The voice I used in this recording is a sad attempt at a posh accent, if anyone asks I’ll say, “Oh, that? That’s just a typical midwestern dialect, it is no way a piss poor attempt at replicating the tone of Benedict Cumberbatch’s Star Trek: Into Darkness monologue.”

I chose flute sounds for the musical accompaniment because, like bubble pipes, they’re wood wind instruments. I used distorted hip-hop beats to add some weight to my thin premise, a little badassery to go with my B.S.

As for the poem itself, it’s one of those things I had to get out of my system. I wrote it when I was 22. I still think it’s funny, and as it’s turned out, I still have a lot to say about the subject. My original artist description for this poem became a companion piece, called 11th Hour Valentines, if you liked this, then you’ll love that. Check it out.

Bubble Pipe

I could do it your way
Wait for her boyfriend to hit the John
Then slide into his seat
In a strategic game of musical chairs
I could put Nina Simone on the juke box
Amble around the room
Looking for the first girl that says
"I love Nina Simone"
I could cast the role of wing man
Yo talk about how we hopped that train
About our extensive work with Green Peace
About that village in Africa
I could send anonymous drinks
"Care of that man tipping his hat"
I could wait on the porch with a zippo
Offering a light to any girl that crossed my path

Or I could do it my way
Reach into my breast pocket
Withdraw my plastic pipe
And slowly start blowing on it
Making my presence known
As far as my bubbles can float
Because any chump can order a girl a shot
But it takes a real man to smoke a bubble pipe
It takes the kind of man
That doesn't hide behind a wad of bills
Doesn't hide behind the keys to his Mercedes
It takes the confidence to just pucker up and blow
When my future children ask my wife
How she knew it was love at first sight
She'll shrug, smile, and say
"Well, he had this bubble pipe"

Bubble Pipe

I write lost Twilight Zone episodes and give advice on writing.

Bubble Pipe

Drew Chial