Commander Jacob

Trapped out of the rest of the world, these two powerful blue entities find an escape to reflect and duke it out in this episode of Quizzical Quarrels!

Snakebite126 as Jevil
JesseBoxVO as Lapis
garbageGothic as Peridot

Written by Quizzique

Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Beat prod. by Anywaywell
Arrangement and additional instrumentation by Quizzique

Art by 3ple
Thumbnail by Quizzique

LYRICS:
 
Jevil:
Welcome, welcome, boisengirls, to this Crystal Gem’s poisoned world
You’ve unlocked the door, so now prepare to see chaos unfurled!
Round and round the carousel goes, you circle back to the barn you hang
You leave and come right back so often, I’d think you’d ran on Boomerang

Fusion’s leaving you out of sorts, dealing with trauma since the divorce
So in your spare time, you now resort to mighty morphin’ some meaty morps
Not like me, of course, I’m thriving in my little freedom, something you were never shown
So you fought with those that kept you trapped in a mirror, then redeemed in a singular episode

It’s sad, sad that you’re looking so blue, your show’s run off the air like you’re back on the moon
I’m glad, glad your runtime got the boot, call you the farm when you’re torn from the roots
I’m mad, mad, you’re breaking my heart, you and Peri look like Homeworld: broken apart
You have, have a chance to restart, so perhaps for this battle, try not to depart


Lapis Lazuli:
So, this depressed jester from the Dark World thinks he dealt a verse?
Ask the giant tyrants I’ve defied, they’ll tell you I’ve felt worse
I helmed this cursed mirror within my gem’s grasp for thousands of years
So reflect on your defect of a story, I sure won’t drown in tears

You think I’m frightened of your suit attacks? I’m known to hit diamonds when up to the bat
I’d tear up this hack if he goes to a beach, they’re calling me Bob ‘cause I float on the beat

Peridot:
You should know to retreat when confronting the B team!

Lapis:
Even she can’t compare to the nonsense you’re speaking

Peridot:
Hey! Our bond is complex, that’s a smart thing to say

Lapis:
But at least my best friend didn’t lock me away!
You have claims of metamorphosis but no development to show

Peridot:
Lapis! Tell ‘em what you said when I asked if you even saw this secret boss! 

Lapis:
…No
Winning’s not within your cards, The FUN Gang made your levels fail
Won’t take the Garnet’s future vision to see the end of Jevilstail


Jevil:
Oh what fun, what fun! More games to play, with a new participant!
I hoped for a dating game, but I guess Ruby flew off with that ship!
Uee hee hee! You’ve got me like the Joker; in a laughing fit!
Yet I’m Revving up on this track so you can call me the Harlequin!

You can’t join my world! You seem more like Lars, how you cower away with your Clustered fears
You kids seeing stars? All your pleads and cries would put me to sleep for a hundred years!
Now, I won’t be the first jester to hit your series with an interjection
Want more screen time for your Future? Then return to your reflection


Lapis:
How does this thing work again?

Peridot:
Just press the button on the cartridge

Lapis:
Right, uhh…for the last time…I don’t. Want. Your garbage.
You think you saddened me? I felt more torn up by Camp Pining Hearts
I’d split you in two, but seems your mind and heart already declined apart

A numbers game? That plan’s dumb and lame. I can terraform worlds, don’t uphold your fight
You’ll lose those bids, and you call us kids?

Peridot:
You do know we’re centuries older, right?

Lapis:
This card shark’s under my control, and all his tricks are unregarded

Peridot:
Hey, and isn’t it ironic?

Lapis:
Yep, the joker got discarded

Lapis Lazuli vs Jevil - QUIZZICAL QUARRELS #8 (ft. Snakebite126, JesseBoxVO & garbageGothic)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of flying, sleep-centered video game villains; The Phantom, Minecraft’s monster of the night sky, versus Nightmare Buzz, the bad dream boss of the Toy Story video game for SNES and Genesis. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Phantom
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Nightmare Buzz

-LYRICS-

Phantom (0:15):
Bad dream? Nah, it’s just this dude’s carelessness
Tag Team tonight’s victim; Swoop! There it is! 
Take away those dollar store Dragon Balls, whatcha Saiyan now?
Don't bother tryna keep your head up, your chin'll weigh it down 
Narcoleptic? Off the checklist. Nah, this creep’s devoured
Coated red like older textures. Wanna piece of our
Mem-brains? Ya get ten scrapes to your chestplate! Say goodnight, dude!
Your defense play’s a pretend laser? I’ll Explain, sir; it’s only going down like you
Homie, we know you ain’t zapping shit 
And if you don’t feel like vanishing
Get under the covers when Phantoms hit
Make a bed you'll forever be napping in 
Making you return to your dreamscape (yuh)
With an even-more-green face (yuh)
Make sure that you’ll sleep great (where’s that?)
Deeper than deepslate
We put the fear in atmosphere for this toy
Watching this space junk drop like a meteoroid! 
Unbreakable. Make a bed rock while we’re up in the clouds
Leaving a Buzz cut; we're number 1 all around

Nightmare Buzz (1:03):
I’m glad you’re done, I’ve never heard such bad flow
In any battle, guess your turn’s just mad slow 
Either way, you’ll be shot down. I sleep on you, you’re knocked out 
I know it’s time to kill you; guess you don’t needa… watch out! 
This sentient Elytra’s dumb. I don’t need to light ‘em up
These Dodgers of a Bright Sky combust without the slightest touch 
But I Imagine that having you in real life’s a must
Gamers playing, staying up this many days and nights is nuts 
I conclude this Phantom Menace is worse, by far 
Even in death, what I drop’s higher than 5 stars 
You’ll hit the ground like Woody’s game over. Brew some ‘brane potions
Throw them, and savor your pain going way slower  
Go ghost like Danny! Green eyeballs? I’ll pop ‘em
Hearing you Phantoms screech is… not an Opera 
On second thought, I take a liking to those high blares
Akin to the screaming kids whose dreams I turn to nightmares

Written, directed, edited, and beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by NickChou
Additional instruments by Renraku, Grant Michael, Diaspora, and Sample Magic

Feedback by King Mewtwo, GamingPlush64, RNG, TheBabyBeef, Swizkii, my therapist, Eddiefrb and the spaceship
Shoutout to Cri, Danii, and Eric the Audible

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Royal Rap Battles!
TheMonarchy as King Bob-Omb
Bucketheadking as King Pig
Beat produced by Surce
Written by Trakked, KingCorporeal, AlchemyKing
Additional help by: King Ducky
Mixer: (King) Jordy

Battle:

King Bob-Omb (0:13):
The king of kaboom has now entered the room; I expect that you soon will be met with your doom
Cuz I'm heading to you and you know that I'm ruthless, I'll use you as food at the end of this duel
I don’t know how you climbed and found my mountain but you’ll never amount to 
My legacy with all the eggs that you’re eating, try besting me and you’ll end up as a couch, fool!
(Haha!) To me, your tiny crown's a toothpick
I don’t care that you’re an heir because you’ve fared as rather useless
I'm gargantuan and flattening this wacky tacky bastard
So you better call for Leonard ‘fore I have your forces scattered

King Pig (0:40):
Pigs before made houses out of straw and wood, but that’s beneath me
No huff or puff can haul me off the roof, you can’t defeat me
Birds together tried to fight, my power’s what they’re all afraid of
I’m stronger than your metal plating, so I’ll show you what I’m made of!
Appetite like Gaston, on the track I’m a beast (snort) *
Nab his star and cash in, cause I’m covered in green! (snort) *
Now that I’m face to face with you, I simply must ask
What kind of paint did you spread on that wretched mustache?

King Bob-Omb (1:06):
Hold it, Porky; such embellished stories, I don’t give a damn
Cooking up a storm on this beat, call it Green Eggs and Ham
So listen Smooth Cheeks, we know you’re used to falling off
This awful pawn is off his rocker, while Bob-Omb calls all the shots!

King Pig (1:21):
You’re supposed to kneel to me, not.. whatever you’re doing now
Went from a boss to spin-offs, so that shows you’re losing clout
I may target infants, but I’d never throw them at foes
No wonder you’re the blasting master, all you do is blow!

King Bob-Omb (1:35):
At least I treat bob-ombs with respect. Your piggies protect you, and what do they get?
They get bruises and scratches, they’re losing their balance, you’re gnawing on eggs while they fall off the ledge! 
Constructing games out of spare parts and spinoffs no one had asked for
Now I’m dropping the mic harder than you from the App Store

King Pig (1:49):
That verse is the biggest bomb here, with the crap that you’ve laid
‘Cause your disses are like your Party board: factory-made
In a minute, I’ll be chilling with my minions, do you mind?!
So gimme your crown too, this win is MINE MINE MINE!!

King Bob-Omb vs King Pig - Rap Cypher #38

Credits:
Swizkii as “Steve Raglan” / William Afton
SimplyRazzy as Ghostface
Written by Grasman
Mixed and Mastered by Jort
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz

Announcer:
Rap Battles!
Ghostface!
Versus!
“Steve Raglan”!
Begin!

“Steve Raglan”:

Scream 7s in the trash, yet you sit before me asking for a job?
Well it’s not that easy, sense you and that pog face fell off
I started off strong, got the audience to love me
You started off strong, but fell off by your 4th movie
I’m Steve raglan, I spend my time counseling 
Stuff you in the back of my trunk, and leave you rotting in it 
You're a high schooler? Not the best neck for strangling 
But I’ll make an exception and leave your greasy hair dangling 
*Ahem*
I'm a smash hit! Check the box office breaks.
You’re a smash hit! When a TV falls on your face!
So sit, sit, sit, I’ve got a tip for you,
Get out with the old, and in with the new.


Ghostface:

Hello, hello? I think there's something wrong,
Is your connection terminated or was that verse just off?
Sayin’ you started off strong? I’m all for twisting the plot,
But the only people you’re manipulating are bots!
Oh you’re played by Matt lillard? Well me too,
But they uncovered your mask quicker than scooby doo!
Cant handle killing one dude, so you sent out your kid
Im gutting peeps’ like a fish, all while serving a diss 
Yeah, I know who you are, the secrets you keep 
The mask that you wear, thinking that you were discrete 
Having no motivation can be sometimes scary
But god, Scott, please get more writers on your team 
 

“Steve Raglan” (as The Yellow Rabbit):

You couldn’t just leave alone could you! It’s perfect!
I’m dropping this outdated ghoul way faster than Ortega did
Dragged on so long, and now they don’t know what to do
Looks like your writers became even clumsier than you!
It's time you retire, your mask is cracked and wilting,
Think you're spitting fire? I brought down the whole damn building!
failed to get a shot on Sid, while i'm stacking up kills,
you had one job! yet you can't do it in 6 films! 
critiqued a genre and then you became what you dissed
how about instead of your voice, you maybe change up your twists!
I opened up a place of joy that the children enjoyed
The only fun from outta your films are you getting destroyed!
I may clown on your films, but there's one thing I like greatly
you die in every one of your movies, now that’s symmetry!
keep complaining on how they exposed my trap
but you stay dead, I always come back. 


Ghostface:

You took the actor and the knife swipe from me 
It is flattering, but you’re outdoing the symmetry 
For a genius in robotics, they found you out quick
What was your game plan? Like what, did you think:
I’ll lure my victims brother with this trap that i’ll spring
Maybe chill and watch him hear the animals sing
Do nothing for four nights, and wait till last minute
To show up, kick him around and stab my own kid? (oh please)
Man I’m 6 movies deep, and I’m still making em’ scream
You couldn’t get people shouting with your 6 minutes on screen! 
Keep creeping on kids, you ain't threatening to me 
A cupcake brought you down worse than EDP!
and the kids ain't scared either, you ain’t fooling no one 
Acted all scary and was taken down by crayola 
So maybe tighten up those springs before you come to out play
Or you'll be another soul getting dragged away!

Ghostface vs. “Steve Raglan” -Rap Battles!

acemusic as Yuno Gasai
Alen as Jason Voorhees
Beat by Dansonn
Mixed by Fightmarker
Written by Cole

Yuno (0:13)
This is the menace I’m meant to dispose of? A washed up old loser whos trapped in the past
I come strapped to battle with axes and malice my plan is to dice up what's left of your ass
No Freddy or Carrie, I’m more than prepared to bury your body after you bleed all night
If you were one chose as a holder it’s hopeless; I’m not even sure you can read or write
Your series died, trapped under waivers and papers, then just replaced by another
So I’ll do you a favor and cut off your head, just one more way you can be like your mother
Let’s get to the chase, my love is alive, it’s been many decades since you’ve been embraced
Spent years stuck under the crashing of waves, rotting at the bottom of Camp Crystal Lake
Yes our love is true beauty, I do this all for you, Yuki! (Oh Yuki)
Don’t think you’ll lose this? You’re missing a screw, mutie 
Though really, I just need to pull up your sequels to hurt you
Turned you to a goofy freak, then they bombed more than Uryuu
You don’t pose a threat, neither bloated mess, or a load of tech, it’s so low distress 
And noting that, you’re a load of scrap, poor lowly Mech, like Deus Ex
Step to a God bringing nothing but Mur-Murs? You’re practically asking for me to damage ya
With the end of my verse, you can go burn in hell, when you’re in the depths you can say hi to Pamela 

Jason (1:10)
(Ki, Ki, Ma, Ma) Heard enough of this harpy spit
(Ki, Ki, Ma, Ma) I grip the mic, now Jason Lives
Your horrible show is a chore to finish, a whiny incel and his stalker, so tiring
I’ll skewer your beta of a man on my blade, you can go jot that shit down in your diary
These shots I’m firing, thinking you’re beating me? You nearly died to a blind vigilante  
Got played by an imp and their drawn out conspiracy, added your love to your killing tally
Could beat you as a child, fuck the Fifth, I’ll show you deadly kids
I’d tell you to kill yourself, but it seems you already did
Say you’ll turn me to a carcass, bloviating, here you’re armless
But regardless, I’ll haunt your ass to your grave like Tommy Jarvis
With dozens of timelines and worlds where you die, in this fight you’re clearly lacking
I should just go to a new universe, one where you’re actually decent at rapping
You psychotic bitch, abusive and evil, boasting about love as if you’re one to talk
You drug and kidnap him, bind him with chains, and when he dislikes you it comes as a shock
Like your love, your life, your plots, you’ve met a Dead End on this beat
Fought your way through the 12, just to fall to the 13th

Yuno Gasai vs. Jason Voorhees - Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! In this 100 Hour Challenge special, we have exploding video game enemies; Bob-omb from Super Mario Bros vs Creeper from Minecraft. Enjoy!

TheMonarchy as Bob-omb
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@OliTheMonarchy / https://www.youtube.com/@monarchybattleraps

Commander Jacob as Creeper
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob

-LYRICS-

Bob-omb (0:09)
Yo. EXPLODING IN! Buddy you crawled on the wrong land
They put me up against a Creeper? Aw man!
Double Dash away before this Bob-omb Blasts
You’ll go from face on a backpack to laid in a body bag
Why attack the player? You’re one in the same
Either of you see a pussy and start running away
And if you wanna act hostile, I hope you can camouflage
Or I’ll splatter you on the trees; make you look like you’re back to moss
You both cause destruction, but lemme tell ya something
Only difference between you and TNT? You’re ugly
No back and forth, I jump straight in as I’m attacking 
I layed out this pig, put him back in the right axis

Creeper (0:40)
BOOM BOOM BOOM- that’ll be you when you provoke me
I’ll chew you up and spit you out like Yoshi
Match my explosions? You’d need at least two
So if you really wanna go, try to re-fuse
I’ll drop a track, I got a real bone to pick today
Bet your reflexes delayed like your Galaxy minigame
Spectate and realize I see green in two different ways
While you’re on the Battlefield, waging wars with a civil race
Walking or Charging, I’mma come for your head
When you’re falling from the sky, it’s the most Sudden of Deaths
(Let’s go) House of Boom? Yeah, your mama was in that
Just stay on the ground; I’m who’s leaving an impact

-CREDITS-

Written by Commander Jacob and TheMonarchy
Beat and additional writing help by swizkii
https://www.youtube.com/@swizkii
Mixed by Light
Additional art by HoodieMasterr
https://www.youtube.com/@hoodiemasterr

Feedback by TheMonarchy, swizkii, HoodieMasterr, and SimplyRazzy
Shout out to Walk and JustGamer

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Creeper vs Bob-omb | Half-Ass Rap Battles

IT IS A SPOOKY MONTH! Welcome back to TriangleBattles. Today’s battle features the Czar of Halloween from Animal Crossing, Jack, against the cannibal from Spooky Month, Bob Velseb! Who will win? That’s for you to decide!

CREDITS:

JoJoVo as Jack
Cranice as Bob Velseb

Written by MC Fawful (additional help by FulmonThe)
Beat by HoldUpAnti
Mixed by jort
Art by Bandana N-Z
Thumbnail by Bandana N-Z
Special thanks to Sr Pelo and Corey LeVier

Alright, I think that’s it. Stay tuned for the next TriangleBattle, and Happy Halloween!

Bob Velseb vs Jack (Animal Crossing)

Bob Velseb vs Jack (Animal Crossing) - TriangleBattles

Undertale vs. The Stanley Parable - Royale Rap Battle!

TheMonarchy As The Narrator

King Ducky As Sans

Written by King Ducky & King Wallace

Art by M&Mattie

Mixed by Jort

Cover Art by Tompuffs

Prod. Anywaywell

The Narrator:
This is the story of a man named Sans he’s
A man shamed as he cant save family
But not to worry at least Sans's plan has been campaigned grandly? 
Haha! Pop the champagne Stanley

Sans really talks as if he can control the hand of Frisk
The alt Ness can't ctrl his tab at Grillbys while in massive debt!
Chara thought outside the box Sans granted them a stab at it
By sleeping on the job, fits all he asked for was a pass out fest

Sans:
Need advice on how to spit? Stay in your own lane
Take it step by step, it's basically your whole game 
The birds are singing, the flowers abloom
On days like these players like yours should get out of their rooms 

So uh… I miss something? Or did ya get a bit stunted
Ya get done in by skip button and tin bucket 
Kick it if your next verse is as unparable
Who would’ve guessed the button pusher pushed his buttons (ba dum tss)

The Narrator:
No more ba dum tss! 
That monotonous voice from a SpongeBob clip makes wringing you out on the top of my bucket list 
Just monsters in a pocket underground, well I’m on top of it!
The glutton couldn’t stomach Frisk, a ketchup stain was all that’s left

You just sit viewing the human's kills to not do them in?
You only lose your head once your brother loses his!
When you intend to do something you get hit then are through with it?
All behold the stupidest, ugliest, fattest being to exist!

Sans:
Stanley’s gone, you’ve crippled him, a disease in his own head
But all that’s needed to finish your shit show is schizo meds
You double down and grumble just to spout condescension 
But fall victim to a fall victim and lose out on your zending

From locked in the boss’s office suite to a broom closet sweeping him off his feet, both stopped his need for context constantly 
Wrong paths lead to long rants seems your story is hypocrisy
You talk of freedom but get awful mean when Stanley's off his leash

Sans vs. The Stanley Parable - Royale Rap Battle! [ft. TheMonarchy]

prod by SAINT-DROP

than

I’ve conquered galaxies
Stars and planets kneel before my massive fleets
All is grasped between my palms so Ganon’s region is not worth vanquishing
You’re called calamity incarnate? That’s the name they oughta had for me
Cause if you reincarnate, then this body’s guaranteed

Your power’s so finite
Only spanning three timelines
You’ve been a bore in my eyes
And I don’t mean the swine kind
You’d die twice when you and a child fight
But I’ll help rewind time
You then got a fresh start when you met your demise like

You hide in fortresses til a half-pint warrior kills ya
Just a sitting duck when you have no Courage and Wisdom
You’ve only ever had Power, cause when it’s in my hands
You’ll end up just as empty and barren as your own desert land

gan

Pity… for an Eternal, you’ve no eternal youth
I get purple too, but only when I look at you
Horrid creature, being born a leader is what I’m suited to
It’s my birthright, something that you couldn’t do

Girlfriend’s a skull head, I’d say he’s just as dense
Cause this weak man can’t see that he’s slave to all her whims
So much cowardice that now his own face has gotten split
Cause you’re an ace at being able to take it on the chin

You can’t conquer - any star that you find
When Nebula’s your daughter - and you’d toss her aside
And you nearly ruled the cosmos - but you thought your - artifact died
So go on and have mine, for YOU just seem to LOSE power all of the time

than

(*thanos gets the power triforce and uses it to complete the infinity gauntlet*)

You just made a mistake. A grave one.
The Cosmic Cube then or your Triforce now won’t shape up
So cough up your armies and squadrons
Ironic, I slaughter your gauntlet of bosses with a gauntlet

(*thanos starts fuckin, bashing shit round hyrule with the gauntlet*)

With how you store your currency
You can’t afford my mercy
When your rainbow shards are scattered far and they get lost in random pots until a boy goes burgling
In the homes he lurks in
So I’ll show him what a REAL home invasion’s got

All of your goblins and Lizalfos’ get chopped to death 
And it’s obvious to me that any sort of Guardians aren’t a threat
You’re a lunatic, your planned purge was flooding the damn Earth?
I’ll do Hyrule a favour and snap - before you snap first

(*thanos snaps*)

gan

I applaud and laugh! You left my army halved!
But they’re only there to ensure I get a proper match
You really dare to split me in two? You’ll see me halved then…
Cause now you’re talking to GANON

(*ganondorf kinda just doesnt care and turns ganon*)

Some rodent left your MASSIVE ASS FLAT
So if you’ve mastered betrayal, you’re better AS A DAMN RAT 
I’m the only person that you CANNOT BACKSTAB
Cause you’re no rival, I’ve a dark side THAT YOU CAN’T MATCH

But Thanos, know I’m thankful for the crafts and forces that you’ve brought
For after your defeat, your men will fall under my grand control
To have the stars and beyond is a chance I hold
But first I now command you all to bow before Ganondorf, your brand new lord

(*ganon takes control of thanos’ fleet and goes on a big space adventure :3*)


hi! welcome back to a new different version of rosenthal battles where i sort of just dont give a shit about anything past the demo stage because i cba!

this specific battle was inspired by this one battle rapper named jey the nitewing, who is like the definition of aura, so i wanted to write a battle that sorta encapsulates the mad king energy. some other battlers that inspired this writing were dizaster and real sikh on ganon’s side, but this is mainly inspired by jey in general.

for this battle i wanted to focus on setting a tone of like “you dont fuck around w these guys” and the substance of the disses sorta suffered from that, but ermm i kinda uhh dont care lole. hopefully i was able to deliver what i wanted thru the writing and performance, but im just glad knowing that i was able to pay good tribute to the mad fucking king 👑

Thanos VS Ganondorf - Scrapped Battles of Whatever

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have randomly-generated rectangles; Steve and Alex from Minecraft vs the YouTube channel Webdriver Torso. Enjoy, and happy April Fool’s Day!

Danii as Steve
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwaggyFlan
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/453EGjLZcGifTB4Tyjzdgq

TAFox as Alex
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thatadorablefox
Cardd: https://thatadorablefox.carrd.co/

Commander Jacob as Red Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

JustGamer as Blue Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JustGamerRapBattles
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3n1xhiocXnl8yFsVxb2IqW

- LYRICS -

Minecraft (0:10)
Steve:
Hey Alex, where are the coords we wrote?
Alex:
Don’t need ‘em, I can tell that we’re stepping on two zeros
I thought paintings were flat, but you’re even thinner
Steve:
You're so 2D, why would you have a profile picture?
Alex:
Nice
Steve:
Watching your channel makes lava swimming seem way fun
Forget down, you’re what we’d never dig
Alex:
Straight up!
Steve:
We’ll level you awfully low
Alex:
One body blow quite Hertz
For your sake, get some other audio, Driver

Webdriver Torso (0:31)
You really think you rock with the lines you write?
Cuz what we're picking up is as worthless as diorite
You piss your pants when a diamond shines
Then you cry if you lose one; your mood’s swinging side-to-side
Here’s something to Evoke the sense of getting Vexed
Built a world brick-by-brick and it was broken by a Lego set
Your cycle’s not two-week; the movie trailer though?
If Warner Bros played your game, it wasn’t in creative mode
Plus there's a practice that we're struggling to grasp, and it makes
Our brain more broken than the shield you always have to your face
You stack materials deep in a cave, pickaxing away
Just to make gadgets so that you don't have to actually play

Minecraft (1:03)
Steve:
Spider shit; we’re spinning Web tonight
Only thing Driving through your Torso is Sharpness V netherite
Alex:
Nah, use a bow. While their position’s always changing
Unlike us, with all their shots, they’re still completely aimless
Don’t let a mace in the wrong hands
Steve:
I’ll knock a glitch all the way to the Farlands
Alex:
We tower in numbers, they paid us some large bands
Steve:
Want yours higher? Maybe just call France *old death sound*
Add up all your channels that just copy explicitly 
And an Enderman can still garner more watchtime, admittedly
Alex:
At least a PowerPoint gives you some options for different themes
You got no one in your corner, there’s no Aqua Affinity
Steve:
Damn
Steve and Alex:
Put you to Bed, you’ll get sweaty when War wages
Smashin the rap game; we’re known to control stages
We’ll space and click to cut the “alien speak”
Steve: 
Hey, you know what we should pause?
Alex:
I see the player you mean.

Webdriver Torso (1:44)
Your community regularly has criminals instilled in it
YouTubers reach a peak but can't build limits
If that doesn’t happen, they still form a brainless army
Making us question why they hate Baby Zombies
It’s like you’re cursed; be thankful we were conceived with beeps
You complain, with a high frequency, “updates are a low frequency”
And when they do drop in the game
All you see are more biomes to colonize and mobs to enslave
Crops indicate what you’ve grown to be
A content farm, so to speak, complete with controlling seeds
Our background is darker than some of Steve’s merch, how disheartening 
Perhaps Notch was head of marketing

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, beat arranged, and Webdriver beat produced by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Minecraft beat produced by Phil Tyler
Additional ambience by Modeaudio

Feedback by Eric the Audible, TheMonarchy, 3ple, itsnugget, SimplyRazzy, GamingPlush64, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to TheBabyBeef, ENNWAY, Fightmarker, and SimplyRazzy

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Minecraft vs Webdriver Torso | Rap Battles (LARB)

BLIX$EM - HATE REMIX (feat. MIKEY THA LONER) [Prod. beer baby beats]

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.

Phantom vs Nightmare Buzz | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Commander Jacob

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