Rap battle series created by Commander Jacob which use chracters and match-ups he's personally interested in (aka a lotta geek shit)

Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Rap battle

JOIN MY DISCORD:
https://discord.gg/Wk55ZGzHMw​

J Morris the Review Guy and Light as Freddy Krueger
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZ...​
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40...​

Freshy Kanal as Pennywise

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Fel and HippieRat

Drawings by:
CyanCoat

Beat Produced by:
Freshy Kanal & Sebb

Mixed by:
Freshy Kanal

Mastered by:
Sebb

Lyrics:

Freddy:
Laying you down to sleep, for 2 decades of your own hell
It looks like Wise is lacking luck, let’s throw a Penny in the well
It’s prime time for a rap battle, bitch, 
dip you into shame down to the bottom of your silk suit.
Yea, Sticks and stones can break my bones, 
But words? We both know they kill you.
So drop this beat on your breath when I beat you to death
The makeup on your head will match up with your bed
Cuz my dreams are a threat, while the screams that you get
Make this spider a joke, it's a meme on the web
You ain’t hot shit like Curry, now you're a swedish-
all you can eat dish, bon appetit, bitch!
You’ll end up like your first monstrosity
Now the fucker’s chairbound, can’t stand up like your comedy

Pennywise:
And here comes...Freddy’s.. New..
Nightmare, biggest fear from Bill to Bevvy
Your only scare is the bill for new bedsheets
Stuck in the 80’s, reboot fucked up 
You’re officially the leader of the boomer’s club
I'll just wait for this fetus to get injured
They should replace you with the baby from "Freddy got fingered"
But the Nightmares won't be coming back soon
You're out of your airtime. Do you want a balloon?
You kept up in ruining children til Jason mutilated your character
Now the question is who would win here? 
The Alien or the Sexual Predator?
Swiss cheese lookin motherfucker walkin on my streets
I’ve always been the king of Derry, you’re the Dairy Queen
Cuz I never was a killer to hop on your boat, dude
So you better get high, I make standards float too!
You're dated, so listen up 
you aged and you couldn’t stop
Your face replicates your plot 
a game of connect the dots!
Your rating is severed, flopped; 
they made like your head and dropped
The same as popcorn I brought, 
you raised, blew up and p-p-popped

Children: 
1,2, Freddy’s coming for you
3,4, better lock- 

Freddy:
My count rounds out to a thousand, you're grouchy 
Left people howling more about your idiot townies
You’re not even allowed the best clown flick
in the same fucking year your lousy sequel came out in
You're scared of Maturin', and so your M. O.'s eternal
You'd shit your sewers when you see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Bitch! Taking a nap and I got your soul on a hook
You're helping me slaughter people by making them read your book
So It looks a little stormy for your sewer orgy
You didn’t reign before me! 
I’m the GOAT, you’re horny!
I’ll stick to spreadin’ teens over bed sheets
While you’re left melting into a puddle, how’s that for a wet dream?

Pennywise:
You’re more of a downfall than Maine storms to my main form
Your last one turned out like I ate your writers in a brainstorm
Go sleeping on these flows
I'll have Freddy's battle weapons shredded to Eddie's medicine
So he dreams of gazebos!
Tongue twist a buttkiss like your final girl did.
It’s a multiplayer game when you’re in my world, bitch!
I’d say go cry to your daddy, ‘fore you eternally rest.
But your mailbox couldn't carry the paternity tests

Pennywise vs. Freddy Krueger - Rap Battle!

dream vs. nagito komaeda - rap battle! - ft. eric the audible & snakebite126

SUBSCRIBE►https://bit.ly/3hsgOfd l PATREON►https://www.patreon.com/FreshyKanal
More Rap Battles►https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6...

My Twitch:
https://www.twitch.tv/freshykanal

JOIN MY DISCORD:
https://discord.gg/6RStp46dsC

Gaming Rap Battles:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6...

Horror Rap Battles:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6...

Superhero Rap Battles:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6...

Anime / Cartoon Rap Battles:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6...

Credits:

Eric the Audible as Dream (audio)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PG...

RNG as Dream (video)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDo7...

Snakebite126 as Nagito Komaeda
https://www.youtube.com/c/Snakebite126

Written by Snakebite126

Directed by Snakebite126, Shishroomie, GamingPlush64, Rabi, Zagranis & Freshy Kanal

Audio Playback by Zagranis & Shimario

Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal

Beat Produced by
Epistra

Additional Instruments by
Freshy Kanal & Musiclide

Storyboard by
Freshy Kanal, Snakebite126, Shimario, GamingPlush64, Rabi, Fightmarker

Video Edited by Shimario, Freshy Kanal, Snakebite126, Rabi & GamingPlush64

Dream Sprite by RobotRitchie

Thumbnail by Shimario

Outro Art by JesseBox

Dream vs. Nagito Komaeda - Rap Battle! - ft. Eric the Audible & Snakebite126

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bird games abandoned by their owners: Red from Angry Birds vs Mr. Crow from Catastrophe Crow. Enjoy!

@freshykanal as Red
Commander Jacob as Mr. Crow
@sw4nked as Chuck
@superthingsoncupsss as Bomb
@snakebite126 as the Jays

Written by Commander Jacob & GamingPlush64
Mixed & mastered by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Anywaywell
Crow model by El Stephono

-LYRICS-

Red (0:09)
I thought the pigs’ plot was enough to make me pissed off
But now I gotta fling hot disses straight off the slingshot
We stay protecting kids way before they frickin' hatch
Fitting that this little brat came from a baby’s chicken scratch
You have, like, 20 vids, there’s no way you can catch up
I got raps up my sleeve, while your sleeve is just wrapped up 
Your cartridge and Daddy will stay old and grey
Loner strayed, flew the coup, and never stayed to raise his precious golden egg

Mr. Crow (0:28)
I see you, Red. I’d tear apart your cardinal sins
But we can bond over the crow language it’s clear your bars were in
Or maybe not, after your latest failures, I observed that
Your servers must have been cursed bad by the evil Sir Cat!
Those absurd raps are calling me to stay and work at
A verse that can take you down so we can’t see these birds flap
I stack hits like blocks, show you an L, and tower you
Lemme just lay this down if I gotta spell it out for you
While I respect protecting your nest from turning into a bed and breakfast 
Your tactics lack any sense of direction when flinging heads into wreckage 
You got rich from your title? 
Your only golden shower nowadays is piss from your idol!

Red (0:57)
Your word vomit couldn’t even keep my chicks fed
He won’t be home ever again after that shit’s wrecked
We get money like Hal; our green’s coming around
I’ll put you down - 6 crows feet under the ground
I stay squaded up. Yo, Jay, Bomb, and Chuck
Let’s show this winged black sheep why they can’t flock with us
Chuck (1:11)
Ugh, speedy time, you weakley swine! We can rhyme with an eagle’s might
But maybe translating your 800 languages can come out with a decent line
Bomb (1:16)
No teddy bear to cuddle with, you can’t get your dad back
You weren’t even worthy to get stuffed in a bear’s backpack
The Jays (1:21)
Get Butchered, no Adam. We’re sick when we’re splitted
Attacking and rapping, we’re killer in triplets
Red (1:26)
When I’m spitting off the bill, no way you can get through to me
I’m knocking over all your builds and breaking down your Unity
Cause me and my boys got the skill, destruction isn’t new to me 
So if you wanna talk to Nils, stop using your community
We’ll die a martyr just to stop the piggie’s punk shit
At least write to Marta before you run away and jump ship
Fuck demon cats, development’s you’re only hell now
The only flight you've taken is the staircase you fell down
Nothing your fans theorize will make Thea rise
So now Lorenz himself will eternally need to be revived


Crow (1:50)
You dumb shits, thrown at the wall to see what sticks
You lucky mother-cluckers should be glad ya landed one hit
Both Rovio and Opus didn’t know what they were asked for
I took it to the depths, you took it off the App Store
You wanna bring a squad in? Face a murder of crows
To checkmate your flock of pawns and submerge 'em with flows
I’ll pop your whole arsenal and I’ll leave with three gold stars
The last nail in my coffin? I’m breaking free with each crowbar
No one’s wanting (ugh) all your cash-ins (nah)
All they wanted was to make you zip through blocks
You were launching (eh), now you’re crashing (ouch!)
Made some bubble games, and that shit went pop
Not talking PCs when I clip your head through a window
Your money bag-headed developers ain’t enough to scare this crow
It’s no sweat ending these legless and armless balls
The least hard thing I’ve gone through is a concrete wall
Your player’s gone too, now that you’re off phones
2 birds, 1 throne. I’ve finally gone home

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Angry Birds vs Catastrophe Crow | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of color-swapped clone stalkers: Herobrine, spirit of the brother of the creator of Minecraft, versus the Mario Silhouette, castle wanderer found in personalized copies of Super Mario 64. Enjoy!

Mr. Tibbs as Herobrine
Commander Jacob as The Mario Silhouette 

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz
Feedback by GamingPlush64, Mr. Tibbs, bloody_queers, Zagranis, Fightmarker, etc.

-LYRICS-
Herobrine:
See me in the distance? Hope those star doors stay shut
I don't want Piranha Plant biting off me more when we wakes up
I got the godly flows to diminish distant cosmic clones
I’ll make it red when I slam your head against the cobblestone
White eyes with a wide bite but I ain’t no Chain Chomp
Mr. Sit and Watch can picture what to do when his frames drop
Bark at me, my sword will chop like cutting leaves from a tree
So don’t run up on me, I've got a whole overworld under me

MS:
I see yooou, and I’ve tracked your plans to spit bars hot
But walk in His Domain? I‘m swinging hands like Tick Tock Clock
Painful like stained glass windows. Funny: Brine’s in a pickle
Stunting with the all-black fit, though you just changed couple pixels
I’ll make you black out. This wound you can't patch out
I’m jumping this painting. No retexturing, he’ll just crash now
I’ve had it up to the fourth floor. You've been here too long
Your fans are like you: minors who can’t move on

Herobrine:
Shadow Mario’s shadow hardly flowed in a way worth considering morbid
I'm sending this bitch through a portrait and burying him in the Fortress
Or bringing some torches and burning your boring-ass lore before you start running
I'm making pyramids up and appear and they pass the polygonal palace you’re stuck in
If you're talking about design, why would I cut out the lights
Darkness surrounds you, right? So how could you count as bright
Fuck your cryptic text. Think I'm scared when you display that?
I'm the type to slash kill, but not in a game chat

MS:
Players see you, they know you're there, and even screenshot
I bust their cartridge and make their CRT screen shot
You muck with streams while I run their dreams
Bowser has to take a sub to me. YouTubers use you just to say “sub to me”
Trap you in the walls so it blocks the rhymes I can’t stand
Try stealing coins. I catch that? Start shifting out; sand land
Potions and teleporting ain’t enough to catch me, my friend
Encounter me and see a void meaning you’ll meet your End

Herobrine:
All this glitch can offer is one wiki that’s vacant
Your hip-hop’s softer than MIPS in the basement
This AI without the I cant reach my level, just try
Mock me one more time and I’ll default skin you alive
You’re running in circles. I can do this all day
Read the signs: please die quietly in the hallway

MS:
I wish your knock-off novels were your only words hurting my eyes
But I'll make sure this eulogy's Persson-alized
Mr. 2 bit isn't even cared about by their own kin
Someone must be shooting up… but there’s no Hero win
Mama-mia! You’re not worth comparing Luigi to
Obsessed with griefing others cuz your brother never greaves for you

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Herobrine vs The Mario Silhouette | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Cover Art by Mancha
----------------------------------
Josh Chichester as The Announcer
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Cam (VideoGameRapBattles) as Lemongrab 
----------------------------------
Stofferex as Lord Hater
----------------------------------
Anthony Perry as Peepers
----------------------------------
Lyrics:
Lord Hater:
This overzealous fella’s about to start a bout with Lord Hater
Rockin’ lasers in my hand, I’m an energy manipulator
Unaccept this defective reject and leave your Lemon Earldom decimated
I’ll rip that football head straight off and decorate it like my spaceship
Your piercing screeches would be perfect for my Torture Mega-Mix
Recondition yourself, ‘cause I’ve seen more spice from a Peppermint
I’m more shocking than your collars, I’m eyeballing in this Great Race
This battle’s black and white, but a grey area in your case

Lemongrab:
Unacceptable! Skeletor wants to dispute with a verbal feud
I’d prefer if you weren’t so immature with such an unstable mood
It’s truly a Mystery how you’ve found the courage to face me
Your rhymes are more of a parasite to my head than Shelby
SCREAMS
You barged in here uninvited, got me riled up with the rhymes you cited, 
My raps are Lemonsweet, but unlike him, this will be one sided
This slave will have no more to say, when he gets slayed by my sound waves 
Just like your presence aggravates, even more than the harp I hate

Lord Hater:
Let's switch this to my style

Best to forfeit, Morty, I Dominate pathetic specks like Bangle-Brap
My speed talking takes effect the best when it comes to battle raps
With my platoon of Watchdogs, I won’t let this fugitive get through to me
Want to feel relief of sleep by deciding who is and who isn’t naughty?
Well, you’re one to talk, Kim Jong Un, so why so sour, Santa? 
Man, it’s sad that you abuse your own species in a sour manner
The Pup Gang might be juvenile, but you’re truly adolescent 
Your cannibalistic ways backfire when you’re eaten by your own peasants

Lemongrab:
groans Your rapping methods are blind, despite your crew of eyes
Death is in Bloom as I decide a fat Jack Skellington’s demise
My temper is combustive! Just ask Cave Johnson!
Consume you like Lemongrab two and have you banished to my dungeon
Ain’t it sweet, candy seeds, you’re the root of my impatience
More of a avagrating amalgamation of hate than my creations
I don’t need anyone! You depend on Peepers to defend
So no more of your sour words, it’ll be YOUR end
----------------------------------
Mixed by Fel
----------------------------------
Written by Zack and Skeep
----------------------------------

Lord Hater vs Lemongrab. CartoonMadeRapBattles

Scribblenauts vs. Little Big Planet

Here is some properly mixed audio, im going to use for the video of this battle. 

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, R the Writer, YAOES, Legion, Red

Chizeled By:
Mat4yo

Beat By:
LionRiddims

Mixed By:
Boris

Vladimyr P. as Maxwell

Freshy Kanal as Sackboy

Maxwell: (0:21)
Bag packed! Sharp Starrhymes flowing through you!
When I point ‘em at your face, I make this doll go voodoo.
These are real riddles, holmes, it is time for you to pop it.
You ain’t got no fitting sticker, better update your popit.
I jump and run the city when I’m scribbling art.
While you burnt out of ideas and copied Mario Kart.
Making checkpoints turn red, while I earn the fat stacks
I’ll press down your mood button, if you mess with Mad Max.

Sackboy: (0:42)
Well, you’d think a creative boy could scribble a better verse.
Your creators were more stoned than your sister when cursed.
It doesn't take a mini level to dismantle this crap toy,
You want an oral battle? You can suck my sack, boy!
I build my own level, rhyming fly and sick.
I bet you are a Doppelganger, since you copied my shtick.
And when I look back at the apple prank you’ve pulled, Max.
It makes me wanna grab Newton’s brain and smash it in your glove hat.

Maxwell: (1:03)
Best be careful with your rage or you’ll pop yourself out the zone.
Dude you are so lonely, your only friend is foam.
You fight along heroes but I’ll unmask your actions
By drilling Big SugarDaddy into the All Star trash bin.
I’ll Smash Brawl your controller, your story brings me mental pain.
You maintain that this game makes Higginbottom look sane.
Now look at your gain, check the bubbles you consume.
You’ll be like “Look at me, I earned a bitchslap costume”

Sackboy: (1:24)
I’ll verbally eat this word searching prick for lunch time
Too bad your notebook can’t find the word punchline.
Edgar and Julie will end up in a tragedy.
I own your notepad city and your axolotl family.
Your exit is a casualty, jump and run through evolution.
I’m coming from a King’s house, we are known for Maxecution.
Your prime got scribbled, just give up and drop your nation.
Cause by now your fanbase is wanking on my Play Station.

Scribblenauts vs. Little Big Planet - Rap Battle!

Starring
JRoyalVA as Frollo
Titanium1208 as Gaston

Frollo:
You should know, I don’t take kindly to peasants
It’d be wise to fall to your knees again, in my presence
Your gang of ruffians are nothing next to my amassed power  
And may the Lord have mercy once I show Belle my Tower
Forced marriage, locked her dad in a carriage, and what’s next?
You treat every woman like you’ve turned them into objects
Drop the facade, and ask anyone that knew you
It’s obvious you only wanted to see LeFooFoo

Gaston:
Are you sure that creature's not your son? Seems like your looks passed on
The Festival's over, so why’s this grandpa got his mask on?
I’ll fight any gargoyle, down to every last one
Cuz no one quite rocks the mic like Gaston

Townsfolk:
GASTON 

Gaston:
This matchup's beastly, I expect an atonement
Do you know who I am? I deserve a better opponent
LeFou! Remove the fool grovelling at my feet
The townsfolk will dub my verses “Beauty and the Beat”

Frollo:
Looks indeed are deceiving; although you look firm,
You’re grumpy cause you didn’t get to put the worm in bookworm 
I’ll rid this fight of vice and sin, which means your rage that lies within
When I spit Hellfire, this Gypsy will be fried and binned

Gaston:
You pulled a Gothel; raised a baby in cobble, but who's the loner?
The child or the man who burnt cities 'cuz he had a boner?
Build your wicked Frollo Baggins schemes in other bouts
So begone! I’ll help another looney old man... out!

Frollo vs Gaston. CMRB

Starring
Light as the Grinch
Fle as Shrek

The Grinch:
The people of Whoville are nothing put next
To this pompous swamp-monster known only as Shrek
“Why”, you all blare, do I oh-so-hate him?
Behind all those layers he’s beyond Ogre-rated
Tasteless, I may have stole Christmas, in fact; 
You took everything ‘Disney’ and wrapped it with trash 
Even happened to nab Seuss’ Cat in the Hat
And before you drag on, tell your ass to stay back 

Shrek:
Donkey, see, something uglier than me!
GET OUT MY SWAMP! GET OFF MY BEAT! 
Hey, list em; Head’s twisted, Lyrically, nay gifted
You suck at wrapping, that’s why you resent Christmas 
I’m shreking fools; take your fur and deck the halls 
Ya heart’s not the only thing two sizes too small
Somebody once told me this hairy sock wants trouble 
You must’ve been cursed by your fairy godmother;
You were one in a million; a classic written for children 
Nowadays you’ve been plastered next to a billion Minions 

The Grinch:
You’re a monster, that said, I think you should retire 
Halloween already has a Mike Myers
Ech, a reboot of this snotty disaster? 
Say bye to your Happily Ever After

The Grinch vs Shrek. CMRB

Kingdom Hearts 3 releases worldwide on the 29th of January.

Beat by Kustom
Written and mixed by Skeep

bearandrocky1 as """Natsuki"""
CookieSaurus as Nico Yazawa

Natsuki:
Today, I’m first to the clubbin’, I’m roided and ready to go
To twice beat over this two-faced two-timing (gets stabbed) oh.

ProjectAlpha22 as Riku

Riku:
Let’s make this Simple and Clean; Drop your Dreams, you can’t go the Distance
Vexen replicas -you idols are the same to me, no difference
Giving up already? Not the first time. Ain’t at all appalled
Your fame, your fans, your love, your life, you’re GONNA LOSE IT ALL!
Hit the Jackpot, UR cards in my favor, Lucky Lucky
It sounds to me you’d just love to share a Paopu fruit with Maki
So while you’re lusted over by lowlife lolicons and sweaty nerds
I’ve got the Keyblade to unlock the hearts of all the gamer girls

Nico Yazawa:
How lame; what a shame; stole my opponent -jeez you’re Heartless!
Long awaited to make her again a carcass, but then this Nobody came and wants to get started
Left Marked by Nico’s Mastery! No training camp for testing through
Emo, you’d fight darkness best with no sketchy guy molesting you!
Spit PSYCHIC FIRAGA on the mic when I perform this song! 
While at the Sakkaku CROSSROADS, you get lost on your Way to Dawn
Doin’ Maleficent’s dirty work, followin’ Sora, awkward
encounters, kidnapping girls, you’re just a jealous creepy stalker!

Riku:
You try to mock me with hypocrisy? Give you more a knock than what I did to Roxas 
I got this; riposte your cacophony with my Soul Eater’s posture
Grab your secret diary; jot this loss, call it the Book of Prophecies
This Keyblade Master’s got it on lock, your mobile game verse Union χ, it’s over, Ni!

Nico Yazawa:
Yo, your little thing with Sora’s adorable, comparing Keyblades
But you’re second rate, second place; Nico’s always an S grade
Nico’s fans’ hearts are Nico’s alone, her smile’s the key!
Give into the darkness, Riku. Nico Nico Nii!

Nico Yazawa vs """Natsuki""" "2" - Rap Battle

Jacob G as Kickass
J Morris as Deku

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Jason, Vriska and Jughead Jay

Cover Art by:
Zim 11037

Additional Help by:
R the Writer & Zim 11037

Beat by:
Audio Network

Mixed and Mastered by:
Freshy Kanal


Lyrics:

Kickass: 
Hey Hit-Girl, you wanna-? Oh, it’s just me
Well, uhum- Stand aside for a hero to serve the beat

Cause against me? Study up my name. 
Why don't you take a page
For someone who can make a change. 
Do what you do best: break a leg

I don't need a Sick Stick to make me spit sick
You lock the top dog, I'll bite off more than this dick, prick

You misfit, the real world ain't some class to place last, kid
Bitch, your name literally means you get your ass-kicked

Your obsession with your teacher really gives me the creeps, bro
Boku no Hero? Change that to Boku no Pico

Deku:
You’re one to talk about starting off worthless
With your daydreams and hormones, 
I wouldn’t say that you’re quirkless

So let me take the shots, but you won’t need your vest
Cause even if you’re juiced on speed, you couldn’t match my 5 percent

Cram more cheap jokes and violence, 
I’ll Detroit Smash your privates
I destroy foes with high kicks, 
you need cheap toys and sidekicks

It took one whiney white kid to almost go and unfold ya
And the size of your nightsticks? Not. Plus. Ultra.


Kickass: 
Talking ‘bout dick jokes but you couldn’t get around
Your girl’s got gravity powers but you still can’t go down

I might’ve fucked up my senses, but you still get on my nerves
Too bad your daddy couldn't pass to you his fire spitting quirk


Deku: 
Well too bad your daddy didn't pass his genes for getting murked 
You're so scared of getting hurt, you let a kid do all your work

Think you’ll leave me in a Red Mist? 
You can’t hip-hop like Tsu, though
Staten Island’s got it rough if their best hero is a dudebro!


Kickass: 
You’re one to talk about parenting, watch what you utter
You pull a momma’s boy household by disappointing each other

Drowning in your mourning, dude, you would beg to reach my tier
Shit, retitle this “my wetsuit Vs your self pity tears”


Deku: 
I'm strapping armor, 
while you're bragging 'bout that wetsuit you're repping?
You spent too much kicking ass in a Walmart clearance section

But you said you wanna make up for your mistakes?
It’s a bit late
This dickface draws his path in the shadow of Nick Cage

Keep running yourself in depth with all the chaos you're causing
I’m gonna show myself out now and share that cocoa with your coffin

Kick-Ass vs. Izuku Midoriya - Rap Battle!

Titanium1208 as DK
JuliantheBeast as Little Mac
Adam as Doc Louis
HyperJacob96 as Announcer

DK:
I’m finally here! Performing for you!
If you know the words you can join in too!
Put your hands together if you want to clap!
As I’m tearing through… this Little Mac! (Huh!)
Tossing barrels on barrels! Just try to escape
Judging by your vertical you’ve been skipping leg day
Guess you can't Jumpman, boy I hope you can rhyme!
I could even take a hundred of you on at a time!
Mac, Really? Even Glass Joe has higher fame 
You’re just a shy guy hiding behind wire frames
KO’s charged! ... oh whoops, you missed
Brawl with us all you want, to me you’re still the assist

Little Mac:
In this corner the underdog’s ready to fight
Ready to let out punches with all his might
All of this training has prepared me for this
When this oversized monkey goes and meets my fist! 
Ain’t no better boxing match since Rocky v. Smirnoff
When this gorilla starts talking I’d rather him bite my ear off.
Peel on outta here, you can’t step in the ring with me
Like your GameCube game you’re sounding too off-beat
Just Look at what I can do to ya with one nasty blow 
How was your verse goofier than your tv show?


DK:
When I was picked first to rap everybody stepped back
You’re like a SoundCloud rapper, huh! Lil’ Mac
Don’t get smacked, Mario knows not to clapback
Rip you to shreds on the track like a Klaptrap
Your height forces you to make low-blows while fighting
Looks like you learned to spit from your buddy Mike Tyson
Your games stop paying and you’re no longer talked about
If you ask me Mac, I think it’s time you Punch Out

Little Mac: 
Ugh, he’s tough… Show him what you got Mac!
He hit me so hard….. Well then, hit him back!
You’re right Doc, I won’t have this be the end!
Pick yourself up, Don’t let him take you out again!
When I attack, the bigger they are the harder they’re falling 
I’ll have you and your whole DK Crew Smash Bawling
I’m fit, slick, and chiseled; got a cocky strut
Guess what? I’m not scared of your little Donkey punch
Giga Mac knows how to expand - dong
Take the crown to show you who’s king, Kong!
And lo, the beast looked on the face of beauty
Asking for an ice pack for his kicked-in booty.

DK:
I’m a classic in Smash ‘cause the Kong’s sublime
When I bongo beat, that’s a conga line
So hang up the gloves, you're looking fatigued
Even when not super slugging, I’m out of your league!
Came swinging at me, punching with all he can 
But even with my eyes closed you’re still getting speedran

Little Mac:
Can’t take the flak? Go back to the arcade
Don’t mess with Mac - this dude learned the hard way
Take down the OG, how’s that for some clout?
10! Raise my arm! Now that’s a knock out!

Super Smash Raps

Donkey Kong vs Little Mac. Super Smash Raps #1

Welcome to what I guess is the first episode of Lame-Ass Rap Battles! (Pac-Man vs WHG’s getting delayed, sorry.) Today we have a battle of evil artificial clones with Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Metal Sonic
GamingPlush64 as DoodleBob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Written by Commander Jacob and GamingPlush64
Produced by Smoke

Lyrics

Metal Sonic:
I’ve my target acquired: a reckless sketch his builder ditched
Aka stick-legged freak spewing epileptic gibberish 
Got a chaotic flow that's aimed at you, well ain’t it brutal?
They put a mic-killing monster against a janky Frankendoodle
Your pencil and place in battle’s number two, so you're in trouble
Reduced to bootleg merch. Now I’m popping your RedBubble
The bad-ass Badnik’s giving him a bad nick and leaving him hurt
Hypothesis: your magic pencil still can’t write out a decent verse

DoodleBob:
You think you’re cool, but you just got me annoyed, boy
So make your next form a better rapper, son of a nyoy nyoy!
Can't stand this toy's noise. Got the slave of aluminum stressin’
But things get sketchy when you enter the Doodle Dimension
Going mach-5, but not even good enough for ‘06, man. You can’t withstand
That a neo nazi’s boutta get damned. Line him up and strike a bowling ball through this tin can
Or I’ll bust out the lead if you tryna gra-fight. So now what?
I oughta call it a draw, Eggbreath already screwed your mouth shut

Metal Sonic:
You act tough, but something you never considered
I’d be more intimidated facing Jellyfish Squidward
You from the shredder or printer? Either way, I’ll have you slashed through
But back to dimensions, your rhymes and design barley have 2
Locate a sharpener if you think on a track you can beat me. Don’t make me repeat
The elite machine will remind you that he was built to be on a CD
Analyzing from all angles: your chance to win’s looking thin
Firearms unrequired; initiating “throw a book at him”

DoodleBob:
Every time you think you’re besting Sonic, you end up dead wrong
I command a doodle army, you stalk and copy a hedgehog
I can tell you don’t lack grit when you rage like a spastic
Didn’t know the position “Bad-nik” was talkin’ ‘bout your rap shit
Forever in Omega’s shadow and forgotten, good riddance
You’re the Terminator if he listened to too much Skrillex
Scrapping this Metallic Madness and putting an end to the race
Because I don’t need the pencil to have your relevance... erased

Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #1

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

Connor Quest as Arceus
CamVGRB as Giratina

LYRICS:
COMING SOON

Arceus vs. Giratina

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.