I live in a rather dark area with just a few houses illuminating the community. On the east side there is nothing. complete darkness, like staring into a void, you have only your thoughts yet you forget you are even existing. that is what i feel listening to this.

51 hours of work over nearly 2 months

https://miraonthewall.bandcamp.com/track/small-world

artwork - koyamori (https://www.deviantart.com/koyamori/art/terrariums-274205066)

--- Lyrics ---

I'm in a small world

My life hangs by a twisted fraying thread
Get betrayed by fate and I might be dead
Too overwhelmed to try the one way out
Yet I cannot wait I can't do without
I can't just run away to fix my life
Problems have no place they stick to my side
Yearning for touch from half the world away
Dreaming in my bed wrapped around my tear stained duvet

I'm in a small world

I'm in a small world
Connections race away from me
And I'm just a small girl
Nothing as far as I can see
My arm is reaching
Out for a hand to hold me tight
But I'm alone here
Lovers are all far out of sight

Far out of sight

I must rely entirely on you
I can't talk like they do
I don't get preference though
You've closer friends in tow
I have this envy overwhelming me
Drowning in jealousy
Yet only joy I see
In my periphery
They said you need to show the creeps your face
To hang around our space
Kicked right back to the curb
Another week of hurt
Dragged myself out of bed and got dressed up
Been waiting for a month
Cancelled cause you were drunk
I guess fuck me for getting my hopes up

I'm in a small world
I'm just a small girl
My arm is reaching
But I'm alone here
Far out of sight

Far out of sight

Far out of sight

Small World

https://fanlink.to/deciduous
.° ༘❄️⋆🖇₊˚ෆ
composed in less than 24 hours for @artbyform All Nighter Vol. 8

@cash-official
@1turtledoves
@anem0s
@ariaveil
@wakebloom
@bxktty
@svrenmusic

i made a vow upon your name
and i know we’ll never change
even if our leaves turn brown
i’ll hold you close through the winter

on the day we said goodbye
i didn’t want you to see me cry
you said the night grows dark
i don’t want to fade away just yet


as i stared into the evening
i saw, i saw
everything dissolved around me
i’m lost

i can only see you in my deepest dreams
i can only see you when i close my eyes

gave it away
there’s nothing left of me
deciduous
falling in way to deep

i feel so special when you look in my direction
i tried to leave so you would give me your attention
but now you’re gone

i can only see you in my deepest dreams
i can only see you when i close my eyes

buy/stream

deciduous (cash, anem0s, doveless, wakebloom, boxkitty, ARIA VEIL) ft. SVREN

~

it's been a crazy year. 

flutter was the first piece i wrote after moving out , assisted by the lovely soundcloud.com/achorda. since then, i've had to deal with a lot of transition, but i think finally i can say i've found my home here. this song has stuck with me since i got here. despite it not sounding entirely like what i make anymore, i think i can finally let it shine before we get into whatever my next era as aephyn is <3

thank you for the neverending support during this journey. i hope that the future will only be brighter :)

~

follow achorda:
https://soundcloud.com/achorda
https://linktr.ee/achorda

follow me:
https://linktr.ee/heyaephyn

~

stream elsewhere

flutter + achorda

love y'all :)

lyrics:
you're a boy, builder boy
driving straight to illinois
have a friend or a few
you have no friends   

all remorse, intercourse
they have seen too much of you
you're a worthless, ugly view
you are worthless

you're a mess, don't annoy
to them, you're a lego toy
abs in disrepair
abs

all regret, harsh vignette
put it through your useless head
find your way to the middle east
find your way

lose yourself, go get laid
there's a hefty price to pay
you won't sleep for a couple weeks 
you won't sleep

all remorse, intercourse
they have seen too much of you
you're a worthless, ugly view

you are worthless

catching your lie
try to survive
i coulda died
into your knife

gargling blood
onto your lap
as you run your
hands through my hair

vision blurring
looking at you
lucky to see
you smirking at me

twisting that knife
into my lung
making it mush
still not enough

illinois

a collection of a few unreleased melodies and textures from my hard drive. some of these may be finished and come out, other ones may not.

spring 2022-fall 2023

tracklist:
untitled 1 (aka "sparkle")
untitled 2 (aka "translucency")
surfaceless
gephyrophobia
untitled 3 (aka "sine wave jam")
untitled 4 (aka "to flutter")

windmills in a sunflower field

contains a sample of "angels" by otrapic
https://soundcloud.com/otrapic/angels

also contains a sample of "Polyrhythm" by perfume
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbiSxunJatM

also contains a sample of "a photo of you and the sun" by flourysh
https://soundcloud.com/flourysh/a-photo-of-you-and-the-sun

also contains a sample of "The 1975" by the 1975
https://youtu.be/KGcV_y6oFgg?si=Z9StsEbRTU9S099N

also contains a sample of "calm down" by eden
https://youtu.be/YVnvA1svGGg?si=Tm4VAfrhePgbdg7H

also contains a sample of "test_2023-07-27_14-48-02_Master" by alexander panos
no link available

also contains a sample of "쇠사슬" by mid-air thief
https://youtu.be/ONYhPrOl5EU?si=wdzfoAZ32BwsgPsj

also contains a sample of "thank you, goodnight" by canopie
link unavailable

also contains a sample of "no-layer_20230126" by alexander panos on e-veryday
https://soundcloud.com/e-veryday/no-layer_20230126?si=a3446365ee9c48f9995b025e23999a59&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "the mother we share" by CHVRCHES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mTRvJ9fugM

also contains a sample of "moonbeam" by passion pit
https://youtu.be/tqwh-T5m6a0?si=bUHaWe21oWe1KfTg

also contains a sample of "sister" by the japanese house
https://youtu.be/Fghk49e0Yis?si=_jkCA14AdsYWp9EN

also contains a sample of an ambient song i cant identify, sorry

also contains a sample of "sad to breathe" by the japanese house
https://youtu.be/62tGl_Z3z2k?si=cjgBAa3VE6ZVD6q2

also contains a sample of the live version of "babies" by bon iver recorded at air studios
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS31Y3x91Lw

also contains a sample of "gecko" by covey
https://youtu.be/Sf0Voz-hyAw?si=4BMoqWVlcU2j_rdI

also contains a sample of "shoot to kill, kill your darlings" by underscores
https://soundcloud.com/underscores/stk?si=f0cce73e4a4e426d94e52b37a6253d35&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "tree strings" by jonny greenwood
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z0Q1gUbiRo

also contains a sample of "just saying" by eden
https://youtu.be/uvziMIxJm2I?si=Ak--XFxVz6jSdnlQ

also contains a sample of "geez louise" by underscores and henhouse!
https://soundcloud.com/underscores/geez?si=468a2da2ea284b9f8543b0a5a44d08ab&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "iMi" by bon iver
https://youtu.be/htyVjHr2_m8?si=O9iyXEzej4xYCE0F

also contains a sample of "biology" by kogane
https://soundcloud.com/kokogane/biology-1?si=b27786344c434d55b6b542dd312e62a3&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "peace treaty" by dobi and oyeme
https://soundcloud.com/dobimusic/peacetreaty?si=5f98659ffa6b4c479b483de9ae9ce76f&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "arisen my senses" by bjork
https://youtu.be/6VrqR_GfvzE?si=NVq9DbNwHmFoZCUW

contains a sample of "the sparkling glistening" posted by false noise on e-veryday
https://soundcloud.com/e-veryday/the-sparkling-glistening_20211206?ref=clipboard&p=a&c=0&si=db783440aa63460692bb75cdc87d63a8&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "fumizono" by kogane (the original version)
https://soundcloud.com/kokogane/fumizono-1?si=246ec5a92a2542e59b923f35ada9205a&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "emoji" by the pegboard nerds
https://youtu.be/J9TDJK-1L4E?si=e-LSy96SRQdziK0z

also contains a sample of "gone dream" by former hero
https://soundcloud.com/bitbird/former-hero-gone-dream?in=formerhero/sets/footpaths-2&si=01ba5a376a944fe49c5cb67ed0d17a67&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

also contains a sample of "mirror" by porter robinson
https://youtu.be/PkiIPzG37vQ?si=Kwps0JkCUYybW9_o

also contains a sample of "wind tempos" by porter robinson
https://youtu.be/k45XcsIc0Ow?si=sbin0z0C-c-oqzHI

Internet Folklore

yeah we just talk like that

stems: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/tjahr282r5pazzk85qjpz/h?rlkey=ua7lyotfo064jk0ua19hrpmbt&dl=0

11223
lyrics
I couldn't sleep last night
I plan on leaving my house
I gotta get on my flight flight flight

I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags
I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags

I want you here with me
Together we can flee
We're following our Dreams, Dreams, Dreams

I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags
I'm packing my bags, packing my bags, packing my bags

Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that

Yeah we just talk like that
Yeah we just talk like that

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more
She's crying on the bedroom floor

What you gonna do to me?
I'll be at home around 2 or 3
She doesn't even smile no more

FEEL

i'll keep trying, defying gravity
rip away my tides and fly away!

@faermeatangel　· everywhere

There goes your wings* (Demo)

art by https://www.instagram.com/shy.puppi/

connect

(Noah &) "The Whale"
28/10/23 - 05/03/24

The name comes from the band "Noah and the whale" which is a band me and my mother like

This song has taken the longest to figure out in terms of meaning, it's pretty weirdly structured, very chaotic, vague, but still wholely sincere
and then it hit me: this song is about my mother, alot of the characteristics of this song really come from her personality and I guess in a sense it's written about our relationship
I love my mother, she's one of the most chaotic, unapologetically "themself" people, and I owe a lot of things I like about myself to her, and I guess I underestimated how much influence she could have in my own art.
I struggled figuring out a name or identity for this track for so long, and I remember going to the shop with my mother and she made a random throwaway comment saying "I wonder if you sat here long enough if you would see everyone you'd have ever met?" and that just hit me really hard and I wrote it down as fast as I could.
In terms of lyrics it's less connected to parents and mothering, but a lot of that notion of sitting in one place and actually seeing everyone you've ever known, and that space inbetween reminiscing and when another person would come along, and how hard we try to avoid confronting ourselves and our own flaws, or even mortality in a sense? the latter half is more linked into parenthood and growing up in general, realising in the space between how your childhood has died, and that all the younger versions of you have died along with it, and you sort of "shed" yourself each and every day, leaving traces of past yous behind, but it doesn't get any lighter, and you still learn new things about yourself, like how much you love your parents, and realising that they were never "bad" parents, they were just trying their best; and there's nothing more you could ask of them than that.

LYRICS:

And they say "if you sit in one place long enough, you'll see everyone you've ever known"
Well I've seen everything and everyone I know

Are you scared of what's inbetween?
(Can I get what I want?)
And I'll move mountains from their place
(will you?)

And the sky is mourning
the death of your childhood
(reflection)

there's mould growing, on my walls again
there's mould growing on my walls again
am I supposed to be grateful?
am i supposed to be grateful

Little Faith

The Whale

serene disquiet as cherry blossoms fall and cormorants call out.

There goes your wings* (Demo)

vivienne rae

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