‘Apologies’ - 26.11.21
Pre-save: https://push.fm/ps/nthn-apologies 

You can call this one an intro
'Cause I've been gone for some time
You might have seen me around
But something's been missing for a while

REINTRODUCTION
To the ones who've been with me so far
And if it's the first time that you're hearing me
I promise you that this is just the start

A couple times I've thought about giving it up
I'd be lying if I said I've never considered it
Especially when you're giving so much
And it feels like no one's listening

But I don't do it for the pay
'Cause I barely make a penny from it
Not for the plays
'Cause I don't get too many of them
But this is my way of saying what I've felt for too long
For too long I used to think I'd never need to

Had to find a way to express it so began with Awake
And now it sounds like I'm back in my old ways

Two years later, it was Paths, a story across ten tracks
But still had too much to say

Another year down the line
I decided that I'd had enough of hiding and that's when I wrote Tides

And Delta had the most honest tracks I've ever put out
But still I find myself with so much more to talk about

I spent a year locked inside these walls and my mind
Watching the world through a Skylight

Thinking 'bout my life and every compromise I've made
Only to find myself wishing that I'd stayed

More true to the values that I once had
To the version of myself that I once was

But when I look back to those days, I guess I'm kinda glad
That I left some of those qualities behind because

I never really used to care for myself
I was never the type to put myself first

Giving everything I could, with no appreciation
Often at the expense of my self-worth

That's why I wanna say the words I wish I'd heard at my lowest
To share the parts of me I used to never wanna show

So I'm never stopping as long as I've got something to say 
Now I'm back and this time I'm here to stay

This is my REINTRODUCTION.

Artwork by BIG MOTH (@bigmothonline)
© & ℗ NTHN / eighteenSAINT 2021

REINTRODUCTION

LEDs blind me
yeah, stigmatism covers up what I wanna see
when I’m looking at your pretty face, yeah you got me
wrapped around you little fingers yeah, my soul was free for the taking
 
it’s like what did you mean I didn’t get it
stuck in the past with my obsession
got a collection of memories 
burn them on the wall for all to see
 
it’s like what is that smell my flesh is burning
stuck in the tide I see you turning
fragments of wood sticking out your flesh
the void is leaking from my chest
 
my friends now covered in the dragon’s rot
they didn’t seem to mind that I was stuck
with the crows above calling out my name
didn’t seem to matter how much I changed
 
loved ones passed out in the burning house
smoked bellowed in my lungs and I’m left in doubt
like was I the one to start this flame
didn’t mean to burn out now nothing remained
 
now the clouds above are looking at me
filling their guts with my pity
crying out loud, I’m smothered in shame
resurrection the love I called pain
 
now the fragile bodies pile up like logs
turn my back on my problems cus I know its a lot
this reality is nothing that I could dream
guess misery has finally found his peace

I guess the person that just I really miss is me
yeah, what have I become
misery just finds a way to seep into me
I guess it’s time to say that I’m done
 
every day is suffering so please won’t you leave
you only care to know that you’ve won
sink into the past to find that memories haunt me
this wasn’t something that could be love

sick of me, sick of us
yeah, every time I try to
explain it I seem to rot
yeah, fake friends corrupt
 
yeah can’t get grip on myself fingers are shaking losing patience
of me and the place I call home from the start I was just alone
lather myself in drugs to feel nothing cus it better then feeling something
cus I don’t want to feel this anger again from a childhood where I didn’t understand
 
the consequences of being different pushed aside there was no interest.
of understanding who I could be and who I became
until I met you I thought you were everything that I deserve
you brought hell to my mental state I didn’t think it could get worse
 
down here now in the abyss I see friends are suffering  all the same
burning out our mental trauma from the bones of family ones that lay 
when the osulouths come down and change the forms that we try to portray
distorted figures is what became, no face could recognize the pain.
 
how do we survive when we don’t understand the person in front of us
disgusted by reflections of everyone that just seem to pass.
now time doesn’t wait for now one, so we ignore the issues and drown it out
so, we live in constant agony fill us to the brim aching doubt

I miss me

STREAM

GRIEF

Lyrics:

I don't have to remember cause it's still my everyday
Living with the same problems that I thought would fade away
Self destruction on my mind
Self esteem is hard to find
Self reflection seems to be my only way of getting by
I ain't even chasing highs, keep my expectations low
As my mind, trying to fight the feelings as they come and go
See the signs of decline but I never let them show
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know 


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know 


Seems to be my affliction has become my addiction 
Been a while since I gave in but my time is still wasted
Contemplating if it really ever solved anything
Or if I was just distracted by the pain that it brings
Ain't ashamed to admit that it remains how I think
But even if I had the choice I wouldn't change anything
I'm still the same as I was, only difference is
I'm in control
Cause now it's all that I know
It's all that I know


Tell me what my future holds
If this is becoming all that I know
Help me not to lose my hope
Cause this is becoming all that I know

2024 eighteenSAINT / Clouded North

All That I Know (Alt Version)

All That I Know

EXIT LIFE

DREAD

Tsunami J. & YCK & Walt - Echo

IDLEGLANCE x Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x  RiverKinn

Chief Kelly: @yates-xv
Kasper Fell: @kasperfell
RiverKinn: @riverkinn

Watch on YouTube: -to be updated-

LYRICS:

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IT'S ALL MY FAULT
NEVER REALLY CARED IF I'M ALIVE
THOUGH I BELONG HERE
IT'S QUICKSAND
NO TIME
BEFORE YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME
TRAGIC IN THE MAKING
NOW SILENT
WHILE I'VE BARELY BEEN GONE
LET ME DOWN

NO I 
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

HOME
THAT’S WHERE I WANT TO BE
WHERE I FALL THROUGH THE SEAMS
AND THE CRACKS IN BETWEEN
ALL I’VE KNOWN
THE NEGLECT THAT YOU’VE SHOWN
IS APPARENTLY WEARING ME
DOWN TO THE BONE
WONDERING WHY
YOU LED ME ON JUST TO THROW
ME TO THE SIDE
BUT I STILL TRIED
I SEE YOU EVERY TIME
I SHUT MY EYES

NO I
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE
NO I
I CAN’T ESCAPE HOW I FEEL
DON’T WANNA BE ALONE

BURY ME IN THE DIRT TONIGHT
COVER ME WITH THE EARTH ALRIGHT
MY HALO SHINES
GOT ME BATHED IN LIGHT

Chief Kelly x Kasper Fell x RiverKinn - Shut My Eyes

🖤pyrrhic🖤
@dearpyrrhic
☠️www.instagram.com/dearpyrrhic/
lyrics:
(Giggle)
Computer, Start

Target acquired. Scanning parameters:
Dimensions: 38, 22, 38
Heart rate: Elevated
Previous casualties: 27

Aw, they're perfect!

Caution: Detecting emotional manipulation protocols
(What!?)
Subject exhibits patterns of high-risk behavior

WARNING!: Multiple red flags detected
WARNING!
WARNING!
WARNING!

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

Wasted time, I rotted up on the shelf, ya
By your side, I never felt like myself, like an
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory

Give no signs before you commit the crime
Take my life and use it as a disguise, I'm an
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory
Accessory

You call my phone, I won’t pick up
The broken words are not enough
You call my phone and I won’t answer
I don’t need another cancer

You call my phone, I won’t pick up
The broken words are not enough
You call my phone and I won’t answer
I don’t need another cancer

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

Shimmy shimmy yo, shimmy shimmy yay, shimmy ai
Can you put it in reverse? Can you pop it like a 9?
I don’t sugarcoat a thing that I sing through this Apollo
Guess that there’s the reason that my words are hard to swallow

Broken teeth, broken hearts
Something I’m used to
Bite my tongue until it bleeds
Baby, like you used to

Treat me like an obstacle
Guess my love was optional
Stupid bitch don’t know that when I’m broken,
I’m unstoppable

Technicolor film, play the scene
My life be cinematic
I might cut this check for a bean
Because I’m problematic

Breathe the trail of smoke when you leave
I might just go nomadic
Now I’m just a ghost in the breeze
I guess I’m too dramatic

Shoot, baby, shoot
Like I’m begging you to
Baby, move, please move
I got nothing to lose

Choose, baby, choose
What are you gonna do?
Is it me or you?
Or this XLR noose?

WARNING!
She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

She got a habit of leaving men without a -
WARNING!
Symptom of toxic love, wishing that I had a -
WARNING!
Watch as I self-destruct, guess I shoulda saw the -
WARNING!
Now I need a -
WARNING!
Just give me a -
WARNING!

ERROR! System malfunction
Mission Task: Unsuccessful
Ah! What the hell was that?

Analyzing damage:
Sir, your vitals—
Run it again!

ERROR! Unauthorized access detected
Emotional firewall: Breached
No! No!

(Giggle)
Silly boy, should have listened to the—
WARNING!