I Fucked Your Galaxy, Nigga

how to piss off the steven universe fandom: pt. 5.6

>mfw almost same bpm

Why do these songs go so fucking well together

Saw a funny craigslist ad for this and had to read it

[full text]

You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that’s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.

The 1999 Toyota Corolla.

Let’s talk about features.

Bluetooth: nope

Sunroof: nope

Fancy wheels: nope

Rear view camera: nope...but it’s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn’t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

Things this car is old enough to do:

Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes

Rent a car: it IS a car

This car’s got history. It’s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:

This car’s exterior color is gray, but it’s interior color is grey.

In the owner’s manual, oil is listed as “optional.”

When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary “Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla”

You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite tv show: Alf

Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It’s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It’s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, “It’s a Corolla. It’s fine.”

Let’s face the facts, this car isn’t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn’t the car you want, it’s the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.

[Reading] 1999 Toyota Corolla Craigslist ad

i would swim 500 miles and i would swim 500 more, just to be the ocean man who swam 1000 miles to end up at your door

Various Mashups and Memes

500 Nautical Miles

this is the most obvious thing ever shame on you for not making this before me

Try To Guess This Shitpost I Dare You

DAREty eastwood - noisemade
remember the name - fort minor

Remember The Sponge

shout out to https://soundcloud.com/captaincomedy for making an on-tempo instrumental for September

4 non blondes - what's up
earth wind & fire - september

what's really going on

what i've really done

There isn't an official instrumental for this, so I had to use a karaoke track I found on YouTube. I thought it was pretty decent though.

how to piss off the steven universe fandom: pt. 5.6

DaFuol