the background vocals here are absolutely heavenly 

Featuring @melmige
Produced by @splashgvng
Mixed & mastered by @horoshamusic
Logo by Dead & Detached

Listen on Spotify!

Broken Boy w/ melmige (Prod. Splashgvng)

prod.https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2CVgEdYvEeXrOjiyqaln2A

probably gonna delete this lol

in death there is love (prod. THERSX)

at one point we are all met with the annihilation of option

Death tends to be a bit of a taboo topic when making music, as going about it appropriately can be rather tricky. On the flip side, I feel that music has contributed to a desensitization to the idea of death, and whether that's good or bad is still unknown to me. Sure, it's the one constant that everyone experiences in life, but it being normal and expected doesn't necessarily mean it can't be scary to think about. Death is the end, and at that point (unless whatever theology or religion you subscribe to turns out to be the right one) one can no longer decide the course of their life, all decision making and self-reflection is halted, what you have at that moment is your legacy.

Yeah, I think referring to death as the "annihilation of option" is kinda in your face about the whole concept, but I think it truly is. There are no more options on how you life your life, and as grim as it may sound, you no longer have any say in how it ends. Taking one's own life, as horrible as a tragedy as it is, still applies to the whole 'decision making' process. It's a choice someone makes that results in squandering all potential choices. Scary shit honestly.

And there's the whole idea of not necessarily wanting to die, but rather just not exist for lets say, a year or so? That's a whole other topic though, so we can get to that in another song. I think my main point in all of this (and the reasoning for the song is really up to interpretation to the listener) is, *spoilers ahead* it's really just an expression of my thoughts about the whole concept. Death is scary, it's very real, and what happens after will never be certain.

But yeah, I meant that last part of the song, the idea of dying does make me pretty fucking nauseous.

Annihilation Of Option [prod. hieloways]

I’m always changing up my mind 
To change up how I feel inside 
impulsive cause I ride to die 
Get high as fuck to feel alright 
I dont think that I’ll change 
I know I’m stuck I know Im never gonna be okay 
I’m addicted to all of this god damn pain 
I can’t make this go away 

( @denverkell )
i take my meds
feel the side effects
i don’t think that i would be here 
without all my friends 
i still uh pay the price 
i genuinely can’t uh change my mind 
i’m praying for the day they stand in line 
i make these songs so i can save a life 

i don’t wanna pay somebody just to talk to me
so i record another song to get it off of me 
apparently this is my therapy 
my thoughts racing now and theyre scaring me 

i still want you to give me that look you used to 
before the weed and alcohol that i abused 
they say don’t let the past control you let it fuel you 
well i’m still somewhere stuck in limbo i can’t choose 
i might just go take my meds i might just go take

(GXLKE)

Shift my mind up with the seasons 
Close myself up, there’s no reason 
To feel like this, but man I’m bleeding 
black from my heart, I don’t believe in myself 

I don’t believe in Myself, 
I don’t take care of my health 
spending all of my wealth 
Smoking on that top shelf 
Drinking truly like hell 
Staying crossed can’t you tell 
Faded under your spell 
miss you and our talks about 
nights where we always fell 
in love again 
I fucked up yeah i know I did 
You always wanna think about
feelings but I’m too shut out 
always make myself left out 
self inflected shout me out 
that’s all I ever think about

How I Feel Inside (Feat. Yung Kell) (prod. Afterlife)

prod. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOe6LmMKrLmN-uKK5rx0Djg 

no one ever listens til their looking for a heartbeat

unfortunate story (Prod. ghøstpboy)

produced by @jolst and @irby314

LYRICS:
 I can't believe it's come to this 
I'm wasting my life away 
spending every day just to exist with a minimum amount of pain 

get home and stare at the ceiling 
maybe if I close my eyes, this time 
my soul will rise above the rooftops 
and I'll slip away 

'cause I'm so tired of feeling like I'm doing something wrong 
27 years and I'm bled down to the bone 
and after all this time I still have nothing to call my own 

'cause back when you were sixteen 
with the world stretched out at your feet
you had all these ideas 
and all the plans for where you would go 

I'm sorry I failed you
I swear I didn't mean to 
it's just time goes by so fast
and these paths are harder than you'd expect 

so next time around
I hope that you get the chance 
to live before you're dead. 

I can't believe it's come to this 
I'm wasting my life away 
spending every day just to exist with a minimum amount of pain 

and I can't go on feeling this way 
so I stare at the ceiling and dream of escape 
maybe when I open my eyes 
I'll find a place without any pain.

Exist (p. Jolst x Irby)

unstable w/killing art (horosha)

Overthinking everything in my head 
Feelings don’t fade while I’m in my bed 

Keep me up late with your shit again
Lying on the floor screaming my name all again

In over my head and it’s time to go 
Being followed by people I don’t know 

Hold it over my head 
And watch me go 
Paranoia kickin in and it’s time to go 

All alone with my thoughts 
I’ve been biting on the tip of my tongue

Trying to find ways to erase the pain without you in my head 

Bad thoughts running through my head
I can’t stop the feelings of regret 
In my heart 

They’re running away without my body

Overthinking [+ sogimura]

diary 128 ft nevrwrld

all my love. 2007 4ever
honor that which hurt you otherwise you hurt for nothing
follow Shiki XO
@shikixo
https://instagram.com/shikixo
https://twitter.com/realshikixo
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0QDCjKEJLERqsoqUZmyjd2
https://youtube.com/channel/UCS9B4Tdq6KJiGUVb7q8xBXA

LYRICS:
there's a girl down the street
she's in love with me
and she cried in the river
so i could not see
but the tears in the stream
now, they crash on the beach
cuz now it's just an old picture
where a memory should be

so she drinks herself to death
on whiskey and acid and cheap cigarettes
and she knows that no one cares
her friends don't understand, those who would aren't there

so it's la da da, da da
la da da, da da da
and you can say that it's over
but you're stuck in this house
and you won't outrun me now

the days turn into weeks
and you run out of weed
and everyone is telling you
to sharpen your teeth
but your ribs, they grow cold
and your song is too old
to sell to the masses
and pop radio

so you think yourself to death
cuz they can't kill you 'til you draw you last breath
and that girl is on her way
and she'll love you as you've loved the passing of days

so it's la da da, da da
la da da, da da da
and you can say that it's over
but you're still in this house
and you won't outrun me now

la da da da
la da da da da
la da da da da
la da da da da

you won't outrun me now

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
where did you go?
I've been searching for you lately
but you're never coming back 
it's this feeling that you left me 
that's getting harder to unpack
blurry thoughts in my mind 
like they're giving me a sign 
exaggerating all the times 
that I got to call you mine 

[pre-chorus]
ever since you left 
I been feeling low 
hurts my heart to think 
you're never coming home 

[hook]
I don't see you anymore 
since you walked right out the door 
I call to you almost every night 
but you don't pick up and I'm not alright (alright)
are you just a ghost I'm seeing in my dreams 
cuz I've been trying to wake up 
still don't know 
all these memories are in vertigo

[verse 2] 
does he treat you right?
love letters keeping you up at night?
feeling in your chest is it heavy?
you're feeling lovely 
fall away from me
is it magical?
cuz I've been struggling to know just where the magic goes 
is it logical to just let you go?
psychological pain, beautiful

vertigo [prod. KOBER]

new album 'for better or worse' releasing March 24th!!

vertigo [prod. KOBER]

evan carr

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