRUSIVE
I DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT THE DR*GS GOT ME LUCID

Yates XV - Clueless

CLOUDED NORTH ☁️
UK Cloud/Emo Rap Artist & Producer