Featuring Me!

Half ass rap battles

Songs I Listen too

Ander Soort Liedjes

Projects in which I voice in that aren’t my own.

oh hey it’s me

Shadow Beatbox Solo - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Hello Earthlings! Today in the 22nd AORB, we got the supposed alien, Invader Zim, going up against the other green alien on Nickelodeon from Fairly Odd Parents, Mark Chang. Who'd  abduction the victory? You decide!

Lyrics/credits:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1miTY5jL0Y4Ja1l239-nIXLrByddEOt7WGYWBbwoOZow/edit?usp=drivesdk

Invader Zim vs Mark Chang - Acting Out Rap Battles

VOTE FOR WHO WON THIS BATTLE:
https://strawpoll.com/polls/Qrgebd4rrZp

PRODUCTION:
poster made by Christopher Carbery
written by Derpiest Game Blast & Christopher Carbery
produced by Christopher Carbery
beats produced by Profetesa Beats, LDUK Music & K KAY Beats

CAST:
Derpiest Game Blast (https://soundcloud.com/user-499387179) as Mr. Peabody
Christopher Carbery as The Doctor
The Stupendium (https://www.youtube.com/@TheStupendium) as Spamton G. Spamton
Davin West (https://www.youtube.com/@dcorerapbattles5394) as Crono

LYRICS:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BwTL0iZqT4o4CMGPtOlVgPTnthgCfQ07PtceJMpDc1s/edit

SCRAPPED VERSION:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aZXq_ibsz5x2glsIZOlr-oTTLN7q7ygx/view?usp=drive_link

Mr Peabody vs Doctor Who (SERIES FINALE)

subscribe to dilly ►https://youtube.com/c/DillyChannel    
support dilly on patreon ►
https://www.patreon.com/locorapbattles
music video out now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8KqfAiyBZg

casey william as opila bird
dilly as atari e.t.

written by dilly, casey william, 3ple
additional writing by m!cah
mixed by casey william
beat prod. by casey william
art by 3ple and anangrypenguin
cover art by shimario
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Opila Bird vs. Atari E.T. - Rap Battle! (2023)

Hello, diggity dogs! Welcome to the 23rd AORB! Today, we got the simp from Friday Night Funkin or FNF, the Boyfriend, going up against the OG dog rapper that isn't Snoop, Parappa the Rapper! This is one of the rare times we actually do have two rappers in a battle, so hopefully, this battle is more intense than usual! Who'd win? You decide!


Lyrics/casting:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_cAdXn0EqTGLIn4AX2hzi5kd537VaDM63HuwvZs2DSA/edit?usp=drivesdk

Friday Night Funkin vs Parappa the Rapper - Acting Out Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

[Note: this may or may not be the final mix]

Durdoesstuff as Spamton
ClarenceTheDuck as Caine
Cri as Kinger
Durdoesstuff as Jax
Dcoregamer as Bubble
Angel as Jevil

Crew
Beat by Anywaywell
Mixed by Durdoesstuff
Written by Trav Shark & Durdoesstuff
Art by Marx
Backgrounds by Trav Shark 
Thumbnail by PhantomEPRB 

(Spamton interrupting intro): We interrupt this intro for some breaking news

Spamton:
Have you ever been trapped inside a [virtual show]
Where some dentures try to censor every [word that you know]
You're but a pilot, kid, I'm bigger, you've got minimal figures.
[Feel free to drown yourself in the Digital river]

[You really think you have a chance?!] to stand up to me?
Your own VA was famous for fandubbing me!
Don't mind if I shine light on your relation with Moon. (Ha)
Somebody oughta get this pair a pair of [Dating Shoes]

Just a [burst] of thought that I'd struggle to ignore
I dish licks like Bubble when there's a puddle on the floor.
Trust me [little sponge], you'll be fighting me not.
When I lock him in the void like [Hyperlink Blocked]

Tell me what'll happen when all your people abstract?
You'd be trapped inside a game, way too punish you for your [acts]
Like a [crown of thorns], I'll cut deep on this child's toy.
[I'm so fly], while your voice was swiped by FlyBoy.

Caine:
Kinger: Uhhh Caine… I think this scam abstracted!
Relax. I'm sure this darkner's just buggy.
Kinger: That's the guy who got Kris to have his plan enacted!
Hey! We got a sale on "Blackmail for Dummies"

Anyways, here, let me show you around.
There's kinger, pomni, and Kaufmo the clow-
Wait a minute where's Kaufmo? Has anyone seen him? 
Seems he's late, like your full game releases.

Jesus, haven't met a man so mangled. 
This dangled angel is as two faced as Gangle.
Seems like you're tangled and frayed like a bowtie.
I'll take out my cain and then bang it through both eyes.

I'll put the pedal to the metal, like the vessels that you'd peddle.
Went bananas off track, now you're meddling with jevil!
And hey! It's no shock why you dropped from your slipknots. 
Ironic, this kid's cut quick by a big shot.

Spamton:
Jevil: Chaos! Chaos! A masterful verse!
Even a lack of order when you're rapping? Huh.
Jevil: Oh please! Can't admit that your patter was worse?
I'll send both you toys back to Chapter 1.
(Jevil Laugh)

You're [Killing me kid]. All these raps are futile.
Can't look up half of your cast on google.
These jabs are [half off], too fast and brutal
I'll hack this jack off, your acts aren't fruitful.

I'm not talking cats, you can't [Manage your Tasques.]
Seen better leadership from Queen with her hand on a glass.
Kid with all your glitches you should just consider [letting go]
You can call me [Swatch], I just served this Spaghetti Code

Caine:
(Bubble: Spaghetti? Yum!) Oh you parasite, Please!
Bubble: Caine, come on! He's just a sob the knight beat
Jax: He might be, but he reeks of "boss fight"
This ain't the first time he's lost the "Mike"

Toby switched settings, still failed the blunder.
Don't need the Wacky Watch to see what Tale you're Under.
You want my cash or my soul? Well I'm giving you neither.
Go back to Cyber City 'cuz you're silent in this cypher.

You started fighting Kris, but he got through to your heart.
I'd say your life is like Zooble because you pulled it apart.
And now your legacy is gone, your grave is buried in snow.
So on this picky pipis pitcher, that's curtains closed.

Spamton vs. Caine ft. Durdoesstuff, ClarenceTheDuck & more

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of horrible collectathon games; Data Design Interactive’s infamous Ninjabread Man versus Preston’s Hourglass. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Preston Ramirez
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob

Rosenthal as Ninjabread Man
YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@rosenthal5904?si=QJMCXg9nvRyrKt9g
SoundCloud:
https://on.soundcloud.com/cmCkAVLLNpLdHBJK7

-LYRICS-

Preston (0:10)
Ramirez on the mic, you’re unwelcome in my domain
I’ll crush your candy bars cuz I’m fucking insane
Twist you up; pretzel. Disappear; presto
Motion controls? Now your buttons getting pressed, bro

Drown you in a sea of punchlines. I’m a hitter
My money can’t be thicker; hourglass figures
Bash your skull in, you’ll get left with dents
Not a fan? Explain that pressed-in head

Cuz I’m p-r-e-s-t-o-n-exclamation
Call Zool, get your reject remake and remake it
This little cookie is not tough
Ninjabread. Is. Ticking… me off, cunt

DDI’s like CDI. Maime you and your lazy twins
Bring all the shovelware; just more graves to dig
Don’t ask for the dough-jo, You're not worth half a dime
It’s not just Anubis being lost to the sands of time

Ninjabread Man (0:53)
Fuck a swarm of bees, this is some buggy shit
Get the mic outta your hand; human or oven mitt
Indie dissing employees; you be-little
Now catch this candyman crack down Mr. Peanut Brittle

As for your wife, ever wonder why her ass ain’t home?
She’s at my place letting me explore her catacombs
But now I wish I didn’t think to get kinky
Because the both of you look like some sorta wrinkly Twinkies

You’re a product of Baldi and Banban, and Bendy
And Tattletail, Spooky, and Granny, and Slendy
So don't talk remade shit
How do walls only made of gray bricks counter oversaturation?

You look like your hat shoulda been a bedpan
Check the headband. Wu-Tang shit; NinjaRedman
You Crashed more than Bandicoot! It’s not right
Not talking mechanics; tell Dreadful it’s…  stop time

-CREDITS- 

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by 2Deep
Additional instruments by Capsun ProAudio and David Oliver

Feedback by Shimario, bloody_queers, and the spaceship
Shoutout to JustGamer, RNG, ColeTheCole, Nugget, and Walk

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Ninjabread Man vs Preston's Hourglass | Half-Ass Rap Battles

kinger the amazing digital circus vs sarah needlemouse exe rap battle anolog vs anything.

Kinger vs. Needlemouse // Analog vs. Anything.

Cri as Kinger

Hailey as Needlemouse (Sarah)

Cameos by Clarence and Hailey

Written and Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Art by A Trash Artist and EpicMonkey

Graphic Design by JustADude
 
LYRICS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16UQrnK9FOf0a4FMEuSOGaNoLlGwlLoP7al3U2Nt7LQM/edit

(OLD) The Amazing Digital Circus vs. Needlem0use • Analog vs. Anything.

Hazelmoth as Spamton
Hazelmoth and garbageGothic as ENA 
garbageGothic as Moony
Writing by Rosenthal
Art by ATrashArtist
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat by moodindigo
Thumbnail by Rosenthal
Special Thanks to Hazelmoth, garbageGothic, ItsNugget, and GamingPlush64

Intro (0:00)

Rap Battles of Whatever! Spamton VS Ena! Be-

Spamton (0:10)

HEY EVERY !!

WAIT, DON’T MEAN TO [Delay the Action]
BUT HEY, IT’S ME, YOUR FAVOURITE SALESMAN: SPAMTON!
YOU’RE PRETTY IGNORANT IN BASIC CHATS SINCE
YOU’D [Talk To The Hand!] WHEN TRANSLATING LANGUAGE!
I’VE BEEN THE BEST RATED SINCE [[1997]]
BUT YOU’RE QUITE THE [[BIG ONE]], WITH 9 FEET I’D REACH [h e a v e n . . .]
I DON’T DOUBT THAT YOU’RE THAT HIGH, WALKING ON AN ACID TRIP,
BUT YOU SHOULD [Use A Car!] IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR BANANAS, KID!
[Step Ahead], BUT YOU CAN’T GET THROUGH THE CROWD
SO YOUR WHOLE SERVER DELETED, NOW YOUR CONNECTIONS ARE DOWN!
FANS GET KICKED LIKE A [Brick Frog], NO INVITES TO [Click On]
THEY’LL GET SO- THEY’LL GET SO- THEY’LL GET- [[Hyperlink Blocked]]

Ena and Moony (0:43)

Ah, I thought it’d be another normal auction day
‘Til I saw the things you got for sale and see, I gotta say
You- sold your own old socks? I think I’m vomiting…
Your cold heart for cold hard cash got you a frosty grave…
I can’t wrap my head around your wacky random sentences,
All the things you're telling Kris are making me- BLEH- BLEH- 🌊
GEEZ, I get sick HEARING you say THOSE WORDS
You CAN’T MAKE SENSE! You can’t even MAKE KROMER!
😒 Ugh… Yuna, are you drunk again? No! (nonono!)
I’m only taking shots at his puppet head! (🌚 Oh hohoho!)
You talk a big game in brackets, but lately you’ve become a sham!
I can’t tell who’s the true conman… but Tumblr can!

Spamton (1:15)

[i got a secret...] FOR WHEN THE INTERNET’S DOWN, TOO!
THIS EASTER EGG IS CALLED [[Kill Yourself, Now!]] (👀 Ooo!)
CONSIDER IT WELL, IT’S [Only For A Limited Time!]
FORGET THE GARBAGE, WITH YOUR NONSENSE YOU'VE BEEN [[LIVING A LIE!!!]]
I MEAN, JUST ASK MIKE WHAT YOU SHOULD GET RIGHT!
[[can anyone hear me…? hello…?]] IT'S A DEAD LINE!
[HAHAHAHA!] BUT I KNOW THAT MUST BE HARD FOR YOU!
YOUR TEAM GOING THROUGH [[BURN!!]]OUT’S THE ONLY DREAM BARBECUE!

Ena (1:37)

Your punches are too soft! You must be weak!
The only strong things here are those cups of tea!
Ran a popular shop but when your problems arose,
You only wanted to run! To run? Turron!
And with how long you’ve had them waiting, fans are out of patience!
How funny, the puppet’s made to be the fandom’s plaything!
Just a cashcow for Deltarune…
Always had your back against the wall ever since you’ve had milk in you!

Outro (1:58)

Spamton VS ENA - Rap Battles of Whatever

Writing by: TomPuffs

Additional help by: CyanCoat, Egomanic, MidgeCat, Grasman, 

Art by: TomPuffs

MidgeCat as: Spamton G. Spamton

Grasman as: Saul Goodman

Mixing by: Trakked

Beat: Mad Hatter 2 by Tone Jonez

Thumbnail by: TomPuffs

Special Thanks to: Egomanic, TheMonarchy, Colethecole, Alex M, and CornCob7178.

Spamton G Spamton:

HE-HEY EVERYB0DY, IT’S [Spamton G. Spamton]!
SEEMS LIKE TH1S [Slimeball] WAS LEFT ALL ABANDONED
BY H1S [Loved ones], HE LEFT EVERYBODY M1SERABLE
[Don’t believe what you see on TV! This man is a criminal!]

SPEAKING OF TV, L00KS L1KE ALL I SEE,
ARE COMMERCIALS THAT AREN’T EVEN [High-Definition Quality]!
THE GREEN’S [Leaking through] AND I DON’T MEAN [Record Profits]
LEAVE U GREY WHEN I PUT S0ME [Bars] BEHIND THIS [Convict]

U L0ST C0NTR0L OF UR L1FE, THERE’S [Nothing] THAT CAN HELP U
CONSTANTLY SL1PP1N’ BY LIKE THE [Scammers!] DADDY LET THRU
EX1T PREMATURELY: THAT’S MY VERY [Specil Offer]!
I’M THE P0STMAN, UR N0T EVEN [Kevin Costner?]

Saul Goodman:

Hi, I’m Saul Goodman! Your disses need work,
But that’s about what I expected from a dwarf gone berserk.
You talk about passing bars? I don’t think you could pass this.
You had one bit of fame, and then it all came down crashing!

If you got a deal to make, bud, I think you’re out of luck.
Don’t need a vacuum repair card when you already suck!
Products are literal trash, but I wanna know how,
The Jigsaw Puppet ended up bunkin’ with Oscar the Grouch!

Er-you’re just a has-been, constantly causin’ a racket,
Even with how you talk, you can’t face me on a bracket!
You’re incomprehensible, it leaves me appalled,
But if you need someone to talk for you: BETTER CALL SAUL!

Spamton G Spamton:

UR [Slippin’, Jimmy]! IT SEEMS U HAD NOTHING TO SAY
UR TAKING THE P1SS LIKE IT’S [Davis and Main]
WELL SCREW YOU [Albuquerque!] I SP1T COLD L1KE A TH0RN RING!
MAKE A SN0WGRAVE S0 NO ONE IS LEFT [Mourning]

Saul Goodman:

Now that’s what the kids would call an epic fail!
I thought you’d be a lightner, you look deathly pale.
You’re just the email guy, I’ll make like a hyperlink: block it!
Your customers are the same as your stocks: dropping!

Spamton G Spamton:

I’M T1RED MCGILL, UR LEAVING ME PISSED OFF!
I’D G0 TO UR [Hochi Mama!] SH0W HER I’M A [Big Shot!]
PRETEND U FELT [Nothing], BUT U C0ULDN’T [Come to terms]
THAT UR BROTHER WENT OUT LIKE [Oh, help me! It burns!]

[Top-rated salesman] S0 U KN0W I’M THE BEST!
DO U [Wish to contest?] THEN U CAN [Die like the rest]
N0W [Watch me fly, Mama!] [Best rapper since ‘97!]
[Take a vacation straight to hell] AS I GAZE INT0 [Heaven]

Saul Goodman:

Objection, your honour. I have to confess to a crime:
That I’m about to cut the strings when I’m killing the mic
Making death threats that you couldn’t follow through? PLEASE!
My crew could send you on an acid trip, straight to Belize!

You had nothing to live for until you met Kris!
Yeah, you could load a disk, but you can’t load a diss!
You were once a big shot, but now you’re left all alone!
The win is ringing, but I’m the one who’ll pick up the phone

Spamton G. Spamton vs Saul Goodman - TomPuffs Tussles (#1)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Friend Inside Me
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

VinnyO as Man in the Suit
https://linktr.ee/yuugenvinny

-LYRICS-
Friend Inside Me (0:19)
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.

Man in the Suit (0:38)
(Inaudible)

-CREDITS-
Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by BAKI
Inspired by Vibing Leaf
Godzilla roar taken from Godzilla (2014)
Shoutout to GamingPlush64, Freshy Kanal, garbageGothic, Atronach’s Aura, Dilly, and Nugget

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Man in the Suit vs Friend Inside Me | Half-Ass Rap Battles

CAST:
DarkSerpent as Battle Cats
ThanosQuack as Bullet Kin
CREW:
Directed by: MARXFRB
Written by:  MARXFRB 
Mixed by: PhantomEPRB
Beat by: Anywaywell

Bullet Kin:
Looks like Pono’s Post Furrsona wants to battle me!
Can't drop the beat, the only thing you scratched is a Cat Tree!
I’ll pop a cap in this capper’s acted caster's cat mouth and leave dropped dead
Think you're winning, think again you’re messing with the Gundead!

Needed a port, so they created United
Ironically, it left BA fans divided.
The chances of you winning is like finding an uber-rare
Very slim, like the number of your fans that breathe fresh air.

You’re PVZ with a Cat Mario shtick 
That has been built for kids who need to fix 
The fact that your game is a pay-to-win
Best put ya boy Bullet kin on that Cat bulletin. (ayyy)

Battle Cat:
They really got the MC of The Cat Army to fight this lame prick.
Common, weak power, damn and I thought I was basic!
Now listen, all you do to defeat enemies is to fall right.
You fell off no wonder they consider you a Fall Guy!

Now it only takes 3 shots to beat this bullet
So now let the battle cats Show you how to do it
You’re lifeless drone quadrant to serve a “great king”
But he just copies and pastes, and try to do anything


Now you’re uncapped like an old bloomer
Tried to play a Binding of Issac mixed with a 90’s Doomer
The King sits there and waits like an old boomer.
Now left you banged up, call you a shroomer.

Bullet Kin:
The way you eat cat food, I feel pity
Netflix doesn't see any battle cats, more like battle kitties
Knocking down your towers with my rhymes, call it a bullet gun
My bars will send you to the moon and this time you're alone, without anyone!

Put on the red cape, now you have to take the L
You died pussycat, welcome to Bullet Hell
Call me an assassin bear, taking out all your units
Ponos adds another uber, they blew it 
Quit chicken out and hiding behind the door
Cause now with the stuff Ponos is pulling, what are you here for?
Its crazy about fact you thought you could win
I think you're drugged out, lay off the catamin.

Battle Cat:
*Yawn* sorry almost fell asleep just like that boss battle with Lich
Talking about Unite, but look at your sequel
And man that soundtrack gives me the ick
Your games barley known between the common people

In a dungeon, but still leavin’ you 6 feet under
Speaking of death, your game has been empty for 5 years, what a blunder!
Drop you like what EA did to mythic 
Floaters really needs to lay off the mythics
You tried go play a dungeons and dragons
But you couldn't with how the lore is draggin’


Bullet Kin:
Best use the gun of the past to rewrite that verse
This battle’s won, no need for converse

Battle Cats:
After finished nothing left for Dodge Roll and Guengeon
Looks like you and your misfits couldn't exit my dungeon.

Bullet Kin vs Battle Cats| MRB (ft. DarkSerpent and ThanosQuack)

Jonna-Lynn Alonso as Nemona
yukigloom as Goku

Written by SIR Rap Battles & Jofinity
Additional writing help by Shimario
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Diamond Style 
Cover art by LimJJ (Original cover by M!CAH)
Cover art stills by Cole
Special thanks to RaccoonBroVA, Eric the Audible, Ryoma Ishizuka, bblackroses, Satoshi Tajiri & Akira Toriyama

Nemona: (0:24)
All the fans in the region, you hear them cheer for the champ
When your planet’s in need, you disappear in a flash
I’ve got a masterful team prepared to clear any match
While your laughable team just shrieks in fear from attacks 
So - he got adopted by Grandpa Gohan until he got stomped on 
By no one other than the toddler that he taught and fostered
And as a grown-up, his losses don't stop
‘Cause all of the monsters that he was crossing took his comrades and offed them
I'm an Academy Ace! You never got an education
Speeding past your limits, but a driving test is where you're failing?
That's outrageous! You can't stay committed to the sons you're raising 
If you keep forsaking them as prey for the foes that you're facing
I'll be popping off when I land critical strikes
But when this pop is off, it's ‘cause he's ditching his wife
Losing the ones you love? You sure take after your dad, man
A father-son legacy ‘cause this fight’s your last stand!

Goku: (1:05)
Aw, I kinda wished I'd get an actual fight
Should’ve brought your gym leader to rap ‘cause you’re lacking in Ryme
So stack up our might, the gap is too wide if we talk fisticuffs
Couldn't patch that Gastly-looking face with Herba Mystica
So obsessed with spars, you'd wind up who you're speaking to
It seems that you must be illiterate - can't write or read the room
And after catching wind of Turtle School, a good bout’s what I can't ignore
While your school’s out catching turtles like some kind of Capsule Corps!
With what you've promoted, you left your fanbase broken
Those blows you dealt felt Phoned in, it's like your father Rotom
Kamehameha flowing ‘cause you don't seem to notice
This contest is the only time you're good at throwing
People drop you like your frame rate? Sheesh, you’ve had a rough time
You’re the type to bug but your game is more the bug-type 
You like to battle? Well… maybe don’t punch like
you’re still holding back, kid, let’s make this a fun fight!

Nemona (1:45):
You Self-Destruct in fights so much, this lucha’s your last
‘Cause like it's Frieza with your planet, I’mma put ‘ya on blast (Sí!)
This gluttonous dud should swallow this truth up for his next feast:
Regardless of his heart disease, this papá is a deadbeat

Goku (1:55):
Whew, that’s more like it! You’re getting used to spitting some disses
But I bet I can catch on quicker, call that Instant Transmission 
Shouldn't be messing with Universe 7, kid
When half your character designs are more lifeless than your professor is

Nemona (2:06):
If you wanna talk professors, I better mention
Yours developed cybernetic weapons, that left your future threatened
Even in the face of defeat, I'm always beaming up
You only made Raditz face defeat when you're left Beaming up!
And seeing your films’ canon, it’s just gunning to fail
‘Cause they made like a pair of scissors and kept cutting your tales
So like your hijo with a dinosaur, ditch this before it gets worse
We'd probably have to wait another saga for your next verse

Goku (2:26):
Of course this little privileged rich kid has never witnessed the image
of vicious villains killing every single innocent that lives in your village
After what happened to Krillin, 
I was driven to break my limits, you're just tracking down children
Endlessly battling with them, man you're just tactless, a dimwit
And with the draft that you’re pickin’, it’s just a match full of misfits
So maybe next time you go spotting new trainers who wanna be elite
Make like how your family treats you - and leave them be

Goku vs Nemona. SIR Rap Battles (ft. yukigloom & Jonna-Lynn Alonso)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! In this 100 Hour Challenge special, we have exploding video game enemies; Bob-omb from Super Mario Bros vs Creeper from Minecraft. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Bob-omb
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps

Commander Jacob as Creeper
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob

-LYRICS-

Bob-omb (0:09)
Yo. EXPLODING IN! Buddy you crawled on the wrong land
They put me up against a Creeper? Aw man!
Double Dash away before this Bob-omb Blasts
You’ll go from face on a backpack to laid in a body bag
Why attack the player? You’re one in the same
Either of you see a pussy and start running away
And if you wanna act hostile, I hope you can camouflage
Or I’ll splatter you on the trees; make you look like you’re back to moss
You both cause destruction, but lemme tell ya something
Only difference between you and TNT? You’re ugly
No back and forth, I jump straight in as I’m attacking 
I layed out this pig, put him back in the right axis

Creeper (0:40)
BOOM BOOM BOOM- that’ll be you when you provoke me
I’ll chew you up and spit you out like Yoshi
Match my explosions? You’d need at least two
So if you really wanna go, try to re-fuse
I’ll drop a track, I got a real bone to pick today
Bet your reflexes delayed like your Galaxy minigame
Spectate and realize I see green in two different ways
While you’re on the Battlefield, waging wars with a civil race
Walking or Charging, I’mma come for your head
When you’re falling from the sky, it’s the most Sudden of Deaths
(Let’s go) House of Boom? Yeah, your mama was in that
Just stay on the ground; I’m who’s leaving an impact

-CREDITS-

Written by Commander Jacob and TheMonarchy
Beat and additional writing help by swizkii
https://www.youtube.com/@swizkii
Mixed by Light
Additional art by HoodieMasterr
https://www.youtube.com/@hoodiemasterr

Feedback by TheMonarchy, swizkii, HoodieMasterr, and SimplyRazzy
Shout out to Walk and JustGamer

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Creeper vs Bob-omb | Half-Ass Rap Battles

*THIS BATTLE WAS MADE ENTIRELY BY WHITES ONLY IN THE SPAND OF 100 HOURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION*

Danii as Mr. Crocker 
Near as Mrs. Puff

2Hats as SpongeBob 

Written by Teimunity, Danii, and 2Hats
Artwork by Teimunity and TeaworkAJ

Beat by Teimunity
Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Mrs. Puff vs. Mr. Crocker • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have musical entities that cause stress to those who come across them; Mad Piano from Big Boo’s Haunt in Super Mario 64 versus Bop It, 90’s audio toy sensation. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Mad Piano
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheMonarchyVA / https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/olithemonarchy
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/oli-the-monarchy

Eric the Audible as Bop It
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@EricTheAudible
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/erictheaudible
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/central-rap-battles  

-LYRICS-

Mad Piano (0:09)
Yo! Looking for eight coins? There’s one to your left!
But it’s not the only thing I have covered in red
I’ll bop you ‘til you shatter! Make your circuitry bleed sparks
Plus you’ll find the key of my teeth… B#
See this chair? Sit down, take the polite road
Soprano C, you’re gonna scream out on a high note
I'm not settling, I demolish a score
I keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging!
It’s like this Dizaster got me paying homage to Cort
See these coffins falling? Next thing you know, you’re falling in yours
On the topic of court; for being lame, you've stood accused
I'm not judging when these shelves start throwing books at you
Had a little fad and just kept extending that
It's like Simon Said "instead of memory, test their attention span"
Between the cash grabs and narrators so obnoxious
I got a command for you!... stop it.

Bop It (0:54)
Did I rattle your cage, dude? You’re Mad cuz I’m way smooth
Piano should stay tuned! I’m naturally playin’ you!
Wanting red? I’ll leave you spinning. You gotta be kidding
Thinking you’re the grand type... You’re more MIDI
You move so slow, I circle you with no running
If you hear boos around you, It’s not your ghost buddies
Haven’t you realized I’m twisted yet?
Fitnessgram shit; I'll make sure Suicide Drills in your head
You’re the least scary thing in your “sCaRy oLd hOuSe”
Walking wobbly like you hopped off the merry-go-round
Wait, yeah, you belong in that kinda room
There's been a remake and a port: this piano’s on loop (c’mon!)
More per minute, you’re getting b-b-beaten
You couldn’t hit me in Smash R-R-Remix
Save the jumpscare, you won’t pull it with me
After your little lullaby, I’m going to sleep!

-CREDITS-

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by 2Deep
Beat purchased by Fightmarker

Feedback by TheMonarchy, Fightmarker, Syroquise, and the spaceship
Shoutout to RacconBroVA, Dilly, TaigaTonic, Dani, Sculpture_, and the Smash Remix team

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Bop It vs Mad Piano | Rap Battle (HARB)

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2023

LYRICS

Wile E. Coyote:
LISTEN UP-

I don’t have much time before I drop from this height
So I’ll try to make it quick while I’m rocking the mic
Allow me to introduce myself, Wile E. Coyote
Genius at roasting dopes and flowing on dope beats
You should just quit, Komi, why, we don’t even measure
I’m more skilled, more cunning, simply, I’m better
Now I might be the Looney Tune
But you somehow surpass me with all the weirdos in your goofy school
Now if you asked me, I’d take you and the ones being crude and lewd
And strap you to a package that’s made with care, love from ACME
Your show exists for some lonely losers to relate
Komi-San and her fanbase can’t communicate
I gave this slice of life a piece of mine, hope the pain’s received 
Now if you excuse me, I shall now take my leAHHHHHHHHH

Komi:
I-I’m not really that good with rhyming words
But I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t like that verse
Supplies of TNT, but you couldn’t drop bombs though
You’d take second to Agari in a dog show
Maybe quit hunting season and find a day job
‘Cause you get fired worse than a Warner Bros. layoff
A “Super Genius” with your plans never changing
Running into the same wall like it’s your paintings
It’s been 70 years but still the same old act with
Comedy so primitive, no wonder it’s slapstick
Chased a chicken for all that time? Impressive
I don’t even think that Ren’s as obsessive
Chuck dropped ya’, now your toons are in the garbage
I’d say that’s all folks, but this was over ‘fore it started

CREDITS

TheMonarchy as Wile E. Coyote
Fightmarker as Road Runner

Kurobane Azia as Komi

Shadow Zel as Black Noir

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by BMB and 3ple
Cover art by Rabi

Wile E. Coyote vs. Komi Can't Communicate - Rap Battle

@freshy-kanal as Invader Zim, GIR, and the Announcer
@king-mewtwo as Plankton
Tom Kenny as the French narrator

Written by: Henry Jones, @dannyplaysgames-422800890, @top-irish, @user-120833346, @king-mewtwo, @deanfalcon, @swoldow_evgrb, Ribbit, @kennethh-5, Aaron Peters, Daniel The Rapper, and razzy 
Cover art by: @jordan-showish
Beat produced by: @atomicbeats-1
Mixed by: @freshy-kanal

Lyrics:
T.V. RAP BATTLES!
INVADER ZIM!
VS!
PLANKTON!
BEGIN!

Plankton:
Karen, fire up the lyric machine, because today, I’ll cut no slack
To a green freak who’s best known for his creator’s other Maniac!
Just take a look at my Plan Z, and you will see like Ice I interrupt
I'll take the win, and the formula, once this rejected alien steps up
This fool wants to challenge me? You're about to get burned by my flow 
I'm going strong with tens of seasons, after 2006 you're a no-show (ooo) 
So, you have a TV film soon? Check the numbers, Zim
Stepping to the more Supreme of minds? Looks like The Nightmare Begins!

Zim:
I won't be stopped by a round cyclops of doom 
So don’t get Krabby, microscopic fiend, expect another squashing soon
You’re at the Bikini Bottom of the Bucket, disgusting friendless scum
You had to build your own wife, beating this rotting Chum is F.U.N
GIR: 
We will squish you like a bug, because you're Imperfect, Cell  
Zim: 
It's very pathetic that you're scared of whiny teenage whales
Several torture methods have been thought up and i've made my decision
Split this molecule in two, so he can finally have peripheral vision

French Narrator:
1 verse later...
Plankton:
And you’ve yet to make a harsh statement
My quips will leave you in more tears than your show’s cancellation!
You're just a disaster, you're weaker than Patrick in the competition
I’ll give your fans a reboot of you, alright: Invader Zim’s Extinction!

Zim:
You're lying if you think you can best this Extraterrestrial mastermind
I’ll roast this Patty like a family. Except it’s gonna be done right!
You will always be 1% evil, like Mr Krabs, I’ve foiled ya
You failed in this fight like you fail to get the Secret Formula! 

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
T.V. RAP BATTLES!

Invader Zim vs Plankton. T.V. Rap Battles 3.

Mario:
I spit epic lines against this f**king sh*t rip off
You’ll be siivagunned down to the ground so stop
I’ll plow right through you like bricks, breaking more ground than the Wii
You’ll fall like a Lakitu, I’m used to curb-stomping tiny enemies
I’ve got the Nintendo Power to outlive any memes you bring
I’m known the world over, you don’t matter in the Grand scheme of things
Are your eyes blue because you’re feeling depressed?
If not then I’ll make you feel that, because I’m the best!

Grand Dad:
I'll boot your legs in, don't even dare try to own me
I'm on top! You're comin' up Smol like Nozomi!
I’m grand, you’re banned, and I’ll leave your a** canned
I’m a man, I’m not a fan, so I’ll hit you with a pan
You're a frickin moron b***h, so be ashamed and cry
Why don't you Grab me lunch and maybe Die
You make me f**king cringe- ew ttgd
Call me your grand daddy~ cause now you listen to me

Mario:
I'll turn the tables when this foe's been boned
I'm smoking this joke, even though he's already flinstoned
I'm packed with bars of fire just like one of bowser's castles
Reaching for the win like a flagpole in order to end this battle

Grand Dad:
I'm a top-notch gangsta, why not replace Grand with God?
While you're a faded out star scrapped in favor of COD
Run out of time or this fight, either way you'll descend bro
I'll switch things up as I stomp out this coinwhore for Nintendo

Who Won

Who's Next

You Decide

Jaeden Man89 Rap Battles of 

GRAND DAD
FLEENTSTONES?

Numbness

Written by Red, Adroitwhiz, , epicman12 , Jaeden-Man89, R The Writer

Beat
https://youtu.be/kGg6q1j6jZE

Cast:
King Mewtwo as Mario
Red As Grand Dad

If you think it's good I might do another

Mario Vs Grandad

King Mewtwo as Globglogabgalab
Skeep as Dunsparce

Globglogabgalab:

Slam poetry? Delicious, I love a schwibbleschwabble
But I sense a bad taste from the words of your squabble
So best get silent and wide eyed, scary
Or you’ll lie buried in my library
Stuck without an evolution and your stats are flimsy
The surprisingly long got the short Straw-insky
You wanna see my rap Treasure Trove? Best get diggin’
Unlike this cryptid, my win’s Non-Fiction
Mmmm, splendid!

Dunsparce:


I wish I was in the Dark Cave, you’re a sight for sore eyes
You’re like a yeast infection of thoughts and minds
I’ll drill you down and reunite the dirt with its worm
I’m sure you’re already used to eating your own words
You’ll be a meme for a week, then you’re loved no longer
I’ll still be more fleshed out than this skin monster
All Hope is lost, Jabba, stick to Housing new inmates
This worm’s submerged in my flow, only useful as clickbait

Written by Eddie and Jason
Mixed by Dustin

Dunsparce vs Globglogabgalab - Pokemon vs Anything

Special thanks to Alex for uploading
(he told me to put this here lol)

Beat Produced by: Imotape Productions
Written by: Dani Frias, King Mewtwo
Chiseled by: B O R K
Mixed by: J Morris the Review Guy
Thumbnail by: AaronGPeters

King Mewtwo  as John Lennon
J Morris the Review Guy as Kurt Cobain

Lyrics:

Lennon:
Imagine there was no heaven or nothing to pray to
After listening to your songs, I’d say I was in the same view
With all the kindergarten playbacks, come in here and you're too low
All Apologies, but I'll smack you back to In Utero

Cobain:
Here's the difference between Cobain’s art and the man who's dream’s a nudist
You claim you're high and mighty but I myself worship the Buddhists
You don’t sound like you’re into anything but how am I too low?
I know “All You Need is Love” didn't mean brag about Yoko Ono
Then spent your honeymoon in bed, and been slacking ever since
Didn't play for you to join, but did your OCD never rinse?
The always sad friend of the group with I guess one known Christmas tune
I wouldn’t be all too surprised if you were depressing this beat soon

Lennon:
Got a band named Nirvana, but seems within it’ll decay
A Heart Shaped Verse so shattered it’d crawl back to the guitars that you’ve played
My writing demons are no more, you can’t make yours fade away
So best clean up that filthy verse like the janitor that stayed

Cobain:
Across the Universe, but your best work was racist through the stars
The pain that I’ve been through’s not even close to you spitting your bars
Make like your Beatles departure and still keep up with the peace
As your nose is bigger than your ambition for another piece
You’re a Montage of Heck but at least when your Poison’s Gone
You’ll be Fecal Matter, after you’re announced before dawn
You don't want a Quarry, Man if you're as beta as those times
Maybe try getting used more often to think up better lines

Lennon:
I don't believe in death, but after this I think that’ll be switched
Seems it’s not the first time that you’ve been under a painted bridge
I've been seen through as a lord, better call up Harrison
Because the closest thing to your moment was buried pressure, son
Got you caught in more flow than your conceiving; Nevermind
Should’ve went back to film-making to make better bloody lines
You’re in the Brad Pitt now, if he’ll even show up for his part
And with a friend from Compton, I thought you would get him for this kind of art
You’ll change in here more than your members, I’ve moved on from what you’ve dissed with
I won’t take you seriously when your best song is for Teen Spirit
You’ve got many inspirations, and then went thinking you were flawless
But give my nickel back and Nickelback his crown for the obnoxious

Cobain:
Changed my members, yes, but what relationships do you bring?
Me and Courtney stayed while you’ve got stale meat who could never sing
Not to mention your band’s material for pop culture allusions
Guess my cover did nothing but give this old man some confusion
I took assets from you and managed to do better than your smudge
It isn’t my fault that John Lennon here mixed up the grunge with grudge
I’ve been playing for MTV before they Unplugged with their music
You’ve been playing for little girls who prefer Harry as their choosin’
Now don’t interrupt me, I’m not here to kowtow and give thanks
When your closest thing to rapping was against O’ Reilly’s banks
Your Rolling Foes gave me four stars, it’s clear that we’re not on the same side
So keep coming at me if you once again want all your flames died

Lennon:
I spit Lithium; you spit its cancer rhymes that leave you dead
Say goodbye to all the friends living inside your head
Got a Simpson reference, now everyone rips off your flashback
Stay as the emo savior and be minimized to a movie soundtrack

LINE MEANINGS/FUN FACTS:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10owsMAvzpi_1bDjQQouQ7CYb-ZmVtOyRMfJlkCQx4IY/edit?usp=sharing

{REBOOT} John Lennon vs Kurt Cobain - Rap Battle

In this rap battle two iconic Nintendo "Trainers" go head to head, both with very different ideas of what training is. Who will win? That's for you to decide.

Also no this isn't the Smash version of Pokémon Trainer this one was actually competent enough to evolve his pokémon.

Who Won?
https://www.strawpoll.me/18354775

King Mewtwo as Wii Fit Trainer
https://soundcloud.com/king-mewtwo
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6u5tHVsAaWYq_UreyZMufw

Vladimyr P. as Pokémon Trainer
https://soundcloud.com/universalrapbattles
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzqKbVXFxRik0AkaLmFl2hg
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1RdxEDNIuMIZk0VLjSdVrQ

Alex the Beast as Charizard, Blastoise and Venusaur
https://soundcloud.com/user-650786333-593076861
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZUTOJL1qAbDorCjlhGYQ/featured

Mixed by Light
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40Azz3spGbl38LIF7uKqg

Written by Psytube
Cover art by Psytube
Beat by Hollywood Legend Productions
Karaoke: https://picosong.com/wKPZm/


Wii Fit Trainer:
Now, if you don’t want this fitness contest to be a landslide
You should start by improving the crooked posture of your franchise
No amount of warning screens could describe your world’s sheer danger
I mean, you fight ten foot tall monsters and host cockfights with strangers
Usually I’d tell you to relax but I get your aggression
It must feel quite bad to be kicked out your house when you’re eleven
Sure, you managed to trudge your way into beating the league challenge
But looking at your battle system, you couldn’t keep balance

Pokémon Trainer:
I’ve been out here on my journey, travelling far and wide
While you dance around on a doormat and you call it exercise
The bottom of the bargain bin wants to fight a gaming pro?
Then say hello to my killing monsters, pokéball, go!
(Charizard)
Against a fire breathing beast it isn’t hard to leave you floored
I’m up here soaring in the sky while you can’t jump on your board
(Blastoise)
You lasted for a week before grannies got bored of your cheap fad
Hell, even my hydro pump couldn’t pierce your fanbase as bad
(Venusaur)
Looking at all your players, Wii Fat really should’ve been your name
Cause solar beam moves faster than people playing your minigames
(Pokémon Trainer)
Come back guys, there’s no point, his series is beyond hope
It’s so dead, I couldn’t even see it with a Silph Scope

Wii Fit Trainer:
Should’ve breathed in deeply before you spat that verse
Your disses came out so damaged, they couldn’t be healed by your nurse
Sure you got pretty close with the 5 kids who play portables
But a glimpse of a good game? Looks like you haven’t caught ‘em all

Pokémon Trainer vs Wii Fit Trainer - Psytube Rap Battles #4

Welcome to the fifty-seventh installment of Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons!

Eddie's Rap Channel as Dib Membrane
TheSuperplushybros as Invader Zim
Adroitwhiz as GIR
Nathan Provost as Marvin the Martian
B-Lo as Stitch
Rocket as Roger
Titanium1208 Krang

Lyrics:
https://bit.ly/36PjDD0

Written by Matthew Thomas, thelegion, Anthony Perry, Fle, Freshy Kanal, R the Writer, Stofferex, Skeep★Tieel, and Jacob

Mixed & Mastered by: Freshy Kanal

Additional Help by: Adroitwhiz

Beats by: Kustom Made Productions, 2Deep, Marc Jackson Burrows of Audio Network, and Hollywood Legend Productions

Invader Zim vs Dib Membrane. Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons 57.

Republican Debates That Never Happened   Cartoon Rap Battle (Trump, Weld, Walsh, The Rock)

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.