Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of goofy, meme-status salesmen; Phil Swift of Flex Seal vs Morshu from Link: The Faces of Evil. Enjoy!

Michael Stark as Phil Swift
Mr. Tibbs as Morshu
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ help from Michael Stark, Evan Raspberry, Snakebite126, and Atronauch's Aura)
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by FM75

-LYRICS-

Phil:
Yo! Phil Swift here, and I’m not that impressed, dog
So watch as this Flabby Mask Salesman’s gets Flexed on
My family of products is double what you could manage
You kicked the bucket, and I’m stabbing it; now that’s a lotta damage
Your YouTube presence is more than Poop. It’s worse, in fact
I’m so sharp on the mic *bzzz* I sawed this verse in half! 
No patching, bonding, sealing, or repairing after this shit
Imagine what you’d do when Mr. Flex Steal your business
We ain’t even equal. You’ve got no place in the sequels
I’d just watch your RTX if I wanted Faces of Evil
Beatbox all you want, it won’t stop what I’ve built up
By now, you should be used to getting embarrassed by Philips

Morshu:
Weird flex, but okay. This lamp oil’s got me lit
These hands? They’re yours, my friend. You’re gonna pay for this
As long as you have bars that can take this ill diss
2nd hand Billy Mays should switch his name to Phil Thrift
You’re not getting outta this; I already got you roped in
With all that Flex Seal, it’s a given you’ve got no drip
How’d you make a soap picture dirty? You rascal
That reflects pretty poorly; especially off of your shower handle
I’ve got a full stock with how often I drop bombs
Your glue wouldn’t have stuck if not for JonTron
Sorry Phil, I can’t give shits in this bicker
So come back when you can spit a little, mmmm, sicker!

Phil Swift vs Morshu | Half-Ass Rap Battle

uh okay so uh basically i had a dream where i saw rowan atkinson at a party and played him bean vs chaplin which is why i used that beat but the announcer just said jim henson vs bowser jr so here we are happy april fools

Mr. Tibbs as Jim Henson/Kermit the Frog
Snakebite126 as Bowser Jr./Shadow Mario
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by InsaneBeatz

-LYRICS-

Jim:
Yo! My army’s more than a frog for this lizard
Origami King? I’m the Fraggle rock to your scissors 
You’re like Oscar the Grouch’s house, because you’re trash
Kermit:
Walking ‘round tryna kill a dude with a mustache 
I run this Sesame Street, but got those underground bars
Kermit:
With those goofy rhymes, makes sense that you ride a clown car
Spit Dark like a Crystal. I’m second to no other
Kermit:
Mario? You need Maury, bro.
Jim:
Peach is not the mother!

Bowser Jr.:
This is Boswer Jr.’s Fury, so don’t bother running up
Cuz I Shine on the mic and I burn like the Sun. You’re done!
Check that ugly mug, my paintbrush couldn’t touch it up
So make like your Muppets and shove it up in your fucking butt
Those rhymes were cancer. Did they come out your damn throat?
I make shadows puppets
Shadow Mario:
you just live your puppet’s shadow
After always snatching F.L.U.D.D., I’m used to taking flows away
Bowser Jr.:
I’ll drop the brush, I just painted you more red than Elmo’s face

Jim Henson vs Bowser Jr. | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of annoying companions; Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time vs Clippy, forgotten assistant of Microsoft Office. Enjoy!

garbageGothic as Navi
Commander Jacob as Clippy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Lucy Beatz

-LYRICS-

Navi:
Hey! Wake up! To believe you're better, you must've been asleep forever
It’s funny how this paper clip can’t get his sheet together
Microsoft thought “he’s the best solution for confusion”
Then they moved on to Cortana; Combat THAT Evolution
I mean, which sounds more useful: tips for using a longsword
Or popping up to pester about using the wrong “your?”
You’d think your googly eyes would help you see me sparkling
I’m locking on to this lost kid: Z-list targeting
When it comes to navigators, you’re not topping Navi, honey
Can’t even swing in the same tree as BonziBuddy
Look, listen when I'm dissin', I'll leave The Fucking Clown in heaven
In rap, you have no XP like it's 2007

Clippy:
Clippy’s blicky’s getting clicky when I appear and disrupt her
Seems you need lesson in basic lyrical structure
So stop all the bottled up blabbering when we're battling
Your whole role needed that red squiggle; my bad for Tatl-ing
Run from me like I'm Ganon and see that you're way beyond errant
Clippy Turner gonna wish away this Fairly Odd Parent
Catch me with a hyperlink and you're sent to a rad place
You got a hyper Link? He’s belting at grass blades (HYAAAH!)
Your only purpose was to sit on top the kid’s dome
By the Time you hit the Temple, that and you flew out the window
I mean, he can search the woods, but he don't really got time
But he might find more trees for you to worship and watch die

Navi vs Clippy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to -Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of ghosts that, according to legend, communicate to the living through paper. Enjoy!

Fightmarker as Charlie
Commander Jacob as Smitty
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Prod. by Allrounda

-LYRICS-

Charlie (0:18)
Yo! If a skeleton thinks he’ll win with spooky scary songs
There must be one thing in your drinking hat; Smitty WerbenJagerbombs
I’ll blare loud, your boneheads should be scared now
They should’ve left you with your hat; rotting in a warehouse
I’ll let the gallows drop and snare ya
Porque eres más débil en esto juego de la lapicera
A crab trashed your graveyard, no way we'll see you Float
You were number one, like the piss I've taken on your tombstone

Smitty (0:40)
Limit your words to what’s on your paper, recite that
Cuz kid, that was disgusting, I just want the mic back
This Doodlebob ouija board couldn't even start to harm me
So if my skeletons attack, Good Luck Charlie Charlie
A Mexican kid with a white-ass name? That’s preposterous 
I won’t stop till your soul’s crossed off the top of my shopping list
I'm like a pencil in your challenge, you can blow me, dick face
Here lies your hopes and dreams of being more than cheap clickbait!

Charlie Charlie vs Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen | Half-Ass Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of mysterious entities that just stare at you: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Mereana

Rabi as purple Tree
GamingPlush64 as green Tree
Fightmarker as blue Tree

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Dumbchild

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv vs Hell Valley Sky Trees | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of vision-obscuring, similarly-named video game enemies. Left 4 Dead’s Boomer versus Super Mario’s Blooper. Enjoy!

Freshy Kanal as Boomer
EddieFRB as Blooper

Written by Commander Jacob
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat produced by 2Deep

-LYRICS-
Boomer: 
Yo! Back up, squiddy. Your dick-shaped head is gonna be leaking
I’ll splatter a couple colors everywhere; so here’s an Inkling
I'm even wavy when I break in half
I'm out-taking lives. Bloopers getting cut because he just makes me laugh
Boom-bap blasting in your face when im speaking shit
Blow chunks and then you'll just see green if you peep me Creeping in
Bile emanating. Spreading sauce; this calamari is dead
By eliminating this Sharpie, ill kick him out the party again
Rip off your arms, no Sunshine at all
What kinda underwater creature gets killed by a fireball
And you're wack on a track, I hope ya heard what i mean
The shit I vomit covers more than a third of the screen

Blooper:
This ain't a drive-by. Your ass would just stress the kart
Plus I'd be better off rapping against a jar
Waddle up and die in one shot. And best of all?
you look like King Bob-Omb with high cholesterol
Think about it, you're only useful in surprise attacks
But I can see your chonky ass from a mile back
I go *splat* in your fat face, better think fast
Your girl rides me like a surfboard then empties my ink sac
I lightly shove you off? you’re not a threat to me
To do damage? Bring in a horde of enemies
I don't care if it ain't cool
If I wanted a boomer too slow to make shit, I'd go battle Gabe Newell

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Boomer vs Blooper | Half-Ass Rap battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of horrible collectathon games; Data Design Interactive’s infamous Ninjabread Man versus Preston’s Hourglass. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Preston Ramirez
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@CommanderJacob
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/commander_jacob
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob

Rosenthal as Ninjabread Man
YouTube:
https://youtube.com/@rosenthal5904?si=QJMCXg9nvRyrKt9g
SoundCloud:
https://on.soundcloud.com/cmCkAVLLNpLdHBJK7

-LYRICS-

Preston (0:10)
Ramirez on the mic, you’re unwelcome in my domain
I’ll crush your candy bars cuz I’m fucking insane
Twist you up; pretzel. Disappear; presto
Motion controls? Now your buttons getting pressed, bro

Drown you in a sea of punchlines. I’m a hitter
My money can’t be thicker; hourglass figures
Bash your skull in, you’ll get left with dents
Not a fan? Explain that pressed-in head

Cuz I’m p-r-e-s-t-o-n-exclamation
Call Zool, get your reject remake and remake it
This little cookie is not tough
Ninjabread. Is. Ticking… me off, cunt

DDI’s like CDI. Maime you and your lazy twins
Bring all the shovelware; just more graves to dig
Don’t ask for the dough-jo, You're not worth half a dime
It’s not just Anubis being lost to the sands of time

Ninjabread Man (0:53)
Fuck a swarm of bees, this is some buggy shit
Get the mic outta your hand; human or oven mitt
Indie dissing employees; you be-little
Now catch this candyman crack down Mr. Peanut Brittle

As for your wife, ever wonder why her ass ain’t home?
She’s at my place letting me explore her catacombs
But now I wish I didn’t think to get kinky
Because the both of you look like some sorta wrinkly Twinkies

You’re a product of Baldi and Banban, and Bendy
And Tattletail, Spooky, and Granny, and Slendy
So don't talk remade shit
How do walls only made of gray bricks counter oversaturation?

You look like your hat shoulda been a bedpan
Check the headband. Wu-Tang shit; NinjaRedman
You Crashed more than Bandicoot! It’s not right
Not talking mechanics; tell Dreadful it’s…  stop time

-CREDITS- 

Written, directed, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by 2Deep
Additional instruments by Capsun ProAudio and David Oliver

Feedback by Shimario, bloody_queers, and the spaceship
Shoutout to JustGamer, RNG, ColeTheCole, Nugget, and Walk

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Ninjabread Man vs Preston's Hourglass | Half-Ass Rap Battles

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a four-way battle of Pac-Man's ghostly adversaries: Blinky vs Inky vs Pinky vs Clyde. Enjoy!

-LYRICS-
Blinky:
(Yo) gotta hunt ‘em first. Inky’s wondering how much it’s gonna hurt
Cuz there’s not mush-room to grow for the ghost of Clumsy Smurf
Like, for real, you’re the Jr. Pac of this, it’s clear
I’ve got some shots to fire at Bonnie and Clyde over here
Y’all like some fruit cuz eating you is just a bonus, frankly
Pinky should find the coin slot, she’s just a token lady
Red and deadly with vengeance,  I’m sick of picking up your slack, though
I get it, you guys can’t help living in Shadow’s shadow

Inky:
The cool-colored youngster has some disses to send
Name’s Inky, you already know I’m sick with a pen
Look, Blink, you might wanna try to not let your eyes shut
I pack a rude punch; you’re just me drenched in fruit punch
I’m at the top of my game, dudes. But I ain’t playing, though
And who the hell brought on the crazy ghost of Amy Rose?
I’ll grab a Power Pellet because you can’t deny
That you three wanna be me, I can see it in your eyes

Pinky:
I can tell why you’re named “Bashful” when you’re fucking with me
And cherry boy over here just can’t stop blushing for me
Ay, the fellas are jealous with how Speedy I’m bout to win this
I’ve stopped sausage fests way before even the missus
Not talking Adam Sandler when I break you into Pixels
These dudes are getting busted in disputes harder than Billy Mitchell
Hearing this last verse? I’mma have to de-Clyde
Cuz we all know that orange can’t give us a single rhyme

Clyde:
I got nothing.. Psych, my guy, Clyde’s inclined to light the mic
We’d die at the same time and still not see eye-to-eye
Here’s a middle finger for ya, Pinky. You’re cray-cray
You chase Pac so fast, you and Kinky are on the same page
Y’all tryna Ambush while I’m chilling, lowkey
Got my bars locked down; you could say they’re in the Pokey
“Why’s he got a normal name?” Well lemme tell ya, sonny
Who’s gonna run from chumps named after the Teletubbies?

Flowkage/Adam (UBERocity) as Blinky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0d7...
UBERocity: https://www.youtube.com/user/UberFict...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/theflowkage
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FlowkageMusic

Snakebite126 (TRBoCS) as Inky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjK5...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/snakebite126
Twitter: https://twitter.com/snakebite126

GarbageGothic as Pinky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6xK...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GarbageGothic

Commander Jacob as Clyde
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpjj...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

Written by Commander Jacob and Snakebite126
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Gareth Johnson of Audio Network

Blinky vs Inky vs Pinky vs Clyde | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of Nintendo's lesser-known parts of their handheld consoles; the Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio. Enjoy!

-LYRICS-

GBC:
Yo. I point at you and shoot your bars down one-by-one
And when I snap, I don’t gotta ask Who You’re Running From
Off your store and went away, you’ll get erased from your separate page
I’m bringing hella flames on MS Paint with extra frames
I pioneered cameras leaving every face with smiles
While Hatena users were like “XD Gangnam Style”
Wait, I was more able to get on a console? Damn bruh
Smile! You got ass-whooped by Gameboy Camera!

Flipnote:
I ain't afraid again, I’ll keep on rhyming ‘til the end
I flow like water, I’m too fly. I’ll keep on dissing ‘til you die
A verbal drop kick is all I need to clap back
I didn’t frog hop on a track to fight monochromatic Snapchat
Ya know what’s sadder than a Shy Guy with no phone?
I’ll call Guinness to report “least pixels in a photo”
I only need three colors to beat ya red, blue, and black! Ouch
May be out of Print these days, but you still just got Stamped-out

Commander Jacob as Gameboy Camera
YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCpjj...
SoundCloud: @commanderjacob
Twitter: twitter.com/commander_jacob

Fightmarker as Flipnote Studio
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZ...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/THEFIGHTMARKER
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/fightmarker

Written by Commander Jacob and MetaMachine
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Kustom

Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of sentient pastries; one good, one evil: The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man Enjoy, and happy holidays!

-LYRICS-

Pillsbury:
Yo. I’m Poppin’ Fresh out the oven. (hoo hoo) better show some respect
Cuz I’ve haven’t seen such a weak little so-called “threat “ (since when?) since your cousin from Shrek
You bring half-baked raps when you’re up on a mic. (yeh) Not even Brick would wanna stomach your lines
Looking like what Chucky eats for lunch in my eyes. There’s not a single crumb of Passion in your Crusty design. 
You fought a bong with a lighter; but ain’t as high as your writers, now you’re boutta be the buddy that is getting smoked, boy
Getting the guns ready and raining the Funfetti; so don’t you ever question why they call me Doughboy
I could watch Paula Deen on TV for an hour 15: it’d be a more scary movie
Only Got Milked for a couple sequels, and this cookie-cutter chump couldn’t bag Gary Busey

Gingerdead:
You can take that whole verse and shove it up your croissant. Kid, you’re… dead
Your whole company and personality’s soulless, and that's coming from a ginger... bread
(Ugh) You’re the yeast of my problems. (HAHA!) So now you got my anger rising
Wanna piece of me? (huh?) Start biting. You got such wack raps, call you Vanilla Icing
I’ll cut! Cut! Cut as fast as I can! Better Run! Run! Run, baby Marshmallow Man
I’ll smack the fuck! Fuck! Fuck outta you, man! And watch your gut! Gut! Gut get poked from the knife in my hand
So don’t fuck with Findlemeyer, It’ll feel like an oven when I’m spit this fire
I’ll tarnish you worse than some mother Smuckers could. Lyrical evil never tasted so good (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Freshy Kanal as Pillsbury Doughboy
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNLjRiychUaaCU0uJTYDUYA
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/610WQgwSmLL0U2wQzZdrqY?si=gufrrndCQbywBKzCoGadCA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FreshyKanal

Michael Stark as Gingerdead Man 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfULalNLwszljsyNj3Qt28Q
Twitter: https://twitter.com/The_Stark_Media
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/stark-media

Written by Commander Jacob and Michael Stark (w/ help from Razzy)
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by Dansonn

The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.