Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Half ass rap battles

Songs I Listen too

Rap Battles to Shuffle Through

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of mysterious entities that just stare at you: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Mereana

Rabi as purple Tree
GamingPlush64 as green Tree
Fightmarker as blue Tree

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Dumbchild

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees | Half-Ass Rap Battles

subscribe to dilly ►https://youtube.com/c/DillyChannel    
support dilly on patreon ►
https://www.patreon.com/locorapbattles
music video out now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8KqfAiyBZg

casey william as opila bird
dilly as atari e.t.

written by dilly, casey william, 3ple
additional writing by m!cah
mixed by casey william
beat prod. by casey william
art by 3ple and anangrypenguin
cover art by shimario
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Opila Bird vs. Atari E.T. - Rap Battle! (2023)

WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO:
https://youtu.be/fW81264c2bk?si=gogLjj4ifda7fEYj

Snakebite126 as Denji
RecD as Wolverine

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Denji:
When Miss Makima said to kill Marvel’s hybrid rebel
I thought, “Ryan Reynolds!” not the Sideburns Devil
So like, this isn’t personal, it’s kinda just my job
Let’s do what your barber should’ve done and take it from the top

You know I’m rolling with the Safety Corp, I got the squad with me (ay)
And thanks to Pochita, always got that dog in me (ay)
I’d prefer to kick back, if you wanna start things 
I’ll pull out my ripcord and tear out your heartstrings

Act like your backstory is so serious
Howlett, a sad boy who was so feverish
Crafted a rad origin story
When he stabbed into dad’s organs before leaving him

Captured and tortured as war leaders had
Trapped your corpse kneeling to Cornelius
Too bad all that trauma’s up in your brain
The one place there’s no healing it

How do Hugh Jack off with that claw, Mr. sliced weiner?
Closest thing that you’ve had to a wife is a wife-beater
And that hottie Phoenix that you loved is already dead
Stupid fucker picked the only one that can’t resurrect 

Wolverine:
Listen, bub - I’m not engaging in fisticuffs
With some prissy punk only working so his dick gets sucked
I’m an X-Man - impenetrable, head to toe
You’re an ex-man - you’re selling your own testicles

Denji met his boss, instantly started drooling
Wanted her as a bride, she was more into grooming
She took advantage of your lust, then dumped you as Aki’s pup
Now the only one getting any bitches is Makima

Quit Fiending for your freedom, I’ve been to hell and I’ve seen it
And I’m deeming there’s no reason any demon’s worth redeeming
I stuck it to Magneto and then ripped out his mind
Now it’s your turn, Chainsaw Man, Welcome to DIE!

Denji:
Shut your fucking hole! Power let me cop a feel
If you think I get no bitches then you just like me for real
Nah, you’ve got so many kids, like your momma, you’re a cheat
You’ve got retractable bones, how’s your pullout game so weak?

Yeah I’m not too good with books, but your brain is so diseased
That you’ve got too many issues for anyone to read
Keep blaming your flaws on Weapon X like it caused them
But you will never hide from the skeleton in your claw set

Wolverine:
Kid, you lived in a dumpster, no wonder chicks never loved ya
And your first kiss was so disgusted, she was sick to her stomach
But then you didn’t save her later, so the consequence for Aki 
Cost an arm and a leg and an arm and a leg and a body

So don’t go pretending you paid off your debt
Forget being wealthy, you ate all your bread
You gave up your dog for a blade on your head
But you can’t cut or make out a check

Adamantium, add a man to it
Wolverine leading lambs to the slaughter
Repping X-Men and Weapon X
I’mma make you pay like your pansy-ass father

You’re slaving all day for a chance to be free
And wasting away as an amputee
No loved ones, no friends and nothing you can eat
At least Leatherface had a family

Thanks to your cowardice, her plan went without a hitch
When you finally got Makima to BANG! - you were Power-less

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Written & Directed by Eddiefrb
Mixed & Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Beat Arranged by Freshy Kana;
Beat prod. by Diamond Style
Art by CyanCoat
Coverart Design by Eddiefrb

Denji vs Wolverine - Rap Battle! (ANIMATION VS ANYTHING: CH. II)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of horrible collectathon games; Data Design Interactive’s infamous Ninjabread Man versus Preston’s Hourglass. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Preston Ramirez
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob

Rosenthal as Ninjabread Man
YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@rosenthal5904?si=QJMCXg9nvRyrKt9g
SoundCloud:
https://on.soundcloud.com/cmCkAVLLNpLdHBJK7

-LYRICS-

Preston (0:10)
Ramirez on the mic, you’re unwelcome in my domain
I’ll crush your candy bars cuz I’m fucking insane
Twist you up; pretzel. Disappear; presto
Motion controls? Now your buttons getting pressed, bro

Drown you in a sea of punchlines. I’m a hitter
My money can’t be thicker; hourglass figures
Bash your skull in, you’ll get left with dents
Not a fan? Explain that pressed-in head

Cuz I’m p-r-e-s-t-o-n-exclamation
Call Zool, get your reject remake and remake it
This little cookie is not tough
Ninjabread. Is. Ticking… me off, cunt

DDI’s like CDI. Maime you and your lazy twins
Bring all the shovelware; just more graves to dig
Don’t ask for the dough-jo, You're not worth half a dime
It’s not just Anubis being lost to the sands of time

Ninjabread Man (0:53)
Fuck a swarm of bees, this is some buggy shit
Get the mic outta your hand; human or oven mitt
Indie dissing employees; you be-little
Now catch this candyman crack down Mr. Peanut Brittle

As for your wife, ever wonder why her ass ain’t home?
She’s at my place letting me explore her catacombs
But now I wish I didn’t think to get kinky
Because the both of you look like some sorta wrinkly Twinkies

You’re a product of Baldi and Banban, and Bendy
And Tattletail, Spooky, and Granny, and Slendy
So don't talk remade shit
How do walls only made of gray bricks counter oversaturation?

You look like your hat shoulda been a bedpan
Check the headband. Wu-Tang shit; NinjaRedman
You Crashed more than Bandicoot! It’s not right
Not talking mechanics; tell Dreadful it’s…  stop time

-CREDITS- 

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by 2Deep
Additional instruments by Capsun ProAudio and David Oliver

Feedback by Shimario, bloody_queers, and the spaceship
Shoutout to JustGamer, RNG, ColeTheCole, Nugget, and Walk

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Ninjabread Man vs Preston's Hourglass | Half-Ass Rap Battles

kinger the amazing digital circus vs sarah needlemouse exe rap battle anolog vs anything.

Kinger vs. Needlemouse // Analog vs. Anything.

Cri as Kinger

Hailey as Needlemouse (Sarah)

Cameos by Clarence and Hailey

Written and Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Art by A Trash Artist and EpicMonkey

Graphic Design by JustADude
 
LYRICS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16UQrnK9FOf0a4FMEuSOGaNoLlGwlLoP7al3U2Nt7LQM/edit

(OLD) The Amazing Digital Circus vs. Needlem0use • Analog vs. Anything.

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Friend Inside Me
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

VinnyO as Man in the Suit
https://linktr.ee/yuugenvinny

-LYRICS-
Friend Inside Me (0:19)
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.
Friend inside me. Friend inside me.

Man in the Suit (0:38)
(Inaudible)

-CREDITS-
Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by BAKI
Inspired by Vibing Leaf
Godzilla roar taken from Godzilla (2014)
Shoutout to GamingPlush64, Freshy Kanal, garbageGothic, Atronach’s Aura, Dilly, and Nugget

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Man in the Suit vs Friend Inside Me | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Jonna-Lynn Alonso as Nemona
yukigloom as Goku

Written by SIR Rap Battles & Jofinity
Additional writing help by Shimario
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Diamond Style 
Cover art by LimJJ (Original cover by M!CAH)
Cover art stills by Cole
Special thanks to RaccoonBroVA, Eric the Audible, Ryoma Ishizuka, bblackroses, Satoshi Tajiri & Akira Toriyama

Nemona: (0:24)
All the fans in the region, you hear them cheer for the champ
When your planet’s in need, you disappear in a flash
I’ve got a masterful team prepared to clear any match
While your laughable team just shrieks in fear from attacks 
So - he got adopted by Grandpa Gohan until he got stomped on 
By no one other than the toddler that he taught and fostered
And as a grown-up, his losses don't stop
‘Cause all of the monsters that he was crossing took his comrades and offed them
I'm an Academy Ace! You never got an education
Speeding past your limits, but a driving test is where you're failing?
That's outrageous! You can't stay committed to the sons you're raising 
If you keep forsaking them as prey for the foes that you're facing
I'll be popping off when I land critical strikes
But when this pop is off, it's ‘cause he's ditching his wife
Losing the ones you love? You sure take after your dad, man
A father-son legacy ‘cause this fight’s your last stand!

Goku: (1:05)
Aw, I kinda wished I'd get an actual fight
Should’ve brought your gym leader to rap ‘cause you’re lacking in Ryme
So stack up our might, the gap is too wide if we talk fisticuffs
Couldn't patch that Gastly-looking face with Herba Mystica
So obsessed with spars, you'd wind up who you're speaking to
It seems that you must be illiterate - can't write or read the room
And after catching wind of Turtle School, a good bout’s what I can't ignore
While your school’s out catching turtles like some kind of Capsule Corps!
With what you've promoted, you left your fanbase broken
Those blows you dealt felt Phoned in, it's like your father Rotom
Kamehameha flowing ‘cause you don't seem to notice
This contest is the only time you're good at throwing
People drop you like your frame rate? Sheesh, you’ve had a rough time
You’re the type to bug but your game is more the bug-type 
You like to battle? Well… maybe don’t punch like
you’re still holding back, kid, let’s make this a fun fight!

Nemona (1:45):
You Self-Destruct in fights so much, this lucha’s your last
‘Cause like it's Frieza with your planet, I’mma put ‘ya on blast (Sí!)
This gluttonous dud should swallow this truth up for his next feast:
Regardless of his heart disease, this papá is a deadbeat

Goku (1:55):
Whew, that’s more like it! You’re getting used to spitting some disses
But I bet I can catch on quicker, call that Instant Transmission 
Shouldn't be messing with Universe 7, kid
When half your character designs are more lifeless than your professor is

Nemona (2:06):
If you wanna talk professors, I better mention
Yours developed cybernetic weapons, that left your future threatened
Even in the face of defeat, I'm always beaming up
You only made Raditz face defeat when you're left Beaming up!
And seeing your films’ canon, it’s just gunning to fail
‘Cause they made like a pair of scissors and kept cutting your tales
So like your hijo with a dinosaur, ditch this before it gets worse
We'd probably have to wait another saga for your next verse

Goku (2:26):
Of course this little privileged rich kid has never witnessed the image
of vicious villains killing every single innocent that lives in your village
After what happened to Krillin, 
I was driven to break my limits, you're just tracking down children
Endlessly battling with them, man you're just tactless, a dimwit
And with the draft that you’re pickin’, it’s just a match full of misfits
So maybe next time you go spotting new trainers who wanna be elite
Make like how your family treats you - and leave them be

Goku vs Nemona. SIR Rap Battles (ft. yukigloom & Jonna-Lynn Alonso)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! In this 100 Hour Challenge special, we have exploding video game enemies; Bob-omb from Super Mario Bros vs Creeper from Minecraft. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Bob-omb
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps

Commander Jacob as Creeper
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob

-LYRICS-

Bob-omb (0:09)
Yo. EXPLODING IN! Buddy you crawled on the wrong land
They put me up against a Creeper? Aw man!
Double Dash away before this Bob-omb Blasts
You’ll go from face on a backpack to laid in a body bag
Why attack the player? You’re one in the same
Either of you see a pussy and start running away
And if you wanna act hostile, I hope you can camouflage
Or I’ll splatter you on the trees; make you look like you’re back to moss
You both cause destruction, but lemme tell ya something
Only difference between you and TNT? You’re ugly
No back and forth, I jump straight in as I’m attacking 
I layed out this pig, put him back in the right axis

Creeper (0:40)
BOOM BOOM BOOM- that’ll be you when you provoke me
I’ll chew you up and spit you out like Yoshi
Match my explosions? You’d need at least two
So if you really wanna go, try to re-fuse
I’ll drop a track, I got a real bone to pick today
Bet your reflexes delayed like your Galaxy minigame
Spectate and realize I see green in two different ways
While you’re on the Battlefield, waging wars with a civil race
Walking or Charging, I’mma come for your head
When you’re falling from the sky, it’s the most Sudden of Deaths
(Let’s go) House of Boom? Yeah, your mama was in that
Just stay on the ground; I’m who’s leaving an impact

-CREDITS-

Written by Commander Jacob and TheMonarchy
Beat and additional writing help by swizkii
https://www.youtube.com/@swizkii
Mixed by Light
Additional art by HoodieMasterr
https://www.youtube.com/@hoodiemasterr

Feedback by TheMonarchy, swizkii, HoodieMasterr, and SimplyRazzy
Shout out to Walk and JustGamer

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Creeper vs Bob-omb | Half-Ass Rap Battles

*THIS BATTLE WAS MADE ENTIRELY BY WHITES ONLY IN THE SPAND OF 100 HOURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION*

Danii as Mr. Crocker 
Near as Mrs. Puff

2Hats as SpongeBob 

Written by Teimunity, Danii, and 2Hats
Artwork by Teimunity and TeaworkAJ

Beat by Teimunity
Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Mrs. Puff vs. Mr. Crocker • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have musical entities that cause stress to those who come across them; Mad Piano from Big Boo’s Haunt in Super Mario 64 versus Bop It, 90’s audio toy sensation. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Mad Piano
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@TheMonarchyVA / https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/olithemonarchy
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/oli-the-monarchy

Eric the Audible as Bop It
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@EricTheAudible
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/erictheaudible
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/central-rap-battles  

-LYRICS-

Mad Piano (0:09)
Yo! Looking for eight coins? There’s one to your left!
But it’s not the only thing I have covered in red
I’ll bop you ‘til you shatter! Make your circuitry bleed sparks
Plus you’ll find the key of my teeth… B#
See this chair? Sit down, take the polite road
Soprano C, you’re gonna scream out on a high note
I'm not settling, I demolish a score
I keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging! And keep banging!
It’s like this Dizaster got me paying homage to Cort
See these coffins falling? Next thing you know, you’re falling in yours
On the topic of court; for being lame, you've stood accused
I'm not judging when these shelves start throwing books at you
Had a little fad and just kept extending that
It's like Simon Said "instead of memory, test their attention span"
Between the cash grabs and narrators so obnoxious
I got a command for you!... stop it.

Bop It (0:54)
Did I rattle your cage, dude? You’re Mad cuz I’m way smooth
Piano should stay tuned! I’m naturally playin’ you!
Wanting red? I’ll leave you spinning. You gotta be kidding
Thinking you’re the grand type... You’re more MIDI
You move so slow, I circle you with no running
If you hear boos around you, It’s not your ghost buddies
Haven’t you realized I’m twisted yet?
Fitnessgram shit; I'll make sure Suicide Drills in your head
You’re the least scary thing in your “sCaRy oLd hOuSe”
Walking wobbly like you hopped off the merry-go-round
Wait, yeah, you belong in that kinda room
There's been a remake and a port: this piano’s on loop (c’mon!)
More per minute, you’re getting b-b-beaten
You couldn’t hit me in Smash R-R-Remix
Save the jumpscare, you won’t pull it with me
After your little lullaby, I’m going to sleep!

-CREDITS-

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by 2Deep
Beat purchased by Fightmarker

Feedback by TheMonarchy, Fightmarker, Syroquise, and the spaceship
Shoutout to RacconBroVA, Dilly, TaigaTonic, Dani, Sculpture_, and the Smash Remix team

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Bop It vs Mad Piano | Rap Battle (HARB)

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2023

LYRICS

Wile E. Coyote:
LISTEN UP-

I don’t have much time before I drop from this height
So I’ll try to make it quick while I’m rocking the mic
Allow me to introduce myself, Wile E. Coyote
Genius at roasting dopes and flowing on dope beats
You should just quit, Komi, why, we don’t even measure
I’m more skilled, more cunning, simply, I’m better
Now I might be the Looney Tune
But you somehow surpass me with all the weirdos in your goofy school
Now if you asked me, I’d take you and the ones being crude and lewd
And strap you to a package that’s made with care, love from ACME
Your show exists for some lonely losers to relate
Komi-San and her fanbase can’t communicate
I gave this slice of life a piece of mine, hope the pain’s received 
Now if you excuse me, I shall now take my leAHHHHHHHHH

Komi:
I-I’m not really that good with rhyming words
But I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t like that verse
Supplies of TNT, but you couldn’t drop bombs though
You’d take second to Agari in a dog show
Maybe quit hunting season and find a day job
‘Cause you get fired worse than a Warner Bros. layoff
A “Super Genius” with your plans never changing
Running into the same wall like it’s your paintings
It’s been 70 years but still the same old act with
Comedy so primitive, no wonder it’s slapstick
Chased a chicken for all that time? Impressive
I don’t even think that Ren’s as obsessive
Chuck dropped ya’, now your toons are in the garbage
I’d say that’s all folks, but this was over ‘fore it started

CREDITS

TheMonarchy as Wile E. Coyote
Fightmarker as Road Runner

Kurobane Azia as Komi

Shadow Zel as Black Noir

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by BMB and 3ple
Cover art by Rabi

Wile E. Coyote vs. Komi Can't Communicate - Rap Battle

A rap battle between Minecraft and Terraria! 

Minecraft Vs. Terraria - Video Game Rap Battle

Steady Cam as Bendy
The Stupendium as Baldi

Full Video: (Coming Soon)

Baldi's Basics vs. Bendy and the Ink Machine

Nemraps as Bowser
VGRB as Dr. Eggman

LYRICS:
Bowser
This be the King of the Koopas 
Backed by my army of troopas
I trap with the princess you try trappin critters
but we’ve got the shell’s that’ll shoot ya
Right out the chopper that you just jacked from me
You face the monster, conquering galaxies 
Hide in your lab while i’m rockin’ the castle
cause You lose to animals in every battle (like whoa)
I’m a Super Star Saga you’re just trash from Sega
Who lost a mascot contest to his own rival what a failure
So I’ll flame ya, I fight gory, lick my lips cause I like poultry 
Squeeze my jaw and eat you raw that’s what I call an inside story

Eggman
Lectured by lizard brains? One thing that I must ask then
Did you look back at all your games? Cause you lose to the mustached men
This turtle’s slow if he thinks that he’s tough 
To beat you all I have to is just jump 
Over you and into the lava your dunked
I’d be more threatened rapping against Doug 
Bowser go back in that shell so you can hide coward
Are you rapping in your final form your flow is dry bowser
I’m a mad genius you’re a buffoon, I’ll turn this dragon to my dragoon
It’s absurd my flow is out of the world as if I had just pissed on the moon

Bowser
Maybe invent something to hype your rap flows
Battle with gadgets my spikes’ll trash those
Claim that your genius is simply unmatched though 
You couldn’t craft a way to get in smash bros
Eggman, Robotnick whatever you call it
I’m gon’ leave this doctor so splattered like Pollock
Cause over the years, I got rough and tougher
But based on your movie you got dumb and dumber
and you’re supposed to Carrey that film? please
That mess gonna bomb like I gave it down B 
You redesigned the hedgehog to look clean
But can’t redesign all that bad comedy 
Shouldn’t have brought the faker to battle
Cause even your copies live in the shadow
of evil’s Og, so flee or the king
 will leave this egg boiled from fire I breathe

Eggman
I wish that your movie got redesigned too
Where the greatest part is when you devolve to ooze 
You spit fire true, but still it’s no sweat
because you’re only hot when you turn to Bowsette 
And capturing women is such easy targets 
I’ve seen harder beasts hatching out of chao garden 
Think you’re superstar kid you’re just in the bush league
Did you get amnesia a second time Rookie?
You’re plots end with no payoff, 
while I drop gems and spit chaos
You can flash your fangs and go gas your flames
But I’ll just swing your tail and you’ll take off 
How bout I give you a visual though
A dino extinct by the doc’s missile flow
and now I’ve trapped this beast you are not the OG
You’re not even Mario’s original foe

Bowser Vs. Dr. Eggman

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Cam "VGRB" as Wario
Froz as Shadow
Mixed by Froz
Beat by DANSA BEATS

Shadow:
Pipe up, pipe down, chill in the back
I've got a show to run, and now the villain is back
Lemme guess, another one of your "pro-bro" spits
Put out by the wind, take a photo, bitch
Can't catch killer camera crasher
Glitch grand gladiator to a gas compactor
Rap rat kicking ass in the black to match
You're in D-EE-P, massive crap
Ain't No Half Steppin', I'mma throw back, wrecking in your gonads, lesson to a slow fat peasant
Reckon
It's about time to toss the towel
I'm a speed-spoken poet, supersonic vowels
Venture like a vulture into vengeance, evacuate
Came to violate violently, you're violet and bound to pass away
Call me Pan, I crawl past plain sight
On my watch, you're broken into eighths by DayLight, pieces

Wario:
Like Jesus, 
maybe cease the screamin’ Vegeta?
Cause you’re just a clone of a clone of my foe
Yeah They call you shadow for a reason
Bring all your friends I’ll be eatin’ them
You got 7 gems? I got millions
I don’t need to bring a .9, these guns will do 
I’m a killer on the mic so run the jewels
Your girl ain’t dead she needed a real man 
So I took Maria to Wario Land
Ironic you’re supposed to cure her deadly illness
But only caused cancer with all of your fans 
I smash down bros in the hall of fame
To Bash Shadow is a mini game
& Wario breaks rats like they’re bricks
But you’ll make a nice trophy if I need assists

Shadow:
I was nice for a change, now it’s AK game time
You’ve got pounds, we have bass lines
Why would Wario wanna wish away?
To wake wisdom and war for the wimp to waste
What a whack, weak wannabe
Fragile as pottery
Imitating Mario, don’t even try to copy me
That W belongs to me
Fucker had to get a shoehorn right into Odyssey
Not a main character
The same character
A fact that you’ll always be
The one reject trapped in a red man’s shadow
Don’t look at me, might digest ammo
All of you damn meatballs look identical
You slay a giant, I’ve killed several
An OG? Never earned that title
Impossible to think you could ever be an idol

Wario: 
Your empty threats don’t scare me now
This edgy pest just Wares me out 
You’re always so dark and depressed
That a suicide mission’s all that you can carry out
The ultimate life form?
You’re just a faker of Sonic
Your verses are like your gameplay
Cause It’s all speed and no content  
When it comes to makin’ these rude tunes
Wario’s got smooth moves
Heard your all raps now I’ve gone and snapped
just go make like your spin attacks screw you 
You’re more desolate than Mephiles 
Always blowing out smoke like toot toot
Make you bleed to your black doom
Does something stink oh wait that’s you

Wario vs Shadow the Hedgehog - Video Game Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.