THE FIRST EVER GAY BAR / VACCINE CLINIC

please stop talking
im obviously not the person that you thought i was
i think too often about the possibility youll murder us 

grip fate like its too late
talk to it like you got nothing to lose
charge a true rate 
livable wage 
give in to your rage
go postal post apocalyptic video game 
epoxy epoch together where the trees talk
keep the secret observe how my knees walk
bow legged and pigeon toed
i wont to make it
i already chose 
i went naked forgo my clothes  
you cant hide!
so come on in and get baptized
youre not a bad guy
you had a chance to act right
i admit it was kind of a whack try
things tend to blend in grey when you observe in black and white
but at the end of the day as long as youre saved you can go back to life
its too late too for me too many mistakes
im going to a place that i dont even believe in 
four season red ember bleating delay tape
lets stay safe no decay today 
oh no stay away 
im amazed you made it this far 
but do you remember which way you came  ?

im really sad

PLZ STOP TALKIN

oh hava
i want you 
if you want me too id be so happy
and i am cuz its the truth 
id follow you just watch what you were doing in silence 
we dont have to speak
all we need is some canned fish and cheese to eat 
while laila sits beside us waiting patiently
for us to finish
i have one wish
for you to be in love with me until we both die 
i hope i come first 
not to spite you but i can imagine life gets worse
without my heart
and thats you
i would like to smell your farts
id like to go for a ride inside your truck
id like to see your art when you make it         
so impressive
i want you naked with me 
i want you undressed in bed
perfect girl so sweet
please come next to me  
ill beg a thousand times so please 
oh hava

O Hava

Probably my favorite song on this album.
The "main loop" is from a rehearsal recording of my math-rock type band, Ultra Death Men, sped up and cut up.
The song is about a lot of things, as always, but was most heavily inspired by my first trip to San Diego. It was a pretty strange, negative, and intense part of my life, but the experiences I had there had profound effects on my outlook.
The first line of the lyrics references one night Bradlea and I were driving through the desert and the entire dusk sky was literally a full rainbow.
The reiteration of that part of the song the second time is about how I'd wake up every morning to a collection of four cats sleeping on me and they'd all scramble away from me when they realized I was awake, as if to hide the fact that they'd been sleeping on me.

Loud Noise In My Room

im not what they see
protein packed with glee
red beads cover me
low on energy
numbers make my head twirl
have a i been a real bad girl
or can i rest easy knowing
results should be showing now

the light hurts my eyes when i stand i see white 


when i look at my face
and tell her i’m a huge disgrace
i’ll never get the help i need 
my chia pet will remain seeds

the angels in the sky
reach out their arms and show me why
recovery is what i need
recovery is what i need 

i don’t care if i live or die 
as long as i have big bright eyes
and when i tried to take my life
i saw an angel by my side
i need to stay awake for her
and spoil her in jewels and furs
i cannot go so hear my plea
no dogman but recovery
recovery is what i need 
recovery is what i need

recovery

Seventh track on Bad Happy.

A bit of an "anthem" for those of you who have a propensity to compromise yourself and overlook unfair mistreatment by your friends and other loved ones for the sake of keeping the relationships intact... I'm quite prone to this.

Even after years of being hurt by people I know who have cheated on me, belittled my accomplishments and talent, ditched me, ignored my calls and emails, forgot to do important things they said they would for, broken promises, violated my trust, and whatever else, for the sake of nothing but themselves, I've still generally stayed un-confrontational about betrayal, essentially making it okay to betray me.
I wanted to approach this topic in a constructive manner, as often I do, but not be too subtle about the message.

If you're in a position where you are compromising your own happiness to keep your life less dramatic and your friends groups without schism; relationships without quarrel: don't keep doing it. Try to find common ground.
If they remain obstinate, they aren't worth your time.

/Life lesson

Betrayal is okay.

@rooksfeather & @neotenomie
the most 🔥🔥🔥 album about gay trash, chronic pain & dissociation you've heard all year 

help me do what i like if you like what i do: https://www.patreon.com/ESPer99

SUPEREGO ROYAL JELLY

👉👉👉 OWN IT

rook&nomie - SUPEREGO ROYAL JELLY - 04 YEARWOUNDS

ACROBAT OVER A VAT OF ACID CRAP

Blood Soup

I Only Smile When I'm Laughing

this is a song that was written in 2016 over a beat made in 2019 revisited in 2021.

lyrics:
my instinct tells me i smell like fresh meat
and i better be ready to defend myself if i need to
although ive never been in a fight
im weak and youre right
im sorry i didnt believe you
and ill apologize a second time
when i see you
because im sure it will lead to
the unbearable feeling that we are both only the same
and both totally insane
i feel it next to me etching itself into my skin
so i can start to act like a small part of myself again
youll see it too and know that its a preview
as we stand totally frozen and try to regroup
and after everything melts away into something else
well find another person and offer them all our help 
stepped with the wrong foot first
now it hurts to walk
ill walk it off stop talking shit 


i drank the blood but im still human
still want to do drugs 
i drank the blood but im pretty sure that i didnt drink enough

its shallow here
vapid
all my strength was sapped when i strapped in
i got tired so i napped
and when i woke up i found all the feeling was back
yeah at least it was until i needed it
squeeze every last bit of lust out of my bleeding tip
isnt it funny how quick they switch it in their minds 
when collective conscious isnt enough to get by
i know i know i know
humans cant fly
thats why they clipped the wings off every damn time
i didnt mean to abstract myself
im the sum of my goals subtracted by my shelf life
i helped drive the price up
so i must die!
i struck out blindly and touched my own rough side

i didnt mean to get frustrated
but sometimes i just fuck up and i fuckin hate it

Fresh Meat

diet tea other cola

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