music

14tg

funziez

SideStuff & Outtakes

make u cum - ayesha erotica

off a new split called the battle at kiganjima island with my friends in pictures of june, floral patterns, and lights strung like stars

raisin lungs

Devil’s Valentine

lyrics:
god it sucks to want to want but  lord I’ve tried and i just dont
i need something to stay afloat, got cinderblocks for feet  i know 
“just try your best” i do i did, im standing on a falling cliff
“just take your pills” i did, i do, how many more until im thru?

this liferaft I’ve been granted is just cardboard and its slanted
and wherever i was going doesn’t matter anymore
its hard to care bout destinations when you’re drowning on the way
so if i hear another “years from now” i swear ill go insane

i miss my shrink i had in 2020, miss the years i left my room
the years where i could give a fuck about the things i feel or do
i miss when i was singing to nobody in my childhood home
when nothing felt performative, and bettering was full of hope

my god thou hath forsaken me, and birds are picking at my corpse
im strung out for you all to see, but all i get is: love this song
im overwhelmingly aware of everything that i do wrong
but how can i change that, theres nowhere to go if i move on

nowhere to go if i move on

and god how could i ever know  how useless it would feel to hope
the more i am disappointed the more i expect the worst i know
“just call the hotlines” oh i did, they told me to just go to sleep
“just call your shrink” and oh i will, but shes sick like she always is

this “bettering” im searching for is nothing but a canker sore
a wound that i keep touching so it cannot ever heal
its something i’ve been wishing since i was just a little kid
but it just hurt to realise the thing i want was never real

i miss the years i wasn’t sick, when i was ignorant in bliss
when i was small enough to play and never think about a thing
where i was on the swingset so convinced that i really could fly
now if i see a swingset  i can’t help but start to cry

my shrink thou hath forsaken me, a month between each useless talk
i keep on eating worthless meds and keep on getting worse and all
i want is to be better but what does that even mean?
i keep on wishing  i will wake up and this all would be a dream

Canker Sore

nails by dsiboys (fairys cover)

brace yourself
for the years
i've lost myself

but i don't blame you

but i'm all worn out
and i don't know where i
can lead you to
so you can lead me on
but what you don't know
it's all a game

well my face turns red
due to a lack of understanding
and hydration as a matter of fact
hey man could you pass me a beer
my arms are getting heavy and i need
you to get ready for these next few lines
can't pretend
or fake it
i'm helpless
against on all odds
and then i'll die

well i'm so tired
of breaking the waves
that come constantly and honestly
i kinda want them to stay
but the world we know won't stop
or we'd all die

and i'm so bored
of trying to be the same
as the people who all wanna be
deniers of all honesty
and i can't see how this is art
it's just fucking sad

bud heavy

B-side to 'Wire Frame Mattress'. Out 7th July 2014 on ltd edition 7" vinyl via Heavenly Recordings in the UK/Europe and Partisan in North America. Artwork by Samuel Gull. 

UK Pre-Order - http://heavenlyemporium.greedbag.com/buy/wire-frame-mattress-1/
North America Pre-Order - http://shop.partisanrecords.com/products/wire-frame-mattress-7


The Holy Tightrope

i bought myself a little time
proceed to warn me
and you'll lie through your teeth

how could you say
i've been replaced?
i've been your friend
since you've grown into that t-shirt

i feel betrayed by a nothing-scape
you know the one that makes me feel something?

i'll just wait for the other days
to go passing by so i can leave
how did i know?

and i can't sleep
until you tell me to sleep

no i can't sleep
until you tell me to sleep

until you tell me to stop

domestica

i'm not good enough
for things like this
my shaky hands
and lack of friends
and money i can't save for shit

what it could do to us
might by all my fault
but you don't know
what i have to offer
and you don't know
what you put me through
when all my friends would have my back
but you
you found a better way
to change your name

you changed your name.

and i wish i could go back and tell you why
i never meant to say goodbye
but you're long and gone
and the tv's on
your face in the frame
of my home screen
and you name on my netflix, too.

and i honestly think that you have it better
a life with a lover, that'll never upset ya
and all of those days you spent in my dreams

i know that it can make you tired
thinking about skipping town
your heart's desire
oh how im tired.

oh how im tired.

oh how we're tired.

_demo_bde24_ac

i don't wanna sound hopeful
but i hope we make it through the year
and i dunno how to start
somewhere with my half-assed an apologies
"hey man i was such a dick"
but maybe i'm overthinkin strong
the journey is more important
but i just want it to be gone

how many drinks does it take to forget everything
and start new?
(you know i'm always going to break.)
it's the fate of the world we make.
how many miles does it take to forget everything
and start new?
i'm lost outside on the interstate
the fate of the world i made

how many drinks does it take to forget everything
and start new?
you know i'm always going to break
it's the fate of the world we made.
how many miles does it take to forget everything
and start new?
i'm lost outside my house on the interstate
the fate of the world we made.

some b-side thing

this song was originally written by brendan lukens and modern baseball, this is just my lazy rendition of it.

lyrics:

didn't watch your ex's set
i just left and thought about you
like when your teeth graze those lips
when you begin to smile
later, you took my hand
you lead us to the doorway
but you let go of me
once you saw all your friends
and i've known you forever
at least that’s what i tell jake
when i'm too drunk to walk home
when your brother is away
you suggested i write a song about the first time we met
but i can't seem to remember where or when

couldn't watch your ex's set
instead,​ i wrote this song about you
thought, "would you show your kids
if you found the time was right?"
you'd tell them where and when
you never thought i'd leave the east coast
we were young and full of sin
and i too dumb to understand
yet i've loved you forever
at least that’s what i tell holt
when i'm too drunk to lie, too drugged to be alone
you suggested i write a song about the first time we met
well i don't wanna remember there or then

so, is this the hook you wanted?
is it stuck inside your head?
can you sing it with your friends or alone?
so, am i what you needed?
say you love me to my face
grin and gossip, walk away, and then go
"so is this the hook you wanted?
to sing about me to my friends?
well you're just stuck inside your head, all alone
you were all i needed
said i loved you to your face
but you just laughed and walked away"

the thrash particle

This song was originally written by Harry McClintock in 1928, I enjoy it a lot in the car and outside and such, so I made a cover.

I know covers like this won't really get a lot of listens but I had fun so here it is.

lyrics:
One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fire was burning
Down the track came a hobo hikin'
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the crystal fountains
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Big Rock Candy Mountains."

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
There's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines everyday
All the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers' trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh, I'm bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
The wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around them
In a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
The jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again
As soon as you are in
There ain't no short-handled shovels
No axes, saws, or picks
I'm going to stay
Where you sleep all day
Where they hung the Turk
That invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
I'll see you all this coming fall
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

bud heavy

fortyhugger