prod me

im in my bed, its late at night
 and im contemplating the rest of life
i cant see myself in the mirror
just a ghost of who i was
you said i was wrong and you're always right
so im telling myself that im not alright
how much longer can i go on
until im no one at all

id kill to get away from here
one shot to the brain no fucking fear
and not a single tear
will drop from my eyes while i bury the fear
yea im fine dont ask cuz im barely here
tell lies to your face while i grin ear to ear
why am i even here
just to wish for a dream thats so unclear

im a bad person tonight
and i guess for the rest of my life
i cant see myself in the mirror
everything's a distraction
i thought that i lost you
and your trust
but its just in my head
in your hands am i dead
you said i was wrong
and your always right
so i tell myself
that im not alright
that im not
im a bad person tonight
and i guess for the rest of my life
i cant see myself in the mirror
everything's a distraction

...

id kill to get away from here
one shot to the brain no fucking fear
and not a single tear
will drop from my eyes while i bury the fear
yea im fine dont ask cuz im barely here
tell lies to your face while i grin ear to ear
why am i even here
just to wish for a dream thats so unclear

distraction

keep leaving it open
but the foot traffic is hollow
and nobody stays here long

just another day and I am just another mile
they’ve been leaving me with songs 

I don’t want to be the one who only reminisces 
puts their life into a jar

I don’t want to be the one that’s only talked about in stories

or not talked about at all

to leave it closed

guitars by @starsbeforesunrise prod & vox by me
https://open.spotify.com/track/4vu1sYxSOQAafW983kamTS?si=b56e2ad5e7074120
music video: https://youtu.be/A6tXMQGkm_w

im breathing smoke but i dont mind it
it doesnt bother me
the ashes blowing through the wind 
and touching everything i see
your breathing slows before you kiss it
a distant memory
your singing permeates the air and fills
the oxygen i breathe

late night talkin at the bus stop
crushin rocks
way too far
from any place we know by heart
spend time laying on the black top
looking up
fingers crossed
hoping we
share a single thought 

youre never sad
youre never sad to be alone
youre never sad
youre never sad to be alone
youre never sad
youre never sad to be alone
youre never sad
youre never sad to be alone

my breathing changes when im around you

guitar loop by @spagdus

youre soaked
you couldnt outrun the rain
the gray clouds forming apropos
leaving you drenched from head to toe
and youre fucked
but youre not one to complain
changing skies of every glow
winter rain and summer snow
and youre not
the one i met before
who found me all those years ago
and taught me how to live and grow
and youre not
the person you once were
the rhizome splits
the sunlight hits
the morning mist
begins it all again

and rain

10/1
was it worth the wait?
you didn't have to try that hard

when push comes to shove
i don't have the balance
to stand on the rug
that you pulled from under me

balance

written/recorded july 2022
everything by me

honest

11-3-2021 1:08am  something to help me sleep

before i wake up (mumble demo)

around the world immediately (mumble demo)

h allwaysxxx 6 (mumble demo)

honestly goes really hard
done by me :3 @jauntsen

before i wake up (mumble demo)

daywaiter

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