Morning Flower

I Wonder Why

Artwork by Vladimir Kush

Written in 2028.

I’ve been an addict all my life long
to games I can’t win and puzzles I can’t solve
It’s been some kind of sick fascination
to find myself in impossible situations 
-
and this one is one of those
I’m a deep sea fish reaching for a desert rose
I’m a parking lot, hoping that a garden grows
I’m me and you’re you and my only way through is to divide by zero

you don’t like me much but I promise you this
if you knew me better you’d like me even less
If you could see what goes on in my thoughts
I think you’d personally lead the firing squad

but even though I wouldn’t agree
I’m so flawed, I’d assume I deserve it for something
this song just needs to be worthy of suffering 
I just want you to want something you can’t get anywhere except from me

It puts me out of sorts, but I think you’re my twin
and I ought to sue you for copyright infringement
but i’m sure at the court you’d have this winning defense:
my best is your ground floor, you do all I do and more, you’re improved at the core, so I’d best be out the door, with my obsolescence 
-
but you don’t know the thing you’ve offered
for a minute my sadness has an object
before this it hung shapeless as fog upon me
Now it’s fenced in a daydream that I can keep and smother by slow degrees
(And I guess you'd call that "sorrow laundering")

so even if it’s been in your mind
and even if there were enough time
and even if it’s true, what I swear I have seen
what you’d have to do would split you at the seams
-
it’d never be worth the risk
a dream gambled for so much less
just come clean, a daydream is all this is
some scene, from a movie we probably all saw as stupid kids

I’m sure you can tell most of this is an act
It can all go to hell, as a matter of fact
If I even thought this one could be solved
If I even thought the words could be carved
If I even thought I had something you want 
I’d ruin my life for those lottery odds.

I Wonder Why

False Negative

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