Quarter-Ass Rap Battles

CAST:
Dwight Schrute - Eric The Audible
Jimmy Neutron - @snakebite126
Mixed By: Jacob G.
Prod. by KingEF

LYRICS

Dwight:
This is Dwight Schrute, I’ll interrupt before you’ve done your spittin’
Serving you so good this scuffle will be dun...der mifflin
If you are not satisfied, I’ll continue attacking ya 
With bears, beats, and battle bars to rap at ya

Making it Rainn, that paper ream
Peep it on Peacock, they pay per stream
Your Planet Sheen cemented you as a fad 
A sitting wooden duck who couldn’t spend time with his dad

What an abomination. Your eyes and eyebrow placement
That’s the objective face of god awful animation
I’ve beaten machines, I’ll crush any electronic toy
So follow the procedure and runaway, rocketboy

Jimmy:
You’ve hit a new low - Leaping Leptons!
But like I’m in the warehouse peeping you’ll get caught
Even in your show you’re the butt of every Jim joke
So stroll me through the logic behind battling ‘gainst Jimbo


The win you own is sharing homes with Angela
Were manager, then the script scranton strangled ya
I find it funny you’re the one mocking my rockets
Cause no crash could be more awful than your office when Mike dropped it

So you’re amish but psychotic? At this point no one knows
This suck up turned sociopath to work plots for his show
But you weren’t working alone, that's why I shall propose
Maybe your farming roots put the Mose before hoes

Dwight:
False! But nice try using your five head’s entire mind
My rhyming's styled after Ryan - fire guy
Like Carl with your mom I can sense your thirst
Your third grade crush is bound to leave your bubble burst

Jimmy:
Your decline was worse, try to bare in mind this lesson
Keeping your work can’t stop a hairline recession
And after that show ended you dropped off like half your cast
Left you out to the dogs, so Goddard we gotta blast!

Central Rap Battles: Jimmy Neutron vs. Dwight Schrute

CAST:
Kronk - Seth W.
Norm - Eric The Audible
Doofenshmirtz - Dustin
Yzma - Jacob G.

Written By: Eric The Audible
Mixed By: Jacob G.

Production: Laysi

Lyrics:

Kronk (0:15)
Uhh, Norm? It’s a displeasure for me to meet ya 
Been sent to beat ya on the beat with wicked schemes to appease Yzma 
So when I’m flaming and grilling you all with a chef’s kiss
Just know it’s only because you’re next on her vex list

As a man in love I get that it’s unpredictable, beautifully mystic, but my gods
You’d blush at a fridge in the kitchen and then go up to hit on it like “nice cogs”
Pinnochio knows that you’re not a real boy, man, this battle’s gonna be another one of your foiled plans
Cause Kronk’s got the groove like the flu so poignant, you could confuse it with Kuzco’s Poison


Norm 
I’ll have no choice if a Burton voice decides to war with me 
I’ll be storming your beach and destroying the peace from above with the forces of Norm and D 
That’s my father, the doctor, if you happened to miss the catch 
Though with that rapping I have to ask you why would you even pick this match 

Should I self-deprecate? You have nothing to diss me on 
Because between us I’d be the reason kids still have Disney on
Already proven I can spit in show, Liquid Gold; check my Tin Man flow
I know you like to talk to mammals, look below the table there’s no platypus that can stop how I spin this, yo

But Kronk I get it; you just wished to make this song better
Lucky for us you went and pulled upon my wrong lever
And with my weaponry I suggest you start gunning back
To Yzma to explain just how apt you are at running tracks

Kronk (1:30)
He’s got a point there, what? no he doesn’t
We literally ran track in High School, oh well I guess he does then
But his flattery won’t matter he’s still hated by his creator
Doof produced that self-destruct button, but it’s time that I terminate a

Robotic freak who wants to tussle, well I ain’t scared of ya!
Cause you fail at everything that you try: state-area



Norm:
My calculations state I’m the only emcee in this place
So if you would like to talk that way, please say it straight to my face


(Ad lib some fighting words)

Doof and Yzma:
Norm!  Kronk!

(Ad lib need to leave for whatever reason)

Central Rap Battles: Kronk vs. Norm

----------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS: 
Written By: Eric The Audible, Mason G.
Mixed By: Nathan Provost
Art By: Matthew Thomas
Production By: MTC Beatz

----------------------------------------------------------------
CAST:
Fightmarker - Alex Jones
Eric The Audible - Carl Azuz
Intern - Nathan Provost

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Jones (0:10)
They’re coming after me - the establishment 
So tell me whose this satanist im rap battlin’
CNN? I ain’t afraid of you liars
Cause in this “mostly peaceful” rap all my rhymes will be fire!

Carl Azuz (0:21)
Judging by the awfully biased hatred you spew, 
You're the age of information gone straight down the tube, 
So I get why Google and Twitter would have you removed 
Now I’ll strike you down too, like I’m Carl A-Zeus

Sources say your info’s fictional - we’ll see it again
We keep the news legit - CNN 10/10
And like his legal team, Jones is always on the defense
We’ll clarify for your audience: y’all these shots ain’t pretend

Conning old men about fake “info wars”
But when it comes to conmen you’re the intro course
I’d say keep it calm man, when you misinform
But you get hopping mad over frog intercourse

Alex Jones (0:52)
You deny it’s the deep state who’s feeding ya
But I’ve survived smears from the fake news media
I’m standing right here, collect and kill me with the patriots!
You waste class time, but my freedom? you ain’t taking it

This just in folks, got brand new info
That Carl Hackzus is in the sex-with-pigs cult
He cuts their entrails, (yuck) snips the ends off 
Then goes to a Chinese Palace where him and his friends talk

They take the blood of goblins, mixed with carbonic acid
Sip it with the Clintons and rich people with Iraqi accents
They chat about eradicating the lower classes 
And cash in on aborted fetuses to buy Masonic assets!

(WOOF) On your trail - wolf blood - I’m the alpha male 
Strike with a mic and a rifle, you will not prevail
I’m going viral, want the cure for the best offer go
To infowars.com and order 4 quarts of testosterone 

Like the CDC on this beat, grab your mask please
You couldn’t control me with a million vaccines
If I'm the mad dog you say, I'd rather stay deranged
Than submit to clark kent who's been hit with beta rays

Carl Azuz:
I’d spend our last segment going through that rap wreckage 
But kids can see through your conspiracy: that’s fact - check it 
I’m just a humble journalist, so I should give you props
For being the first English news outlet posted by Russian bots

I mean you’re going viral all right, and your fans stay loyal
You gave them COVID-19 and then your snake oil
But shoutout to Central High School, I’ve been Carl Azuz
This is CNN 10 - sorry for the old news!

Central Rap Battles: Alex Jones vs. Carl Azuz

idk

cj as lee
gamer as blue shell

written by cj
mixed by serener zagreener
beat by twodeep

lee:
I’d rather rap against Blueface. I bet your momma’s a hoe
More annoying than the blue shell from New Super Mario Bros
I shot JFK so go AFK or expect hell
Cuz if I fire one bullet, I'll turn you to a red shell

shell:
I always smash from behind… oh hey, your mom called
I’m known to take out mustachioed people, Steve Harvey Oswald
Even though your not in first place cuz you rap poopy
I’m blasting shells at you, call me Jack Ruby

Blue Shell vs Lee Harvey Oswald | Quarter-Ass Rap Battles

Samara:
In seven days your semi fame will get erased
Forever hated, devastated, choking on your petty rage
Against a dated slasher specializing in edgy teens
I’ve seen meaner scream queens squealing on MTV
I’m the first film sensation from Asia to get the west cravin’
You’re the last one people think of when they hear “Wes Craven”
Abandoned by your mother and it drove you to insanity,
So you’ll bite another bullet, guess it runs in the family

Ghostface:
Hello, announcer - can I fight someone new, please?
You must’ve misheard me; I said I like scary movies
You would think by now you’re used to getting played, but
I can help you out if you really wanna hang up
List everyone you ripped off? I'd rather tape my mouth shut
Stringy hair ghost girl couldn't have been more washed up.
Idyllic but then your hopes for a fairytale drowned
So Samara, Samara, can you let your fans down?
They put a cliche mess right on a VHS
Just so your franchise can replay death?
My scream time made your dreams work, 'til I slayed you.
With your screen time, you shouldn't really call yourself a breakthrough

Samara:
I'm trapped in the waters but protected by god
Drop the facade, you’re useless! Even your rules are flawed

Ghostface:
Wrong answer! Your reboot trash is lackluster
You’re barely at the bottom of the bargain bin at Blockbuster

Samara:
So formulaic, you're more suited for Scooby-Doo
Stuck in an endless loop of Sidney eluding you
Coming at me choking on your phoned-in lines? Please,
I’m screwing you over worse than caller ID
Talk about your franchise like you're one to boast
Enough with your sequels; just give up the ghost
We both know exactly what it's like to take a dive
To be blunt, your role couldn't get your ratings high.

Ghostface:
Unstoppable like Jason, you can’t stop the bloodshed
Shoulda known, never assume the killer is dead
Face it, Grudge girl, you will never be my equal
The body count’s capped out, so there’s no need for a sequel!

Garbage Gothic as Samara Morgan

Razzy as Ghostface

Written by: Freshy Kanal, Razzy, Walk & Adroitwhiz

Mixing by: Freshy Kanal

Beat by: Audio Network

Additional Help by: DCARaps, Rabi, Atronachsaura, Brodecai, Diogo, Gengo & ItsJustBrenden

Cover Art by: Adroitwhiz

VIDEO RELEASE: TODAY

Ghostface vs. Samara Morgan - Rap Battle!

idk

CJ as Keyboard
Dusty as Mouse

Written by CJ
Mixed by Dusty
Prod. 2Deep

Keyboard:
I’ll ctrl alt delete to freeze a nerd in the worst way
Cuz tell me, who’s the one typing these lines in the first place
I got this on lock and I’m boutta pop some caps
You may call yourself a mouse, but all I see is a rat

Mouse:
So you're not a piano, but you still think you play hard
Yo my chances of winning are wider than your space bar
Ain’t my type? No shit. You and I just don’t click
Imma leave ya broken. Hope you got my point, kid

Keyboard vs Mouse | Quarter-Ass Rap Battles

Do I even need to say it?

Beat Production: Call Me G
Thumbnail By: Fightmarker
Written By: Eric The Audible
Voice Work: Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Eric The Audible

LYRICS:
Mitchell:
In the 80s see a man self-made
With a family, proud in the USA
Today, I still show kids how games are played
But I got my two cents and I’m leaving the arcade

Don’t need the stats to see how bad you dropped
How are you gonna get mad over the 16th slot?
As a teen I recorded my first high-score
You’re screaming at teens for attention, like GEORGE

Yeah I took the gaming scene and put a face on it
You took the color green  just put a face on it 
Can’t speedrun this track when I forged your path man
Mitchell will perfect a bitch - like Pacman

Dream:
In this verse, I’ll catch a cease and desist
From a man saving face because he’s an egotist
And if you enjoy watching this dude destroy
His career, leave a like ‘cause it helps my vids

Now you, I’m not exactly the type to gloat
But I could match your fame with a single upload
And if you wonder why you sank and I float
Well just cause you can’t hit me doesn’t mean we’re in the same boat

AYO, looks like your stuck in a manhunt
Every ref should be put into handcuffs
All according to plan but, you got enraged cause
This ain’t a  problem that you can tape up

I’m making content that you could never emulate
You made the scene but I literally changed the game
Statistics twist my dreams to reality
Take out your fistful of quarters, Twin Galaxy

Central Rap Battles: Billy Mitchell vs. Dream

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Keyboard vs Mouse | Quarter-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob