Individuality (OG Version)

I feel so Selfish

The OG Version of Dead Man Walking

Im a dead man walking
Desensitized to all this fucking
Bullshit that comes my way
Every single day, people actin fake
So I’m going to live, inside my head
And not give, a flying fuck, yeah
About all you, cucks
Always trynna push your luck

I was Born in a bad town
Filled with crackheads actin like clowns
Polluted by a big ass cloud
Of smoke from a factory ruined the town
For the first half of my life I was happy
Without my father, single mother, three brothers there was nothing easier
Than being a kid that time, but then I turned five, father visited me for the first time
Remember waking up to screaming, I was crying, cops came, which was traumatizing
Had a babysitter, who was a baby hitter, remember getting beat by a hairbrush cause I could stay any stiller
It was all a blur, but I remember, he was creepy, and  made me cuddle with him
which made me crazy and unable to talk comfortably

 Im a dead man walking
Desensitized to all this fucking
Bullshit that comes my way
Every single day, people actin fake
So I’m going to live, inside my head
And not give, a flying fuck, yeah
About all you, cucks
 Always trynna push your luck

At seven, thought it was a blessin
My parents got back together and put an old house back together
For four or five years I would witness, my father’s dumbass foolishness
And during these times, I would find, myself going through some changes
Along with all my peers whole then began to change-up
Fights broke out at school, had to act tough to repel the fools
Who wanted to gang up on me, had to be fake to survive these
 Fucking hooligans, not to mention my homelife
Every night being woke up to screaming, then scrambling to something traumatizing
At eleven, my older brother would step-in
Gave my mother some options which then would end
My parents psycho-ass partnership
 Moved to a new town, for a while my frown was upside down
 

Im a dead man walking
Desensitized to all this fucking
Bullshit that comes my way
Every single day, people actin fake
 So I’m going to live, inside my head
And not give, a flying fuck, yeah
About all you, cucks
Always trynna push your luck

In this new town, I then found
A new home where I was bound
It was pretty easy, especially when my mom graduated and got money
Now she’s a nurse and supports all my brothers
But when I was a junior, I got my first girl
 The best I could get for my status in that place
She was crazy, she was fussy, but to me at the time she was lovely
Got my first look at love, where sneaking out an fucking was put above
Actually hanging out and expressing our love and at least getting to know one
Another, but still, I found myself crazy about her
But she was two-faced, who deface, me and talk shit about me
 Flirt with my friends, when I was not around, then I walked up to her and then I would end
 
That relationship, on myself I depend
For the past two years, I just lived in fear
Of starting again with someone new to land
In my heart so I just smoke weed in the dark
Alone in my room, sending snaps all whom
Accepted my random request, for Im on some quest
 To fill a void, and I choose to avoid, all
Who try to talk to me
Im so sleepy
And I just need someone to hear me
So I make these songs, hoping for them to belong
In the hearts of those, holding out for hope
For I have no hope
And so I cope
By getting high like a motherfucking kite
In my room, awaiting the doom
Bong rip

Im a dead man walking
Desensitized to all this fucking
Bullshit that comes my way
Every single day, people actin fake
So I’m going to live, inside my head
And not give, a flying fuck, yeah
About all you, cucks
Always trynna push your luck







Dead Man Walking (OG Version)

The OG Version of Starring into the Abyss

I stared into the abyss and its eyes blinked at me
I don’t know if that means I’m Batman, or if I’m just going crazy
I just want to know if I’m truly looney
I don’t wanna be lonely, but I can’t trust nobody

Been alone for most of my life, growing up around some strife
Gaining issues from a young age, creating myself a mental cage
A shield to fend me from confronting others, cause I just can’t be bothered
To talk to someone new, Whom I never knew
Before I first met them, but honestly I do not hate them
I just can’t trust anyone from all the trauma when I was young
Feeling so much paranoia
To get to know ya
I don’t wanna know ya 
Let me just chill in my room and be alone yeah
This is not personal
I just don’t wanna be so conversal
 Don’t wanna say something controversial that will offend ya
Politely fuck off and just let me smoke yah
Let me do my job and just stop with the yap

I stared into the abyss and its eyes blinked at me
I don’t know if that means I’m Batman, or if I’m just going crazy
I just want to know if I’m truly looney
I don’t wanna be lonely, but I can’t trust nobody

See I know that I’m damaged, of some love I am famished
Admitting you have a problem is the first step to healing
But why the hell isn’t that shit working on me
Instead I descend into a deeper side of crazy
Cause now I question if I’m truly like others
Becoming paranoid of others, I retreat to my corner
Where I can be a stoner born to be a loner
Able to do what I gotta do
To reach all of you
And become big, and then I can pig
Out on my dreams of being people’s beam
Of light in a world full of blights
Where we’re always in fights against our populace


Starring into the Abyss (OG Version)

The OG Version of Call for Caffeine

Waking up feeling like ima dread this day
Needing to have something that’ll keep my thoughts at bay
Keep me focused without going through the motions
And will keep me from running out my engin
Keep my gears going and never ever losing
Clarity on the task at hand
Talking about caffeine, hoping a drink will land
Right in my hand so I can drink it
And go trough my day, easily, seing it end before I know it
Staying up at night, staying productive nd all right
Waking up in the afternoon, Could I die soon
Drinking and drinking and feeling everso so energizing
 
I really really really love caffine
For that bean I will always fiend
Gimmie that monster I don’t wanna be mean
I hadn’t had my fix yet, sorry  if im outta pocket
I really really can’t get though my day
Without a drink with caffeine on it’s lay–
–ble, I don’t mean to be an asshole
Give me that damn caffien and funnel it down my throathole

Been through alot so I feel like ima need alot
Of this liquid gold that tastes so bold
Which is actually black, unless you add cream then something wack
Happens, turning brown then, and its a better consumption
Of caffeine, talking about coffee my faveroite method for me
Tasting good as well as uplifting my mood
Drinking alot to go through this plot
Hole in my life, working just to get by
 This fucking boredom from just getting high
 It’s just something to do I cannot lie

Sometimes I do drink to much
In my chest it feels like a punch
From within as my heart is beatin
My mind is racing and I feel like I’m losing
It all, was I sane at all, I don’t know at all
If I’m gonna call
Out in pain, crash down and faint
Cardiac might take me if I can’t stop the
Call for caffeine, I just feel like I need the bean

 


Call for Caffeine (OG Version)

Hey Star People (Scrapped)

OG Version of Not Enough

This shot is just not gonna be enough
Don’t you see I need more in orde to love
Myself, but this 30 pack isn’t gonna cut it
I need alot to drink in order to get lit

Both sides of my family are extreme alcoholics
By father drinking whiskey by the bottle, causing trouble for his kids
My aunt gets cut off, causes scenes and screams for everyone to see
My eldest brother, got cancer, because he was a drinker (lymphonotic) 
Now he’s sober living better for a better liver
But now I’m older, I feel bolder, wanting to be a drinker
Started to like the feeling, like things seeming like they’ll be okay
Of my own thoughts I am afraid

This shot is just not gonna be enough
Don’t you see I need more in orde to love
Myself, but this 30 pack isn’t gonna cut it
I need alot to drink in order to get lit 

I take a shot but find it didnt’ do alot
I don’t drink that much, but when I do I’m in a rush
To get super duper drunk and uber doober fucked
I need this alc cause I really lucked
Out on this life dealing with so much strife
Doesn’t help that my genetics give me the might
To drink all the alcohol that I see, put it down my hole for me
I’m just so damn tired and spent too in fire

This shot is just not gonna be enough
Don’t you see I need more in orde to love
Myself, but this 30 pack isn’t gonna cut it
I need alot to drink in order to get lit

My friends don’t care if the alc causes me to throw up
Because they know that’s the only way I’d stop
Every talking stage I just ended up wanting to flop
 Because I could’t give a flying fuck
About pushing my own luck, and wanting to fuck
I ’m too prideful for that, so instead I use a mental bat
To hit myself with, causing my mind to fill with shit
Thoughts I’m not enough in my brain causing me to drink it

This shot is just not gonna be enough
Don’t you see I need more in orde to love
Myself, but this 30 pack isn’t gonna cut it
I need alot to drink in order to get lit

This shot is just not gonna be enough
Don’t you see I need more in orde to love
Myself, but this 30 pack isn’t gonna cut it
I need alot to drink in order to get lit
 


Not Enough (OG Version)

One Hundred Percent (Scrapped)

The OG Version of My 13 Reasons...

One is for my craziness
Two is for my kindness
Three is for my lack of therapist
And four is for my laziness
And five is for my creativity
And six is for my buddies
And seven is for my jumpy doggy
And eight is for my Fear of love 
And nine is for the one up above
And ten is for my fear of commitment
And elleven is for my own betterment
Twelve is for my self-pittyment 
And thirteen’s for my…

My thirteen Reason’s why
I just wanna die
But I cannot die so In my bed I lie 
Singing Songs, and taking hits off a bong

One is for my self-questioning
Two is for my self-endangering
Three is for my uncontrollable drinking
And for is for my smoking
 Five is for my fear of soberness
Six is for the fact I’m over this
And seven is for my obsessions
And Eight is for my depression
Nine is for my loneliness
And ten is for my confidence 
Elleven is for the times I missed
And Twelve is for the hoe I kissed
And thirteen’s for my.. my

On the outside you say that I’m okay
But on the inside my thoughts make their way
To the front can causes me to confront
Some of these demons that come in
To my brain, so then in pain
I say random shit to get my brain to rid
Of their faces that look stupid
I say things that sound like from another planet
 Without ever ever planning it

 Those are the things I say to demons
When they dcide to come on in
It takes them away for a time
A little bit for me to do my rhymes


My 13 Reasons... (OG Version)

The OG Version of At War with Myself

My father calling me a pussy, at a young age, run to my room leave me be
I just really, really wanna be, so lonely, oh can’t you all see, that I’m mentally
At War with Myself, my feelings thrown on the shelf
Thoughts cast away, to last way longer
In the depths of my mind they linger
They come to me when I’m in thought
In the front of my mind they are caught
Causing me to question myself
Am I really enough for myself?

Was once told I meant nothing to my own father
Causing me to mentally dig farther 
Into my own mind, in time, will I find, myself in this life
I don’t know, nor do I know where the end of the road
Will take me, All I know is I’m lonely, and I keep on questioning
If I’m really living a life worth living, or maybe there’s something I should be doing
I don’t know if I’m enough, so I act tough, to get rough fucks of my stuff
I just need you to fuck off
Let me go and walk it off
Get my mind of things, smoke alot
I have alot on my mind so I need pot
Trauma coming, reaping me of my good time
Seeping in and committing the greatest crime
Causing me to no longer be fine

The only real-fig I have is this brother of mine
The only teacher of mine, teaching me to be the best man though I don’t know if I can
 oh can’t you all see, that I’m mentally
At War with Myself, my feelings thrown on the shelf
Thoughts cast away, to last way longer
In the depths of my mind they linger
They come to me when I’m in thought
In the front of my mind they are caught
Causing me to question myself
Am I really enough for myself?

Pushing me even further past the point I was before
Trying to be like the man who inspired me, I’m at war
With the image of the man I adore, so I push myself even more
For approval, but still I struggle, to find my hold, my passion to make this life whole
I’m told I’m doing something right, but then I’m told im doing it wrong, and then we fight
And then I question, if they were right, I just need a light to cure this blght 
  nI’m a lost soul, without a hold, to whom he is, and so he’s pissed
At himself for not breaking out of the cell
And discover who he truly is, without the words of his
Haters holding back for that even later
He blossoms, into stardom and even gets his own fandom

I don’t even know what I wanna be so I flee from myself
The words of others start to define me, turning to an NPC 
,oh can’t you all see, that I’m mentally




At War with Myself (OG Version)

ExtraParmaJohn