Trap slowcore noise experimental anti folk born 2006 
If you need someone to talk to im here
I do vocals beats and visuals

yandere girl. japanese horror films. (18+)

i just post my fav songs, specifically horror film soundtracks. (non-profit uploads)

..................

ran out of upload space on my main so let's continue here! (^w^) 

**2nd page**

@jeremivhx -virtual vampire-

canalog (updated regularly)

11/16/24 - been a while. things have neither gotten better nor worse. i just put on makeup and i feel like an ugly man. i looked in my camera reflection and i just felt my stomach drop. i almost wanna give up hormones and skip my dose this coming monday because i just don't see this working out for me. i know it's just a transient feeling though.

7/18/24 - hourhand is out now! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA3Sjxi2wNI

i have a lot to say about this song. we'll talk about it later

7/13/24 - how horrifying it is to be alive

7/6/24 - the biggest project of my life just wrapped and is headed to distro...

6/27/24 - anhedonia is a bitch, isn't it? i haven't truly felt joy in quite a long time and i'm starting to think that's the reason nothing ever seems to go well for me. those around me have heard me say x isn't fun or i'm quitting y a bajillion times. here's the catch! i've never lied about the former, and the latter is my way of expressing my frustration with it (as shitty as it is). i've stopped saying both of those things. the saddest part is? i don't even know what i should be doing to fix this. i'm going to the gym, eating what i like (and what's good for me, in equal measure), i have friends, i have money, and i have a lot of free time that i spend doing things i "like". i don't know! i truly don't know. is it the fact that i'm not out yet? is this some kind of consequence of my dysphoria, or the depression that i have a foot in-foot out of? i'm running out of time to come out (during pride month like i resolved to) but overall this can't stay like this 

6/2/24 - happy pride month! i've started singing lessons with another objective: feminizing my voice lol.. they're really expensive though so i guess i'll have to take on more hours at work

5/30/24 - nothing happening as of late, carry on :)

5/23/24 - (very long and somewhat personal)

had a very difficult and painful but ultimately necessary conversation with my closest friends about my behavior and. well, it's a lot, and there's a lot i want to say but that ultimately won't help me. if you've known me at all- whether over the past year or over the last 8 years when i first started making music as "atom"- you might be familiar with my habit of self-sabotage and deliberately undermining myself. my impulse is to make things worse for myself. i have a few theories as to why that is but primarily, i think i think of pain and misery as a good thing for me. it's what drove me when i was at my peak, and what allowed me to make music that resonated with people in 2020-2022. so when i'm doing well, or when i'm happy, it feels wrong. it doesn't feel like it should be happening. so i guess to start i'm going to try and replace my impulse to hurt myself with like... well, i can do something painful/effortful instead. something like watching a movie that emotionally resonates with me, or exercising. there's a lot of stuff i need to read simply because i've been scared of it for so long but i guess i can turn to that instead of making a dumb decision. it might even help me ward off these irrational thoughts.

5/20/24 - i can't figure out why, but i feel horrible all of a sudden. can't do anything, can't smile, can't find joy in anything... horrible, horrible, horrible. ill figure it out surely but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...........................

5/18/24 - world's tiniest cat is out of the world's tiniest bag: self discovery covered 'to my grave' in her set at camp boneyard 3... it made me cry im not going to lie to uou ;;;;;; thank you so much brooklynn you're a beautiful human and i cant WAIT for your album launch;

i'm back on twitter and instagram and i dont know how this is gonna go LOL!! also, the new Billie Eilish album is, of course, awesome. really really love it, it's like everything i loved about both of her last albums but supercharged and WAY more concise

5/16/24 - OVER MY DEAD BODY is out now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://ffm.to/omdb i play guitar on tracks 2 3 and 9 !!!!!!!!! im so fucking produ of alaska shes the best i love her

5/7/24 - i just released my first actual song in a year and a half. it is called "holy diver" and it is available at @goophouse and also maybe elsewhere too eventually

5/5/24 - i'm in shock. i don't like meet the grahams anymore actually. not like us is fun but i'm still shocked. i don't think this is going to go well.

5/1/24 - god i love music right now. bladee album hits hard kendrick diss goes hard my friends are going crazy making cool stuff and im just overall feeling over the moon i cant wait ahhhhhhhh

4/28/24 - so basically, alaska and i were supposed to go on tour. our contact was sean padilla of happy nomad booking. to put into perspective how excited i was about the tour, i had a printed out setlist and scribbled all over it and i wanted to give it to anyone who asked for it. it was a little dorky and stupid (i wrote 'bye bye' in katakana... and for what...) but i was genuinely thrilled that i'd spend my summer doing something i love. then he ghosted us for forever, failed to get us even one gig, and then he took forever to get alaska back her money and only made a big deal of it after alaska's uncle died. i wish i could've done a show or two with alaska, but hey, maybe we'll figure out something else!

4/26/24 - hyperdrama is incredible!!!!!!!!!! i'm so happy justice have finally found their footing, they're so good!! also they made vocal synths of two more bandori vocalists so that's good and exciting! also im graduating with my associates soon! which is good and exciting! life is fun right now, but i think i've got to remain just a little bit more conscious of everything around me

4/24/24 - @AlaskaSargent has been rolling out her new album, OVER MY DEAD BODY, and in the tracklist reveal, i'm there! actually three times: i play guitar on "JOKER AND HARLEY QUINN" (out now!), "god knows where", and "let me". alaska is one of my best friends. i'm honored to know someone so talented. by the way, newgrounds doesn't seem to think i'm me, so like... help?!?! please?!?!

4/17/24 - i wonder if there's actually a limit on how long i can write here? if that ever happens, old entries will get wrecked, but it's whatever! maybe someday i'll make an actual blog or tumblr or something. honestly it kinda sucks that most platforms are so social media these days because i truly do not give a damn about people following my blog 

4/15/24 - help they're talking about drake's dick in the gc | i spent four hours today practicing "blackbird" by the beatles and my fingers and voice are positively shot through SDBFHJBFDS,,, we ball though!

4/14/24 - i keep oversleeping so i have less and less of the day to do things properly. hoping to fix that soon! tapped back into my roots and started relearning EDM sound design, made some decent complextro out of it too! thought about sending a song under my deadname to a label i had problems with as a kid. still might honestly

4/13/24 - started a big project with the intent of finishing it for real now. tokoyami towa of hololive announced a remix competition for two of her songs-purple disease & palette! i've decided to remix the latter, but there's a big catch: there's no vocal stem. i'm not really sure how i'm going to handle this otherwise but i'll work it out! somehow!

i have schizoaffective disorder
i get very sad
and i see things
sometimes i hear things
and i put it up on soundcloud



Someone said my music sounds like a psychotic episode on a hip-hop beat and I just ran with it.
Check out my spotify if ur sad:
https://open.spotify.com/track/0DgKsyeBIF0PafYI9Rc948?si=a5eacea2807e4766

CLUBVORTEX27

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{{G$V11}} playlist out now!
**best music in the underground**

~cg exclusives are rare songs only uploaded here~
      
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linktr.ee/clubgothika
{main page: @jeremivhx}
{band page: @damklvn)
{gaming page: @gothikastudios}

~level$ stan forever~

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