this time it won't fix

https://soundcloud.com/heylog
https://soundcloud.com/imcaves
https://soundcloud.com/irby314

you made me feel nauseous 
i keep getting sick
can't remember where it started 
can't forget all that you did to me
you tasted so bittersweet 
i still see you every time i sleep
i gave you every part of me 
i bet you couldn't tell
i fall in love with narcissists,
don't care about myself
i just go through sedatives
keep fucking up my health 
what's the point of heaven,
i already live in hell

it's not easier 
i'll lie and say it is 
i gave up on getting better 
it's just the way it is
i've been feeling numb ever since i was a kid 
i don't wanna die,
but i don't wanna try and live

i said that i loved you 
(save me)
i gave you the blood from my skin
i tried everything
admit it
it's hard but i did it
you left me too damaged 
this time it won't fix

[heylog]
i'm calling for you 
are you with someone else
the pics on my phone
are nowhere to be found 
would it surprise you 
if i took myself
i might just die here
when no ones around
but i made a choice 
that i regret 
stomp out the house
from what i said
and now it's too late to apologize
fumbled my words,
i guess this is goodbye 

i wish i did better 
thinking all the time 
baby it's whatever
see you in the next life
i'm trying to forget her 
but god it feels impossible
now she's just a number 
floating in my phone
i wish i did better 
thinking all the time 
i don't make any sense
and it makes me wanna cry 
but i look like im stupid
and she say that it's fine 
girl you're pretty funny 
tell another lie

it's not getting easier (w/ heylog) (prod. caves & irby)

prod me
no samples used
take care

up in the trees is where i would hang
'till i tumbled down when he told me to stay
back in the bush; cast on my arm
shall i never heal, i'll be happy a pine.
yet i'm full of shit, atone every word
but this is for you, so i'll try not to hurt
choked up every verse though.
you cannot reverse

what a fine young man, i wonder where his head's at
too far gone, now i needa take a step back
all that i want is to live in my notepad
feeding me lyrics for songs 'till my days' last
genuine crave, and i don't wanna change that
mental array in a haze getting whiplash
honest display, but there isn't a playback
trust in the heart of your cards when it fades black

patch on the leg; how the fuck do i move it
i miss your laugh, and with friends, watching movies
oh, i'll try a bit harder to step out my comfort,
but being alone is just way too damn soothing

i cannot bear this weight,
so i'll just eat it up and stomach it
your words they spoke to me,
i'd always wonder what would come of it

you were nervous, well, i'm anxious
but for you, did you know i would fucking get back on my feet,
though, not complaining
seldom i held any care, wouldn't budge, wouldn't speak
years, haven't walked down the street
i took a walk down the street.
bubbling grief
if only you knew what you meant to me, 
god i would hope you had felt what you meant to me

june arrived, i almost felt alive
but then i heard the news and felt the water rise
capsized the thought of letting go of life
but now it's even harder getting sleep at night
what a gentle soul, grown out the mold
with the sky his home, and for the earth, a stone
beyond the ozone; inside the mind
what an ethereal one, and of a joyous kind.

suck in the rain, spit out the clouds
our synergy now resides in the ground

yeah i know the rain is real important when it's pouring down the evergreens
thought about you often, so i hope that you remembered me
'cause you took your leave
autumn and sleep
we ran our shit up until '23
growing the seeds; sowing their seams
if i make it out of this, hoping you see, yeah.

sycamore

prod me

sick & haven't been able to record much of anything for some time now, but i wanted to get something out both for myself, and possibly you;
been sitting on this one for a while
hope you enjoy.
take care

hey, i'll trade you for your sorrows
i've grown used to feeling that
and if we're talking 'bout tomorrows
i've grown used to losing them too

the voices i read with my ears, tend to bleed
choking up every piece of the letters i speak
wasn't always afraid of the pictures i paint
guess the brush needs a wash, mutilate, then repeat

hate when i reach out again
people speculate my head
you're not me, you're not my friend
frequently, wish i was..

thoughts reflected through my brain
too bad they can't do the same
shattered past and future pains
guide me home through rough terrain

i'm ugly with words
keep it blunt, little passive
hoping that i'll make it up with some actions
feel so trash, bounce back like elastic
i'm doing that for the sake of my casket
hurting myself in a hope i'll be gone
suck how the ones that we trust do you wrong
playing along
it's not even fair i can bare all the tears that i've once undergone

this life makes me sick; can't trade it
i've been pushing through the lame shit
stay averted; bad relations
let my room for hate stay vacant
pour it all on my own psyche
ain't no one 'round here feel like me
it's not a nice thing
never sight-see inside my mind
i'm mostly agonizing

i told them it'd be okay
it sure as hell don't feel that way
your limitations never stay
you're pulling pins to thought grenades

it's all the same
cast a wave and send me to a sunken grave
only then i'll know my place

woke up in a sweat so cold
in a room pale white, and a heart full of woe
passed out 'round noon, now i'm ten on my toes
from the sun's red hue, passed through what imposed
any chafe on my brain by the stains from the mulch
what kind of weight doesn't make you implode?
phasing a gate into heaven's abode
but that ain't a place i ain't think imma know

i haven't changed my sheets in like a week or two
(get outta bed)
summer's passed, and suddenly, our meanings too
(it's all that i have)

my eyes stayed tied into my mind
to undermine it's barbed wires

i'm trying to be what i need
choosing escape over delicacies
they weren't a choice i would seek
nothing was ever created for me

(4x)
i'm trying to be what i need

mulch

vocalist:
frvr&alwys
emofruits

producers:
blackpxnybeats

aki art by:
habiba.samahii

lyrics:
im on the run
im flying to closer to the sun
she shot straight through me with her gun
eyes are dilating, that girl in the dark erased me
holding on but not worth saving
im on the run
im flying to closer to the sun
she shot straight through me with her gun
eyes are dilating, that girl in the dark erased me
holding on but not worth saving

my mistake was thinking i'd escape before the end
in the end
i just waited till our love was vacant
not pretend
now you got me here
i'm on the run
fuck my past
i'd do it all again
in love shawty
i never been
feelin numb
i crash the whip
fall asleep
my deep abyss
heart of steel
she left my love to rust
now you got me here
i'm on the run

im on the run
im flying to closer to the sun
she shot straight through me with her gun
eyes are dilating, that girl in the dark erased me
holding on but not worth saving
im on the run
im flying to closer to the sun
she shot straight through me with her gun
eyes are dilating, that girl in the dark erased me
holding on but not worth saving

on the run w/ emo fruits [biteki collective]

Lyrics:
Say you need space
Well, you've got it, babe
Fall away,
It doesn't matter what you want to say
So why you want to play
Hey, hey

Said you've been thinkin' 'bout me
All the time
Babe, you brought it on yourself, and I ain't gonna lie
I've been smoking nine to five
Rather than do this again, can we just say goodbye
I love the way you roll your eyes
But I won't let you get your way, baby
No, not this time
'Cause the way you love is a crime
Got them all hangin' by a line
Remember when that used to be me
Now you barely cross my mind

Say you need space
Well, you've got it, babe
Fall away,
It doesn't matter what you want to say
So why you want to play

cross my mind

lyrics
--------
it festers farther
this bet just got darker
my sense of direction
is mangled and slaughtered
i burst into pieces
and tears as i mourn her
i'm sure as hell still breathing
you're dead in the corner
guess death was in order
head back to your quarters
lie still in my bed
stare at all i horde
her eyes blink never water
but i cannot fault her
i'm such a fucking shit head
she's somebody's daughter

dead in the corner (prod. neverforever)

lyrics
--------
and the likelihood that i come out of this alive
is a problematic fallacy of suicide
everybody wanna talk real big when it comes to the digits
but life's a game and the numbers lie
and if truth is to be told
i don't wanna know
spoon feed me lies
and leave me all alone
tell me i'm a joke
cut me to the bone
you can paint a pretty picture
with my blood on the stone
i've been contemplating this for a minute
i'm losing sleep thinkin' y'all gonna get me
i'm just a man overboard and this ship is too heavy
they wanna talk wasn't ready
i celebrate with a bomb of confetti
my guts explode on the levee
i live in fear of my peers
they say they love me all the time
but that's not how it appears
i sit in bed pondering how i bring strangers to tears
when i can't give myself some credit over several years

somebody come and get me
i'm drowning in this water
i'm screaming crying all the time
but she don't even bother
i live alone inside this home
with dreams of living farther
my trauma deeply rooted
can't even text my father
and that's the real reason why
i project my feelings into songs that i write
copacetic dreams but my tears turned to ice
so i pop em out the tray and get this bottle pouring right

and that's the real real real reason why
i've been up all night
hold onto the past even though it's out of sight
and i've been going through this shit for a minute
and i've been floating through so many fucking visions i'm spinning
i gotta get up off my ass and get to inking these villains
but i just hide
and i don't wanna try
cause every time i think i do
i dig too far inside my mind
i dug a lil too far now the grass don't grow
water on the roots but the pedals all mold
and seasons do change but the stems still broke
so i glue em back together even if it's just a cope

nineteen ninety-six

WHEN U FEEL SAD

Opacité nébulaire

Ｉ＇Ｍ　ＦＵＣＫＥＤ　ＩＮ　ＴＨＥ　ＨＥＡＤ
Ｉ＇Ｍ　Ａ　ＨＥＡＴＨＥＮ

//私はあなたなしで悲惨です//

thank you guys for all the love and support, especially lately. i've been going through a lot this past week & to know you guys are here for me really means a lot. we'll get through it together. we always do. i love you.

also, follow my boy 9TAILS
@i_x_t_a_i_l_s
and my boy tothegood
@tothegood

follow 9TAILS

guardin x 9TAILS - nothing (prod. by tothegood)

i dont feel right ft. sewerperson (prod mochila)

my album ‘in the woods’ is coming this halloween

cross my mind

foreign forest