@picaapattles: you’re just so relatable!

Chess

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

#rapbattle #chucky #pinocchio

subscribe to dilly ► https://www.youtube.com/c/LocoRapBattles   
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music video OUT NOW!
https://youtu.be/qG8W_fF5g6U

freshy kanal as chucky 
spidey fam as pinocchio

written by dilly, swoldow, shimario and special inquisitor rayyan
mixed by kennyfreestyle
beat prod. by insanebeatz
art by wan and nooby
cover art by micah
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Chucky vs Pinocchio - Rap Battle! (2021)

WATCH THE FULLY ANIMATED MUSIC VIDEO:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKEQ4xZ_-ng

Michael Malconian as Shaggy
Freshy Kanal as Crazy Dave
littleflecks as Scooby-Doo

Crazy Dave:
It’s Crazy Dave but you can just call me Cray-Z killin’ a beat
Flames emitting whenever Blazing’s bringing the heat
A wave’s beginning so play the game or, hippie, stay in your lane
And listen because this neighbour ain’t spitting peas 

Your gang of misfits think you’re Heroes? (think you’re Heroes?)
Man, the only undead you’re fighting are your rebooted casts
Everyone can tell this shroomhead is a zero (He’s a 0!)
I think you’re safe from the zombies ‘cuz brains are something you lack!
Freeze.

I’ve been reviewing your dubious movies
And, dude, I’ve concluded what truly is spooky
Is when you be Dooing a Doobie with Scooby
And then end up screwing the pooch like a floozie 
Give up the ghost of exposing the supernatural
You’re just showing off rich white crafting
Cuz all of the brats that you’re catching are capitalists
Guess that’s what the point of the mask is

I’ve been known to help lazy neighbours in my town, but right now
I’m putting this couch potato in the ground like SPUDOW!
Ditch the pot, maybe try one on your head
Or the only ones “launching all-out attacks on you” will be feds!

Shaggy:
Zoinks! You’re the largest g-g-ghoul I’ve ever seen
Man, I love to chow, but dude, even the zombies eat their greens
You should time travel to when your games actually had some meat
Like, your appetite’s so greedy, you’ve got EA to a T!

You would think I’m packing Plant Food, my pockets glisten and gleam
I’m stacking the green, constantly chopping your Wisdom Trees
Franchise in the lead since you were still in your daddy’s seed
Like, it looks like our next crossover’s Direct-to-PvZ!

Take your half-assed cash grab trash plant patches and scrap ‘em 
Even if your execs get Scrappy and beg to “Lemme add ‘em!”
Like, you’ll never get away with those premium package schemes
In this battle, won’t need to go Ultra Instinct - man, are you challenging me? 


Crazy Dave:
I think you’ve made your point. You’ve got enough cash.
Now how ‘bout you split up and look for who the fuck asked?
If we’re talking business, I know Rogers misses signals, but jinkies
Quit asking Dinkley to visit your Twiddydinkies!

Listen, Stinky - all your catchphrases and tropes are old and tired
While our games are so groundbreaking, we even got through to China
All your reductive redundant whodunnit stuff is for babies
But I watched more than one episode - why? ‘Cuz I’m CRAZY!

Shaggy:
Quit talkin’ smack, I’m lookin’ like a Scooby Snack fit in these jeans
While no lady’s ever loved you ‘cuz you’re as big as the Mystery Machine
Like, good thing you’ve got those mowers, man, you’ll need them if ever you shave
Dude, you couldn’t get in Penny, but still managed to drive her away!

Withstanding your Cob Cannons, the scariest lawn terror
Got damage like Gargantuars - Hannah-Bar-Bearer
Your franchise is decomposing with every microtransaction
And I’m dancing on your grave - like you did Michael Jackson

Written & Directed by Eddiefrb
Cover Art Designed by Eddiefrb
Shaggy & Dave Art by BMB
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Additional Instrumentation by Freshy Kanal & Sebb
Mixed & Mastered by Freshy Kanal

Shaggy vs Crazy Dave - Rap Battle! (ANIMATION VS ANYTHING: CH. II)

Freshy Kanal’s King Dice vs. Oogie Boogie feat. McGwire & Chase Beck

Happy Halloween! Again! Today we have a surprise matchup that's going to catch a lot of you off guard, it's the titular character from Bram Stokers classic novel, Count Dracula, against the anti-hero of the Mario universe, Wario! Enjoy!

CAST:
Mr. Tibbs as Wario
Freshy Kanal as Count Dracula

LYRICS:
WARIO:
It’s good to be alive, says-a-me on your street
Count on me, I’ll make a bloody mary of this beat
You’re getting long in the tooth like your movies
They call me wah, but the hood call you dookie
Your closet smell doesn’t match to my man odor
You went from a bad soldier to Bram Stoker
Without the blood in your body you’re just a sham poser
Whatchu seduce the ladies for when you lack boner
You got charged for your deathwish (wah)
Dimes carved out your necklace (wah)
I munch on garlic for breakfast (wah)
One fart and you’re dead bitch
Ask the kingdom, I wear the crown in this race
You can’t hypnotize deez nutz to stay out of your face
I’m revving up the motor when the track’s hittin
I could beat your ass in tennis, call that bat-minton

DRACULA:
Cool mustache, Stalin
It’s Dracul straight out the coffin
Now it’s my turn to kill the mic
You’ll place 2nd, turn your road into a Silver Mine
I remain the craziest blood sucker, 
I’ll turn Daisy to the tastiest gut supper
And I make the whole neighbourhood shudder, 
The only jokes you crack are straight from your butt, plumber
I’m rocking in my castle cuz I’ve always been invited
You couldn’t fit your booty through the door if you tried it
And let’s be honest, lookin at your bare bones
No one wants to see your full moon, Wario Werewolf
Your fans don’t care about your 5 second attention crap
I’m less shortsighted than you while taking a nap
I would slice you like meatballs in your spaghetti
But it seems Elon Musk butchered you already

WARIO:
You think you got the crowd, but I can get louder
I’m the center of the party, you can’t get past the bouncer
To save the princess I’ll rampage your Romania
While you just prey on girls #cancelvania
Ram wood in your heart and then Wario take treasures
I’ve seen vegetarians handle a stake better
Got no friends, so there's no one to miss you. 
even your reflection got up and ditched you

DRACULA:
I’ve no need for your fortunes as I feast on your organs
as I fill graveyards with corpses as I leave kiddies as orphans 
And don’t get your witch in our clashes
When I ignite the mic, I turn Ashley to ashes
While I stay immortal, I watch your mushroom crowds burning
Where’d you get the dub from, Olympic Couchsurfing?
I’m out here scoring, you’re never getting kissed
Tried to shoot your shot with Daisy but doh you missed!
I’m in the shadow of the moonlight from my castle
You’ll stay in the shadows, sucking Mario’s asshole

Beat By: JeeJuh
Mixed By: Freshy Kanal
Cover By: Commander Jacob

Wario Vs Count Dracula | GridLine Rap Battles Season 2

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

JustGamer as Nemesis T-Type
Jessebox as Little Sister
RNG as Big Daddy
Beat produced by Ihaksi
Written by Trakked
Mixed by Jort
Thumbnail by Rabi

Battle:
Nemesis:
Breaking places with hatred to finally find a suitable foe 
Instead, all I find's a suit that thinks he's usable? No!
I'm heartless, tear you apart, this ain't a Proving Ground you can escape 
You're harmless, staying in darkness is the final mistake that you'll make
S.T.A.R.S! You'll be seeing them when I'm done with you, bitch!
Rapture ain't waiting for this kid, left abandoned by his Sis in a ditch,
BARS! Unstoppable with my rocket launcher,
Just one shot and you're a goner, offin' this criminal is an honor
Stuck in a tacky diver suit, I'm bulletproof, you're shoddy
I spit my rhymes atomic, this shithead is getting bodied
I’m practically a god, and I’m fighting ‘gainst a monstrosity
It’s about time I wipe the floor with Bioshock’s atrocity

Little Sister:
Daddy doesn't speak to Tyrants, a bad man's here and he seems violent
Clench your teeth and keep your silence so we can delete this virus
ADAM's the cure for this inbred hybrid, do you really think that you’ll escape?
I wouldn’t get too excited; you’re gonna face Racoon City’s fate

Big Daddy:
It’s time that you step back, I can handle this.
Why don’t you make like your professors and abandon this?
Call it a Valentine when I get my drill through your heart
Not even Jill would help your ass, I’m gonna tear you apart
You’ll need your Umbrella when I rain fire, just one bar and a Prototype’s done
Still dare to speak about my attire? You’re compensating with that big gun
May have been in some fighting games, but your relevance has faded
You’ve been lost to time ever since Dimitrescu was created.

Nemesis:
I’m vengeance incarnate and I’m targeting this disgrace
So fucked up under that mask, you couldn’t ever show your face
I’m knocking your lights out, go and call your other friends with whale calls
You claim that you’re an All-Star, but this is truly where this fail falls.

Big Daddy:
Made by a virus, so I thought you would care to spit sick
Leeching off of Wesker’s fame; no wonder you’re parasitic
Just another Civil War. I left this supersoldier severed
So face a Burial at Sea, where you’ll never be remembered

Nemesis T-Type vs Big Daddy - Rap Cypher #19

Sheldon Voiced By Matt Raichous
Spencer Voiced By  RaccoonBroVA
Thumbnail By Oofie
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Additional Help By Cri and Anthony Rigatanthoni


BEAT: Old School Slim Shady Type Beat / Weird Funny Hip Hop Rap Beat "Kiss My Ass" Prod. ILL Fortune





Sheldon:

Leonard! Did you call the FBI?
Looks like Quantico sent the OCD P.I.
I would be impressed by your skills on the street
But they won’t help you find how I kill the beat(Bazinga)
I got lyrical theory, scientifically I’m superior
Check the Emmys I got, your show is just inferior
You were growing up delirious, a schizophrenic time bomb
Show was such a bygone, it’s being preached by my mom
You use science as a gimmick
For the magic that you use to fail to pick up women
And It should be a given, getting the fans adoring
But somehow you can make chasing criminals boring
You think I’m jealous, you captured tons of felons?
While I’m still here pulling crowds as Young Sheldon
But I should probably tell him in this match, I got this
My raps are so addicting, you can call them dilaudid.

Spencer:

Hotch? Rossi? This doesn’t seem right.
The MO of our guy says he doesn’t like to fight
But he’s actually here. Trying to get me riled
You wanna play games? Let’s start the profile
A wordy nerd pushing up into his 30s
Ego makes him think he’s worthy, but in truth he’s undeserving
Of a flurry of appraisal his fans just overused
Like the laugh track you abuse to tell them they’re amused!
For us geeks, friends are hard to find.
Which is why it’s baffling you insult yours all the time
I was tortured and shot, needing a cane to walk
But that wasn’t as painful as listening to you talk
Thinking you’re the Apex human is confusing
I drop bombs like Garner, you got twice his delusions!
I push passed my fears, you run away when you’re frightened
You’re Friends with Flags? Time to throw up the white one

Sheldon:

Sorry Reid, I’m disproving your theory
Think you make an impact, let’s look back at our series
(Heh heh) In less time I was made into an icon
Comedy even tighter than the sweater vests you try on
Tried proving your tough, but not effective
When your whole crew treats you like the junior detective
You strive to find happiness just to watch it all end
Left a hole in your heart and your dead girlfriend

Spencer:

You can claim that my life is a tragedy
But really if you ask me, the only thing that’s sad to see
Is you actually convince some lonely girl to marry you
Surprised you didn’t flee, Smarter guys are always scaring you!
And you’ll need more than catchphrases to faze me
It’s crazy they let your show’s writing be lazy
So as you fame fades, there’s no point in faking it
This win isn’t your spot, ‘cause I’m the one taking it

Sheldon Cooper Vs. Spencer Reid - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

King Mewtwo as Joseph Joestar
RaccoonBroVA as Charlotte Katakuri

Beat Produced by: InsaneBeatz
Written by: Danii
Mixed and Mastered by: Danii
Special Thanks to: GamingPlush64

Lyrics:

Joseph:
I’m paired with a no-manner, sweet-eating kid?
Already beat up cops, now I gotta hand it to this pig
Who’s a man named Charlotte that is rocking that red hair
This fake biker makes Tequila Joseph feel like some fresh air
Tell me how we get there, fighting you’s no biggie
With them shark teeth, I’ve seen better lethal bites from Iggy
So while this kid’s getting bullied for sitting there looking pretty
I’m in Italy getting more cake than your whole fucking city

Katakuri:
What an unworthy foe, but now I’ll strike back
So start the tea party, I know your british ass would like that
Bein buddies with Nazis is really quite the big fish
How’s this motherfucker racist but cannot speak english?
Second in command to the Yonko Big Mom
Take the one you’re simping for and I could leave that bitch gone
Keep that Suzie close to you before I’m dropping bodies
But shit, I’ve seen better partners from Pudding and Sanji
And from what the future lies, Epstein doesn’t live well
Unlike him, he goes Nigerundayo with his kid
Hell, the donuts on his neck is probably driving you circles
I’ll beat you up and make you die alone, Hermit Purple

Joseph:
The fact that I’ll end up alone is really quite the fantasy
I’m a fan favorite while your fanclub’s in your family
And thankfully there’s nothing I can truly embrace
So you should do nothing with these cuts like they’re on Brulee’s face
You’ll need a better scarf after I keep your words in check
When I catch a dub so big, it’d probably fit half your neck
So your Haki’s doing nothin’ with my Hamon, take these bullets
‘cause I bet the next thing you’re gonna say is…some bullshit

Katakuri:
Make you cry like Esidisi, I’d say that’s just peachy
Gotta wear that mask again to breathe, see
I’m crushing it like Caesar, but I guess that you knew little
But thanks for the honors on Joseph’s second funeral

Joseph Joestar vs. Charlotte Katakuri - #14

Del Lago vs. Big Bertha - Royale Rap battle!

Skitzy as Del Lago

Joosh as Big Bertha

Mixed by Jort

Flowtest by Jofinity

Thumbnail by Special Inquisitor Rayyan 

Chiseled by Special Inquisitor Rayyan 

Writers:
King Ducky

Writing assistance:
E-man
Futur3f1lmm4k3r 

Beat prod. Ihaksi (U-boat)

(0:17) Del Lago:
Here's comes the guardian of the lake, here to blow you out the water
I can hold my own; no mistake! While you're just Cheep Cheep fireball fodder!
The area I inhabit surrounds me with water but I can still spit fuego 
Cause I'm the best at constructing bars; you can call me Dal Lego 

You're just a fish, like most of Bowser's goons, I'd rather face, Bloopers, Splounders, Foos 
Yet im against a clown who could go down with just a round or two
But I'll just need one power dude to freaking plough through you 
called a fire flower oh, one shot from that and then you're screwed!

Just one slap from my hand and you'll go flying then drop in a free fall
Though I shouldn't expect much from a big mouthed purple beach ball
I'm a legendary beast! Amazing hunting skills like no other
While they only call you Cheep Chomp since you're a Cheap Cheep recolor! 

Nobody could even take you seriously, you know you've got the loss, right?
Should've warned this appetizer that I don't go easy on nooby's 
Now I've ended you in round one, this battle was easier than your boss fight
I knew this wasn't worth my time once I found you in the Mario movie! 

(1:01) Big Bertha:
After I come into the fray, your dead body will leave no trace!
There's only two of us here and I ain't taking second place
So shut your mouth and listen to my phenomenal bars
And take all of these verbal harpoons right to your face!

The Mario games break banks, this enormous fish is a tank
I grew to be what I am, you've got Las Plagas to thank
Disposed of losers in one bite and wrose to my rank
You're not a hunter, the villagers feed you like a fish in a tank! 
Soon Leon came around and killed you, down ya sank
My remedys and rhymes display how sick I am, i'm so dank
And well if I have to be frank you definitely smell
All that sewer water ya drank must be causing all that stank 

Saddler infected this salamander; turned it into a huge nerd
And now this commander's forced to slander a loser lookin like Gigante's turds
Oh and Judging by all of that footage that I saw
the expression is a thorn in your side, not a spear in your jaw! (Nope!)

(1:45) Del Lago:
Did anybody ever warn this clown to not shoot at the lake?
I mean, you’re such an easy target that anyone can take
You trying to rap against me just makes you look dumber 
At least I get defeated by a trained professional; you die to a plumber

(1:58) Big Bertha:
Stop already, you really don't want me to get pissed
But I guess I won't be considering all the shots ya fired missed
After Moreau appeared everyone forgot you exist
Since he bit off your schtick but did way better at it! 

Del Lago vs. Big Bertha - Mario vs. Anything! [ft. Skitzy & Joosh]

Swoldow as Dunkey
Cri as NakeyJakey
Written by Pixel Chris and Powerofdan
Additional Writing by Rabi and Jofinity 
Flow test by Powerofdan
Thumbnail by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Zagranis
Beat by Anywaywell 

NAKEYJAKEY:
Coming to battle, guess I should see my opponent is in rapping
Oh! It’s someone out of my video from crappy voice acting 
If you really wanna face off, this HotBoy will dish out Hot ‘Zas
Is Moby Dick’s what this is based on? Cause I’m about to Pop Off
The jokes you’re most known for now are just copypasta spamming
My bars will leave you running away like: What’s it look like, I’m fucking camping
I make better points than you any day, but I guess my logic is flawed 
Because you’re a little bitch in many ways, but now I don’t insist on petting the dog

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
Bubby, really? Think you can bring me low
You clearly forgot I have the record on Bowser’s Big Bean Burrito
Your raps are initially shit, but too bad it doesn’t grow on you 
You’re lame of the year, Super Mario Bros Poo (OOOH)
The least clothed of the Dunkey clones wants to face me on the track?
Just a FUCKING PAAAAANCH and you’ll never come back
I hate turn based combat, but I’m still winning this fight
You’re nitpicking and bias, I win, bye-bye! 

NAKEYJAKEY:
That’s your verse? I’ve heard more legitimate raps off of Limewire
Whilst I’m George Bush on a school computer: shots fired
Fantano was generous with that 7, your wack raps are see through
I’m rolling in dough because I have a Knack to (Knack 2) beat you
Put months of work in my videos, simply, you’re basic, I’m complex
A unique star, you’re pulling a Scott The Woz, joking ‘bout Gex
That along with the 3 other jokes you tell on a daily basis 
I have more bars rapping the names of my Patrons
Rockstar, to Disney, to Dating, my quality stays consistent 
Your mic goes from decent to 9 year old on Xbox Live in an instant 
And your mom? Well, after this brawl dissolves,
Let's just say I'm not gonna be the only one bouncing on my balls

VIDEOGAMEDUNKEY:
*ring ring* Hello, is this Taco Bell? Yeah, that sauce wasn’t spicy
Call me ya shoes, you can come and bite me
Left to right I keep firing back shots - bam, black ops
Left to right you keep not uploading a single fucking video, unbelievable!
I may be a Donkey, but considering your name, you’re more ass
I’m so hard to beat, call me the Dark Souls of rap
I know you’re scared fighting me, I go big mode
Talked about Last of Us 2 and then went, “I’m done making good videos”
This battle really makes it feel like you’re getting your ass kicked
You have me asking “What The Fuck?” more than either the Mario Movie or Hatris 
Your lines could never beat me in your dreams against what I molded
You just got clapped by me, and I wasn’t even blindfolded

NakeyJakey vs Videogamedunkey - Hilarious Hip Hop Hassles of Here & Now

So....Happy Twos-day! I was originally not going to do a battle but this battle has been finished for over 6 months! I was feeling awful to both of the amazing voice actors for putting amazing work and it taking so long to come out. The thumbnail was the hardest part ironically, due to....well look that that Predator hand! Either way, I hope you enjoy. Why don't you have a seat, and enjoy the battle? DO IT NOW!


Chris Hansen Voiced By Swizkii
The Predator Voiced By MetaMachine

Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JD_BOnX_Iak

Predator:

Ripping through tracks like a spinal cord
Make a bloody corpse your final form
Turn your eye sore face removable
So get a Dateline-d up for your funeral!
No better competitor with bloodshed! I’m The Predator!
You only look good when saved by the editor!
You better get running. I’m a hunter by trade!
It’s hard to report on pedos from beyond the grave!
But even with my tech, I still find it shocking
How you learned to use old clout to line your pockets
Packing a shoulder cannon and I’m handling business!
Kiss this battle goodbye. Like your job and your mistress!
While you mutter in a live stream, feeling like a star
I steal the show like a pirate: Rated R!
Try to run with my pack, but you aren’t worthy.
Destroy your image worse than a dead attorney!

Chris:

Been in TV for years and I’m no sucker.
But I’ve never seen such an ugly Mother Fucker!
Chris’s got more drip than your bags of meat
So do us both a favor and Have a seat.
Your pop culture boast really does seem legit
With one good flick...and that’s it.
The NBC MC with the Emmys
You might be rated R but those bars were PG
I’m a hotshot, covering slaughter and debauchery 
Your box office was shot! You’re a Predator of Profiting!
My special's had an effect. You’re just special effects!
Who’s the real prehistoric monster? Hanson rex (Wrecks)
A 20 year gap, one sequel in the backlogs
And that bombed once a Xenomorph was in the chat logs!
The Cranky Kermit couldn’t tongue click out a rhyme
 You wanna save yourself the trouble? You can leave anytime.

Predator:

I eat bullets like nothing! Think Hansen hits harder?
You’re more of a let down than your Kickstarter!
The Yautja has honor. Your show's poor taste!
Learn to avoid me. Pretend I'm your court date!
I’d rip out your skull but it would be a waste.
There’s no space for your ego in my trophy case!
Scraping by with Fivrr. The fans are long gone, man!
You should look into the mirror if you wanna Catch a Con Man!
I’m murderous! There’s not a chopper that can save you!
So stupid, you let a guy like Vincent play you!
What are you waiting for? Do it now! Just flee
You’d have a better chance with GG as the MC.

Chris:

Here’s a guy, who acts real smart.
But is jumped by Arnie making Mud Splatter Art
With the high tech crap, it’s no wonder you’re a hack
Let your franchise down even worse than Shane Black
The fact is you’re a product of the 80s.
When 10 minutes of shooting isn’t seen as lazy!
It’s crazy! You carry plasma guns and Smart Disks.
But the most sacred weapon to the Yautja is a sharp stick?
You act tough, but pussy out when you confront death
Ask Onision. I take the battles to your front step!
As the investigation closes, got nothing to prove.
So blow yourself up, like every time you lose

Chris Hansen Vs. The Predator - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

GamingPlush64 + Larry: GamingPlush64
Jim Henson: Cri
Kermit: JustGamer
Written by: King Mewtwo, JustGamer
Additional Writing Help: MetaMachine
Mixers: GlitchDude
Beat by: Anywaywell
Cover Art by Rabi

GamingPlush64:
What’s up losers, it’s GamingPlush64
of GP Rap Battles, here to settle the score
Gainst’ an adulterer who left his kids ignored
Tried to be risque but then ratings hit the floor
Brought your ideas to the modern media but you couldn’t do the same
Cause the only “development” your characters have is a ‘The’ after their name
Took your one Oscar award and left in the home of the Grouch
I mean, if you asked me, I’d say all your ideas deserve to be thrown out
Easily take down the biggest annoyance on TV since Max Headroom 
If you’re the world’s greatest puppeteer, then fly me to the fucking moon. 

Jim Henson:
I’m a man of love, you made a month off of games you hated
Too bad that was the only time your content was consistently created
Stop making lines so wordy, and fix up the right flow for this fight
‘Cause now it’s time to raise the curtain on your final show tonight! 
I’m the start of your industry, planted the seeds for Sesame
While your Nintendo licensed puppets live in the shadows of Jeffy
Don’t test me, you started off your career as a Cute Mario Bros wannabe
But nowadays you more so resemble Epic Crap Battles of Puppetry
This kid really got upset about being ranked above Dustin and Eddie
But even my lowest of lows still managed to earn me an Emmy
I’ve fought through tougher times, your words do not harm me
And you can join my Oscar in the garbage, along with your ARG

GamingPlush64 and Larry the Lorekeeper:
Shit, I kinda fucked up there. Father! What must we do?
Please, this guy’s more brittle than a Boron Atom, there’s no way I could lose
Dad’s a rap battle pro, so you know he’s got the rhymes to end ya
Now we’re gonna spit it sick...like a case of influenza
There’s no way Henson’s stepping to me, when he’s softer than he was in ERB 
Your whole schtick is “What would happen if Jeff Dunham went and gave up on comedy?”
My ARG failed but looking at you on SNL, even I wouldn’t do that shit 
Created monster puppets to hide the real monster, that’s what the point of the mask is
Now you’re in my library, so I won’t take any of your jabbering
A Lorekeeper, but even I can’t get that maze of a story that’s Labyrinth 
But hey, we’re both fathers, though there’s something I gotta mention
At least my kid isn’t competing against my work for some attention

Jim Henson and Kermit:
Careful Pat, now your puppet won’t be only one to get “hands-on”
Me up against this copycat? He has no legs to stand on!
This frog’s hopping onto this track, going off like you’re the Cookie Monster
Can only sound depressed in your roles? This Kid really is a Goner…
I still get serious without rebranding from PG, there’s no topping me 
It’s not easy going green for you, just check ERBoBotany 
This Bad Boy doesn’t deserve a Halo, we won’t be seeing him later
Cause he’s been turned to a ghost, like his SFM animators

GamingPlush64 vs Jim Henson - FRB vs. Anything

Penn Voiced By Jenni No Mercy
Jay Voiced By RaccoonBro
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Thumbnail By TheDangerStranger
Additional Help By Skitzy, Cri, Pixel Chris

Beat: [FREE] SKI MASK THE SLUMP GOD TYPE BEAT "SAX" (prod. ESKRY)


Penn:

Ladies and Gentlemen! We really hope you’re settled in!
We’re Penn and Teller, and we’re ready for battling
Against a couple slackers lacking in the brain matter
Not windows, but we’ll leave a couple pains shattered
We got jokes, and magic packed with emotion
The only talent you two got is blowing smoke, kid
So you’ll be left choking on your home grown clouds
Tried the reboot craze just to scrape up clout!
You’re the View Askewniverse’s worst!
Think saying mother fucker over and over’s a verse
Your fans might say that Dogma really was a big deal
Too bad Weinstein has his thumbprint on the film reel!
And your attempts with the ladies was crazy
Law breaker wanted Justice and fatty was Chasing Amy
So let’s see if the budget Bill and Ted can really spit
But you’re all smoke and mirrors, and frankly it’s Bullshit

Jay:

Hey Bob, looks like we’re battling hypocrites
Weird hearing fat jokes coming from Mister Bitch Tits
You’d better quit this. We keep it blunt on tracks
You think you shits can spit? Well now we’re gonna Strike Back!
It’s Jay and Bob, we’re obviously the dream team!
We even steal the screens with cameos back in Scream 3!
Believe me, we do find it ironic
That you’re getting smoked out by Bluntman and Chronic!
We’re the classic, the fact is you’re just has beens!
Careers burning faster than the ash from a hash pen!
And actually? What really looked worse? I can’t tell
Between your spots on the Apprentice or SNL!
Your stage presence? It’s evident that it’s dog shit
You're playing Harry Potter while we’re busy making profits!
You wanna top this? We’re just too much to handle!
Leave a couple farts cut up, like their names are Mark Hamill!

Penn:

We’re known to tell lies, but that verse was just wrong
We rip the rule book. You’re taking rips from bongs!
By the end of this song, we’ll sock you like a Cock Knocker!
Want girls but your attitudes are real cock blockers!
And no amount of your film’s show exposure
Could convince Kevin Smith to give your story real closure
Stand in front of the store more. You two are just clueless!
You gave it your all, but still, you didn’t fool us

Jay:

Mother fuck, your effort was just a bust!
With a verse drawn out even longer than Desert Bus!
There’s no taking on us. These geezers are too dated
Forget Shaq! We hang with Affleck and Damon!
And what’s crazy ‘bout you trying to be a vocalist
From socials to your shows, you’re just over blown socialists!
And now, we’re done owning this, we’re leaving you robbed.
You mother fucks got crushed. Love Jay and Silent Bob

Penn and Teller Vs. Jay and Silent Bob - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Battle Introduction: Oh hey there! Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members against well...anything. This time we got the creator of Live Rap Battles and self-Tony-Stark-associate, Michael Stark battling against Red Bull enthusiast and the guy carrying that game before his bra-less wife came in, Ninja! Two streamers enter the battle, who will leave victorious?

Michael Stark: Hey Ninja! Ligma!
Ninja: What’s ligma?
Michael Stark: LIGMA BALl-

LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR FRB VS ANYTHING!
MICHAEL STARK!
VERSUS!
NINJA!
BEGIN!

Ninja verse 1:
Alright guys, I’ve got something special in store for today’s stream
Firing shots at a writer who forces in some lame memes
In all his lines, unless he’s posting shit jokes on Youtube 
With your production, seems you need a Mixer more than I do
I guess your ideas and matchups aren’t too bad 
It’s a shame you make it a game and give trust to your chat 
That stuff’s wack and it proves this guy’s a big dummy
Cause your first mistake was thinking FRB could be funny

Michael Stark verse 1:
Oh hey there! Before I go in, I gotta thank my sponsors
Default dancing on your grave cause you know I’m fuckin baller
Jumping from platform to platform so you can milk the bucks? 
I gotta say that’s...

CJ:
Don’t say it. 

Michael Stark: 
Pretty fucking sus! 
So it’s Ninja up against Staaaark, where the fuck do I even staaaart
You’re doin’ your part breaking kids hearts but I’ll tear this bitch apaaaart
Though I doubt I’ll even hear any more of your shit
Cause it’s a fucking Ad Royale tryna to watch you on Twitch 

Ninja verse 2:
THE FUCK YOU SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT? YOU AIN’T TOUGH BITCH
HERE’S A NINJA PACIFIER. NOW WHY DON’T YOU SUCK IT?!
STREAMING OR RAP TRACKS, NO MATTER WHAT I RUN IT
THIS DUMB BITCH DOESN’T SEE THAT HIS ASS IS GETTING PUNTED

Michael Stark verse 2:
I’m not seein’ movement! You were at the top but what happened?
Thought your books were novel, now you’re a straight up has-been
With that weak mindset of yours, you can catch these hands, bitch
I’m carrying this battle! Now make me a fucking sandwich

Ninja verse 3:
Read my book: “How to get good” with those lines you’re typing
Ban you from this battle, two words: “stream sniping” 
Can’t take off as a streamer, need some Red Bull for wings?
Put those trash rhymes next to part 2 of the Rap Battle Sins
So what I milk the bucks? You’re only known for milking bits 
Rigging for Omega Mart to win wasn’t the best move, was it? 
I lead the live community, I could have you thrown out
But this catboy’s a better fit for Alinity’s house (PUSSY!)

Michael Stark verse 3:
You know I got your wife how I like her: bra-less 
My raps like how I'm takin this dub: flawless 
After this bout, we know how you'll be: jobless
Looks like I just killed Ninja, there goes my career being spotless!
This Ninja ain’t sneaky, have you heard the way he yells, dude?
Cause man, you say “fuck” “piss” and “shit” more than I do!
Go back to taking Twitter Ls, this dude’s a disgrace 
We’ll see you next time, “goodnight” says the trollface

WHICH STREAMER WAS THE MOST POG? 
WHO DO YOU WANNA SEE IN HELL NEXT?
WELL YOU DECIDE!
THIS HAS BEEN FRB VS ANYTHING! FUCK OFF.

Michael Stark - The homie
Ninja - Serena
CJ - Commander Jacob 
Written by: JustGamer + Michael Stark
Beat by: Insanebeatz
Arranged and Mixed by: Serena

Michael Stark vs Ninja - FRB vs. Anything

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members (or concepts in this case) against well...anything. In this pre-show for the rap battle inquisition (for legal reasons I have to say this battle isn’t a part of the inquisition), we head back to basics as the battle structure 8-8-4-4 goes against arial font itself. Which basic choice will prevail? How do you even make these things rap? Do bees actually have knees or is the expression a lie? At least one of these questions will be answered!

8-8-4-4: SimplyRazzy
Arial Font: Commander Jacob
Written by JustGamer
Beat by Epistra
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Thumbnail by Fightmarker

8-8-4-4 verse 1:
Against this blank slate for blank pages, I’ll be making sure that
You’re losing to the granddaddy of rap battle formats 
The people know this OG is gonna be besting ya 
When you were made to be a straight up copy of Helvetica
I’m used cause I’m timeless, the classics can’t go wrong
You’re used because of people too lazy to change the font
Eight eight four four ain’t no bore, you’re not gonna be stopping me
But let’s see you try to prove that you’re good at typography 

Arial Font verse 1:
Got sleek flow against weak foes, motherfucker your time’s up
Don’t need to change my numbers in order to size up
I bring style to the table, take your pick and I can look that way
But I couldn’t find a good battle that uses you if I looked today 
This row of lines will be knocked over, he can’t take a hit
Just look at your equation, it leads to nothing but negatives 
My lines stays bold, yours is old and outdated
The most popular thing since Times New Roman that’s commonly hated 

8-8-4-4 verse 2:
That’s comical, sans any punches you thought were made
There are Ariels with better flow in The Little Mermaid
Your typeface is grotesque, it’s no wonder people hate you
Bruh, even Microsoft had to go on and replace you 

Arial Font verse 2:
Since 1982, I’ve been keeping it simplistic 
You can’t even be used as a good joke battle gimmick 
I command U to be under me, I’m staying on top 
Now I’ll leave you like modern bonus battles do: dropped

8-8-4-4 Vs Arial Font - FRB vs. Anything

ERB: Billy Mays Vs Ben Franklin

Welcome to FRB vs Anything! A series where your favorite rap battle creators duel it out with, well, anything!

GamingPlush64 vs Jim Henson - FRB vs. Anything

FRB Vs. Anything

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