annoying tho

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

LYRICS 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IFxWiWDrXj3XxGluxvStjCPF8Z-rqinNu9JTOK-NYsU/edit?usp=sharing

CREDITS

Vladimyr P. as Red
https://soundcloud.com/vladimyr-p
Lexi M. as Charizard
https://soundcloud.com/user-650786333-593076861
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZUTOJL1qAbDorCjlhGYQ
Light as Venasaur
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
Raichous as Blastoise
https://soundcloud.com/kingraichous

Rabi As Kris
garbageGothic as Susie
https://soundcloud.com/garbagegothic
Tuna as Ralsei
https://soundcloud.com/tunattic
GamingPlush64 as Lancer
https://soundcloud.com/gamingplush64
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtWX7jJ5lodM_poQuXMTqjQ

Written by Rabi, B O R K, & GamingPlush64
https://soundcloud.com/borkrulesok
Mixed by Light
Beat by Dansonn
Thumbnail by Rabi

Red vs. Kris - Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Old TN by Paige
New TN by Fightmarker
Writing: Fightmarker, Vlad, Trakked, Paige, and FyxFynn
Additional Help: Meta, Rabi
Adam as Ghostface (voice) 
Michael/Stark Media as Ghostface (actor)
Light as Zodiac Killer (voice)
Fightmarker As Zodiac Killer (actor)
Mixed by Light

Ghostface (0:11-0:44)
Think I’ve had enough tricks, now I've got some tongues to slit
Blood is all you’ll be able to spit when I gut you like a fuckin’ fish
You’re outmatched when you Face this Ghostly blood spiller 
To sum you up; well, do you like boring serial killers! (Ha)
shitty investigation from your case will be the only thing remembered
When a 90s horror icon takes a Stab at a Klans member
Even without my persona, i’m still known to spit ill (guah)
Ask the rap industry, I’m a real Ghostface Killah (haha)
I’d be doing the world a favor to slash you and your pretenders
Cuz you’re either the unabomber, or a fucking sex offender
But I don’t care who it is, a Director’s still Cutting a bitch
Leave this dead meme rotting along with his shitty flicks

Zodiac Killer (0:44-1:06)
Dear attention-seeking teen, this is the Zodiac speaking
Make a gorier crime scene, leave you like your run on MTV
Don’t try to flee, see, when I’m on the scene; firing shots like a killing spree
What chance do you have; when I am the only one who could out-play a whole country
A bigger threat to the bay area, than any natural disaster 
bastard’s a ghost huh?, watch your brains splatter Casper 
real world’s dangerous kiddo, no coming back to life
As you make like your first movie, a bullet between the eyes

Ghostface (1:06-1:18)
Claiming   I’m dead in the water Arthur, well let’s not forget
Last time you were relevant was when Ted was a suspect
Only 5 victims taken, still claim you’re the bigger stalker
No, you’ll forever be known as the most notorious cockblocker

Zodiac Killer (1:18-1:28)
Funny how under those masks, it’s two kids working in doubles
This is gonna be easy, I’m already used to murdering couples
As my ciphers become legends even the smartest couldn’t of cracked
All you’ll be left good for is literally stabbing backs

Ghostface (1:28-1:50)
Think your letters can't be cracked? Let's see how your skull fares
When its up against the knife of Wes Craven's New Nightmare
I’ve had enough of this prick’s cartoony villain like schemes
So I’ll hang you from a tree, then make this flimsy bitch SCREAM!
You burn cars for a living while I burn precious lives down
Keep trying to sell pins as I’m Immortalized in my  town 
Couldn’t follow any of the rules in my trilogy of rap bars
As you struggle to shoot me, The Zodiac will see stars

Zodiac Killer (1:50-2:12)
Aw, am I getting threats from a kid in a Party City costume?
I've seen parodies of your parody be more scary than you
So let’s compare my kill count to your list of hopeless, dopey crimes
Took a glimpse at your gimmick, you wanna talk about phoned-in lines?
This ghost's frights are see-through; can't scare adults or kids
You're fishing for tickets, add another prick to my list
Even for a screaming painting, no one will never hear ya
Time to call the police, to report a verbal murder

old mix of zodiac killer vs ghostface

Lyrics/karaoke/trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bJ605mfo_YXNRWt1KDeUDBJAWEOs9FYUjHN3wLhhkYo/edit?ts=5ebfeeb1
HalaCG as Mulan
An Extremely Agitated Hedgehog as Rey
Written by Jay, Bork, MetaMachine, Legengo and Mat4yo
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Thumbnail by Rabi
Beat by Kustom
Hint for Meta's next battle: "Green underdogs" (featuring Raichous and J Morris the Review Guy)
Hint for Gengo's next battle: "Honk honk we live in a society" (featuring Fxyfynn and ???)

Mulan vs. Rey

Baku : DeegleNV
Pizza Time Pizza : Mancha (UBERocity) 
Beat : http://www.shadowville.com/audio//Shadowville.com%20-%20Party%20Animal.mp3
Beat Prod : Tristan
Written by Kamren, ColeDaDole, GamingPlush64 and Swoldow
Mixed by Dani Frias
Baku art by Rabi
Thumbnail by Paige

Intro :  

Baku :
Bruh I'm deadass hungry right now

[Door opens to the Pizza Time Pizza Establishment]

Pizza Man :
Hello sir, welcome to Pizza Time Pizza! What can I get you today?

Baku :
Ok lemme get that uhhh... BONELESS PIZZA with uhh two liter of Coke.

Pizza Man :
Sure! Do you want the special [unintelligible english] order to go with it?

Baku :
HELL FUCKIN NAH

[Beat starts]

Pizza Man :
Here at Pizza Time Pizza, we're a family, community
Not a dead meme, unworthy, of immunity from our deity
I've heard about your Boneless shtick, and it only left me bored
You look like the kind of clip art to buy clothes at a soup store
Didn't hop on any tracks, but on Hank's Bread, you tried to flow
Now you're here on this channel battling me, I thought you didn't do Promos?
Reminding me of Julian, so like him, you best stay out of my way
I'll be the second person you've met who don't play your type of games
With the stolen face and clothes, I wouldn't call that Fair Use
So what's the point of rapping on a track if you fail at that too?
Even if I take out the B, Aku is still an extra bitch
Since I've fleshed out my story more than anything you've got a Bone-In!

Baku :
This track got limited minutes bruh, wrap this shit up
Damn, I should've know y'all restaurants were always this corrupt 
Look, I ain’t joining your wack ass creepy cult shit bro   
You prolly got actual bones inside of your shit dough

Pizza Man :
Was that all in your vocab? It seems you need my school of education
Cause with those speeding tickets, guess you ran into a little situation!
I’m making bars behind my bars and still making a presence
While Seth ranked you below Tobi, I’d call that a Descension

Baku :
Need to get off my line, bitch. I mean, fucking hell
Your fuckin’ creator couldn’t be bothered to buy your damn URL
Decrypting hidden DMs n shit? I can't communicate with you properly
Because honestly? Y'ain't shit, I've been whooping chefs tryna fuck with me
What are you on about? Youtubers always got you Swept Up
So add my own to exposing inside your mind, I'm your host for now, bruh
And your lore bro? Fuck, and I thought K-Pop was hard to understand... 
But with those missing people? Bruh, where's the fucking cops when you need 'em?
Y'all ended on Halloween, so you ain't got shit, Spooky Pizza Man
When that shit went live, people Bale-d, and now your content’s bland
Man got no loyalty, abandoned followers and ego's Supreme
So fuck you, fuck your food service and your cult, Y E E T

Baku (Boneless Pizza) Vs Pizza Time Pizza - Rap Battle! (ft. DeegleNV & UBERocity)

LYRICS

Bill Cipher:
(...Woah, now, lemme just cut you off there)
I thought Battle Bytes ended this, why am I back here, producer?!
I see why SoundCloud makers suck; you made me versus THIS loser!
So I’ll leave you trashed and replaced like my bout with Freddy
But I guess you’d be used to that, just checkin’ out your dev team!
I mean, lookin' at these lyrics, and reading your dialogue,
for the con sub of Subcon, you're no arsonist with fire logs!
But I'm used to smokin' pine trees! Conjure your best lines, please
‘Cuz I’ll give ‘ya two and a half minutes ‘fore your soul is mine, G!
I'm an icon! You're sold for nostalgia, the classics!
You’ve got kids kicking your ass, hctib! I could even slash Hat Kid!
Your schtick is sick -- a twisted rapper ripped from Twilight Zone
Turn Thousand Year Door chests to stone and place them atop my highest throne!

Snatcher:
FOOL! Activated my trap card-
Leave you paved in the graveyard, if you wanna throw wack bars
But we’ve got a deal to seal -- just sign now and you’ll find
that you haven’t paid the price and whoop! Your soul’s mine!
Awww, you can break the fourth wall, too?
...is that all, dude? Hit me up when those jokes grow overused
then I’ll freeze you in your tracks if you wanna test the best, ‘cuz
after this, you’ll end like Queen Vanessa!
And while you’re messing around in mindscapes
I’m dealin’ in the courtyard, raking high stakes
You make time breaks, but on my watch, you’d best read the fine print
Either sign the line, kid or be left lifeless!

Bill Cipher:
Booooriiiiiiing! That filler wasn't even worth the wait
Who would expect less from a slurry Jade role, in hindsight?
I mean, I'd be a hermit too if I had THAT kind of face
But it'd look better inside; let's take a look in your mind’s plight!
...Wooooaaaah, dude, I've got a really stupid end!
My own wife murdered me just 'cause I spoke to some lady friend!
Now I cry alone in the woods, useless, without peers,
'cause the only ones who ever cared about me have been dead for years!

Snatcher:
...Did you just try to possess me during your own verse?!
God, even your cliché powers have grown worse...
Mocking my death? Right, remind me how you came to "win."
Oh yes! You got screwed by the Mr. Krabs twins!
You really ARE a fool! And I thought *I* was the trickster!
But Gravity's drop won't be PG! Drop a warning for these tri-ggers!
And to mock my forest? It's no secret that you're Tourist
-Trapped in Oregon's organs, reignin' foggier than Portland
I know you don't mean to bore us, but you do with every chorus
'Cuz while I'm spittin' up torrents, you're just spewin' like the Toilet!

Bill Cipher:
I'm trying to search for literally just ONE decent rap
But it's invisible! ...What, do I need a Dweller Mask?!
I'd love to shake on it, but I don't want 'ya on my palm, you're
stretchy, purple, slimy? You're just the snot behind the slaughter! 
Ghoul's EXACTLY What He Seems, flat like his form in the first run
You steal souls and beats from Dustin? I storm REALITIES for fun!

Snatcher:
You can tri from any angle, but it just comes out scalene
When against a-cute Euclid-ian, I'm more Keter in scaling
the worst Bill since Clinton, but I know how to make this fight fair:
Welcome to this lucid dream, pet; have fun in eternal nightma-

CREDITS

ENNWAY As Bill Cipher
https://soundcloud.com/indiegamerapbattles
Nekomancer Jade as Snatcher
https://soundcloud.com/neko-nekomancer

Beat by Kustom
Demo by Nekomancer Jade
Written by Rabi and Nekomancer Jade
Mixed by DeegleNV
https://soundcloud.com/deeglenv
Thumbnail by Rabi
Art by Nooby and KCToons
https://www.youtube.com/c/KyleCelezte1350/about
https://soundcloud.com/user-465943028

Bill Cipher vs. Snatcher - Rap Battle

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.