checking in

****this was a failed project. giving up on it. thanks for stopping by but i just can’t do it anymore. i’ve been stuck for so long and at this point, i don’t think im getting out of it. i can’t seem to move on from my past and its consumed me. thanks for stopping by, but i’ll probably be downloading everything and deleting this account for good. sometimes its not meant to work out and that’s okay.****

forfend wasnt always called forfend. started out with a few name changes. i ended up sticking with the name because it meant to prevent or keep away something evil. i identified myself as the "something evil" part. i wanted people to keep away from me or to prevent them from getting close to me, otherwise they'll see me when i get bad. 

when things get bad for me, they can get really bad to the point im a whole different person and i dont recognize myself to the point, but it happens sometimes. its difficult to control so its best if people stay away from me. its better that way for everyone. but this is my space i can put what i feel into a sound and be able to feel my feelings again and it helps me cope with the craziness of the world. 

ive had to fight a lot of internal battles, still do, the alcoholism doesnt help me either. i was almost 3 years sober but ended up relapsing and spiraling out of control. the bad came out in full force this go around and now i gotta suffer the consequences of my actions. sobriety has definitely had a good impact on my health and well being in general. alcohol and depression dont work well together, who'da thought.

talking about the ups and the downs in life. those downs are usually pretty rough for me, which is why this music i make is pretty depressing. sad music is odd because i usually feel better when i hear it. it lets me know im not the only one who feels this way and i dont have to feel alone or feel like my feelings arent valid. so im gonna keep making music for as long as i can and i hope some of my music here brings you solace. 

im not the best artist, nor did i claim to be, but at least its me being vulnerable and putting something i hold so intimately with myself and share it out for people to hear whats going on in my head and how i feel when im alone. 

thanks for stopping by. much love.