♥︎hands around my throat 
tortured by your ghost 
i dont wanna feel but im feeling it the most
hands around my throat 
please dont let me go 
i dont wanna feel no more 
- 

your hands on mine
your ghost by my side 
i feel it tonight

hands  ft. Tommy Blve

-Do you feel sorry for him?
-No!
-Are you in love with him?
-No Frye!
-Are you in love with him?
-Dude stop! (from the "Disconnect" movie)
No one understands
No one takes my hand like you
While everyone just pretends
I know you’ll be there for me too 

Wish I could fall in love with you
But my heart follows certain patterns
Sometimes it burns sometimes it shatters

I love when they leave me on read, 
Makes all the waiting exciting
I know you know this Already 
i  can’t do nothing about it
Won’t you please take my hand
Maybe if you’ll treat me bad
Maybe if you make me sad
I’ll feel for you what I feel for the others

PATTERNS

fuck what you talking bout 
i was not put on this planet to please
still got your bitch on her knees rolling me
back shots put her dumbass to sleep ugh ay
every year that i've been spending as me
another lesson to do what i preach
get the fuck out cause you ain't in my league boy
only talk to you on the weekend
no one told me this would be easy
she tell me don't pull out 
i deepen
i leave it
my friends we lit 
our season
you can't get in 
go weep bitch
i got my reasons
revenge revenge
baby do you know what you wanna be?
could take you there just don't follow me
i'm finna die as soon as i'm free of you
we only talk when you feeling lonely
once a week you come around and i tweak
let it repeat you all in my mental
i fall toward mine
you pull me inside
no more time
you and i
we fall
collide
fuck what you talking bout 
i was not put on this planet to please
still got your bitch on her knees rolling me
back shots put her dumbass to sleep ugh ay
every year that i've been spending as me
another lesson to do what i preach
get the fuck out cause you ain't in my league boy

d o w n  d e s i r e  a v e

its my 18th birthday today. 
made this in 5 hours after getting out of the icu a week ago

produced by me
guitar solo by me
recorded/mixed/mastered by me

lyrics:

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go?
Bullet in lung?
Oh way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?
(Isn’t life wonderful!?)

And I hate to fall to the war with self,
Man control yo self
Always looking for something to be wrong even when there’s no goddamn problem at all 
“Oh keep pushing through brother, you might as well deal with the pain, you’ll just get stronger anyway, It’s gonna be okay”
Well sure, then fuck this game me and countless others playing, 
Well, why don’t you stitch me up crochet?
And I have all these scars to say things like how I got em, 
“How the fuck did you breathe?” 
Oh bro, I didn't bother
Breathing was venting and I never just let myself be fucking fostered
That’s why I struggled with the fucking mental doctor
Too stubborn for therapy and 
I’ve been the same weight for four years with a fear to eat, not supply. 
Weigh 125 (LBS)
And I might take some amphetamines just to give me a better reason to say that I need help, ugh

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go?
Bullet in lung?
Oh, way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?

“911, what’s your emergency?”
Agh, agh,
“Oh I feel like I’m gonna fucking hurt myself!”
“Calm down sir it’s gonna be okay,”
It’s gonna be okay!?
No it’s fucking not
Cops take me to the fucking ICU
Now I rot on top of a fucking hospital bed
While you just fucking living not knowing what I’ve almost done
And you wont know

You wont ever know
But why’d I make it this far to throw away all I sewed?
“Oh he was packed with talent”
Oh, but you don't get it though 
Being good at something comes with a malice-filled price 
You either give and you get and/or you give and you're met with the in-equal shares of bets you cant even make with yourself,
Cant wait to say fuck it and just off myself
Don't want attention but this a fucking cry for help

Oh
What have I done?
Where do I go? 
Bullet in lung?
Oh way too young
What have I done?
Didn’t wanna run
Now it’s all gone
Isn’t life wonderful?
(What have I done?)

ISNT LIFE WONDERFUL?!?
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
WHERE DO I GO?
I DON’T KNOW
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
HELP!
ISN’T-ISN’T LIFE-ISN’T LIFE WONDERFUL?!?

ICU, i see you

ICU, I See You

prod. @killoceans 💜💜💜

LYRICS:

They tried to bring me the light
But still I get lost in my mind
No matter how hard I try
Hell finds a way back to life

Waking the dead just to hear
I'm lost, don't know what I should fear
But I'll just keep fighting the tears
Darling it's gone on for years

And she's the angel
Singing in my head
I'll watch the stars fall
If she was here warming my bed

Break me, tear every sin right out of my flesh
I'll work on escaping the prison I've built inside of my head
Oh break me, tear every sin right out of my flesh
I'll work on escaping the prison I've built inside of my head

My head

i'm still trying

i'm still trying (prod. kill oceans)

clear purple & maybe - Yesterdays Love [album]

Tracklist: 
1. Look What You've Become
2. Better Luck Next Time
3. Bleak Reality
4. I Wish You The Best
5. Maybe It's Clear
6. Subtle Wish
7. Yesterdays Love
8. Beyond Hope

clear purple & maybe - I Wish You The Best

ballad of darkness (w/ opalwind)

These two mythological fuckers oh I don't remember how I named them, they were in love kinda but then the reindeer boy gets stolen by a mythological creature with bigger tits. Or was it different?I hate this song cause my ex found it on Tik Tok
LYRICS:
Here another fable
Face to face, a table
Once upon a love
Everything was gone
You were mine, you were mine
Until someone got their claws on you
I realized, I realized
There is nothing much that I can do
To you
(You won’t let me in)

I've got this feeling behind my shoulder
That it's over
Before a thing could ever happen
You’re not close to me anymore........
YOU WERE MINE YOU WERE MINE
UNTIL SOMEONE GOT THEIR CLAWS ON YOU (Is she better than me?)
I (I get it) REALIZED I REALIZED THERE IS NOTHING MUCH (i get it)
THAT I CAN DO
TO YOU
And you won't let me in...bit by bit I fade..
you're mine....

ClawsClawsClaws

mixing and mastering + co-prod. by @lavaproduce
-----
Snared by frames
Nothing comes up to my mind
Sure, I can’t  remember why
I will make up my own lies

Trapped in spasms
Tripping over thoughts, they’re right
I was not allowed to cry
I’ll make it alone tonight 
Make it out alive

I'll wait for tomorrow, time to sleep it (off)
Slipping from reality this time felt different
I don’t wanna live like this
(Nor love like this)
'Till nothings left of me

Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
Don’t make me sink in tears
Keep the black dogs off my bed
Let the shadows come clean
Be honest
Will I ever recover from this?

Rain, GO AWAY

Emerging from the depths of experimental soundscapes, The Authoritarian delivers “MOTHERS FLESH,” a haunting exploration of identity and existence. The track weaves alternative rock elements with atmospheric textures, creating a sonic experience that's both unsettling and captivating. Its raw, unfiltered vocals and minimalist instrumentation evoke a sense of vulnerability, drawing listeners into a contemplative state.

“Quantum states born into this world through the flesh of another”—hints at themes of birth, transformation, and the metaphysical journey of the self. This piece stands as a testament to The Authoritarian's commitment to pushing musical boundaries and challenging listeners' perceptions.

MOTHERS FLESH

Charlie

My most recent music will be available only on Spotify starting from November 21st 2024

PATTERNS

EloimMeth

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