prod by caves <3
master @itsseele
@whosvacant


i see refections at the waterfront
hide my face
dont like who ive become 
know u think
i wont amount to much
i still ruin everything i touch
i still ruin everything i touch.

i wish i was better than this
im tired of thinking im worthless
woah
tired of this fleeting feeling
i look at my reflection 
i dont wanna be here 
coz i ruin everything around me
tear it all down
in anger i ruin my image
burnt images on the ground
never been somewhere so sickening
I RUINED EVERTHING 
I RUIN EVERYTHING
I RUIN EVERYTHING 
I RUIN EVERYTHING

whispers around 
was it something i said 
what should i do 
you were my only friend
if it  where my choice 
id be with u instead
ur eyes full with tear drops 
and mine full of dread 

but youd stick it out though 
if you really cared
its not surprising 
just cause and effect
well was it worth just to feel some regret?
typical im just means to an end

i see refections at the waterfront
hide my face
dont like who ive become 
know u think
i wont amount to much
i still ruin everything i touch
i still ruin everything i touch.

ruin w/ vacant

no one is saving me [prod. sence x chrismarek]

Wake Up w/ Brecken

prod yunnygoldz

lyrics ⬇️ 
lived half my life like this oh man
oh god why cant i forget what im missin most
itchy throat that i cant pass by so im sinkin another boat
just look at my characteristics 
i swear i got nothin to show
a lot less than most
not what you expected not even close
when i look in your eyes mine dont wanna close
if i love you then everyone knows
that i wont make it there without a new dose

yea i swear you look beautiful in every single pose
not an angle to imagine that i think uou could blow
but everything explodes when your over 
and nothing ignites as we planned
i can tell how tonights gonna be in advance 

ive lived half my life like this oh man
oh god why cant i forget what im missin most
itchy throat that i cant pass by so im sinkin another boat

whys it so hard just to look ahead in my life for a minute 
everyones upset i dont know why theyre livid
can you tell me when it’s finished 
oh they think im trippin out on the barstreet
but really im just chillin with grayson
so when you tell me that you love me
it only seems like its partly

hardly ever wanna step foot inside house now days
and i dont wanna look up
yea
cuz i would rather hide my face
and its hard not to tear up
when i think about everything i fail in my life in your eyes
but its okay
and i cant even flinch when they hit me with those words in my face cuz i know that theyre coming
doesnt matter what i think cuz im a still a disgrace according to their wording
but im hurting, tell em everyday and only thing they say is sure thing

tell me when it’s finished

produced by @prod-dash 🖤
mv: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEgzoEH60Cg

harmonies construct of her in vain,
when i had felt the same, i wonder what you let slip loose
idolized in holistic refrain from scaring you away,
but it was you who had left so soon
redundancy falls on the floors of insult,
diffusion of awe is now subtle appall
when the fracturing stops, he returns to his lot
and continues to watch the forgotten responses

how long has it really been?
on everything i could've been your confidence;
wounded deep, but regardless you were gorgeous
external forces couldn't conquer this fortress,
girl i was all in,
now i'm more of like a martian,
a foreign entity ignored and made of sport in pure extortion
the score depends on those who force it,
but on my life i'll never pry into this systematic fortune

easy aches at your name
november stays, but it's may

he's licking tears and steeling bones
from baring sights of burning homes
and of the counterparts still present, most have nearly decomposed
the oxygen persists, but the fluids marching in
wreak havoc on the aspens, now his blood is wearing thin
the centuries forgot receive his aching and distraught,
converting portions of distortion into frequencies bewrought
the ice goes in by division of his temperance
sickly to this weather, but she ain't even my medicine

it's two-forty-two as the film rolls into view
i beg your pardon, i'm enshrouded by the memories construed
just anyone won't do,
the comfort causes calluses he's unable to move
they stare at him in twos

the burial becomes attraction, and of the visitors, it's nothing but distraction
come one and all, before root is sawed, the chainsaw, it stops,
he of wooden rot, with that pandora's box, reverse the plot
the acid sat within his stomach summits to his top
begone of influence it's over 'fore it had begun
i'll never feel that same alikeness, they just read me wrong,
just to do me wrong

bare trees conceive cold leaves,
you showed me what we couldn't be
washing over me, frostridden stings
that sole breeze had spoke "don't leave"

easy aches at your name
november stays, but it's may

the paneling glows a familiar sequence,
but it's passage won't open to those who would seek it
through timing and tamper he had managed to enter
unaware of it's contents, he treads a bit deeper
in awe of the contrast from seeker to aether
he's welcomed to stay, but he's covered in shivers
for those it abducts are reduced down to neither
so backwards he goes, where his soul doesn't meet her's

come the night i'm allotted what's divine
i got bugs up in my head,
they always scratching, leaving bites
ain't no energy to waste on those unkind
only time you talkin shit is when you're doing it online

november (dash)

prod by icantsleeplol & hvci
mixed and mastered by icantsleeplol & hvci

thank u @hvci for helping me with some of the layers to help my vocals more impactful ♡ 

and ofc w/ @xav0id

(i’m experimenting with my vocals and my voice in general to see what it’s capable of. i don’t wanna be limited to one genre. i wanna push past my comfort zone and explore different sounds with my voice)

enjoy:)

lyrics:

@icantsleeplol -
they asked me to smile
so i did
now i can’t tell when i actually mean it

i learned to read the room too well
picked up their moods, and forgot myself
said the lines they’d rather hear
kept my truth in second gear

they liked me better watered down
so i kept my head and voice low-bound
never asked them what they meant
just played the part and paid the rent

@icantsleeplol w/ @hvci -
they never wanted all of me
just the version they could keep clean
so i edited my every thought
to fit inside the mold they bought

@icantsleeplol -
empty tent, the lights still burn
but no one waits for my return
they loved the laugh, not the cost
they clapped so loud, i got lost

@icantsleeplol w/ @hvci -
empty tent, applause fades quick
left alone with what won't fix
i give and give, then disappear
while no one even shifts their ear

@icantsleeplol -
i swallowed pride and played polite
convinced myself it felt alright
but every nod, every demand
left another thing i couldn't stand

i tried to slow the spinning down
but silence just became more loud
i gave too much and asked too little
and broke apart right down the middle

@icantsleeplol w/ @hvci
they smiled, so i assumed it worked
but underneath, it always hurt
and though i tried to keep it smooth
the pressure cracked the parts i moved
 
@xav0id -
empty tent, still looks the same
but i don’t walk out how i came
they called it charm, called it grace
but missed the tremble in my face

empty tent, the echo's mean
i’m still stuck on what they’ve seen
if this was love, or just a guess
why did i fall apart to impress?

@icantsleeplol w/ @xav0id
i’ve memorized what pleases them
but not what brings me back again
i dance around their fragile moods
and call it kindness as i lose

they say i’m calm, they say i’m nice
but only when i pay the price
and every time i try to breathe
i wonder what they’d let me keep

@xav0id - 
empty tent, lights flicker slow
no one left to tell me “go”
but i still bow, still play it cool
still scared of not fitting the rule

empty tent, just me and air
i gave too much, and no one cared
the quiet hits a little late...
but louder than the love they faked

i’m still here
they just forgot
and that’s the part
that hurts the most

empty tent w/ xav0id & hvci

everything by me

thank you for being here.
take care; as well as you can, as you are

what i heard whispered "it is all the same"
and i'm tired, of taking on that weight,
i'm wired and i'm trying to find her
you liar, you liar

cups rest beside the bed that keeps the body tied
a slow end, he'll try again yet something isn't right
it's pouring, as water runs the lungs of flooded eyes
the morning has led the wren to question it's own life

doesn't mean it don't exist if you don't feel it
the bat got me taking flight purging all villians
my whole life all i've known is a cold feeling
gripping vices alike, become the known illest
soul-stealing homes appeal him most
taken of his own and made a host
supplement contrived of what he knows
jeopardized, but it don't seem to show

cycling roads end, dividing unknown land
i'd rather be scarred than left deep in the heartless
those cursed of sight find contentment in low strides
somehow he's been alright, yeah right, what a bold lie

what i heard whispered "it is all the same"
and i'm tired, of taking on that weight,
i'm wired and i'm trying to find her
you liar, you liar

halving days, another broken ballad
dissonance within of what is valid
turn your back against it when you hear it,
cowardice convincing you it's fearless
staring down the mirror will suck you in
i do it just to feel it all again
sensitized of strife yet still indifferent
reconnaissance of his creating distance

(4x)
i know it's gonna hurt but i let it,
i know it's gonna hurt, but i let it as i've been, yeah

what i heard whispered "it is all the same"
and i'm tired, of taking on that weight,
i'm wired and i'm trying to find her
you liar, you lia-

thornmade

prod ilyl1ght

lyrics:
Oh haven't seen your face
And the sky is turning grey
sucks you dont think about me daily 
It must be nice to think your not going crazy 
staying home all day don’t wanna go out anymore 
sleeping in all day have fun being a whore 
I wonder what is like having people that care
I wonder what it’s like having somebody there
I wish that I was no longer here
Now the plan is just to go disappear

Oh haven't seen your face
And the sky is turning grey
sucks you dont think about me daily 
It must be nice to think your not going crazy 
Oh haven't seen your face
And the sky is turning grey
want you to go but I want you to stay here because I’m in love
You should probably go cause I’m building up anger that’s not good for us
Why is everybody pointing out on my flaws?
sucks to think that we’re all human but you don’t give a fuck
sucks to think that we’re all human but you don’t give a

sorry

no one is saving me [prod. sence x chrismarek]

dylan lotus

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